Vault: She Hates the Dog…Because of the Ex?!

Summary

The Bert Show – "Vault: She Hates the Dog…Because of the Ex?!"
Date: April 7, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode of The Bert Show, the cast navigates a caller's unusual relationship dilemma—Hillary, who recently moved in with her boyfriend, finds herself struggling with his dog "Kona," not just because she dislikes dogs in general, but specifically because the dog was adopted with her boyfriend’s ex and named after a place they shared together. The show unpacks Hillary’s feelings, digs into jealousy, boundaries, and even the broader implications of holding onto past relationship "leftovers," all with their signature humor and realness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hillary’s Dilemma: The Ex’s Dog

• Situation: Hillary’s boyfriend has been eager for her to move in. Despite her misgivings, especially about his pet, she caves when her lease ends. While moving, she discovers adoption papers revealing the dog, Kona, was adopted with her boyfriend’s ex after their time in Hawaii. (02:09–03:04)
• Hillary's Feelings: She admits to not liking dogs in general, but is especially bothered by the dog's history and the daily reminder of her boyfriend's past relationship. She wishes her boyfriend would get rid of the dog or at least change its name. (03:08–03:34, 05:38–06:07)

2. The Cast’s Response: Logic, Humor, and Calling Out Jealousy

• Melissa and Jeff challenge Hillary’s rationale:
  • Jeff equates the situation to dating someone with a child from a previous relationship, to highlight the irrationality of her request. (03:53–04:12)
  • Melissa defends the boyfriend: “If he came out in fur, I mean, to me, it’s more of a red flag if somebody introduces me—'Well, this is the dog that I adopted with my ex.' Everybody moves on, and if you still have a dog, then it’s his dog … he’s not looking at that dog and being reminded of her every single day.” (04:19–04:39)
• Callers weigh in:
  • Caller: "I just think that she's stupid…If you trust him, who cares?" (04:52–05:12)
• Jeff probes for honesty:
  • Jeff: "You don't like the dog, so you're looking for a reason to go to him to get rid of the dog. And you're using the fact that it's that he bought it with the ex girlfriend to push the dog out of the relationship, right?" (05:38–05:52)
  • Hillary admits, "Well, yeah, I guess." (05:52)

3. Snooping and Trust Issues

• Discovery details: Hillary found out about the adoption while making space in drawers, which leads to a humorous back-and-forth about whether she was snooping. (03:44–04:46)
• Hosts’ skepticism: Playful accusations fly about where adoption papers are kept, poking holes in Hillary’s story and adding levity. (07:00–07:10)

4. Jealousy & Relationship Boundaries

• Host and caller opinions converge—Hillary’s jealousy is the heart of the problem:
  • Caller: “It sounds like she just needs to grow up and be a woman and get over it…Move out. Go somewhere else. But don’t be a little witchy about the dog.” (07:16–07:32)
  • Melissa: “People aren’t gonna give up their animals…He’s not gonna get rid of it.” (07:37)
  • The hosts remind Hillary that the dog predates her relationship and is not a threat to it.

5. Extrapolating the Logic: When Does It Stop?

• Satire ensues as the team jokes about purging all reminders of exes:
  • Jeff: “He’s probably got clothes that he bought with her in Kona also...so he’s gonna have to get rid of all of those clothes…He slept on the same sheets...so you’re probably sleeping on the same sheets that she slept on from Kona. Plus, he’s using the same name that he was in the relationship with with the ex, so you ought to force him into changing his name.” (12:37–12:59)

6. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Notable Banter:

  • Jeff: “Now, I’m not one of these guys that normally draws the analogy between pets and family like human beings, but if he had a daughter when you met him, would you not date him because the daughter was a constant reminder of his past marriage?” (03:53)
  • Hillary: “That’s exactly what I see.” (In response to Jeff teasing her visualization of the dog as a vessel of the ex-love.) (11:55)
  • Callers and hosts playfully suggest Hillary "give a pair of underwear to this dog" or even change her boyfriend's name, heightening the absurdity for comedic effect. (09:22–09:29, 12:49–12:59)

• Concluding Insights:

  • The consensus is that Hillary's jealousy is misplaced and that demanding a partner get rid of a beloved pet—or even change its name—is unreasonable and unsustainable.
  • Donna, a later caller, sums up: “She’s just trying to find a reason not to be living there. She didn’t want to move in to start with, so now she’s using the dog.” (13:20–13:39)

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Notable Segment Timestamps

• [02:09] – Hillary explains her situation and dog discovery
• [03:53] – Jeff draws a pet/kid analogy
• [05:38] – Jeff calls out Hillary’s true motive
• [06:07] – Hillary pushes to change the dog’s name
• [07:16] – Caller: "It sounds like she just needs to grow up..."
• [12:37] – Hosts satirize the logic of ridding oneself of all ex-associated items
• [13:20] – Donna’s direct summary of Hillary’s motive

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Episode Tone & Style

• Candid, irreverent, and humorous: The cast and callers are quick-witted and honest, but also poke fun at the absurd aspects of the issue.
• Supportive of the boyfriend/dog bond: The consensus is strong: pets are family, and jealousy over animal-adoption history is not a healthy basis for conflict.
• Underlying message: Relationships require trust and embracing each other's past, not erasing it.

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Summary Takeaway:
Hillary’s frustration with her boyfriend’s dog is less about the dog and more about underlying jealousy regarding his past—a fact the cast exposes with their classic humor and no-nonsense advice. The episode is a playful yet pointed reminder to focus on the present and let go of insecurities about a partner’s history, especially when it comes to a pet that has become family.

Transcript

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[Jeff]

Visit borhurst.com the Birch Show Good morning, Hillary.

[Hillary]

Hi guys.

[Jeff]

How are you today?

[Hillary]

I'm all right.

[Melissa]

I'm all right.

[Jeff]

What's going on?

[Hillary]

Well, I need your help because I'm in this weird situation. My boyfriend of a year and a half has been begging me to move in with him. And I was, like, really resistant to do it because, you know, when you move in with someone, it's a big change. And I liked where our relationship was, and, you know, I like my own space. And he has a dog, and I'm not really into animals and into pets, and so it kind of made me a little hesitant to do it, but my lease ran up, and he's been begging me, so I did it. And while I was moving in, I found out that he adopted his dog with his ex, and they adopted it after they moved back from Hawaii, and they adopted it and named it Kona after where they lived.

[Caller 1]

Okay.

[Melissa]

And

[Hillary]

I kind of. I kind of am annoyed because the dog is a reminder of his exact. And I want him to kind of get rid of the dog. I mean, I don't like the dog anyway. I think the dog is annoying and messy. I mean, the dog's sweet and very nice and wouldn't never hurt anyone. But the dog is, like, a reminder of his ex that he had a significant relationship with, and I don't really know what to do about it or how to approach.

[Caller 1]

Did you know that it was that he got the dog with his ex when you moved in with him?

[Hillary]

No.

[Caller 1]

So how did you find. How did you find out?

[Hillary]

I was going through drawers, like, trying to find space, and I found the adoption papers, and his name and his ex name were on the papers.

[Jeff]

Now, I'm not one of these guys that normally draws the analogy between pets and family like human beings, but if he had a daughter when you met him, would you not date him because the daughter was a constant reminder of his past marriage?

[Hillary]

No, but I would hope that he would have told me about the daughter. Like, he didn't tell me about this whole. The whole dog situation, but.

[Melissa]

Well, I will. I will defend him, though, because if he came out in fur, I mean, to me, it's more of a red flag if somebody introduces me. Well, this is the dog that I adopted with my ex. Like, I mean, everybody moves on, and if you still have a dog, then it's his dog, and in his mind, it's his dog.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

He's not looking at that dog and. And being reminded of her every single day. It's his dog.

[Melissa]

It's his dog. They don't share custody of the dog, do they?

[Hillary]

I don't think so. I don't know. I didn't ask.

[Melissa]

Yeah, there's nothing to worry about. How long have y' all dated?

[Hillary]

A year and a half.

[Melissa]

A year and A half.

[Hillary]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Hey, Cindy, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 2]

Hey, I just think that she's stupid because there's plenty of other dogs out there. I mean, there's plenty of dogs that are sitting in homeless shelters right now that need to be adopted, and she should beforehand that the dog was named after wherever they lived in Hawaii. Who cares that it was the ex's dog? The ex is out of the picture. If you trust him, who cares?

[Melissa]

Well, I'm also surprised that a year and a half, you've dated a long time and you've hated. You just haven't spent any time around this dog in a year and a half.

[Hillary]

No, I've spent time around the dog. I just don't like the dog.

[Caller 1]

But what, she just found out that it was with the ex?

[Melissa]

Well, regardless. Regardless, I'm surprised that she has not tried to, you know, tried to. This is part of him. So if she's dating him for a year and a half, the dog is a part of him. He's not gonna get rid of it.

[Jeff]

Now, Hillary, let's get down to what this really is all about. You don't like the dog, so you're looking for a reason to go to him to get rid of the dog. And you're using the fact that it's that he bought it with the ex girlfriend to push the dog out of the relationship, right?

[Hillary]

Well, yeah, I guess.

[Jeff]

So what would you rather him do with it? Just give up his dog to a friend or you don't care?

[Hillary]

Well, well, no, I don't really care, but if we have to keep the dog, I want the dog to change. I want him to change the dog's name.

[Jeff]

The dog is how old?

[Caller 1]

Melissa's cool with that.

[Jeff]

How old is the dog?

[Hillary]

It's almost six.

[Melissa]

No, he's had that name for six years.

[Caller 3]

Do you get stuck taking care of the dog a lot?

[Hillary]

Well, I mean, like. What do you mean? Like, taking it for a walk? Yeah, occasionally. But no, I mean, like, I'm not looking for fleas all the time. I mean, I don't really get that cuddly with it.

[Jeff]

I'm assuming you grew up in a house that didn't have dogs.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, it doesn't matter. Have you even addressed the fact that you were snooping around his house, which is how you found this out anyways?

[Jeff]

It wasn't really so much snooping as it was trying to create space. She said, oh, yeah.

[Caller 1]

Oh, she's trying to create space. Like, what, are you gonna keep your underwear in the file cabinet in his office.

[Hillary]

In his dresser drawer.

[Caller 1]

You liar. Who keeps adoption dog papers in a dresser drawer for six years?

[Hillary]

I don't know.

[Caller 1]

Where did you find him? Where did you find him?

[Hillary]

Oh, in the bottom of his sock drawer. It wasn't with anything else.

[Caller 2]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff]

That's where I keep all my important doctors.

[Hillary]

Right.

[Jeff]

My birth certificate's here. My passport's here. The whole deal.

[Caller 1]

Hey, angel.

[Jeff]

Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Hillary]

Hello.

[Jeff]

To me.

[Hillary]

It sounds like the she is jealous of the dog.

[Melissa]

Oh, yeah.

[Hillary]

It sounds like she just needs to grow up and be a woman and get over it. He does not need to change that dog's name.

[Caller 2]

She just needs to grow up.

[Hillary]

It is a dog. Men love their dogs. Everybody loves their dogs.

[Caller 2]

If she don't like a dog, that's her problem.

[Hillary]

Move out. Go somewhere else. But don't be a little witchy about the dog.

[Jeff]

There's not too many people don't like you.

[Melissa]

I gotta be honest. People aren't gonna give up their animals. And I'm surprised. I mean, and you've been together a year and a half. I don't know why all of a sudden you have a dog.

[Caller 3]

You knew he had a dog when

[Caller 1]

you moved in, but she didn't know

[Melissa]

where it came from, so it doesn't matter.

[Caller 1]

I'm not saying she should get rid of the dog. I'm just saying I see her point of view.

[Caller 3]

Oh, you.

[Jeff]

No, you don't.

[Caller 1]

Yes, I am.

[Jeff]

You liar.

[Caller 1]

If he. They've been together a year and a half and, And. And that dog is. You know, whatever. It's probably worth a mention from him that that dog was his. With his ex girlfriend?

[Jeff]

Well, is it possible in the year and a half that they have been dating that she has shown signs of being jealous before and he figures. Look, I'm just gonna. It's just not a big deal in my life. I'm just not gonna say anything to her about it and we'll go about our business. Because she's got this jealous streak.

[Caller 1]

Yes.

[Melissa]

Also, do the math. If the dog is six and you've only been with him. With him a year and a half, he's had that dog.

[Caller 3]

Yeah. All you have to do is line it up chronologically. Yeah.

[Caller 1]

Do you think it weirds the dog out that he's watched his owner have sex with multiple women?

[Hillary]

Probably.

[Caller 3]

No, it's probably. Well, I won't go there.

[Jeff]

Hey, Hillary, did you hear that?

[Hillary]

Yeah. The dog's not allowed in the bedroom,

[Jeff]

so he's Only watched your boyfriend have sex with his ex then.

[Hillary]

Oh, my God, I hope not.

[Jeff]

Probably you should ask your boyfriend about that.

[Melissa]

He may have been in the bed with him. Because sometimes dogs just take their crying. They don't care what's going on.

[Caller 3]

You know, my dogs, when I was growing up, my dog would come in and get my underwear. I bet the dog dogs shoot her underwear, not yours.

[Jeff]

You realize that you are living with a dog right now that has the underwear of your current ex in its mouth.

[Melissa]

There's some things that a dog will take out of the trash can. It's a little more intimate than that too.

[Hillary]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff]

How are you gonna live with this?

[Hillary]

I don't know. You just made it worse.

[Caller 3]

You need to give a pair of underwear to this dog.

[Jeff]

If you really want to make your

[Melissa]

friends to forget about, you need to

[Jeff]

take your underwear off immediately and let your dog eat it.

[Hillary]

Agreed.

[Jeff]

Save the best advice we've ever given out on this show. Hey, Chris. Good morning. You're on The Birch Show. Q100.

[Caller 2]

What's up, guys?

[Jeff]

You tell us.

[Caller 2]

Hey, Jeff. You're my hero, man. I just wanted to say thank you. I have no advice for this chick, but if this girl boyfriend is listening. Dude, can this broad, man. You can rent better love than this girl.

[Jeff]

I think he means that in a good way, though. In a nice way. I don't think he was ripping on you. Is everything else in your relationship absolutely fine right now?

[Hillary]

Yeah, we're good.

[Jeff]

Then why are you creating a whole bunch of crap if everything else is going fine?

[Melissa]

She hates the dog. She doesn't want to live with the dog.

[Caller 1]

You guys are putting this on the dunk.

[Melissa]

She doesn't want to live with the dog.

[Caller 1]

But there's so many more issues that aren't even being addressed. I defended the fact that she there is a little bit. The dog is named after an experience he had with his ex girlfriend. She is obviously a jealous girl. It's weird. You know what I mean? Like, I'll give her that.

[Jeff]

The dog represents all the sex they were having all around Kona and this really deep, loving relationship that they had that they thought would last forever.

[Caller 1]

Probably on the beach and all kinds

[Hillary]

of stuff, whatever ocean.

[Caller 1]

But so main sun chairs. Because all that what? So all that stuff, you know, happens. So I can understand that. But let's talk about the fact that he never said that he got the dog. With an example. Did you know that they were living in Hawaii at a time, at the

[Hillary]

time that they adopted that they got the Dog.

[Caller 2]

After they got the dog, did you

[Caller 1]

know about them living in Hawaii together?

[Hillary]

Oh, yeah, I knew that he lived in Hawaii.

[Caller 1]

Okay. So I just. I think that's worth a mention in the fact that then she moves into the house and snoops and finds that those issues are bigger.

[Melissa]

Because I don't understand why that disclosure. Because I think he's been more respectful by not ever bringing the ex up about the dog. Because she's a little on the crazy

[Jeff]

side, and I'm sure she so in this psycho jealousy. And he's like.

[Melissa]

I'm not gonna say every. Like, if I got, you know, like, the dogs I have now, Katie and I have named these dogs together, regardless if I named them after the place we lived or not. So, I mean, that's life, you know? Like, so. So I don't know why she's so upset about that.

[Jeff]

But what you see every time you see that dog.

[Melissa]

Hillary.

[Jeff]

Hillary, every time you see that dog, all you see is every single time he said, I love you to his ex. And I only want to be with you, though. Right?

[Hillary]

That's exactly what I see.

[Melissa]

Oh, so that's you. You've wasted an opportunity, a year and a half to you, for you to make friends with this dog and have a relationship with the dog and whatever.

[Caller 1]

You guys are missing the whole point that she's nuts.

[Caller 3]

It's just not good. It's stupid to be jealous over something like that.

[Jeff]

It is. Especially if the rest of your relationship is fine.

[Caller 3]

Does he know how mad you are about it?

[Melissa]

Oh, I'm sure he does.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

Lucky him.

[Jeff]

I'm assuming you're not one of these women that just kind of keeps things in. I'm sure you told him.

[Hillary]

He knows. He knows how I feel.

[Caller 1]

I think you should just insist that I think you should learn to live with the dog, become friendly with the dog. But then you should rename the dog.

[Melissa]

But I do hate the fact that if you gave him an ultimatum between you or the dog, you know, he's gonna pick the dog.

[Jeff]

You know, he's probably got clothes that he bought with her in Kona also, so he's gonna have to get rid of all of those clothes. Yeah, he's probably got some shoes that he bought.

[Caller 3]

He slept on the same sheets. Cause guys don't often go buy a

[Jeff]

new sheet, so you're probably sleeping on the same sheets that she slept on from Kona. Plus, he's using the same name that he was in the relationship with with the ex, so you ought to force him into changing his name.

[Caller 1]

Plus that giant box of adult novelties. He didn't buy those alone,

[Jeff]

dude. So I think we're all in agreement. You're totally right.

[Melissa]

You don't share plastic like that.

[Jeff]

Hey, Donna. Good morning. You're on Q100 dog.

[Caller 1]

This is Kona.

[Melissa]

Because the dogs ain't gonna be in the same place. I hope.

[Caller 1]

And this is Big Kahuna.

[Jeff]

Hey, Donna. Go ahead.

[Caller 2]

Has to be the craziest thing I've ever heard. In the first place. She's just trying to find a reason not to be living there. She didn't want to move in to start with, so now she's using the dog. And to rename a dog after six years, Melissa. Luckily, he didn't have any children.

[Jeff]

Yeah, Melissa. You want to address that?

[Melissa]

Hasn't been six years.

[Jeff]

Melissa has nine names for her adopted dog right now.

[Melissa]

Well, we'll talk about that later.

[Caller 1]

Melissa can't vote on the changing of the name.

[Melissa]

The old name for the dog is not a good experience for that dog.

[Jeff]

So, Hillary, we gotta run.

[Caller 3]

I think she already did.

[Jeff]

Or you can run first.

[Caller 1]

He hates us.

[Jeff]

See ya.

[Melissa]

He's already running.

[Caller 2]

Bye.

[Hillary]

Bye.

[Jeff]

Stupid cult.

[Caller 1]

The Birch Show.