Vault: She made out with an old high school classmate

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: She Made Out with an Old High School Classmate

Release Date: May 20, 2026
Participants: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Joanna, Melissa

Episode Overview

In this engaging episode, The Bert Show hosts offer their signature mix of candid storytelling, humor, and life updates. The two main highlights are Joanna’s hilariously underprepared but successful half marathon experience and Melissa’s unexpectedly romantic reconnection with a high school acquaintance. Listeners are treated to stories of friendship, personal triumphs, awkward group dynamics, and playful teasing—all with The Bert Show’s warmhearted, unfiltered banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Joanna’s Half Marathon Adventure

[01:30 – 08:41]

• Minimal Training, Maximum Enthusiasm:

  • Joanna confesses she only trained “about a week” and the longest she’d run was 5 miles.
    • “Before that, I don’t run. I mean, I’m on the treadmill for 10 minutes and I’m exhausted.” (Joanna, 02:10)
  • She emphasizes how unprepared she was: no running shorts until the day before, outdated sneakers, forgot her energy supplements ("jellies"), and nearly forgot to pin her bib number.

• Pre-Race Chaos & Appearance Matters:

  • Joanna shares she prioritized makeup over stretching because “they’re gonna be taking pictures.” (03:01)
  • Not having safety pins, she hustled at Walmart to “beg” an employee for just two pins.

• On the Course:

  • Accidentally lines up with “two-hour pace” runners, surprised by their speed:
    • “Why are these people trying to get away from me?” (Joanna, 04:24)
  • Finds running on familiar Peachtree Street motivating:
    • “I’ve been to that bar. And I’ve been to that bar along Peach Street.” (Joanna, 05:17)
  • Begins doubting herself at Mile 7 but pushes through, fueled by seeing friends on the sidelines and the buzz of the crowd.
  • Describes the surge of energy at Mile 10 and the infectious high-five exchanges with onlookers.

• Finishing Strong:

  • Gets a burst of energy in the last mile thanks to a meaningful Train song on her iPod.
  • Completes the half marathon in 2 hours and 17 minutes, surprising herself by not feeling exhausted:
    • “I wasn’t even that tired, really. I was like, I could have kept going.” (Joanna, 08:00)
  • Emotional moment seeing her boyfriend Jason finish the full marathon afterward.
    • “The minute I saw Jason finish… I was just overcome with emotions.” (Joanna, 07:43)

• Aftermath:

  • Now “into running” and already itching for her next race.
  • Hosts joke about Joanna’s lack of “runner’s high”—“It’s a legend runner’s high.” (Joanna, 06:11)

Notable Moment:

• Joanna’s comic take on prep:
  • “I don’t know what [stretching] is. I need extra time for makeup because they’re gonna be taking pictures.” (Joanna, 03:01)

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Melissa’s High School Reunion Romance

[08:41 – 13:33]

• The Email & Rekindled Connection:

  • Melissa receives an out-of-the-blue email from a former high school acquaintance who had moved back to Florida after living overseas.
  • Unsure at first, she checks his Facebook and notes, “he’s really cute.” (Melissa, 09:32)
  • They swap numbers and he quickly texts her. The hosts tease:
    • Host: “If he wasn’t hot, it’d be creepy.” (09:54)

• Cautious But Curious:

  • Feeling a bit under the weather, she debates whether to meet but is charmed by his “very nice message.”
  • They talk on the phone, then arrange to meet out with friends—a small group snowballs into a high school mini-reunion.

• Group Outing & Chemistry:

  • Describes the group gathering, “probably about 10 different people out.”
  • Eventually, she and her old classmate have private time, where the hosts gleefully needle her for details.

• Did They Make Out?

  • Amid comic denials and host banter, Melissa coyly insists: “There was no making out.” (Melissa, 12:47)
  • The hosts erupt in laughter, gently teasing her about lingering in her car, her use of DayQuil, and the logistics of kissing with a cold.
    • “Hang on one second. You’re a really good kisser, but I gotta go clean up my sinuses. Can you do me a favor? Hold this neti pot.” (Host, 13:04)

• What’s Next?

  • Her friends push for updates on future plans, but Melissa remains noncommittal:
    • “I don’t have all my eggs in that basket, people.” (Melissa, 12:28)
  • Deflects further questions—“Shut up.” (Melissa, 13:24)—with a bashful smile.

Notable Quotes:

• Host: “How good?”
  Melissa (grinning): “It was really good.” (11:04)
• Host: “Is he a good kisser?”
  Melissa: “Yeah.” (11:19)

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Memorable Moments & Signature Humor

• Joanna’s Priorities:
  “I had my little pink Braves hat on. So that covered, you know, my… hair and everything. Yeah. Cute under a hat.” (Joanna, 03:51)
• Hosts on pace groups:
  “Many people find a marathon also to be a race.” (Host 2, 04:35)
• Melissa on subtlety:
  “No, I am a lady.” (Melissa, 11:27)
• Joking about car makeouts:
  “She left the window cracked.” (Host 3, 12:25)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Joanna’s Training & Preparation: 01:30 – 04:39
• Half Marathon Start & Experiences: 04:40 – 07:19
• Race Finish & Emotional High: 07:20 – 08:41
• Melissa’s High School Classmate Story (Setup): 08:53 – 10:21
• Reunion and Date Details: 10:22 – 12:32
• Hosts’ Teasing & The Make-Out Saga: 12:33 – 13:33

---

Summary

This episode is a classic Bert Show blend of honest, comically awkward stories and deeply relatable reflections. Joanna’s marathon journey resonates as both a comedic cautionary tale and an inspiring personal victory. The hosts’ playful interrogations of Melissa’s romantic adventure provide laughs and gentle encouragement, capturing the real talk and genuine warmth that define the show. Whether listeners need motivation to try something new or just want to eavesdrop on the funny, flirty truths of adult friendships, this episode delivers heart and hilarity at every turn.

Transcript

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[Host 1]

Dear Burch, so you were supposed to run the half marathon this weekend?

[Joanna]

Yes. Yes. So the night before when I got home from work.

[Host 2]

Well, first tell us how long you trained for this half marathon.

[Joanna]

About a week.

[Host 1]

A week?

[Host 3]

It was a full marathon Thanksgiving morning,

[Joanna]

but there's a half and a full. And Jason signed up to do the full marathon. So I decided to be a supportive girlfriend and I said, you know what? I'll run the half. We won't be running together, but I'll be there in spirit and I'll meet you at the end.

[Host 2]

Can't you also support him by standing next to the road and throwing bananas at him as he goes?

[Joanna]

I don't know why that didn't cross my mind. I don't know.

[Host 1]

And before this weekend, I think you said the most that you ran in preparation for training was like, four miles or something.

[Joanna]

Yeah, like five miles, I think, was the most I've done. But before that, I don't run. I mean, I'm on a treadmill for 10 minutes, and I'm exhausted. And so I really had no training. I mean, I don't know how clearer I can be about that. So the next day, the night before, when I got home from work, I was like, you know what? I'm gonna go to the gym, and I'm just gonna see how far I can run on a treadmill. So I had every intentions of going to the gym, but I ended up going home and taking a nap, so I never woke up. And I woke up in time to go to the sports Authority to get running shorts, because I didn't even have running shorts. And I have tennis shoes that I bought, like, five or six years ago still. So I am, like, not prepared at all. I show up at the starting line. I had four. First I had my dad drop me off. Cause Jason wanted me to get there, like, an hour and a half early. And I wasn't gonna have that to

[Host 1]

do that silly stretching thing.

[Joanna]

Yeah, I don't need stretching.

[Host 1]

Whatever.

[Joanna]

I don't know what that is. I need extra time for makeup because they're gonna be taking pictures. So I had my dad drop me off, and everybody just looks like runners. Like, they had. Some people had the water around their belts, you know, some people were stretching, some people were running.

[Host 2]

You didn't even have shorts the day before.

[Joanna]

I didn't even have shorts. And some people were, like, running to the starting line. And then the best part is that my number, but I forgot safety pins. So I'm holding my number in my hand, and everybody's already on their shirt

[Melissa]

and they're ready to go.

[Joanna]

I had to run into Walmart, Begged the lady to give me a safety pin. I had to haggle with her to just give me two because four was too many. So, anyways, so I get started, and

[Host 1]

even before we get into the actual run, were you happy with the level of cuteness that you had achieved before you started running?

[Joanna]

Yeah. Cause I had my little pink Braves hat on. So that covered, you know, my. Like, my hair and everything. Yeah. Cute Under a hat.

[Melissa]

Yeah. Especially a pink Braves hat.

[Joanna]

Yeah, exactly.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Joanna]

So. And it matched my pink sneakers.

[Host 1]

Of course it did.

[Joanna]

And anyway, so we get started, and I accidentally got in the Line where you know how people pace themselves and they're like, oh, I'm gonna run this in X amount of mile.

[Host 3]

Or I'm nodding like, I know, but

[Melissa]

I. I don't know.

[Joanna]

Well, I absolutely got behind the two hour people. And I didn't realize it. And so we started to take off and they're running really fast. And I'm like, why are these people trying to get away from me?

[Host 1]

And then what's your rush, people?

[Joanna]

I know, it's a. Not a race, right? That's what they say. So anyways, I get behind these people and after the first.

[Host 2]

Many people find a marathon also to be a race.

[Joanna]

No, but you know what they say. You're not supposed to.

[Host 1]

Like, it's not a sprint.

[Joanna]

Yeah, it's not a sprint. You're supposed to take your time. And after the first mile, I start to kind of doubt myself. And I was like, am I really about to run 13 miles? Is that really about to happen? And I saw people start walking after the first mile. I was surprised, but I assume those people had no intention of really running the whole thing. Maybe they were just doing it in support of somebody else.

[Host 3]

And you had said on Wednesday that you had no intention of walking any part of this route.

[Joanna]

There was no walking allowed for me, so. Oh, and then I also forgot. Jason gave me these little jellies that are supposed to give you energy, and I forgot them in the car.

[Host 2]

Oh, my God.

[Joanna]

I was really not prepared.

[Host 1]

So all the odds were against you.

[Joanna]

Yes, exactly. So. But I keep going, you know, and we're running down Peach Street. So I keep picturing in my head, like, where I am. Cause I'm like, oh, I've been to that bar. And I've been to that bar along Peach Street.

[Melissa]

It's like a bar crawl, but a bar run.

[Host 3]

So.

[Melissa]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Joanna]

So we're running and then I get to the five mile mark and I see somebody I know on the side and I wave at them. That gives me a lot of energy, gets me excited. And then five miles is a lot for me. I've already been five miles, so five miles is already doable for me. Right. So it wasn't until I got to mile seven that I was like, I could probably stop now. You know, like, seven miles is a lot. It's pretty big accomplishment. It's two miles more than I've ever done. You know, everybody else is finished or everybody.

[Melissa]

And you're still running at this point.

[Joanna]

Yeah, but I'm still, I'm still running. Haven't felt this high yet either. I'm actually.

[Host 1]

It's a legend runner's high.

[Joanna]

It's a legend runner's high. But I quickly was like, you know what? No, no, I'm going to keep going. And the next thing I know, I'm at mile 10.

[Host 3]

Okay.

[Joanna]

All right. Exactly. And I just. This weird feeling just comes over me where I'm like, oh, my gosh, I've ran 10 miles. This is so awesome. And the only bad part is I don't have anybody around me to celebrate it with because I'm by myself. So I just start high fiving people on the side, you know, just to give myself.

[Host 2]

You're like, we're not done yet.

[Host 1]

But still, no. I mean, the moment. The momentum of running 10 miles could certainly carry you the next three miles

[Joanna]

as far as you've ever been. Ever been. And so I keep going, and I realize I'm at the last mile. I've got one mile to go. And I just pick it up. Like, I just start running faster and faster. This really inspirational song came on my ipod. It was almost like a sign. It was weird because.

[Host 1]

Is it that new R. Kelly song that we play this week?

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Joanna]

Yeah, it was pretty knocked up. It was weird how I had that on my ipod already. No, it was this really song and it just helped me out. And I finished the half marathon.

[Host 1]

You ran the whole way?

[Melissa]

That's so awesome.

[Joanna]

I finished in 2 hours and 17 minutes.

[SpinQuest Disclaimer / Jake Stauch]

Wow.

[Melissa]

Congratulations, Joanna.

[Host 3]

That's fantastic.

[Joanna]

And it's really exciting. And everybody's at the finish line. Everybody's high fiving you. And I have pictures. I haven't posted them on my face, but they did take pictures along the way. And it's just. And I didn't realize I saw people crying. And I was, at first was like, why are these people crying? But the minute I saw Jason finish, because he finished after me.

[Melissa]

That's so cool.

[Joanna]

I was just overcome with emotions because I finished a half marathon. I ran 13 reels.

[Melissa]

And he did the full marathon.

[Joanna]

He did the whole thing.

[Melissa]

Wow.

[Joanna]

Yeah.

[Host 3]

Good for you.

[Melissa]

You guys should be on Amazing Race.

[Host 2]

Nicely done.

[Melissa]

I should cast you too, because they

[Host 1]

just don't say no. Like, no is not in the vocabulary. I gotta finish it.

[Joanna]

And I'll tell you what, when I was done, I wasn't. I thought I would be exhausted. I wasn't even that tired, really. I was like, I could have kept going. I could have. I mean, probably not a whole marathon, but I could have got a couple more miles.

[Melissa]

Congratulations. I Don't know what song that was.

[Host 1]

Yeah, what was the song?

[Joanna]

It was. It was a song by Train, and it just has a lot of meaning to me. I don't want to get into it, but.

[Host 1]

Okay, well, now I got to know. Oh, yeah.

[Host 3]

Don't tell that to burn.

[Host 1]

Okay. So anyway, so you do it. You're 13 miles.

[Joanna]

Yeah. So now. But now I'm all. I'm into running now. Good for you. It feels like I went out the next day, and I was like, let's go run.

[Host 2]

Well, there you go, Melissa. All you gotta do is run a half marathon. Then you get into running.

[Melissa]

I love it.

[Host 1]

Congratulations. That's fantastic.

[Joanna]

I'm not the high.

[Host 3]

I'm much older than Joanna.

[Host 1]

Still didn't get the high. All right, Javi, that's awesome. Congratulations. All right, so, Javi, let's reset this whole thing, because it potentially could have been a very exciting weekend.

[Melissa]

Yeah. Before going home, I had gotten an email from this guy I went to high school with. And I didn't know him very well in high school, but he was, like, the great ahead of me. And, you know, we were kind of friends. Like, I think he dated a girl in my grade. Like, we didn't know each other really very well, but I got a really nice email from him that he was reconnecting with people and had moved back to Florida, had been living overseas for a while. And I was like, oh, that'd be cool. But I didn't really think too much about it. And then right before we left for Thanksgiving break, when we were in here and you guys brought. You brought it up on the air, I was looking. I looked on the Facebook picture. I was like, oh, he's really cute. Whatever.

[Sleep Number Advertiser / Jake Stauch]

Really cute.

[Melissa]

Yeah. And he looked. You know, I just remembered it. It was like a familiar, you know, face or whatever. And so when we had emailed back and forth, we had exchanged phone numbers, and I had gotten a text message. Like, let me know if you come down. I look forward to seeing you. And.

[Host 2]

And that text message came, like, right after you sent him your phone number, right?

[Melissa]

Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was pretty much right away.

[Host 2]

Like, if he wasn't hot, it'd be creepy.

[Melissa]

No.

[Joanna]

Well, she didn't know what he looked like when he sent it. So.

[Melissa]

Yeah. So. And this is somebody that. And you guys know I went to a teeny, tiny, little private school, whatever, high school. So everybody kind of knew each other, whatever. So it's a very, like, comfortable thing.

[Host 1]

What was his reputation back in high school?

[Melissa]

He was kind of friends with everybody. Yeah, he was a soccer player. I think that's all I'm gonna say right now.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Melissa]

Anyway. Okay. So then I was like. I was like feeling really sick, like still, you know, kind of like head cold or whatever right before going home. So I was like. I just wasn't sure I was in the mood to do anything except veg with my family, you know? So I get home, I veg with my family for most of the time. And then Friday I get a phone call from him. He leaves a very nice message. Just wondering what you're up to or whatever. I was like, ah, still not feeling great. Don't know if I feel like doing anything or leaving the house, but I'll give him a call back. So we had a really great phone conversation, chatted it up, and then I ended up meeting out with him later.

[Host 1]

You did?

[Melissa]

On Friday night?

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And?

[Melissa]

And it was good.

[Host 2]

How good?

[Melissa]

It was really good.

[Host 2]

Really?

[Host 1]

Look at their smile, man.

[Sleep Number Advertiser / Jake Stauch]

I mean, did you go to dinner?

[Host 1]

She started smiling spontaneously, like during commercials two and a half hours ago, yesterday. And it was like. Yeah. I mean, obviously it went great.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Is he a good kisser?

[Host 3]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Okay, what else is he good at?

[Melissa]

That's all I know. That's all I know.

[Host 1]

How long did you guys spend together?

[Melissa]

Well, it was actually. No, I am a lady.

[Host 2]

Melissa.

[Melissa]

What?

[Host 3]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Oh, geez. It's disgusting. I'm really glad there's not video cameras in here.

[SpinQuest Advertiser]

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[Host 2]

We just don't know.

[Melissa]

So it was actually like sort of a group situation because I just wasn't sure how that was gonna go. And so one of my girlfriends that I went to high school with came out. Several other friends from high school. It was kind of like it all sort of evolved and connected and there was probably about 10 different people out. But it started with my friend and a friend of hers and me and him. And so we had, like, great conversation and it was really super fun. And that was that.

[Host 3]

Are you gonna see each other at Christmas?

[Melissa]

Maybe before that. Really?

[Host 2]

Is he gonna come up?

[Melissa]

I don't know. There's.

[Host 2]

Is he here right now?

[Melissa]

No.

[Host 2]

Oh, that's ridiculous. It's crazy.

[Host 1]

Is he in your car right now? Waiting for 10 o'? Clock?

[Melissa]

He's in the tr.

[Host 3]

She left the window cracked.

[Host 1]

A little water.

[Melissa]

Water in the car.

[Host 1]

From the. From the group date.

[Melissa]

I don't have all my eggs in that basket, people.

[Host 1]

Later on in the night, you guys broke off by yourselves and group date over and then hanging out one on one.

[Melissa]

No, he Just walked me to my car.

[Joanna]

Goodbye.

[Host 2]

And that's when you guys made out?

[Melissa]

There was no making out.

[Host 1]

Hey, Jeff.

[Joanna]

That's cute. They kissed.

[Melissa]

There was no making out.

[Host 2]

How long did you guys make not

[Melissa]

make out for that is way too much question.

[Host 2]

I thought there was no making out.

[Host 3]

She's having breathing issues, so she couldn't kiss for very long and she'd suffocate.

[Host 2]

Well, I thought Bert loaned her the apron.

[Melissa]

I've taken enough like, yeah, DayQuil, to like.

[Host 2]

Hang on one second. You're a really good kisser, but I gotta go clean up my sinuses. Can you do me a favor? Hold this neti pot.

[Host 1]

Did you just put one finger over your nostril and blow out while he was right there?

[Joanna]

Congratulations, Jenny.

[Host 2]

It's a baseball. Clear.

[Host 3]

Are you gonna see him this weekend?

[Melissa]

You going down back to Florida? No.

[Host 1]

Is he coming up here this weekend?

[Melissa]

No.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

What? Are you gonna see him again?

[Melissa]

Shut up.

[Host 1]

Yes.

[Host 2]

Is he listening?

[Melissa]

Stop asking me questions.

[Host 2]

Is he listening online right now?

[Melissa]

I don't think so.

[Host 2]

Do you love him?

[Host 1]

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