Vault: She Got Out of an Abusive Relationship and We Get an Update.

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault – She Got Out of an Abusive Relationship and We Get an Update

Date: May 21, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, The Bert Show revisits a powerful story from their archives, focusing on a listener named Linda who bravely left an abusive relationship. After a serious on-air discussion about domestic violence (sparked by the public case of Chris Brown and Rihanna), Linda reached out to the show for advice and support. The episode provides a candid update with Oneida from Jaden's Ladder, a nonprofit dedicated to aiding domestic abuse survivors. Through personal accounts, expert insights, and heartening updates, the show explores the challenges, complexities, and victories in breaking free from abusive partners.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Revisiting Linda’s Call for Help

• Background (01:30–02:50):

  • The Bert Show recalls a prior segment where a listener, Linda, described her ongoing struggles in an 11-year abusive relationship—both physically and mentally.
  • Linda’s repeated attempts to leave and return exemplified the frustrating cycle many victims face.
  • Alienation from family and friends was a significant barrier for her.

• Notable Quote:

  “I'm actually in an abusive relationship right now and I can't tell you how many times I've actually left and come back...when you love somebody, you just, you want that person to change...” — Linda (Listener, 01:57)

Getting Help: Intervention by Jaden's Ladder

• Connecting to Resources (03:27–04:59):

  • After Linda’s call, the show connected her with Oneida from Jaden's Ladder, who assists victims in creating a safe exit plan and provides up to two years of support to rebuild their lives.
  • Linda's case stood out because she was finally ready to leave, prompting swift intervention.

• Notable Procedure (05:03–06:04):

  • Oneida’s “safety plan” involved gathering essential documents, alerting the police, and immediate relocation to ensure Linda’s safety. This comprehensive protocol underscores the dangers and complexities of leaving an abuser.

  “I told her to call the police to let them know that she was ready to leave and what situation...From there, we moved her into an undisclosed area and far away from her home...We’ve been moving her around, and hopefully she'll be relocating to another state real soon.” — Oneida, Jaden’s Ladder (05:03–06:04)

Aftermath and Recovery

• Emotional Toll and Temptation to Return (06:17–08:56):

  • Oneida details how abusers continue attempts to contact victims, deploying manipulation and “I love you” pleas, increasing emotional vulnerability.
  • She encourages survivors to journal their abuse, reinforcing their resolve during inevitable moments of doubt.

  “When you actually read what happens to you, you'll get that anger back and you'll get that strength back to stay away.” — Oneida (07:36)

• Patterns of Domestic Abuse (07:48–08:56):

  • The cycle of abuse is predictable—initial relief, self-doubt, risk of return. Constant support from friends and family is critical at this fragile stage.

• Safety Measures and Restraining Orders (09:01–09:41):

  • Authorities and restraining orders are crucial to preventing contact, but survivors remain at risk, especially during holidays when loneliness is acute.

Lingering Threats and Rebuilding

• Persistence of Stalking (10:30–11:13):

  • Oneida shares her personal harrowing experience of being traced by her abuser even after relocating states, highlighting just how persistent and dangerous abusers can be.

  “...it took probably over a year where my abuser...found from my phone records where I was when I moved out of state to New York and called and threatened to come and find me and kill me.” — Oneida (10:30)

• Rekindling Family Relationships (11:13–11:35):

  • Linda has started reconnecting with some family by phone, though physical reunions are delayed due to safety concerns. Peer support within Jaden’s Ladder remains essential.

Community and Listener Support

• Survivor Call-In (11:38–13:11):

  • Another survivor, Christian, calls in to share her story of escaping abuse in 1996. She recalls the confusion and fear she felt, and recognizes the value of organized ongoing support, which she did not have.

  “I just want to thank you because I didn’t have that...your group is just really special.” — Christian (Caller/Survivor, 12:55)

• Holiday Support and Gift Giving (13:41–14:19):

  • Oneida mentions practical needs (gift cards, clothing) for women starting over, especially during the holidays, and listeners are encouraged to provide.

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On Breaking the Cycle:

  “It's up to her to make the decision that she wasn't going back.” — Radio Co-host (04:06)

• Advice for Supporters:

  “At this point, she’s safe. She’s 100% safe...Family, support system, friend—be there. Bring them into your home.” — Oneida (09:41–10:13)

• Encouragement to Survivors:

  “It’s not the work that we do, it’s the work that they do...so applaudable.” — Oneida (13:11)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:30–02:50 – Recap of Linda’s initial call and the background of her relationship
• 03:27–04:59 – Introduction of Oneida and Jaden’s Ladder, and immediate action plan
• 05:03–06:04 – Details of the safety plan and relocation process
• 06:17–08:56 – Psychological aftermath, the lure of abuser’s manipulation, and journaling as therapy
• 09:01–09:41 – Legal steps (restraining orders, police cooperation)
• 10:30–11:13 – Oneida shares her own survivor story, illustrating long-term risks
• 11:38–13:11 – Second survivor caller shares perspective and gratitude
• 13:41–14:19 – Call for community support and holiday donations

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Conclusion

This episode validates the terrifying, isolating cycle of domestic abuse while offering a blueprint for escape and recovery through detailed firsthand accounts and expert advice. Support from trained advocates like Oneida, comprehensive safety planning, legal intervention, and unwavering community support are essential to breaking the cycle. The Bert Show uses its platform to both inform and activate its audience, providing crucial resources and fostering empathy for survivors like Linda.

Listeners are reminded that real change is possible—with courage, support, and organized aid, victims can and do rebuild safer, fulfilling lives.

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Transcript

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[Radio Host]

The first show I remember a couple of weeks ago on the show things got pretty serious. We were talking about Chris Brown and we were talking about Rihanna and it launched into a conversation about domestic abuse and violence. And as coincidence would have it, Jen and I hosted an event for Jaden's Ladder the night before. So we were really talking a lot about domestic abuse and violence and a Birchill listener called up and said that she's in the situation, had no idea how to get out of it.

[Domestic Abuse Survivor]

I'm actually in a abusive relationship right now and I can't tell you how many times that I've actually left and come back and left and come back and I tell myself, you know, that he's going to change, things are going to get better, but, you know, they don't get better, and he doesn't change. And, you know, when you love somebody, you just, you know, you want that person to change and things to be great, because you do love that person.

[Radio Host]

Is he physically abusive with you?

[Domestic Abuse Survivor]

Yeah, he's physically and mentally abusive to me.

[Radio Host]

And I can't remember specifically how long they've been together, but I think it was like, 11 years. They've known each other long enough for

[Radio Co-host]

her to have tried to leave several times. And she talked about how her family had started to alienate her because she kept going back. And they were. They just kind of tossed their hands up. They didn't know what to do.

[Radio Host]

And it was getting pretty graphic. Like, she would tell us she didn't know what kind of mood he was gonna be in. As soon as he opened the door from work and she was sitting on the couch or something. Then bam. You know, out of nowhere.

[Radio Co-host]

Yeah. No friends to call. Nothing. She didn't have anybody around her. Just her by herself.

[Radio Host]

So I think she called us up looking for a little information. And we started talking about Jaden's ladder at that point, and we were begging her to get out of that house because.

[Radio Guest/Co-host]

What were you talking about that.

[Radio Host]

Cause like I said, Chris Brown, Rihanna interview, SAWYER.

[Radio Co-host]

It was 2020.

[Radio Guest/Co-host]

So is this a girl? When we were interviewing Rihanna, I mean, you brought up. That impacted her.

[Radio Co-host]

Yes, yes.

[Radio Guest/Co-host]

All right, cool.

[Radio Host]

So we did. We got her in touch with Jaden's ladder and Oneida. And this is what Jaden's ladder does. If you're ready to leave, they will make sure that you're in a safe place. You just gotta promise you're not going back.

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

Right.

[Radio Co-host]

And they will help take care of you and your children for two years to get back on your feet.

[Radio Host]

Two years.

[Radio Co-host]

That's incredible.

[Radio Host]

So we got in touch with Oneida that day, and Oneita spent some time with our listener on the air, and they started talking back and forth. And she promised us at the time that she would get some help, but I think we were all a little bit skeptical. Like, is she really gonna. I mean, is this really gonna be the time that she gets some help, or is it just gonna be the same old cycle?

[Radio Co-host]

Because it was up to her to make the decision that she wasn't going back.

[Radio Host]

So I guess this is the point where we hand it back off to Oneida from Jayden's ladder. Cause she really. She took her call, and they talked a lot off the air also. Hey, Oneida.

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

Hey, guys. How are you good?

[Radio Host]

How are you?

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

Good. Good.

[Radio Host]

So what happened when we got off with you?

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

Well, Linda did give. Give me a call. She gave me a call, and we spoke for a while, and as you know, I gave out my cell phone number. So I got a lot of calls from a lot of women that wanted to leave. The majority of them were not ready, but Linda was ready, and. And she left, and we helped her with a safety plan, and she got away. And right now, she is still away from her abuser, and we are planning to relocate her.

[Radio Guest/Co-host]

What is a safety plan comprised of?

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

Basically, what I told her to do was to get all of her important documents together. We immediately moved her out. I told her to call the police to let them know that she was ready to leave and what situation. They were very well aware of her situation because she's been in there a lot, and they had photos of her abuse. So I spoke to the police officer that was on call there also to make sure that they were ready if there was a call. And they were really, really very good about being cooperative with Linda. From there. We moved her into an undisclosed area and far away from her home and just kept her quiet and safe for a while. And now she's in a different area. We've been moving her around, and hopefully she'll be relocating to another state real soon.

[Radio Host]

So does this. Does the safety plan you're talking about, I mean, does that mean she changes cell phone numbers? Does she leave a note for the guy saying she's leaving, or is it just like, you pick up, get out. He didn't need to know anything.

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

Well, he. You know, I didn't want to do anything abrupt with, like, changing numbers and everything where he would get really angry. And he. He did leave initially. They call all the time looking, you know, he was saying, like, you know, what did he do wrong? And, you know, and our job at that point is to let her know that that's when they really wonder if it really happened, if the abuse really happened. And that's where she went for the first week. She was like, you know, she's like, I'm really sad today. And she goes, he's been calling. And I'm like, well, I know you're feeling like you want to go back because you wonder if this really happened. And what happens is the guy, the abuser, will continually say to her, like, you know, I love you. Please come back. And that's. It was the same MO and that's what happened. And we talked her through it, she and I, and I told her to write in a journal to remember all those times that when she was sitting on the couch she would hit her or that, you know, I mean, I spoke with some of her people that she worked with and she would come into the office pretty bruised. And so I said to her to remember those days, to remember the lies and write them down in a journal. So when you do come to, to this point where you are feeling forgiving that you read what you went through and so it brings back the memories because we tend to feel sorry for the abuser. And so when you actually read what happens to you, you'll get that anger back and you'll get that strength back to stay away.

[Radio Host]

Are the patterns so strong in these domestic violence and domestic abuse cases that you can almost predict for the person that's being abused what, what's going to happen over the next 24 hours, 48 hours, week, two weeks?

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

Yeah, I mean, it seems, it's from what I've gone through, obviously, and also I hear, I mean, I've got so many calls, I've gotten so many calls. And it's the same, it's the same progress where they're initially they're, you know, obviously they're fighting, they want to go get away and then they have that self doubt and that's where as friends, as parents, as, you know, as mothers and children, that you have to reinforce to the survivor that it is real. This is a dangerous situation. You have to get out and you have to stay out. And this is where they really, really need your support. Because one little thing, it could be one word or one memory that she gets back from that abuser that she might return. And this is the most crucial point of keeping them away from their abuser.

[Radio Host]

Now at some point, I mean, he knows where she works or whatever like that. So will he show up?

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

He didn't show up. I don't think she knows. She doesn't work there anymore. But he didn't show up. And we had made sure that she would call authorities before she left work. And that was a very scary part. And at the end he did, you know, he was getting very upset.

[Radio Host]

So does the police call him and say, look, I just want to let you know that you're not allowed within 50 yards of her or how does that work?

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

She has to get a restraining order and that has been, you know, put in place. And we also had the police go and visit and make sure that there was some other situation involved. But yeah, I mean, he's well aware

[Radio Host]

so at this point, she's safe. She's 100% safe.

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

And yeah, it's, you know, it's. It's tough, especially right now with Thanksgiving and the holidays coming where they really. They're alone right now. They are truly isolated. So that's when you really need to, as a family, as a support system, as a friend, be there. Bring them into your home and bring the children into your home and make sure that they are taken care of so that they don't for any reason decide to go back.

[Radio Guest/Co-host]

I know every case is probably a different scenario, but how long does it generally take before the guys understand that their ex girlfriend or their ex wife and their family is gone? And the phone calls, the begging, the I love you's, all that stuff, stop.

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

You know, for me, it took. I mean, it took probably over a year where my abuser Aaron just followed me, found from my phone records where I was when I moved out of state to New York and called my friend and called me at this house that I had no idea, I guess from phone records. And he called and threatened to come and find me and kill me. So it's very dangerous. Like I said, right now, it's all about her safety. We are doing the best we can. She's doing the best she can to keep away and to keep strong. And her friends are supporting her right now too.

[Radio Co-host]

Has she reconnected with her family? Oneita?

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

I've spoke to some of her family members just by phone. You know, she's been connecting with them. It's not a great time right now to visit them. So, you know, but she's with friends.

[Radio Co-host]

That's good.

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

Yeah. In our support system, within our program are women.

[Radio Host]

Hey, Christian, Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Survivor]

Good morning.

[Radio Host]

Hi.

[Caller/Survivor]

I really wanted to thank Anita. I went through this back in 96 and it just brings up a whole bunch of emotion. I had a similar situation and friends of mine brought it to my light

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

because I just thought it was.

[Caller/Survivor]

I knew it was wrong, but it was normal, you know, and my friends helped me. My friend told me, she was like, this isn't right. You need to get out. And her husband took my abuser out and I went and shut my bank down. And while they were out for the guys night, we were in my house grabbing my clothes and. And they took me out of the house and the situation and it's very scary and it's a horrible time. And then you do try to find out, you know, you do want to go back and you want to, you know, you don't understand what's going on, and you just, you know, he's running you off the road in a car and you don't.

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

It's just very scary.

[Caller/Survivor]

And, you know, for you to be able to help these women for two years and get them through that emotional part of that, I just want to thank you because I didn't have that. And it's just your group is just really special. And I just wanted to thank you.

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

Well, you know what? You have incredible strength. And so, you know, it's women like you that make our program positive and that make our program work. It's not the work that we do, it's the work that they do and it's the work that you've done. And that's. And that's so applaudable. So I thank you.

[Radio Host]

We will link on over again to jaden's ladder from q100atlanta.com but for those of you that called and have emailed us asking for a follow up with Linda, she's doing great. She's safe.

[Radio Co-host]

Wow.

[Radio Guest/Co-host]

What does Jaden's ladder need for the holidays? Like, if these women are separated from friends and family? Like, do they. Does Linda need gifts? Do you have other women who need gifts?

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

Yeah, gift cards would be great so that they can buy their own gifts or clothes. You know, for her to relocate, it would be great for her, anybody to get. This would be a great Christmas for Linda if you guys can give her some gift cards from Target, from Walmart, wherever, that would be ideal, that she can use anywhere to start her life up again. And I will make sure it gets to her. That would be great.

[Radio Host]

All right, Arnita, thanks again for your time. Appreciate it.

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

Happy holidays.

[Radio Host]

You too. Bye now.

[Oneida from Jaden's Ladder]

Okay, bye.

[Caller/Survivor]

Bye.

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