Vault: She Hid Her Breakup From Her Best Friend

Summary

The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: She Hid Her Breakup From Her Best Friend
Date: May 12, 2026

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode centers on the emotional weight and complexities of withholding significant personal news from loved ones—particularly when sharing feels overwhelming or exhausting. The discussion begins with one host’s admission that she hid her breakup from her best friend, sparking a candid group conversation about why people choose to withhold difficult updates, the emotional labor involved, and the ways people carve out “safety zones” from constant questions and concern.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Exhaustion and Avoidance in Sharing Personal News

• Kelly’s Confession:
  • Kelly shares she ended a year-long relationship over a month ago but hasn’t told one of her best friends because retelling the story feels tiring and emotionally draining.

    “I had a boyfriend for almost the last year and we broke up about a month ago. And one of my best friends still doesn't know about it because I just don't want to go through the conversation.” —Kelly (00:30)

• Time Zone & Life Schedule Factors:
  • Kelly explains logistical hurdles—her friend lives in a different time zone and their schedules rarely align.
  • The distance gives way to avoidance, but it’s not just about time; it’s the weight of inevitable follow-up questions and the fear of being pulled back into emotional discomfort.

2. Concerns Over Offending or Disappointing Friends

• Stacy’s Pushback:

  • Stacy teases Kelly, suggesting that maybe the friend isn’t really a “first-tier” bestie, which Kelly vehemently refutes.
  • The group acknowledges the potential for hurt feelings when people discover they weren’t kept in the loop.

    “She can't be like a first tier best friend then she's gotta be like a second or a third.” —Stacy (00:57) “She is gonna be so offended.” —Kelly (01:49)

• Lying About Timelines:

  • The group lightheartedly discusses if Kelly should tell her friend the breakup is fresher than it is to avoid greater offense.

3. Parallel Experiences: Illness, Divorce & Job Loss

• Melissa’s Story:

  • Melissa draws a comparison to telling friends about her kidney disease, highlighting the repetitive emotional explanations required and the desire not to let the illness “define” her during every conversation.

    “Because it's an explanation. It's the whole emotional explanation. It's their initial what and how did that. You know, and you have to go through the whole kind of storyline of how it started and end. And sometimes you just don't want to…” —Melissa (02:23)

• A Friend Hiding a Cancer Diagnosis:

  • The discussion shifts to a mutual friend who kept her cancer diagnosis hidden from family to avoid overbearing concern and to focus on her own healing.

    “She didn't tell anybody in the family because she knew that they would dote over her and they'd move down or they'd be overly concerned… She sort of felt like, I've got to deal with this thing with me and my husband, and if I get my family involved, it's gonna be a mess, so I gotta take care of myself.” —Stacy (03:08)

4. Safety Zones: Emotional Boundaries

• Creating Safe Spaces:

  • Melissa and Stacy discuss how not telling everyone can create a “safety zone,” keeping some parts of their life free from constant attention or concern.

    “So maybe by not telling a couple people, then that's your, like, safety zone?” —Stacy (03:57) “That's my safety zone.” —Melissa (04:00)

• The Problem of Sequencing and Resentment:

  • When revelations are finally made, the sequence in which people find out matters—some may feel slighted or second-tier, causing more drama (as with the cancer diagnosis story).

5. Listener Call-In: Real-Life Example

• A caller on the “voice disguiser” shares her experience of moving out of her house and not wanting to tell her best friend because of the barrage of questions and unsolicited advice. Instead, she simply wrote, “I’m leaving my house. I don't really want to talk about it,” highlighting the exhaustion and desire for emotional privacy.

  “She, you know, couldn't let that go and was asking me questions like, well, have you tried getting a second job or a part time job and all this stuff? And it's like, look, I've tried. Thank you. I don't really want to talk about this anymore.” —Caller (04:28)

6. The Emotional Toll of Rehashing Events

• Both the hosts and the caller note how emotionally taxing it is to relive painful experiences, and how sharing opens up old wounds.

  “You just get to a point where you've played it out in your head so many different times and hit it from so many different angles… it's emotional to go there.” —Stacy (05:16) “So, you know, like, I know as soon as I pick up the phone and call her, it's gonna be emotional. It's gonna send me back into the thinking about all of those things, like, all over again and rehashing it all just like it would be with your illness or with, with losing the house or whatever. And you just like, aren't up for the emotional strain or the, you know, or the sadness it's gonna put on you.” —Kelly (05:21)

7. Broader Context: Social Taboo and Job Loss

• They finish by noting that people may also delay sharing other life setbacks, like job loss, because of the stigma, particularly around significant times of year like graduation season or the holidays.

  “How many people have not told people about their job loss and they've probably been out of a job for six, eight months and probably still haven't told people about it. You know, that's true.” —Melissa (05:42)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On emotional boundaries:

  “Sometimes you just don't want to, you know, because at the time, that's what everybody wanted to talk to me about. And I felt like I don't want to be completely defined by my illness.” —Melissa (02:23)

• About sequencing the news:

  “The order that you tell them in is so important because she told some in-laws before she told her actual brothers and her brothers are having a really tough time giving that up.” —Stacy (04:02)

• On collective experience:

  “You just get to a point where you've played it out in your head so many different times … and it's emotional to go there.” —Stacy (05:16)

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Notable Timestamps

• 00:30: Kelly confesses breakup and dilemma about sharing it
• 01:47: Group discusses friend’s potential offense at being left out
• 02:23: Melissa explains her experience with chronic illness and selective disclosure
• 03:08: Story of a friend who hid cancer diagnosis from her parents
• 04:28: Caller shares exhaustion at having to explain losing her house
• 05:16: Hosts articulate the emotional cost of rehashing difficult news
• 05:42: Discussion concludes noting the prevalence of hidden hardships like job loss

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Summary Flow

The episode provides a sincere, relatable, and often humorous exploration of why people keep major life events—breakups, illnesses, financial hardships—secret from even their closest friends and family. Through personal anecdotes and listener participation, the cast normalizes the desire for emotional safety and privacy, while acknowledging the social challenges of withholding the truth and the fallout that sometimes comes with “delayed announcings.” The emotional candor and mutual support among the hosts offer comfort and validation for anyone navigating similar situations.

Transcript

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[Melissa]

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[Kelly]

The Burt show so have you guys ever had something that you've gone through that you just stop telling people because you just don't want to go through the hassle of the conversation like telling the story again. Yeah, just telling the story. Yeah. And so, you know, I had a boyfriend for almost the last year and we broke up about a month ago. And one of my best friends still doesn't know about it because I just don't want to go through the conversation.

[Stacy]

She can't be like a first tier best friend then she's gotta be like a second or a third.

[Kelly]

No, she is, she's like one of my best friends from college. She just doesn't live here in Atlanta. And so. And we're about three hours of a time difference and with our schedule being so early, like when we're done with work and I'm like going home or like calling friends on the way home or whatever, it's still like early in the morning. Like she's just getting to her office at work or whatever. So by the time she's done with work, we're already in bed, you know, we're already going to sleep. So the time difference has something to do with that too. But, but I just don't feel like going through the whole story because it's gonna be like, well, why and what happened and this and that. And then I'm, you know, you know, potentially get all emotional about it again when I'm like, you're fine.

[Melissa]

You just wanna detach yourself from it for a moment.

[Kelly]

Yeah, but that does that. That is screwed up. Like there's something wrong with me that I haven't told her and it's been

[Stacy]

weeks and she's gonna be so offended.

[Kelly]

She is gonna be so offended.

[Stacy]

Will you tell her that the break than it did just so she's not

[Kelly]

offended by how much I hadn't even thought about that. Yeah, I hadn't even thought about that. But I just feel like.

[Stacy]

When'd you guys break up? Oh, last year. Last week. Yep.

[Kelly]

I just don't even wanna go through, like, the whole exhausting, you know, process of what that takes to go through. So I just, like, avoid it. Like, I wonder if somebody's just, like, avoided telling people in their life about, like, even bigger things that, like, lost their job, like, or divorce or when

[Melissa]

I got sick with my kidney disease. Like, I felt bad because there are some people that. Who did not live here who had to find out either through friend of a friend or, you know, online, you know, when the AJC covered the. The story that had to read it online or. Because they. Yeah, I. Because it's an explanation. It's the whole emotional explanation. It's their initial what and how did that. You know, and you have to go through the whole kind of storyline of how it started and end. And sometimes you just don't want to, you know, because at the time, that's what everybody wanted to talk to me about. And I felt like I don't want to be completely defined by my illness. So there were times I just didn't want to talk about it. And those, you know, in talking with those friends, if I had any interaction with them, it was just kind of nice not to have to deal with

[Stacy]

it, you know, Melissa sparked a memory for me is that Stacy and I have a friend that went through her whole cancer process without telling her parents. She didn't tell anybody in the family because she knew that they would dote over her and they'd move down or they'd be overly concerned. And she sort of felt like, I've got to deal with this thing with me and my husband, and if I get my family involved, it's gonna be a mess, so I gotta take care of myself. So she is about 3/4 of the way through her cancer process right now and the healing. And she just now told her parents and her brothers didn't know anything about it either.

[Melissa]

I could understand it because that's all anybody wants to talk about. And after a while, it's like, can we. Because I had arguments with my family. I had arguments with Millie and Pete. Can you. When we talk, can you ask me about something else besides how I feel?

[Stacy]

So maybe by not telling a couple people, then that's your, like, safety zone?

[Melissa]

That's my safety zone.

[Stacy]

The problem here is a happy place. When you go that long, though, eventually you have to tell everybody in the family. And then the order that you tell them in is so important because she told some in laws before she told her actual brothers and her brothers are having a really tough time giving that up.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I understand that.

[Kelly]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Stacy]

Hey, Kelly, Good morning. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller]

Hi. Well, I am in the process of leaving my house and I have not. Well, I have told some people, I've told my family and told other people that my best friend, I really did not want to tell her about it. And one day she was asking me about my house by email and I just responded back, I'm leaving my house. I don't really want to talk about it. She, you know, couldn't let that go and was asking me questions like, well, have you tried getting a second job or a part time job and all this stuff? And it's like, look, I've tried. Thank you. I don't really want to talk about this anymore. So it's just a matter of not wanting to deal with the questions and the comments.

[Stacy]

Yeah, I can understand it.

[Kelly]

It's exhausting.

[Stacy]

You just get to a point where you've played it out in your head so many different times and hit it from so many different angles and it's

[Kelly]

emotional to go there. So, you know, like, I know as soon as I pick up the phone and call her, it's gonna be emotional. It's gonna send me back into the thinking about all of those things, like, all over again and rehashing it all just like it would be with your illness or with, with losing the house or whatever. And you just like, aren't up for the emotional strain or the, you know, or the sadness it's gonna put on you.

[Melissa]

And this time of year, how many people have not told people about their job loss and they've probably been out of a job for six, eight months and probably still haven't told people about it. You know, that's true.

[Stacy]

The Birch Show.