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Melissa
If my teenager starts calling me Leslie,
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that's a family thing. Leslie. VRBoCare and 24. 7 Life Support. If you know you're terms apply, see vrbo.com trust for details.
Kelly
The Burt show so have you guys ever had something that you've gone through that you just stop telling people because you just don't want to go through the hassle of the conversation like telling the story again. Yeah, just telling the story. Yeah. And so, you know, I had a boyfriend for almost the last year and we broke up about a month ago. And one of my best friends still doesn't know about it because I just don't want to go through the conversation.
Stacy
She can't be like a first tier best friend then she's gotta be like a second or a third.
Kelly
No, she is, she's like one of my best friends from college. She just doesn't live here in Atlanta. And so. And we're about three hours of a time difference and with our schedule being so early, like when we're done with work and I'm like going home or like calling friends on the way home or whatever, it's still like early in the morning. Like she's just getting to her office at work or whatever. So by the time she's done with work, we're already in bed, you know, we're already going to sleep. So the time difference has something to do with that too. But, but I just don't feel like going through the whole story because it's gonna be like, well, why and what happened and this and that. And then I'm, you know, you know, potentially get all emotional about it again when I'm like, you're fine.
Melissa
You just wanna detach yourself from it for a moment.
Kelly
Yeah, but that does that. That is screwed up. Like there's something wrong with me that I haven't told her and it's been
Stacy
weeks and she's gonna be so offended.
Kelly
She is gonna be so offended.
Stacy
Will you tell her that the break than it did just so she's not
Kelly
offended by how much I hadn't even thought about that. Yeah, I hadn't even thought about that. But I just feel like.
Stacy
When'd you guys break up? Oh, last year. Last week. Yep.
Kelly
I just don't even wanna go through, like, the whole exhausting, you know, process of what that takes to go through. So I just, like, avoid it. Like, I wonder if somebody's just, like, avoided telling people in their life about, like, even bigger things that, like, lost their job, like, or divorce or when
Melissa
I got sick with my kidney disease. Like, I felt bad because there are some people that. Who did not live here who had to find out either through friend of a friend or, you know, online, you know, when the AJC covered the. The story that had to read it online or. Because they. Yeah, I. Because it's an explanation. It's the whole emotional explanation. It's their initial what and how did that. You know, and you have to go through the whole kind of storyline of how it started and end. And sometimes you just don't want to, you know, because at the time, that's what everybody wanted to talk to me about. And I felt like I don't want to be completely defined by my illness. So there were times I just didn't want to talk about it. And those, you know, in talking with those friends, if I had any interaction with them, it was just kind of nice not to have to deal with
Stacy
it, you know, Melissa sparked a memory for me is that Stacy and I have a friend that went through her whole cancer process without telling her parents. She didn't tell anybody in the family because she knew that they would dote over her and they'd move down or they'd be overly concerned. And she sort of felt like, I've got to deal with this thing with me and my husband, and if I get my family involved, it's gonna be a mess, so I gotta take care of myself. So she is about 3/4 of the way through her cancer process right now and the healing. And she just now told her parents and her brothers didn't know anything about it either.
Melissa
I could understand it because that's all anybody wants to talk about. And after a while, it's like, can we. Because I had arguments with my family. I had arguments with Millie and Pete. Can you. When we talk, can you ask me about something else besides how I feel?
Stacy
So maybe by not telling a couple people, then that's your, like, safety zone?
Melissa
That's my safety zone.
Stacy
The problem here is a happy place. When you go that long, though, eventually you have to tell everybody in the family. And then the order that you tell them in is so important because she told some in laws before she told her actual brothers and her brothers are having a really tough time giving that up.
Melissa
Yeah, I understand that.
Kelly
Yeah, absolutely.
Stacy
Hey, Kelly, Good morning. You're on the voice disguiser.
Caller
Hi. Well, I am in the process of leaving my house and I have not. Well, I have told some people, I've told my family and told other people that my best friend, I really did not want to tell her about it. And one day she was asking me about my house by email and I just responded back, I'm leaving my house. I don't really want to talk about it. She, you know, couldn't let that go and was asking me questions like, well, have you tried getting a second job or a part time job and all this stuff? And it's like, look, I've tried. Thank you. I don't really want to talk about this anymore. So it's just a matter of not wanting to deal with the questions and the comments.
Stacy
Yeah, I can understand it.
Kelly
It's exhausting.
Stacy
You just get to a point where you've played it out in your head so many different times and hit it from so many different angles and it's
Kelly
emotional to go there. So, you know, like, I know as soon as I pick up the phone and call her, it's gonna be emotional. It's gonna send me back into the thinking about all of those things, like, all over again and rehashing it all just like it would be with your illness or with, with losing the house or whatever. And you just like, aren't up for the emotional strain or the, you know, or the sadness it's gonna put on you.
Melissa
And this time of year, how many people have not told people about their job loss and they've probably been out of a job for six, eight months and probably still haven't told people about it. You know, that's true.
Stacy
The Birch Show.
Episode: Vault: She Hid Her Breakup From Her Best Friend
Date: May 12, 2026
This episode centers on the emotional weight and complexities of withholding significant personal news from loved ones—particularly when sharing feels overwhelming or exhausting. The discussion begins with one host’s admission that she hid her breakup from her best friend, sparking a candid group conversation about why people choose to withhold difficult updates, the emotional labor involved, and the ways people carve out “safety zones” from constant questions and concern.
“I had a boyfriend for almost the last year and we broke up about a month ago. And one of my best friends still doesn't know about it because I just don't want to go through the conversation.” —Kelly (00:30)
Stacy’s Pushback:
“She can't be like a first tier best friend then she's gotta be like a second or a third.” —Stacy (00:57) “She is gonna be so offended.” —Kelly (01:49)
Lying About Timelines:
Melissa’s Story:
“Because it's an explanation. It's the whole emotional explanation. It's their initial what and how did that. You know, and you have to go through the whole kind of storyline of how it started and end. And sometimes you just don't want to…” —Melissa (02:23)
A Friend Hiding a Cancer Diagnosis:
“She didn't tell anybody in the family because she knew that they would dote over her and they'd move down or they'd be overly concerned… She sort of felt like, I've got to deal with this thing with me and my husband, and if I get my family involved, it's gonna be a mess, so I gotta take care of myself.” —Stacy (03:08)
Creating Safe Spaces:
“So maybe by not telling a couple people, then that's your, like, safety zone?” —Stacy (03:57) “That's my safety zone.” —Melissa (04:00)
The Problem of Sequencing and Resentment:
“She, you know, couldn't let that go and was asking me questions like, well, have you tried getting a second job or a part time job and all this stuff? And it's like, look, I've tried. Thank you. I don't really want to talk about this anymore.” —Caller (04:28)
“You just get to a point where you've played it out in your head so many different times and hit it from so many different angles… it's emotional to go there.” —Stacy (05:16) “So, you know, like, I know as soon as I pick up the phone and call her, it's gonna be emotional. It's gonna send me back into the thinking about all of those things, like, all over again and rehashing it all just like it would be with your illness or with, with losing the house or whatever. And you just like, aren't up for the emotional strain or the, you know, or the sadness it's gonna put on you.” —Kelly (05:21)
“How many people have not told people about their job loss and they've probably been out of a job for six, eight months and probably still haven't told people about it. You know, that's true.” —Melissa (05:42)
On emotional boundaries:
“Sometimes you just don't want to, you know, because at the time, that's what everybody wanted to talk to me about. And I felt like I don't want to be completely defined by my illness.” —Melissa (02:23)
About sequencing the news:
“The order that you tell them in is so important because she told some in-laws before she told her actual brothers and her brothers are having a really tough time giving that up.” —Stacy (04:02)
On collective experience:
“You just get to a point where you've played it out in your head so many different times … and it's emotional to go there.” —Stacy (05:16)
The episode provides a sincere, relatable, and often humorous exploration of why people keep major life events—breakups, illnesses, financial hardships—secret from even their closest friends and family. Through personal anecdotes and listener participation, the cast normalizes the desire for emotional safety and privacy, while acknowledging the social challenges of withholding the truth and the fallout that sometimes comes with “delayed announcings.” The emotional candor and mutual support among the hosts offer comfort and validation for anyone navigating similar situations.