Vault: She Needs Advice On Dating A Mama's Boy

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Vault: She Needs Advice On Dating A Mama's Boy"

Date: January 23, 2026
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, et al.)
Theme: Navigating Relationships with “Mama’s Boys” and Overbearing Mothers

Episode Overview

In this episode, listener "Veronica" (voice disguised for privacy) calls in for advice about dating her boyfriend, whom she’s been with for a year. She describes him as an ideal partner—devoted, kind, and thoughtful—but their first major conflict has surfaced around his extremely close relationship with his mother. The Bert Show hosts and listeners weigh in with personal stories, empathy, and a range of advice for balancing love, boundaries, and in-law relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Veronica's Dilemma: The Mama's Boy Problem

• Veronica describes her boyfriend:
  • "He treats me like a princess. He's always there for me. We very rarely ever fight." [00:57]
  • The first argument happened during the holidays, triggered by the amount of time he spent with his mother.
• Mother's involvement:
  • Calls him daily, sometimes five times a day.
  • Sees him 1–3 times a week for dinners or visits. [02:15]
  • She lives 30 minutes away and works nearby.
• Mother’s possessive comments:
  • "A girl is your best friend for your whole life, and if you have a son, he's only yours until he takes a wife." [02:46] — Said directly to Veronica, hinting at jealousy and anxiety about "losing" her son.
  • The mother suggested, jokingly (or not), that she should “spend the night” at their place because it’s convenient for her work. [04:22]
• Veronica's feelings:
  • Initially attracted to their close bond, but now feels the mother uses the son as an emotional security blanket. [06:19]
  • His sister confided similar warnings about their mother’s clinginess.
  • Veronica is the first girlfriend the mother has "clashed heads" with—even more notable since her boyfriend is in his mid-30s.

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2. Host and Listener Reactions

Host Commentary

• Normal vs. Overbearing?
  • Some Bert Show hosts felt the mother's actions weren’t extreme—“The one phone call a day to your mom, so what? Once or twice a week for dinner, so what? I think that's sweet.” [06:10]
  • Others argued for boundaries and independent adulthood:
    • "Children are supposed to grow up, have families of their own, and parents are supposed to like, be happy... do their own thing again." [03:35]

Call-In Guest Stories & Advice

• Susan (lives with mother-in-law):
  • "You're just gonna have to put up with it. They don't go away. Over time, I swear to you, it gets better... but you can't take a boy away from his mom. You will lose him." [07:13, 08:18]
  • Shares an anecdote: Her mother-in-law cried when she and her husband went on a one-night trip, and would “call in the middle of the night… come knocking on our door at three in the morning.” [07:55]
• Joanna (mother-in-law moved in):
  • "You need to run because your husband is never going to choose you over his mother... it's never going to stop." [09:28]
  • Describes an overbearing live-in mother-in-law who tries to control the household and their child. [10:07]
• Katie (happy with her "mama's boy" husband):
  • "I absolutely love it... family is huge and I just don't think she should push her out of her life." [11:06]
  • Stresses benefits—grandparent involvement, strong family, supportive relationships.
• Kimberly (sees the issue as minor):
  • "Is this even an issue?... You should be lucky that he's not cheating on you or going out every night with his friends, getting wasted, doing God knows what, or doing drugs... this is a blessing." [12:06]

Host Suggestions

• Build a Relationship with the Mother:
  • "Do something one on one with her, so that she feels like, you know, I'm going to be your daughter-in-law. You're adding a family member, you're not losing a family member." [09:11]
  • "Throw up a white flag... bury the hatchet... get to know you as a woman." [09:15]
• Avoid Power Struggles:
  • "As long as there's not a power struggle going on, you can get along... You can't think you're taking over her position or you're competing with her. That is his mother." [12:54]
  • "You got to stop the cycle. Become friends with her." [13:16]
• Perspective-shifting humor:
  • "Maybe you take a break and you date a meth head manslut... then come back to this guy with his mom, and you'll think he's great." [12:33]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Veronica:
  • “She uses him as a security blanket... I'm the first girlfriend that she's ever mad of heads.” [06:19]
• Mother’s revealing quote (via Veronica):
  • “A girl is your best friend for your whole life, and if you have a son, he's only yours until she takes a wife.” [02:46]
• Susan (listener):
  • “You can't take a boy away from his mom. You cannot do that because then you'll lose him and you don't want to do that.” [08:17]
• Katie (listener):
  • “That's not a bad thing. It's an awesome thing because family is huge... don't push her out of his life.” [11:34]
• Host (on perspective):
  • "As long as there's not a power struggle going on, you can get along... That is his mother, and you will be a mother someday." [12:54]
• Humor about sleepovers:
  • “She just wants to know where she'll be staying when she sleeps over at the apartment, if it'll be with the two of you or just in bed with him.” [11:59]

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Important Timestamps

• 00:42 — Veronica introduces her boyfriend and the makings of a mama’s boy dynamic
• 01:37 — Details on the mother's daily communication and frequent visits
• 02:46 — Mother's possessive quote about sons and wives
• 04:22 — The sleepover suggestion incident
• 06:19 — Backstory: why the closeness has become problematic for Veronica
• 07:13–08:18 — Callers Susan’s perspective: "You have to put up with it—they don’t go away"
• 09:11–09:24 — Host advice: build an individual relationship with the mother
• 09:28–10:36 — Caller Joanna: "You need to run..." stories of living with an overbearing mother-in-law
• 11:06–11:37 — Caller Katie's positive take on a "mama's boy"
• 12:06–12:54 — Host and listeners urge Veronica to gain perspective, avoid power struggles
• 13:16–13:38 — Show closes with consensus: seek friendship, not competition, with the mother

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Tone & Takeaways

• Tone: Warm, humorous, candid, and empathetic; the hosts and listeners blend practical advice with personal anecdotes and plenty of playful banter.
• Episode Takeaways:
  • The "mama's boy" dynamic is complicated but not insurmountable.
  • Many partners struggle with intrusive or overbearing mothers-in-law, but approaches and outcomes vary.
  • Building a relationship with the mother may soften tensions and help everyone adapt to changing family dynamics.
  • It’s vital to avoid an adversarial “power struggle” and seek to form an alliance or at least mutual understanding.
  • Perspective is key—appreciate the benefits of a close family, but maintain boundaries for a healthy relationship.

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Transcript

[A]

The Birch show. All right, Veronica, just give us a check. Check to make sure you're on the voice disguiser.

[B]

Hey, guys.

[A]

That voice disguiser. Okay. Perfect. How are you?

[B]

I'm wonderful.

[A]

Good. You have? Good.

[B]

How are you guys?

[A]

Good holidays.

[B]

I did. I just wanted to say I'm your biggest fan.

[A]

Oh, thank you very much.

[C]

Thank you. You're pretty well, I'm glad that you are now. We'll see how it is after we talk to you.

[A]

Well, we're glad you contacted us, and we hope you can get some advice from this, that you will turn around and agree, because that's what the Bircho listeners do. But we'll try.

[B]

That's what you're good for, Jeff. Right?

[A]

I know. We try. Tell us about this perfect man.

[B]

Okay, so I've been with my boyfriend for a year, and ever since we've been together, we have thought that we would be married. He is an exceptional man. He is completely devoted to me.

[A]

He.

[B]

He treats me like a princess. He's always there for me. We very rarely ever fight. He's just the greatest guy. I mean, he's everything that I've ever looked for in a man. And we've never gotten to an argument until the holidays. And the issue was that he was spending too much time with his mother. So all of these feelings kind of came out of the woodwork over the holidays.

[A]

All right, what was the. When he was spending time with his mom. Tell us. What were some of the things he did to lead up to it? And then what was the straw that broke the camel's back?

[B]

Okay. Well, I guess, for starters, she calls him at least once a day. And I have counted. One time, she called him over five times in one day, and he had his phone off for half the day, so that's pretty bad.

[D]

But she was, like, kind of frantic that she couldn't get in touch with him.

[B]

No, it wasn't frantic.

[A]

She calls him and talks to him, and they end the conversation, and then an hour later calls him again, has another conversation with him.

[C]

Now, before we continue, how old is he?

[B]

He is in his mid-30s.

[C]

Okay, great. All right.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Continue.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So in addition to her calling on a regular basis, he sees her at least once a week. Sometimes he sees her two or three times a week for dinner, or he'll go and stop by their house and say hi. She lives pretty near where we live, so he'll stop by and see her. We were out to dinner one time, and she made this comment that a girl is your best friend. If you have a girl that she's your best friend for your whole life, and if you have a son, he's only yours until she takes a wife. And she kind of looked at me and said, well, don't you agree? Don't you think that's true? And he was kind of like, mom, what are you talking about? That's ridiculous. But she has this dead set opinion that I'm going to steal her only son away.

[D]

You're gonna take him away? Yeah. I can understand why a mom would feel that way. I mean, you know, I don't want to completely take her side on this, but it is, it is true. When a guy gets married, he ends up sort of, you know, doing more of what she, you know, the wife wants as far as family and as.

[C]

He should, though holidays and all that sort of thing, grow up. And I mean, I know it's gotta be tough for a parent, but he's in his mid-30s. Like, children are supposed to get up, grow up, have families of their own, and parents are supposed to, like, be happy. Like, okay, you know, my responsibility's done. I get to kind of live a second phase of my life and do my own thing again. Because parents have spent so much time doing that. So I think the hanger on parent is doing such a disservice to their child.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Have you. Did you say that you walked over to her house or that she lives that close? Did I hear that or.

[B]

No, she doesn't.

[A]

Okay. How far away does she live from you guys?

[B]

She lives about 30 minutes away.

[A]

And how did it come up that she wanted to have a sleepover?

[B]

She works. She works close to where we live.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so she made a comment that she had to work early in the morning. And it was like 10 o' clock when she came over and she said, you know, I didn't realize you guys lived so close to my work. And we were like, what are you talking about? You've been here a million times. She's like, well, maybe I should just spend the night over here. Maybe I should have packed my stuff to spend the night. And I kind of looked at her and laughed and said, yeah, maybe you should just bring your stuff and we can all have a sleepover. That'd be so much fun. I mean, it's gotten to the point where I know what she's doing and she knows that I know what she's doing. And he's kind of caught in the middle of it.

[A]

Aj, you're on with Veronica.

[C]

To him.

[A]

AJ you there? Hold on one second. I think I got to revisit.

[C]

Well, let me ask you a question while we get the color on. When she packed the bag, was it just for that night or was she saying she wanted to do it consistently?

[B]

She said that?

[C]

Don't say anything.

[A]

All right, go ahead. Sorry. Are you there? This is gonna be a problem because we can't have two people on at the same time. Do you know why?

[D]

With the voices geyser situation?

[A]

Yeah, hold on. Okay, Veronica, because we want to get this up. We have a lot of people calling in to give you. To give you advice. So is she on the bottom row? Yeah, she's on the bottom row. Yep.

[C]

Jen, do you really think you have.

[A]

To put her on the top row? Do you think she's on the top.

[C]

The situation is really bad. I mean, everything that she said, I don't think sounds that extreme. Like, I don't yet.

[D]

I just want to. I want to hear more from her about her relationship with the mom and their conversations when he's not around.

[C]

Because the one phone call a day to your mom, so what? I mean, once or twice a week for dinner. So what? I think that's sweet.

[B]

Well, that was something that I was initially attracted to him about. I really loved the fact that he was so close to his mother. But when you get deeper into the history of her life and her issues with her husband and this and that, she uses him as a security blanket. And she. I talked to his sister about this and she even warned me about his mother because he's so clingy and I'm the first girlfriend that she's ever mad of heads. And keep in mind, he's in his mid-30s, so for him to keep every woman away until me, I think that speaks volume.

[A]

Hey, aj. Aj. Hello. Hello. Let's try. Hey, Susan.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Hi. You have some advice for Veronica?

[E]

Hey, Veronica. I feel like you married my husband's brother. Are you married to him or are you just dating him right now? Yeah, I'm married and I live with my in laws and I've been married five months. And my mother in law is exactly like that. And I feel very terrible for you, but, honey, you're just gonna have to put up with it. They don't go away. They really, really don't. And over time, I swear to you, it gets better. My mother in law cried because I was taking my husband on a one night stay at Lenox and breakfast, and she cried when we were leaving. And I couldn't understand why she's like, why do you guys have to spend.

[F]

But why?

[E]

And I'm like, I'm sorry, we have plans. We're going. Have a nice day.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Bye.

[E]

She'll call in the middle of the night just in case we don't pick up the phone. She would come knocking on our door at three in the morning asking if everything's okay, if our lights are on. I mean, it's sad and it's scary. We have no privacy. But be glad at least you got to live with them, you know? You can't take a boy away from his mom. You cannot do that because then you'll lose him and you don't want to do that.

[A]

Well, there you go, Veronica. There's some optimism for you.

[C]

Well, I'm also curious about the attitude of the girlfriend. I mean, because I do think overbearing parents are, like I said, doing a disservice to the kid. But there is a responsibility when you are the girlfriend of a mama's boy that if you really want to be with him, the mother's not going anywhere. He's already shown you his relationship with his mother. Like you said, that's one of the things that attracted you to him. But, you know, like Jen said, it's got to be hard for the mother to let him go. So why is it so difficult for you maybe to one on one, do something with her so that she feels like, you know, I'm going to be your daughter in law. You're adding a family member. You're not losing a family member, and y' all become a little closer. Because I think mothers get really threatened if their children all of a sudden decide not to be involved in their lives. And I think a parent becomes more comfortable the more you're around them and let them know everything's okay. It's just we're evolving, you know?

[B]

Yeah, I think that's good advice. So you think that I should maybe do something one on one with her.

[C]

Or just kind of like a. Yeah, throw up a white flag. Like, you know, bury the hatch and say, look, you know what, I want to get to know you as a woman. And I think that she would treat you better.

[A]

Hey, Joanna.

[B]

Yes?

[A]

All right, go ahead. You're on with Veronica.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

I live with my mother in law and. Okay, you can try that, what they just said to, you know, have conversation with her and be friends with her. But if that don't work and she still does what she does, because my mother in law, we do not get along. And you need to Run because your husband is never going to choose you over your over his mother. It's always if he's not putting his foot down now or if you have a problem and he's not like you like talk to your, the boyfriend or whatever and he's not, you know, agreeing with you, it's never going to stop. So you would need to run because right now I'm in a marriage and I. Oh my God.

[A]

What are some of the things, hey Joanna, what are some of the things that your mother in law does?

[F]

Oh my God. Well, first of all, my problem is my mother in law is from Jamaica. She came and lived with us like we had got married March 2006. She came and lived with us from in October and she's been with us since then. March, I mean October 26, 2006. And she's just overbearing. She just has been our business. She won't let us live our lives. It's like that's her son. She's trying to take over my house. She's trying to take over my child. She's just everything just take a breath.

[A]

Joanna needs to take up drinking.

[C]

Well, and I think that, I mean that's that mother in law's fault for even considering moving in with this company.

[D]

You know sometimes, you know how like in a pack of dogs there has to be like the alpha dog.

[A]

Alpha dog.

[D]

Like sometimes in a household there's alpha, you know, alpha males or alpha females or whatever and it just doesn't work if there's two people trying to be that way. And the last two callers lived with their mother in laws.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. That's too close for comfort.

[C]

That's a bad idea all around.

[A]

Hey Katie.

[F]

Hey.

[A]

Give Veronica a little bit of hope.

[F]

I just wanted to tell her that my husband is very much so a mama's boy and I absolutely love it. He goes and sees his mom probably once or twice a week. Just like she said, everything's the same. She calls him all the time. But I love it because most of the time she's calling to check on our daughter that we just had. We have a five month old daughter now and she's so involved in her life and I just wanted to tell her that that's not a bad thing. It's an awesome thing because family is huge and I just don't think she should push her out of her life.

[B]

I've never wanted to push her out of his life. And that's, I mean that's the last thing that I do. I Just don't respect the fact that she probed into our lives and she asked him if we sleep together. I'm like, we live together. Why do you ask? She asked very nosy, probing questions.

[A]

She just wants to know where she'll be staying when she sleeps over at the apartment, if it'll be with the two of you or if it'll just be in bed with him. Hey, Kimberly.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

You're on with Veronica.

[F]

I mean, really, really? Is this even an issue? Like, sweetheart, you should be lucky that he's not cheating on you or going out every night with his friends, getting wasted, doing God knows what or doing drugs. Like, this is a blessing. And I'm not trying to be hard on you or anything like that, but, you know, like, look at it optimistically. And I know that there are things that go along with this that are bad, but he could be doing so many other things that would be driving you up the wall.

[B]

This is the last thing you need to be worried about.

[A]

See what you should have done, Veronica, right before this guy. Or maybe you take a break from him and you date like a meth head manslut and, you know, and you get used to somebody who's going out doing who knows what and sleeping around on you. And then when you come back to this guy with his mom, you'll think.

[D]

He'S great and fighter for sleepovers all the time.

[A]

Yeah. When in doubt, move the bar.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

Well, yeah, I think it goes back to what Jen said. As long as there's not a power struggle going on, you can get along. You can't think you're taking over her position or you're competing with her. That is his mother. That's his mother. And you will be a mother someday. And you will be just as close to your kids. Because a lot of times the women that get into these situations with the mama's boy ends up being the one that mothers their boys, too. So you got to stop the cycle. Become friends with her.

[D]

And I think you do have to become friends with her. I think Melissa's right. I think spending some time with her, one on one, will make her realize you're not trying to steal him away from her.

[C]

Right?

[D]

Yeah, he's some sort of possession.

[A]

Good luck. Good luck, Veronica.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You're welcome. And thanks for being such a fan of the show. I hope we gave you some middle of the road advice.

[B]

You guys good?

[A]

All right. Good. Good luck.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Good luck. Give his best. Give our best to his mom. When you go downstairs and find her on the couch. Thanks, Veronica.

[B]

Thanks, guys.

[A]

The Birch Show.