Vault: She Hosted Thanksgiving but Refused to Touch the Turkey

Summary

The Bert Show – “Vault: She Hosted Thanksgiving but Refused to Touch the Turkey”

Date: May 20, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode of The Bert Show, the cast dives into a hilarious and heartfelt recounting of one member’s maiden attempt at hosting Thanksgiving dinner for the family—complete with the traditional recipes, mother-daughter bonding, kitchen blunders, and a comical refusal to handle the turkey “guts.” The story captures real-life anxieties of handling family traditions, cooking for a crowd, and the challenge of literally getting your hands dirty.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Pressure and Pride of Hosting Thanksgiving (01:30–02:28)

• New Traditions: The protagonist (referred to here as the Thanksgiving Cook) shares her nerves heading into her first year of hosting, tasked with carrying on sacred family recipes.

  • “In my family, Thanksgiving's a big deal. It's where we all gather and it's tradition. We have traditional food that we have every single year.” (01:36, Thanksgiving Cook)

• Blending Old and New: She takes initiative to both prepare the classics and introduce a new dessert to impress her family.

2. The Turkey Dilemma—Refusing to Handle the “Guts” (02:28–04:34)

• Turkey Troubles: Despite preparation, the host confronts her biggest fear: removing the innards from the raw turkey. She physically cannot do it, triggering a gag reflex.

  • “Put it in the pan, unwrapped it, ready to put my hands in the guts. And I, I couldn't do it.” (02:55, Thanksgiving Cook)
  • “I went in the first time and I. The gag reflex was just...” (03:17, Thanksgiving Cook)
  • “This is probably, probably why I don't cook a lot. Certain textures of food make me sick. Like just looking at them and feeling like it was not a fun experience.” (03:23, Thanksgiving Cook)

• Sympathetic Anecdotes: The co-hosts share their own or their kids’ struggles with “gross” food textures, notably pumpkins on Halloween.

  • “You remember, Hayden is the same way. My 7 year old ... we demanded that he take the guts out of the pumpkin ... I was pushing him, like, stop being such a sissy dude. Get your hands dirty.” (03:34, Co-host/Interviewer)

• Mom to the Rescue: Ultimately, her mom steps in to handle the turkey, preserving both dinner and the host’s composure.

3. Side Dishes, Casserole Chaos, and Rite-of-Passage Blunders (04:34–06:01)

• Assembly Line Cooking: The cook churns out five different casseroles, experiencing the usual rookie mistakes—like making the green bean casserole too soupy.

  • “And I put too much milk in it.” (05:23, Thanksgiving Cook)
  • “Soupy. It was very soupy, but it still tasted good.” (05:30, Thanksgiving Cook)
  • “Everybody who makes their first green bean casserole, it always is soupy.” (05:40, Thanksgiving Cook)
  • “So it's almost like a rite of passage...you screw that one dish up.” (05:52, Co-host/Interviewer)

• Family Tradition: The crew agrees that messing up the green bean casserole is an essential step toward true Thanksgiving adulthood.

4. Triumphs, Compliments, and Family Bonding (06:01–06:48)

• No Urgent Care Needed: All the food is well-received, and no one gets sick.

  • “Everyone was giving me really good compliments on everything ... all the casseroles turned out fantastic. And my dessert, I made this Oreo cookie like style cheesecake that turned out great.” (06:14, Thanksgiving Cook)

• Building Legacy: The experience becomes a meaningful moment for both the host and her mother, who gets to pass down family traditions in person.

  • “And your mom feels great now too, because she feels like she's passing on this Thanksgiving legacy.” (06:43, Co-host/Interviewer)
  • “It was good. Like mother daughter bonding and cooking it and then bringing it to the family.” (06:48, Thanksgiving Cook)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On First-Time Cooking Nerves:

  • “It's the first time like you have, you're in your car, you're driving, but the driving instructor is right next to you.” (02:45, Co-host/Interviewer)

• On Facing the Turkey:

  • “Put it in the pan, unwrapped it, ready to put my hands in the guts. And I, I couldn't do it.” (02:55, Thanksgiving Cook)
  • “I went in the first time and I. The gag reflex was just...” (03:17, Thanksgiving Cook)

• On Casserole Blunders:

  • “Everybody who makes their first green bean casserole, it always is soupy.” (05:40, Thanksgiving Cook)
  • “So it's almost like a rite of passage...you screw that one dish up.” (05:52, Co-host/Interviewer)

• On Family and Tradition:

  • “And your mom feels great now too, because she feels like she's passing on this Thanksgiving legacy.” (06:43, Co-host/Interviewer)

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Key Segment Timestamps

• 01:30: Host’s nerves and family tradition discussion
• 02:28: The “turkey guts” challenge and gross-out
• 03:34: Co-host anecdotes about food texture aversion
• 04:34: Mom takes over, sides get prepared
• 05:23–05:52: Casserole mistakes and green bean soupiness
• 06:01–06:14: Results, compliments, and dessert
• 06:43–06:48: Thanksgiving legacy and meaningful family moments

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Conclusion

This episode of The Bert Show delivers a relatable, laugh-filled journey through one participant’s Thanksgiving “rite of passage”—from culinary mishaps and squeamish moments to true family bonding over tradition. The cast’s authenticity and warmth shine as they celebrate not just perfectly cooked meals, but the memories and connections made along the way.

Transcript

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[Co-host/Interviewer]

The Birch show all right, so let's find out how the weekend went here for you. Were you nervous going into Thanksgiving dinner?

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Well, kind of, yeah. Because in my family, Thanksgiving's a big deal. It's where we all gather and it's tradition. We have traditional food that we have every single year. And it's been passed down from my mom's grandparents and their grandparents down to her. And now my mom decided that this was a year that I should start cooking Thanksgiving dinner and the traditional recipes. So Wednesday night, I'm making sure I have every single ingredient. I make one last trip to the grocery store. I buy a new dessert. So I was Gonna make something new for the family. So we had a new dish that I could add to the plate.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I think that's smart right there. Starting your own tradition too.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

That's right. So I went to the grocery store Wednesday. Good. So wake up early Thursday morning around 9am I'm ready to go. I'm ready to do this turkey. Cause the turkey is, I guess the first thing that you do. Because I don't know, I mean, I've never made anything. It's your turkey.

[Commentator]

It takes the longest.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Yeah, it takes the longest.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Now where are you getting your information at this point? Like, you're assuming the turkey is first. Are you calling your mom?

[Thanksgiving Cook]

All my mom's there. Well, my mom's in my apartment with me, so she wants to just look things over. She's making one dish that she always makes. She has her own stuffing that she makes and she's the only one who eats it. Nobody else really touches that.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

It's like the first time. It's the first time like you have, you're in your car, you've got, you're driving, but the driving instructor is right next to you.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Right.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Telling you when to signal and everything else.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Exactly.

[Commentator 2]

With the big sun on top of the pointer.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

A little pointer from mom. So all the ingredients are laid out on my counter in my apartment. Getting the turkey out and ready to go with the turkey. Put it in the pan, unwrapped it, ready to put my hands in the guts. And I, I couldn't do it.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

What?

[Thanksgiving Cook]

I did not. I.

[Commentator 2]

Well, you seem grossed out. Last week when you talked about it.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

I tried. I really gave it an A effort.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You couldn't put your hand in the turkey to get all that stuff out of there.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

I went in the first time and I. The gag reflex was just.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Come on. Really?

[Podcast Host]

Yes.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

I couldn't hand. Some people have that because certain textures of food. This is probably, probably why I don't cook a lot. Certain textures of food make me sick. Like just looking at them and feeling like it was not a fun experience.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You remember, Hayden is the same way. My 7 year old is the same way. Last year when we demanded that he take the guts out of the pumpkin. Remember that? And I was pushing him, like, stop being such a sissy dude. Get your hands dirty.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

This is Halloween.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Puts his hand in there and then it's disgusting.

[Commentator 2]

Right in the pumpkin.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah, he's the same way.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Just putting your hand in the one time is disgusting because your arm's all up in the turkey. Well, working with me, if you Think.

[Commentator]

Think about it too much. It can get to your head. Like, you just have to remember, okay, we're carnivores. You eat meat all the time. This is how it gets prepared. Like, it doesn't just. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's a long process before it actually gets to you and your chicken sandwich or whatever.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Somebody else is doing all that stuff.

[Commentator]

Yeah, somebody else is doing all that stuff. So then once you're doing it, you gotta kinda like, check that weirdness out of your head with any sort of meat.

[Commentator 2]

I knew people, I had friends in the past, that I had to actually get the meat into the pan and start the process. Cause they couldn't even get the meat out of this package.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Disgusting.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

So that's how the day starts with, mom, can you at least put your hand in the turkey and get the guts out of here?

[Thanksgiving Cook]

So my mom did the turkey thing. My mom got the little guts out or whatever. And then I just stuffed it. I had celery. So we just stuffed it with celery to keep it moist and then put the turkey in. So the turkey's ready to go. It's in the oven. So next you move on to every single casserole. And I think there was about five casseroles I was making.

[Commentator 2]

Nice.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

So I had the ingredients all set out, ready to go. First casserole, stuffing, easy. That one was good because I followed the recipes, like, had all the recipes laid out. Stuffing easy to go. So the stuffing was ready to go. Put that in the refrigerator. And then I also made a vegetable casserole. And then I made.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

That's the one you brought in on Wednesday. Right.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

And I put a little salt in it to make sure it was tasty, and told people there's salt on the table if it doesn't taste good. Sorry. And then what other casserole did I make? There was one more casserole. I can't think of the name. And then, of course, we have the green bean casserole, of course, which is tradition in every family. But again. And following the recipe, and. And I put too much milk in it.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

What does that.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Soupy. It was very soupy, but it still tasted good. That's all right.

[Commentator 2]

It's okay.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

So all those were in the oven, cooked good, and everything turned out great.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Solid, good.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Solid green bean casserole, which was a little soupy. But everyone ate it anyways, smiled, amazed, because they said it happens every year. Everybody who makes their first green bean casserole, it always is soupy.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

So it's almost like a rite of passage.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Right?

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You screw that one dish up.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Well, good for you.

[Commentator 2]

And no breakdowns? No, no breakdowns.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Like everything went in.

[Commentator]

Turkey was good.

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[Thanksgiving Cook]

Turkey. Oh, so good. Thank God mom knew how to do that because, I mean, I was a mess on that part, but everything turned out great. Or at least the family said it turned out great.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And you didn't get any reports back from people having a check in urgent care. Two, three in the morning.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Everyone was giving me really good compliments on everything. So all the casseroles turned out fantastic. And my dessert, I made this Oreo cookie like style cheesecake that turned out great. And everyone loved the dessert that I added.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

So home run all the way around.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Nicely done.

[Commentator]

Good job.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Good job.

[Commentator]

Wednesday.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

Thanksgiving too. I had a great time.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Good for you.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

I think we're gonna do it. I'm gonna do it every year. Just cook something. At least participate more.

[Commentator]

You gotta try that green bean casserole again next year so you can get it right. You redeem yourself on that one.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And your mom feels great now too, because she feels like she's passing on this Thanksgiving legacy. So good, man.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

And it was good. Like mother daughter bonding and cooking it and then bringing it to the family. So we had a good time. Good for you.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Excellent. Congratulations.

[Podcast Host]

Thanks.

[Thanksgiving Cook]

The bird show.

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