The Bert Show: "Vault: She Made Her Husband Chase Her Around With WHAT?!"

Date: December 24, 2025
Host: Bert (and the full Bert Show Cast)
Main Guest/Caller: Carrie
Episode Theme: Celebrating Weirdness—Listeners Share Their Out-of-the-Box Habits

Episode Overview

In this entertaining and candid episode, The Bert Show opens the phone lines for a listener favorite: “Am I Normal?” Callers share quirky (and sometimes outrageous) things they do in private, seeking validation or gentle roasting from the cast. The show stays light, authentic, and hilarious as the hosts and callers swap weird habits—from acting out movie scenes in the car to simulating horror-movie survival with a spouse. This episode celebrates the oddball things we all do behind closed doors, building a sense of community around embracing one's unique quirks.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Carrie’s Horror Movie Roleplay Experiment

Carrie kicks off the segment with a wild story:

• She wanted to see how she’d react in a horror movie scenario, so after a few beers, she asked her husband to chase her around the house—with a real knife.
• Despite the obvious safety concerns, Carrie insists it wasn’t sexual, just “scientific curiosity” (02:35–03:09).
• The hosts immediately dub her “weird,” but with affection and laughter.

Notable Quotes:

• “You know how in scary movies there's always a chick with really big boobs running from the scary man with a knife? I wanted to see what I would do in the same situation, so I made my husband chase me with a knife.” – Carrie (02:31)
• “It's really a great combination, the drinking and the knives. Yeah.” – Bert (04:05)

2. Rapid-Fire "Am I Normal?" Call-ins

Listeners pile on with confessions of their own, sparking both laughter and warm moments of relatability as the cast and callers swap stories.

Examples (05:24–11:20):

• Bert recalls checking his pupils’ dilation in the mirror and wondering if he’s normal.
• One listener pretends to be a damsel in distress and then rescues herself.
• Several people admit to naked dancing post-shower, pretending to win awards, or talking to themselves as fictional celebrities or lottery winners.
• Carrie shares her morning ritual: reciting Sophia’s monologue from The Color Purple in the car—with her 5-year-old daughter (07:00–07:47).
• Another caller admits to playing loudly at live music venues, hoping to get noticed and join the band.
• A single woman fakes dramatic breakups alone, aspiring to be an actor (09:32–10:05).
• A dad admits to playing with his kids’ toys when they’re away.
• Others talk about turning magazines upside down in the bathroom so faces aren’t “watching,” and thanking the Academy for daily activities.

Standout Listener Moments with Timestamps:

• “I start naked dancing. I pretend I'm a star, and I interview myself and answer my own questions.” – Listener (05:48)
• “On the way to work in the morning, I act like Sophia from the Color Purple… It excites me. It makes my day so much easier.” – Carrie (07:00)
• “Every morning when I get up, I have to tell myself how hot I am just to make me feel good.” – Jennifer (10:10)

3. The Cast’s Reactions

• The cast alternates between affectionate ribbing and sharing their own quirks, creating a no-judgment, camaraderie-filled environment.
• Bert and the co-hosts often flip the question back to themselves, revealing little odd habits—like pretending to be in a street race at stoplights or taking slow, “Oscars-worthy” steps up the stairs (06:29–06:44, 11:22–11:46).
• There's a universal message: almost everyone has something odd they do in private, and it’s fun to admit it.

Notable Quotes:

• “If you have to ask, you already know [you’re weird].” – Bert (02:21)
• “Carrie, you're not weird. I love you. Call us every day.” – Co-host (05:10)
• “I'm just glad her neighbors didn’t see this whole thing going down because they’d be calling the cops on your weird ass.” – Co-host (05:04)

Memorable & Funny Moments (with Timestamps)

• Carrie’s Horror Movie Real Life Test (02:31–03:09): “He was standing by the knife block… and all of a sudden, he pulled the butcher knife out and he said, Okay, go.”
• “Naked Dancing” Routine (05:48): “I pretend I'm a star, and I interview myself and answer my own questions.”
• Sophia Monologue Recital—Family Tradition (07:00–07:47): Carrie recites the line, and her 5-year-old daughter joins in: “All my life I had to fight…”
• Thanking the Academy for Everything (11:22–11:46): “If I'm up hitting food, I'd like to thank the Academy for, you know, like the stars do.”
• Host’s Confession—Intersection Racing Play-by-Play (06:29–06:44): “I've got a little sportscaster guy in my voice that's always acting out me racing against the other guy…”

Structure: Segment Timestamps

• (02:11): Main weird habit call-in begins (Carrie's story)
• (05:24–05:48): Bert reveals hosts’ own quirks; more listener confessions
• (06:29–07:15): Listeners’ parlor games—re-enacting lines, “damsel in distress,” imaginary races
• (07:00–07:47): Carrie’s daily Color Purple monologue ritual with her daughter
• (08:00–10:14): More listeners: bathroom magazine rituals, stardom fantasies, self-motivation in the mirror
• (10:31–11:46): Dad playing with kids’ toys; hosts discuss secret Lego obsessions and “thanking the Academy”

Takeaway

The Bert Show’s “Am I Normal?” segment is a joyous, no-holds-barred celebration of the little oddities that make us human. Whether it’s play-acting, morning affirmations, or running mock Oscar acceptance speeches, the takeaway is simple: "Embrace it. Embrace it." (07:54, Bert) There’s no such thing as “normal”—and that’s something worth laughing about together.

End of summary