Vault: She leaves her baby alone and uses her phone as a baby monitor

Summary

The Bert Show — "Vault: She leaves her baby alone and uses her phone as a baby monitor"

Date: May 7, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a dramatic, divisive call-in from a woman—referred to as "Alice"—who shares a secret parenting practice: leaving her 11-month-old baby home alone while she runs errands, using her phone as a makeshift baby monitor. The topic sparks intense debate among the Bert Show hosts, listeners, and even Alice’s best friend, raising questions about parenting, risk, safety, and judgment between mothers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing Alice and the Situation

• [01:25] Alice, a single mother, shares that she potentially risks losing her best friend due to a parenting decision she believes is not as serious as her friend claims.
• [02:09] Alice explains she's been best friends with Marilyn since college and feels Marilyn is being overly "neurotic."

2. Alice’s Confession

• [03:20] Alice details her routine:

  • After putting her daughter to sleep at 8:30 pm, she calls her home phone from her cell, leaves the phone in the crib, and heads out for errands (never more than 10 minutes away).
  • She listens to the home phone while she's out, treating it like a baby monitor.
  • “I have never had a problem doing this. Never.” — Alice [04:25]

• [04:52] Has Alice ever had to rush home?

  • Yes, twice: “Not balling, but like, she’s, like, straight—like, I can tell she’s waking up...I drop it, I come home, she never even knows.” — Alice [04:52]

3. Reaction from Hosts

• [05:03] Hosts immediately express concern:

  • Bert: “If she starts choking on something...things can happen quickly. You’re 10 minutes away from home.” [05:03]
  • Cassie: “I don’t agree with what you’re doing. I tend to agree with your friend a little bit more.” [06:19]

• Discussion explores parallels to other risky parenting behaviors, like leaving a baby while going for a run.

4. Calls from Listeners

• [07:17] Amanda says: “I am so appalled...It’s so unsafe. It’s just flat out wrong.” [07:18]

  • Hosts and listeners uniformly oppose Alice’s decision, citing the gravity of leaving a baby unattended, even briefly.

• [09:45] Marie, a police officer and child crimes specialist, weighs in:

  • “I’m literally shaking in my boots...People leave, the house catches fire...You have sexual predators in your neighborhood, and trust me, they’re watching you.” [09:45]
  • “You’re a little bit too trusting. I don’t know if you watch the news — how babies and children...wind up missing.” [10:31]

5. Alice’s Rationale and Arguments

• Alice defends her neighbor as a backup plan, says she only leaves when the neighbor is home, but acknowledges the arrangement isn’t ideal.
  • “I make sure [the neighbor is] home when I do this. I don’t leave if I don’t have that as a backup.” [05:31]
• Further, she rationalizes that taking her daughter out for errands after work isn’t practical, and insists her baby is “really good.” [05:52]

6. The Counter-Arguments

• Risk is too great: Hosts argue there is never a justifiable reason to risk such a scenario—even with low statistical odds of disaster.
  • “If there’s a .005% chance that something would go wrong, why would you even risk it?” — Bert [08:01]
• Parental responsibility:
  • “You are consciously making the choice to do that. And so if something bad happens, you have nobody to blame but yourself.” — Cassie [09:28]

7. Marilyn Calls In (Alice’s Best Friend)

• [11:11] Marilyn, Alice's best friend, joins after hearing Alice on air:
  • “She called me and she was a mess. She was in tears, really, that she was never going to do that again.”
  • “I was like, look, you have been an awful mother, but if you’re changing your ways, then that’s a good sign.” [11:38]
• Marilyn says her tough love got through, and she now believes Alice will not repeat the behavior.

8. Episode Conclusion

• With Alice’s promise to stop, the friendship is mended and the group moves on, relieved.
  • “So your friendship’s back intact, and her baby is safe. And so a happy ending.” — Cassie [12:31]
  • “Yeah.” — Marilyn [12:37]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Alice:
  • “I know it might seem unconventional...but I think it’s not that big of a deal. In fact, I think it’s a pretty good idea.” [02:52]
  • “Is she gonna choke on a blanket?” [05:13]
• Cassie:
  • “I couldn’t even—I wouldn’t be able to focus on my run because I’d always be nervous about what was happening to the baby.” [06:34]
• Marie (Police Officer):
  • “I work with child crimes...I swear I’m gonna find out who you are.” [09:45], [10:53]
• Marilyn:
  • “I gave her the tough love. I was like, look, you have been an awful mother, but if you’re changing your ways...that’s a good sign.” [11:38]
• Bert:
  • “It would never even cross my mind...If you’re looking for support and other people to call up and say that they’re doing the same thing, you’re not gonna get it.” [07:01]

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Important Timestamps

• 01:25 — Alice (caller) is introduced
• 03:20 — Alice details her "baby monitor" phone system and errand runs
• 04:52 — Alice recounts times she rushed home when her baby stirred
• 05:03 — Hosts react with concerns about risk
• 07:17 — Listener Amanda expresses shock and disapproval
• 09:45 — Police officer Marie calls in with a stern warning
• 11:11 — Marilyn (Alice’s best friend) updates on their friendship and Alice’s decision
• 12:31 — The episode wraps up with a positive resolution

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Tone & Atmosphere

• The conversation is frank, sometimes intense, but also filled with empathy—particularly when Alice becomes emotional about her mistake.
• Hosts and callers maintain a real, honest, and direct tone, filled with urgency around child safety.
• Despite the heavy topic, there are moments of levity and a sense of relief at the resolution.

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Summary For Newcomers

This episode of The Bert Show is a gripping, honest exploration of parenting, risk, and judgment. A single mom’s confession divides opinion and prompts listener outrage, but also catalyzes a moment of vulnerable self-reflection and friendship repair. Listeners will find a heated but heartfelt debate on what it means to do the right thing as a parent—and why even well-intentioned decisions can spark deep concern. If you missed it, this summary will fill you in on every twist, argument, and emotional reveal.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

The bird show Chase. Have I got this story all twisted? What'd I do wrong?

[C]

Uh oh. Uh oh. Tracy looks mad in trouble. No, I'm not mad.

[D]

I just think you got your tease wrong. We actually have the mom that's doing the thing and she thinks her friend's

[B]

being a bit uptight. Oh, okay, okay, I did get that twisted. Does she want to be on the voice disguiser?

[D]

Yes. And we're gonna call her Alice, but she's on the hotline.

[B]

Alice. Good morning, Alice.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

How are you today?

[D]

I'm just fine. How are you?

[B]

Good, good. So you are on the brink of losing your best friend?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, I am. And just think that she's being really unreasonable. And I just don't think that what I'm doing is that wrong. And I know there are other moms that are probably doing the same thing. So I don't know. I mean, I.

[B]

So just to get the history getting up to this point, you guys have been friends for how long? I mean, best friends is a pretty strong label

[D]

since college. I mean, she's, you know, just. She is one of my dearest, closest friends and I really respect her, you know, I really love her. And I'm shocked that this is. That she's this impassioned because I just think she's being neurotic, frankly.

[B]

And you're sure that the detail that you're about to give us is the only reason why she doesn't want to be your best friend anymore.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

And did you say that you are sure that you're not the only one who does it? So is your hope in coming on the show is that all of us will go, or at least those of us who have association with children will go? Oh, yeah, we do that. We do that. We do that. We do that, right?

[D]

Yeah. I mean, I just think that it's kind of. Listen, I think people don't readily admit that they do this, but I think that they do it. And I think that, you know, it's. I know it might seem unconventional or, you know, some people wouldn't. I don't know. I just think it's not that big of a deal. In fact, I think it's a pretty good idea.

[B]

Okay, let's get to it. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay. Well, I'm a single mom and I work during the day, so my time with my baby daughter is limited. And whenever I am with her and she's awake, you know, I want to play with her. I want her to, you know, really want to engage with her. And. And so I try to get things done when she's asleep. And I. She's been sleeping through the night now, like, she goes down. She's down, you know, and I. What I do is after I put her down to sleep, I get her to bed by like 8:30. I. I call my home phone using my cell, and I put the phone in her crib. And once I know she's down and out, I run out and I do errands.

[F]

What?

[C]

So you leave the house and you use your cell phone almost like a baby monitor where if she makes a noise in her. In her home phone. Okay, yeah.

[D]

Yeah, I do. And I put. I have the cell phone in my ear so I hear the whole entire time. I'm never farther than 10 minutes away from home. I run out, I do my grocery shopping or I'll stop by, get something at Target. I just. I get what I need. I zip home. I have never had a problem doing this. Never.

[B]

So she starts. So she wakes up, she starts balling. You just drop whatever you're doing, you get back into the car, and then you go right home.

[C]

Has that ever happened?

[D]

That has happened twice. Where. Not balling, but like, she's like, straight. Like, I can tell she's waking up or she needs. I drop it. I come home, she never even knows. Wow.

[B]

Here's the problem here, is that if she starts, like she starts choking on something or, I mean, that can things can happen quickly. You're 10 minutes away from home.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

What, is she gonna choke on a blanket?

[F]

No, you never know.

[D]

She's an infant. I. I just feel like. Is she an infant?

[C]

How old is the baby?

[D]

11 months.

[C]

Okay, now, what is your. What are the arguments your best friend has said to you about this?

[E]

She's an 85.

[D]

She thinks that I am being, like, a child abuser. And she's just been so extreme. And I just think way overly fearful and neurotic and, you know, and listen. And I have a neighbor that knows that I do this. That if I needed something with immediate attention, I always make sure that she's home when I do this. I don't, like, leave if I don't have that as a backup, too. So, you know, I have someone that's, like, you know, next door. If I'm like, listen, she understands the situation. I don't want to be taking fluffing her out after I get home from work, after I feed her dinner to take her out to do errands. The only time I have to do things, you know, it's not an ideal situation. This is the situation I'm in. And I'm blessed to have a baby that's really good, you know?

[C]

Now, I don't necessarily. I don't agree with what you're doing. I tend to agree with your friend a little bit more. But I have heard of other people doing this with, working out that they'll put their baby down for a nap and then go for a run.

[B]

Oh, really? And leave the house.

[C]

Excuse me.

[B]

I couldn't even. I couldn't even. I wouldn't be able to focus on my run because I'd always be nervous about what was happening to the baby in a run.

[E]

Especially, like, because I would think going to the store, you have your car there, and worst case scenario, you beep your horn, you know, you flash your lights, you run lights, you get home quickly. If you're running and you're three miles away and that thing starts making noise, then you're like, it's the craziest thing

[B]

I ever heard of in my life. I gotta be honest with you. I mean, it would never even cross my mind. I've got two boys, and it would never even cross my mind.

[F]

No way.

[B]

And if you're looking for support and other people to call up and say that they're doing the same thing, you're not gonna get it. Hey, Amanda, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[G]

Hey.

[F]

I am so appalled that I am A single mom, too, and very busy.

[G]

But you have to work your errands in.

[F]

It's so unsafe to do that, to leave a child unattended.

[G]

It's just flat out wrong.

[F]

And I can't believe people do this. It's crazy.

[B]

If you have the neighbor next door as your backup every night, then why can't you just ask the neighbor to come over? Because you say it's only 10 minutes at a time. Right. Why can't you just ask the neighbor?

[D]

She has her older. She has two older children. They're like 7 and 8. So she can't leave her kids. You know, I wouldn't. This is. Listen, this isn't forever. It's just her now. Well, she's a baby. I'm not gonna. You know, I.

[B]

If there's a.005% chance that something would go wrong, why would you even risk it? Like, the risk is way too great now.

[E]

Couldn't the argument be made. Because I'm gonna do that public defender thing y' all were talking about last week, which means I don't agree with her, but I'm just saying. On her side of it.

[C]

Right.

[E]

Couldn't the argument be made that the risk of her child being hurt in a car accident or at the store or whatever would be as equal or maybe even greater than her lying at home in an empty crib?

[B]

No. You're more in control of your own car than what?

[E]

Like she's lying in an empty crib.

[B]

But I'm sure it's not. No one has an empty crib. There's nothing in the crib.

[E]

That's just the baby or blanket or whatever.

[B]

I mean, still. Yeah. Baby could choke on a blanket. I don't know. Who knows what could happen? Ceiling tile falls down into the crib.

[C]

Somebody breaks in the house.

[B]

Someone breaks into the house. I think it's just said that.

[E]

I think somebody. Somebody. And again, I. I feel like the whole public defender thing, like saying. Using the public defender example, like, somebody could run a red light. Somebody could be drunk on the road. The cart at the store could be wobbly and tip over with the baby,

[B]

and you still feel like you're there and still can protect, but knowingly. Because you're there.

[C]

Yeah. Knowingly taking the chance as the parent.

[E]

But what's that? What's the chance?

[C]

You're knowingly taking a chance on anything. I mean, being away from your child. Being fire in the house. Exactly. I mean, it's just you are consciously making the choice to do that. And so if Something bad happens, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

[B]

Hey, Marie. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[G]

Good morning. I'm a police officer, and I swear to God, I'm so ready to come down there and get the information on this lady. I work with child crimes, and, I mean, I'm literally shaking in my boots right now. I've had situations just like this where people leave. The house catches fire, people leave, the baby chokes, people leave. Sweetheart, you have sexual predators in your neighborhood, and trust me, they're watching you. They're watching every move that you make. You might want to be very, very, very careful. I don't know, you said something about a neighbor. How well do you know this neighbor?

[D]

Oh, she's a sweet lady. She goes to church. I mean, she's not the mother.

[G]

You're a little bit too trusting. I don't know if you watch the news. Do you watch the news how babies and children just walking from the bus stop wind up missing and you're leaving your baby in the house?

[F]

That's what happened to that 7 year old down in Florida.

[D]

I locked the house. The only person has the key is my neighbor.

[F]

I just.

[D]

I'm sorry, but I.

[G]

Okay, I'm gonna let you know this. I'm making a visit to the first show this morning, and I swear I'm gonna find out who you are. And that's all I got to say.

[B]

The best friend is Marilyn. And Marilyn must have been listening this morning because she's on the phone now. Hey, Marilyn.

[F]

Hey. I want to thank you guys so much because, I mean, you know, Alice told you that, like, I was so upset over this that, like, I was ready to end the friendship. But after talking to you and hearing from your listeners, she called me and she was a mess. She was in tears, really, that she was never going to do that again. And she felt like she was an awful mother. And, I mean, I gave her the tough love. I was like, look, you have been an awful mother, but if you're changing your ways, then that's. That's a good sign.

[C]

That's awesome.

[F]

Great.

[E]

Do you believe her?

[F]

I do believe her because she was so. She was, like, beyond upset. Beyond upset. And there's no way she's not going to keep her word on this one especially. I mean, if that's the whole reason that we're friends again, I'm going to be keeping my eyes out on it.

[B]

When she told you initially she was doing this, you must have been shocked. Like, my friend's not capable of being this bad apparent.

[F]

Thought she was kidding at first. So incredibly irresponsible. I was furious. He just seemed so casual about it, you know, like, oh, you know, I

[E]

mean, yeah, we heard it's like a

[F]

baby monitor, but she's, like, forever away. I mean, even five minutes away can be forever away.

[B]

You know, it really is like a punchline. It would be like something Jeff would say, like, make a suggestion he would do if he was babysitting somebody. We'd all laugh about it. Oh, that's so ridiculous. Wow. Okay, well, that's good.

[C]

Great. So your friendship's back in intact, and her baby is safe. And so a happy ending.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Something will go wrong.

[F]

I want to thank you so much for that.

[C]

Until the next time she needs to go to Target, and she's gonna be

[B]

like, well, no, don't say that. Don't say that.

[F]

Yeah, I told her, look, you gotta go to Target during the day and, you know, bring the kid with you. That's what parents do. Right? And that's still spending quality time.

[C]

I mean, you're still with your daughter

[F]

one on one, just shopping.

[B]

Baby doesn't know. So long as she's with mom, she doesn't care.

[D]

Exactly.

[C]

Right.

[B]

All right, Marilyn, thank you for the update.

[F]

Thank you.

[B]

Appreciate it.

[E]

The bird show.