Vault: She feels guilty being a working mom

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: She feels guilty being a working mom
Original Air Date: July 27, 2026
Main Participants: Tracy (Producer), Bert Show Hosts (including Jeff, Katie, Scott), Callers: Marissa, Heather

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the emotional complexities and day-to-day realities of being a working mom, specifically focusing on the sense of guilt that can accompany balancing professional responsibilities with motherhood. Producer Tracy opens up about her internal struggle with "mom guilt," while co-hosts and callers share personal reflections and support, highlighting the diverse experiences of working parents.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Tracy’s Mom Guilt and Conflicted Feelings

• Tracy candidly shares the depth of her working mom guilt

  • “I would be a stay at home mom. I just kind of feel like...I don’t think I’m as good of a mom as I would want to be because I have this job or because I would have any job, not just this specific job.” (01:13)
  • Missing moments: Tracy feels particular pain being absent during her daughter’s morning routine and feels limited in what she can provide, both in time and experience.
    • “It bothers me that when she wakes up in the morning, especially with this specific job, I’m not there when she wakes up...” (01:58)
    • “I don’t have the time to be taking her to those Mommy and Me classes...making dinners for my family...keep my house as clean as I would want to. I just don’t have the time to do the things I really want to do.” (02:12–02:29)

• Tension Between Work and Home

  • Tracy expresses frustration at not being able to excel fully in both worlds:
    • “I feel like by trying to do both, I’m good at both things, but I’m not great at both things.” (02:41)

The Universality of Parental Guilt

• Anecdotes from Hosts and Callers Emphasize Shared Struggles

  • Host: “I don’t think that the guilt goes away. It doesn’t matter either way. If you’re a stay at home mom, you’re a working mom. I don’t think the guilt ever goes away.” (05:24)

• Callers relate their experiences, often intensifying Tracy’s sense of empathy

  • Marissa: “I hardly ever see him. I work horrible hours in a call center...He was asleep when I left and I won’t be back until 8 or 9 o'clock tonight...I would give anything to be off at 1 o'clock in the afternoon.” (04:42–05:18)
  • Heather: “The guilt is just something that comes with being a mother, but just take it one day at a time and just know that you’re doing the best job that you can.” (07:48–08:03)

Societal Expectations and Workplace Dynamics

• Societal Judgment and Pressure

  • Tracy and callers discuss pressure from coworkers and broader society to align their priorities with either family or work.
  • Brianna/Caller: “The corporate world can be so frustrating because they don’t understand...your family is your number one. And it’s so frustrating not to have that understood.” (06:22–06:44)

• Gender and Workplace Assumptions

  • Jeff highlights how expectations affect fathers as well: “He’s starting to realize that people are starting to look at him as if, well, you’ve got something else going on...almost a sense of feeling like that he’s being questioned now that he is a father on his dedication...” (06:44–07:13)

  • Host shares about employer bias: “The bosses that have called up on the voice disguiser...if it comes down to two people that have equal experience, they’ll go with the person that doesn’t have children because they know that their focus can always be on work and not at home.” (07:14–07:27)

Navigating Practicalities and Acceptance

• Exploring Alternatives & Acceptance

  • Tracy admits that staying home isn’t financially feasible but would be her ideal.
    • “We are certainly not in a situation where I could afford to quit my job. So I’m not going anywhere, you guys. But if I had it, my ideal world, I would be at home with her all the time.” (05:49–06:00)
  • Discussion about making big life changes to enable staying home, but the reality feels remote:
    • “It’s just so far fetched at this point that it hasn’t been a sit down...I kind of feel like the only time that’s actually going to be possible, she’s gonna be in school anyway...” (09:07–09:16)

• Jeff on Individual Choices and Self-Honesty

  • “You’ve got to figure out who you are as well as who you’re trying to please and then to try to be the best person you can be by being honest with yourself and living honestly.” (08:18–08:47)

Humor and Support from Co-Hosts

• Comic Relief
  • Katie in jest: “And I read now that she doesn’t need your boobs. Does she even like you?” (02:30)
  • Light teasing about “mom routines” and offers to babysit for shopping trips bring levity to the honest discussion. (09:32–09:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Guilt and Identity:

  • Tracy: “I’m good at both things, but I’m not great at both things.” (02:41)
  • Host: “I don’t think the guilt goes away. It doesn’t matter either way.” (05:24)
  • Heather (caller): “Just take it one day at a time and just know that you’re doing the best job that you can.” (07:54–08:03)
  • Jeff: “I don’t think it’s a competition...try to be the best person you can be by being honest with yourself and living honestly.” (08:18–08:47)

• On Society and Work:

  • Brianna/Caller: “The corporate world can be so frustrating because they don’t understand...your family is your number one. And it's so frustrating not to have that understood.” (06:22–06:44)
  • Host: “They’ll go with the person that doesn’t have children because they know their focus can always be on work and not at home.” (07:14–07:27)

• Mothers Supporting Mothers:

  • Caller camaraderie and mutual affirmation throughout (notably from Marissa and Heather).

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Tracy Opens Up About Mom Guilt: (01:12–02:41)
• Feelings of Falling Short in Both Roles: (02:41)
• The Universality of Guilt, Host’s Reflection: (05:24)
• Caller Marissa Shares Her Experience: (04:36–05:24)
• Workplace Pressures and Corporate Perspective: (06:22–07:27)
• Discussion on Stay-at-Home Possibility: (08:47–09:23)
• Comic Relief/Support from Katie: (09:32–09:49)
• Callers Supporting Tracy (Heather): (07:48–08:03)

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Recap

This episode is a heartfelt, relatable exploration of the struggles unique to working mothers, punctuated by empathetic stories from both the hosts and listeners. It reinforces that the emotional tug-of-war between family and career is nearly universal, while also reminding parents (and employers) that fulfillment, honesty, and mutual support are essential for both personal and family wellbeing.

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Transcript

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[Burt Show Host]

You're on the Burt Show. Producer Tracy is back. What's going on? Trace is feeling all sorts of guilt right now.

[Tracy]

I'm always feeling guilt, aren't I?

[Jeff]

Because you're Catholic.

[Katie]

Is it great being catholic? It's so awesome.

[Tracy]

I don't know if it's a Catholic thing or the mommy thing, but there's all sorts of mommy guilt that just comes along with having a baby. But yeah, and this is kind of awkward to talk about, you know, with my co workers and my boss, but I think if I were being 100% completely honest and I could do what I really wanted to do, I. I would be a stay at home mom. I just kind of feel like. And I know that there's some moms that disagree with me and if it works for you, fantastic. But for me, I don't think I'm as good of a mom as I would want to be because I have this job or because I would have any job, not just this specific job. But I just.

[Burt Show Host]

This especially affects you because you really. I mean, you and Scott are like. I mean, you dote over your daughter. I mean, it's like you would spend 24,7 over her. So to be at work and away from her must really feel Very foreign to you.

[Tracy]

Yeah. I mean, it's the time away from her that really bothers me. It bothers me that when she wakes up in the morning, especially with this specific job, I'm not there when she wakes up. You know, she goes to bed at night and she doesn't see me again until noon or 1 o' clock in the afternoon. That kind of bothers me, but it's just the time, too. Like, I don't have. I don't have the time to be taking her to those Mommy and Me classes. I don't have the time to be, you know, making dinners for my family. I don't have the time to keep my house as clean as I would want to. I just don't have the time to do the things that I really want to do.

[Katie]

And I read now that she doesn't need your boobs. Does she even like you?

[Tracy]

Yes, she loves to be.

[Katie]

Jeff, are you sure?

[Jeff]

Yes. Yeah.

[Scott]

Jeff, don't make this harder of a conversation than it already is for Tracy to have.

[Jeff]

It's difficult for her to say this,

[Tracy]

and I don't know if it's something that every working mom feels or if it's me, because just with things I do, I'm not okay with just being good at them. So I feel like by trying to do both, I'm good at both things, but I'm not great at both things.

[Jeff]

Well, yesterday Katie and I went to see a friend of ours who just had triplets four months ago. And so. And one of the things I remember saying, we were all on the back patio and I said, this is a guilt free, criticism free zone. Because I think every new mom or newer mom feels like there is a certain expectation on how she's supposed to raise the kid. And I do believe that every woman is different. I do think that women should treat each other as if we're individuals and not all mothers have to be the same. But I do remember saying that to her and it was almost a sense of relief because she was able to complain about her experience. Because I think that you should be able to complain about your experience. You know, be proud. It doesn't mean that you aren't a good mom. It doesn't mean that you don't appreciate what's going on. It doesn't mean anything. It just. But sometimes people need to be able to complain to get it out of their system in order to, you know, move forward and know what the right decision is for them.

[Burt Show Host]

Now, I do know mothers are the other way also. That they tried to be stay at home moms and were dying to get back to work.

[Tracy]

And, and I mean, I will freely admit that when I do, because I have her in the afternoons, I feel weird having this conversation because I think I'm more fortunate than even most working moms do because at least I do get half the day with my daughter because I sacrifice sleep because my workday starts a lot sooner, but I get home at 1 o' clock and I get the rest of the day and it can be boring as anything. I mean, you're sitting there trying to entertain a 10 month old baby. That's not entertaining for an adult. But, but I just feel like that's my job right now. I have her and while I have her, I want to spend as much time as I possibly can teaching her and doing things with her and exposing her to different things. And I just feel like I'm more limited because I have a job.

[Burt Show Host]

Here's Marissa.

[John Daly]

Good morning.

[Burt Show Host]

You're on Q100.

[Marissa]

Hey guys, how are y'?

[Caller]

All?

[Burt Show Host]

Good, how are you?

[Marissa]

Good. I love, love the show.

[Burt Show Host]

Thank you.

[Marissa]

I just basically wanted to let you know that I'm in the same exact position you are. I'm 21 and I have a 5 month old and I hardly ever see him. I work horrible hours in a call center and I'm on my way to work now. He was asleep when I left and I won't be back until 8 or 9 o'clock tonight because I live an hour from where I work. So just treasure every moment and be grateful that you do have that afternoon to spend with him and know that you know what I'm saying, like that I would give anything to be off at 1 o' clock in the afternoon. But we have a wonderful babysitter though and she does make our experience a lot better. But she sees a lot of what he does first.

[Burt Show Host]

I don't, I don't think that the guilt goes away. It doesn't matter either way. If you're a stay at home mom, you're a working mom. I don't think the guilt ever goes away. Like I think I've run into working moms that are comfortable working. They would rather work and not be at home. That struggle with feeling like they're like there's something wrong with them, like your motherly instincts. No, I'm not saying it's about you, but on the other side, right? Like there should be something about them that always wants to be with their child and they don't feel like that.

[Tracy]

But you know what? And I would say to that person, because, like I said, I think every person is different. They're doing what fulfills them. And because it fulfills them, it makes them a better person. It makes them a happier person, which then they're able to give a better side of themselves to their children. It's just for me, I think it's in my nature, obviously, to want to be around her all the time. And we are certainly not in a situation where I could afford to quit my job. So I'm not going anywhere, you guys. But if I had it, my ideal world, I would be at home with her all the time.

[Burt Show Host]

Hey, Brianna. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Heather]

Good morning.

[Caller]

I just wanted to say I completely relate with you. The corporate world can be so frustrating because they don't understand, and there's so many people who don't have kids or have to live in nannies, and they don't understand what you're going through. They pressure you to do more. And this might not be your number one. Your job might not be your number one. Your family is your number one. And it's so frustrating not to have that understood.

[Jeff]

I think for guys, too. It's so funny that when I was talking to the father yesterday of the triplets, I think that, you know, traditionally, you think that only women are looked at differently at work with a family. But he says, you know, what's odd is it his work. He's starting to realize that people are starting to look at him as if, well, you've got something else going on. So we're. You know, there was almost a sense of feeling like that he's being questioned now that he is a father on his dedication and his mental dedication, rather. You know what I mean?

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[Jeff]

We've talked about this before.

[Burt Show Host]

The bosses that have called up on the voice disguiser and said that, you know, if it comes down to two people that have equal experience, they'll go with the person that doesn't have children because they know that their focus can always be on work and not at home.

[Tracy]

But I feel like that sometimes, too. Like, I feel like Jeff will. Jeff will take over from your cover for me because I have Ella. But that's not fair to him. It's not fair for him to step in to do something that I would typically do just because I have a baby and he doesn't.

[Jeff]

He's got Sasha, clearly.

[Tracy]

I know he's got a child, and

[Burt Show Host]

it gives him something to do, which is good. Hey, Heather. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Heather]

Hey, Tracy, I was just going to tell you, I'm a mother of triplets as well, like Melissa.

[Jeff]

Congratulations.

[Heather]

And I know it's difficult and the guilt is just something that comes with being a mother, but just take it one day at a time and just know that you're doing the best job that you can.

[Tracy]

Yeah, I am. And I feel really bad having this conversation because all these people are calling. They're calling up with, like, more outrageous situations than, you know, she's got three kids. The last caller, you know, works all hours of the day.

[Burt Show Host]

You're feeling guilty about feeling guilty.

[Tracy]

Yeah, I know, but I think it's

[Jeff]

important, though, that I think. I think that to me, though, the important part is the fact that you recognize in yourself what you think would make you a better mother. You know, I think that we always talk about the stay at home mom versus the working mom, which I always am uncomfortable with because I don't think it's a competition. I do think it ends up being as a woman, as with anything else, you've got to figure out who you are as well as who you're trying to please and then to try to be the best person you can be by being honest with yourself and living honestly.

[Scott]

Do you and Scott have serious conversations about how you could make that happen?

[Tracy]

About me being a stay at home mom?

[Scott]

I just wonder how many people get to this stage where you are.

[Katie]

Well, Scott's brought up how can he be a stay at home mom? He's addressed that a few times, but

[Scott]

you know what I'm saying, like, how many people get to the stage where you are and just go, okay, time out. We're gonna make some serious life changes so that we can make that happen.

[Tracy]

Yeah. I mean, it's never. I guess it's just so far fetched at this point that it hasn't been a sit down. Let's write everything out and figure out our finances. I mean, I kind of feel like the only time that it's actually going to be possible, she's gonna be in school anyway and yeah, we might have another one. But then I'll feel guilty that I stayed home with that one and not her.

[Heather]

Oh, no. Yeah.

[Burt Show Host]

There's no escaping it.

[Tracy]

There's no escaping it.

[Scott]

I know, I know, know.

[Tracy]

I'm just jealous of all those working moms. Really, really jealous. Or stay at home moms.

[Katie]

I'm sorry. And next time you feel guilty about asking me to do something because you have Ella, just give me Ella and I'll go stroll the mall or whatever you moms do all day with the kid and stick a bottle in his

[Heather]

mouth every now and again.

[Burt Show Host]

Ella in a bit.

[Katie]

Tough gig. Hey, let's go for a ride until you doze off, then I'll push you through Lennox Square.

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