Vault: She Loves Him But Isn't Attracted to Him Anymore

Summary

The Bert Show –

Vault: She Loves Him But Isn’t Attracted to Him Anymore
Original Air Date: March 24, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into a nuanced and sometimes taboo topic: what happens when love remains in a relationship but physical attraction fades due to a partner’s weight gain. The conversation explores gender double standards around weight, the challenges of honest communication about bodies in relationships, and features candid listener call-ins who share personal experiences about the impact a partner’s changing body can have on intimacy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Double Standards & Gender Differences in Weight and Attraction

• The hosts open by discussing the cultural double standard regarding weight gain in men vs. women.
  • Men “just get to be lovable big guys,” while women are expected to stay thin (00:44–01:39).
  • Host: “Men are more visually stimulated. Women, you gotta get in their head, you gotta get in their heart. So if a guy puts some weight on, it's not a big deal… A woman will take the appearance thing with a grain of salt.” (00:23–01:39)

2. Real-life Example: Stacy’s Friend and Her Husband

• A story is shared about a woman who finds herself grossed out and less attracted to her husband after his significant weight gain (~50 lbs) since their marriage (02:02–03:12).
  • The husband jokes about his weight gain, unaware it genuinely bothers his wife, to the point of her using the word “grossed out.” (03:01)
  • “You could really tell she was kind of grossed out by him. Now she might have actually used the word grossed out.” – Host (03:01)

3. Women’s Perspective: Weight Gain as a Reflection of Bigger Issues

• Female panelists suggest a partner’s weight gain can indicate deeper concerns, such as a lack of self-care or other life changes (03:46–04:22).
  • “To your woman, it's a reflection of whatever else is going on with you... a lack of concern for yourself.” – Female Panelist 1 (03:46)
• Discuss how body type consistency—or a dramatic shift—affects attraction (04:05–04:22).

4. Listener Call-In Stories: How Weight Gain Affects Attraction

• Melissa: Husband gained 100+ lbs since Marine Corps days; her attraction (and their sex life) dropped significantly (05:04–06:04).

  • “When I met him, he was in the Marine Corps... all muscle. And so today, four years later, he weighs 265 pounds and I can't get him to work out to save my life.” – Caller Melissa (05:06)
  • “Like, I'm a very fit, skinny person… and he just eats crap all day and won't go to the gym with me.” (05:44)
  • “Pretty much, yeah. Like sex life has just gone down the drain.” (05:59)

• Beth: Husband gained 50 lbs after she lost pregnancy weight; intimacy suffered and open conversation is difficult (08:51–09:28).

  • “I have worked out like crazy and I cannot get him to lose a pound... it's like a total turn off.” (08:53)
  • “He always says, you know, what's happened to your sex drive? And I'm like, well, that's what's happened to your belly.” (09:19)

• Katie: Used a creative approach—telling her husband that weight gain leads to “shrinking” (i.e., for every 30 pounds a man is overweight, he loses an inch “down there”) as motivation (11:43–12:07).

  • “There was a great motivation... I had told my husband: for every 30 pounds a man is overweight, he loses an inch down there.” (11:43)

5. Communication Approaches: Honesty vs. Sensitivity

• Debate on whether women can or should be more direct with men about weight gain (06:04–08:41).
  • Panelists suggest men may respond better to bluntness than women, who are culturally conditioned to be body conscious.
  • “If your guy’s getting fat, tell them, hey, you’re puffing out a little bit there.” – Male Panelist (08:22)
  • “Stacy tells me, look, I gotta tell you, getting kind of doughy here. It’s turning me off. That’s all I need to hear.” – Host (07:56)
• Reluctance persists among women to be so direct, fearing how it would feel if the situation were reversed (10:06–10:19).

6. Persistent Gendered Body Image Pressures

• Women on the show describe a constant internal monologue about their bodies, food, and appearance—a contrast to the way men process weight gain (10:19–10:53).
  • “That is constantly going through the three of our minds as we’re sitting here.” – Female Panelist 2 (10:40)

7. Relationship Dynamics: Shared Lifestyles Matter

• Problems arise especially when one partner (usually the woman) is fit and the other is not, causing a disconnect and resentment (10:53–11:39).
  • “If we are working out and we're in shape and you're not... if one’s doing one thing and the other one’s not, that’s where it seems to create the most problems.” – Female Panelist 2 (11:08)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Double Standards:
  Host: “Men are more visually stimulated. Women, you gotta get in their head, you gotta get in their heart. So if a guy puts some weight on, it's not a big deal…” (01:25–01:39)

• On Waning Attraction:
  Host: “You could really tell she was kind of grossed out by him. Now she might have actually used the word ‘grossed out.’” (03:01)

• On Honest Communication:
  Male Panelist: “If your guy’s getting fat, tell them, hey, you’re puffing out a little bit there.” (08:22)
  Host: “Stacy tells me, look, I gotta tell you, getting kind of doughy here. It’s turning me off. That’s all I need to hear.” (07:56)

• Candid Caller Realness:
  Caller Melissa: “Pretty much, yeah. Like sex life has just gone down the drain.” (05:59)
  Caller Beth: “He always says, you know, what’s happened to your sex drive? And I’m like, well, that’s what’s happened to your belly.” (09:19)

• Gut-Check Motivation:
  Caller Katie: “For every 30 pounds a man is overweight, he loses an inch down there.” (11:43)

• On Women’s Persistent Awareness:
  Female Panelist 2: “That is constantly going through the three of our minds as we’re sitting here.” (10:40)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:44–01:39: Opening discussion on gender differences in weight and attraction
• 02:02–03:12: Story of Stacy’s friend & her husband’s weight gain impact
• 05:04–06:04: Caller Melissa’s story: drastic weight gain affects attraction and sex life
• 08:51–09:28: Caller Beth: postpartum transformation, husband’s gain = diminished attraction
• 11:43–12:07: Caller Katie shares “shrinking motivation” line with husband

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Summary & Takeaways

In this candid, sometimes humorous but always honest episode, The Bert Show shines a light on the reality that men’s weight gain—contrary to common belief—very much affects their partners’ attraction, and by extension, relationship intimacy. Double standards, communication challenges, and the emotional labor of women in relationships are all dissected, with real listener stories making the discussion raw and relatable. Ultimately, the show suggests the need for more honest (but sensitive) conversations about attraction and self-care in relationships, though acknowledges how fraught and gendered those conversations still are.

Transcript

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[Host (Male)]

Apply the first show so I think there's sort of like a. I think there's a common thought when it comes to guys, and I'm speaking in generalities here, that and it's a double standard in most relationships that women are supposed to say, stay thin. And if a guy gains weight, he's just a guy. He's just a guy. Like women.

[Female Panelist 1]

He's a lovable big guy.

[Host (Male)]

It's more important for a woman, I think this is the general theory. It's more important for a woman to say thin because men are attracted, for the most part to thinner women, whereas women are more attracted with their ears and what you say.

[Female Panelist 1]

Visually stimulated.

[Host (Male)]

Visually.

[Female Panelist 1]

Men are more visually stimulated.

[Host (Male)]

Right? There you go. Men are more visually stimulated. Women, women, you gotta get in their head, you gotta get in their heart. So if a guy puts some weight on, it's not a big deal

[Female Panelist 1]

as long as he's thoughtful and appreciative and everything else. A woman will take the appearance thing

[Host (Male)]

with a grain of salt and maybe tolerate it. It won't bother her as much as it bothers a guy.

[Female Panelist 2]

She sees it. But it's not gonna be a deal breaker.

[Host (Male)]

So I think that's the common theory. But I had a conversation a couple of weeks ago, Stacy and I did, actually. I overheard Stacey and her girlfriend talking. And her girlfriend is married to a guy. And I guess they've probably been married about, I don't know, six, seven years or so.

[Female Panelist 1]

Okay.

[Host (Male)]

And her husband has put on a whole bunch of weight.

[Female Panelist 2]

How much?

[Host (Male)]

I'm gonna do the math on this because I've known the guy for a long time. I'll say £50. 5, 050 maybe. And back in the day, the dude was an athlete. He was the baseball player, football player, one of these guys that anything you put in his hands as far as the ball goes, he's natural athlete.

[Female Panelist 1]

So when they met, he was like all muscle and now he's like Mr. Beer Gut.

[Host (Male)]

I would say he's never been all muscle, but he was certainly thin and athletic. Okay, all right. He's not thin anymore. He's turned into the beer drinking softball player on the weekends.

[Male Panelist]

Okay, you mean the beer drinking, like cooler at each base softball league?

[Host (Male)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just a big dude now and he even jokes about how big he is. And I think she jokes with him about how big he is also. And I don't think he knows that it bothers her, but she was complaining

[Female Panelist 1]

quite a bit like she's not sexually attracted to him anymore.

[Host (Male)]

She wouldn't come out and say that. But when you put all the conversations we had about it together over the weekend, you could really tell she was kind of grossed out by him. Now she might have actually used the word grossed out.

[Female Panelist 1]

Grossed out.

[Male Panelist]

How could you tell she felt that way? Well, she said it, said I'm grossed out by it.

[Host (Male)]

Right. And I think here the general thought with guys is like, they don't, you know, she doesn't really care if I'm putting the weight on. It's, I still am who I am and she still loves me. And I wanted to ask women, is this an isolated incident or. And you've probably never said this to your man before, but you're really turned off by his weight gain. Because I think your guy in the relationship doesn't know that.

[Female Panelist 2]

Yeah, I think guys don't have the 24, 7 body conscience mentality that women do.

[Host (Male)]

No. 404-741-Q100.

[Female Panelist 1]

I do think to your woman, it's a reflection of whatever else is going on with you, you know what I'm saying? Or a lack of, you know, a lack of concern for yourself or lack of taking care of yourself or you're eating or you're not, you're not taking care of yourself because of something else like that, you know, like to me,

[Female Panelist 2]

especially with him, if, you know, like, if it, if you're consistently a certain body type, it's one thing, but for this guy to put on £50, how, how long did it take him to put the £50 on?

[Host (Male)]

I think they've been married, you know, five, six years or something like that.

[Female Panelist 2]

So it's consistent.

[Host (Male)]

Right. So now he's just, yeah, he's a big dude.

[Female Panelist 2]

He's the thought I had. When you said that is what else? I mean, was there a dodge? Was there a job change? Was there anything else like that going on?

[Host (Male)]

I just think he's always. He's been a lazy dude. He's just lazy.

[Female Panelist 2]

Well, I know women who played sports in college and stuff, and they. With. They don't have a coach and they don't have teammates and they don't have all that going on and then they leave school, then they don't work out.

[Host (Male)]

This guy is. He almost endorses his. He's almost bragging about it and he doesn't know it, but it's driving her crazy. And I think it's because most guys think that it doesn't matter if they put the weight on. The wives are going to be and girlfriends are going to be attracted to him either way. Hey, Melissa, go ahead.

[Female Panelist 1]

Hi.

[Caller 1 (Female)]

I love y' all guys.

[Host (Male)]

Thank you.

[Caller 1 (Female)]

I met my husband now about four years ago, and when I met him, he was in the Marine Corps, you know, aviation, the whole thing. And he weighed 160 pounds and was all muscle. And so today, four years later, he weighs 265 pounds and I can't get him to work out to save my life.

[Female Panelist 2]

Over £100 more than he was four years ago.

[Caller 2 (Female)]

Yes.

[Host (Male)]

So when you say you can't get it is bothering you. So you're stating that. Yeah, the weight gain has definitely bothered you?

[Caller 2 (Female)]

Yes.

[Caller 1 (Female)]

Like, I'm a very fit, skinny person. I eat good. And he just eats crap all day and won't go to the gym with me.

[Host (Male)]

Is it to a point between us that you're just not even sexually attracted to him anymore?

[Caller 1 (Female)]

Pretty much, yeah. Like sex life has just gone down the drain.

[Host (Male)]

I would think guys, I think you can be rougher on a guy about his weight gain than a guy can be about a woman.

[Female Panelist 1]

You think?

[Male Panelist]

Yeah, well, guys don't have the.

[Female Panelist 1]

Like she could say to him, I don't want to have sex with you anymore.

[Host (Male)]

Oh, no, don't get carried away. There's a little harsh.

[Female Panelist 1]

How tough can she be?

[Male Panelist]

I think a girl can come up to a guy and go, hey, I got to be honest with you. You're getting a little fat and a guy won't. Whereas I think you say that to a woman. You say that to a woman and she will crumple to the floor. You say it to guy and he'll be like, what?

[Female Panelist 1]

I don't know if a guy could handle that.

[Host (Male)]

Now again, you're thinking with a woman's mind. You're thinking, like if a guy said that to you and understand what you have told us about a woman's history and how you're always body conscious that, like Jeff said, I think it crushes you. But I think you could be more brutally honest with a guy about this than a guy.

[Male Panelist]

And I think if you're trying to get a guy to change, I think you have to be that brutally honest. Because again, it's not to steal the title of the book, Mars and Venus book or whatever, but it is two completely different languages. So you're trying to talk to a guy using women's language words that would soothe you, Right. And you're trying to say, hey, let's eat healthier together and all that stuff.

[Female Panelist 1]

Go to the gym together. And the guy thinks, spend some time outside.

[Male Panelist]

And you don't. What you don't understand what you don't understand. I got a whole new one. Screw Mars and Venus, here's mine. Guys are like bulldogs. They're very simple. Like they're very. Their mind only processes one thing. So if you say, let's eat healthier, if you say to me, let's eat healthier, I'm gonna go, I don't want to eat healthier.

[Host (Male)]

Doesn't taste good.

[Male Panelist]

Yeah.

[Female Panelist 2]

What would you say to the guy,

[Male Panelist]

hey, you're getting fat.

[Female Panelist 2]

And say that to the guy, really eat healthier.

[Female Panelist 1]

You losing weight?

[Male Panelist]

Hey, I just want to let you know you're getting fat. And I'm gonna start going for a walk every day. I'm gonna take dog on a three mile walk every day. You wanna come with me because you're getting fat.

[Host (Male)]

Stacy tells me, look, I gotta tell you, getting kind of doughy here. It's turning me off. That's all I need to hear.

[Female Panelist 1]

Yeah, back to the gym.

[Host (Male)]

At first I'd be like offended. Damn, what are you talking about? But then I'd look at it. I think a guy knows, uh huh. But you could. That'll motivate him.

[Male Panelist]

And then what would she say if you said. If she said, hey. If she came to you and said, hey, don't you think you should be seeing Dolvett four times a week rather than just two? In your mind, you'd be like, uh, I'm good with two, right?

[Host (Male)]

I'm fine. I don't even like it in there.

[Male Panelist]

Yes. Guys, don't. Guys, do not process things beyond the words you use. Do not try to. Do not try to be nice and kind and say what you think girlfriends want to hear and expect guys to translate that. If your guy's getting fat, tell them, hey, you're puffing out a little bit there.

[Host (Male)]

Beth here wants to be on the voices geyser. Go ahead, Beth.

[Caller 2 (Female)]

Hey, guys. I love you guys. I'm so excited to be on the radio with you guys.

[Host (Male)]

Thanks for calling. Thanks for being part of the show.

[Male Panelist]

We're excited to be on the radio with you.

[Caller 2 (Female)]

Oh, good, good. Well, yeah, I met my husband, I guess, what, eight years ago, and we've been together several years, and I have a little bitty boy. And I put on £70 when I was pregnant and I lost all that weight plus, like 10. And I mean, I've worked out like crazy and I cannot get him to lose a pound. I mean, he's gained probably 50 pounds and it's all in his stomach. So it's like a total turn off

[Host (Male)]

to a point again, that you're not sexually attracted to him.

[Caller 2 (Female)]

Oh, yeah. Like he always says, you know, what's happened to your sex drive? And I'm like, well, that's what's happened

[Female Panelist 2]

to your belly, right?

[Host (Male)]

Your £50 has happened to my sex

[Caller 1 (Female)]

getting in the way.

[Female Panelist 2]

I want that thing off me. Get that belly off me.

[Female Panelist 1]

I mean, physically.

[Host (Male)]

Yeah, look, one of the most important

[Female Panelist 1]

things to us, that's something to maneuver around.

[Host (Male)]

You don't want to make it difficult. We want to make it as easy for y' all as possible. Look, the one thing that every guy wants more than anything else, let's be honest, is sex, right? So if you can subtly tell him that this is having an influence on why you're not having sex with him, there is no great Wait, but you're just being hypocrite. You said subtly tell him, hey, it's turning me off. You put all that weight on. It's kind of turning me off is a lot different than, look, you're not getting sex because you're fat, okay?

[Caller 2 (Female)]

But if he was to say that to me, like, I would lose my mind. And that's why I guess I don't say it to him.

[Host (Male)]

But I couldn't even say those words with Stacey. I couldn't say, hey, you're putting a little weight on and it's totally turning me off. Even that wouldn't work

[Female Panelist 1]

with a guy.

[Female Panelist 2]

We understand that, though, because a woman, I mean, Wendy, Jen, and myself at some point, multiple times this morning have thought about our body, like, thought about how we feel, thought about how fat we feel, or, you know, what we need to do and what we're eating today or how much we. That is constantly going through the three of our minds as we're sitting here.

[Female Panelist 1]

Intern Joanna in the back, is not in control.

[Female Panelist 2]

That is. It's a constant. That's the inside voice we have constantly, is about our body, about food, about working out, about something in our head. And guys don't have that. So. Yeah, I mean, it's understood why you can say one thing to one and not the other.

[Host (Male)]

I think the point that I'm trying to make here, like, if you're a guy and you're listening right now and you think that your weight gain has zero effect on your wife or your girlfriend, what I think I'm hearing here today, and what I heard a couple of weeks ago, is that it really does. They're just really not talking to you about it because they think it's gonna hurt your feelings.

[Female Panelist 2]

Cause women have eyes and, you know, like, not me, but I mean, the women. I mean, women lay with you and sleep with you. This is the part. I don't lay with you and sleep with you and sleep with you. And you know that. I mean, we're not dumb and we see it, you know, but it's just. Yeah, we let it slide and slide. But it seems that if we are working out and we're in shape and you're not, it seems like if you're both not gaining weight together, that's where the issue seems for men and women. If one's doing one thing and the other one's not, that's where it seems to create the most problems.

[Host (Male)]

Let me just take one more call on this, and then we'll move on. Go ahead, Katie. You're on the Voice Disguise.

[Caller 2 (Female)]

I was just calling to tell you there was a great motivation. And one thing that I had told my husband, for every 30 pounds a man is overweight, he loses an inch down there.

[Host (Male)]

We did hear that, didn't we? Your husband put on how much weight?

[Caller 2 (Female)]

When I met him, he was really, really heavy. And then he dropped, like, 75 pounds, and then he gained back another hundred.

[Male Panelist]

Well, the way you say it to him is what you say to him is, hey, buddy, you've lost three inches. You know what I'm saying? You put on a hundred, and that'll get him in the gym. I had heard that story. I think that Tal or whatever, the extra weight being related to 15 pounds. And I actually had a girl say, not the brightest girl at an old radio station I worked at. Well, if that's the case, if every £15 you lose, you gain an inch. Why wouldn't you just gain and lose £15 over and over and over again?

[Female Panelist 2]

What?

[Male Panelist]

She was thinking that every £15 you lost, it grew an inch.

[Female Panelist 1]

A poor little thing.

[Host (Male)]

If that was the case, I'd be £530 tomorrow.

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