Vault: She realized she has jealousy issues

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Vault: She realized she has jealousy issues"

Date: August 4, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, a member of The Bert Show team (Jen) opens up about her unexpected struggle with jealousy in her relationship. This sparks a candid group discussion about jealousy, boundaries with opposite-sex friendships, insecurities, and personal growth within relationships. Listeners and callers also weigh in, sharing their perspectives and experiences.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jen’s Realization and Internal Struggle (00:57 – 02:07)

• Jen unexpectedly finds herself battling jealousy despite being in a secure, loving relationship.
  • Her boyfriend works with and befriends many women, which she states is new for her.
  • She acknowledges there’s "zero reason to be jealous" but admits to “pangs of jealousy” she tries to suppress.
  • Quote:

    "I have zero reason to be jealous, but I just have this jealous streak... It's stirred up these emotions of jealousy for me." (Jen, 00:57)

• She notes the contrast: most of her close friends are women, so the dynamic is unfamiliar.

2. Bert’s Personal Story: Jealousy and Opposite-Sex Friendships (02:07 – 04:56)

• Bert relates, sharing his own past feelings of jealousy over his wife Stacy's new male friend.
  • He admits that the friend’s good looks intensified his feelings.
  • Quote:

    "If it wasn't a good looking guy, I don't know that I would have been as jealous about it." (Bert, 03:36)

• Bert says he struggled most because the friendship developed after marriage, forcing them to renegotiate boundaries and expectations.
  • He recognized his resistance, even when Stacy and her friend tried to include him.
  • Quote:

    "Here we are 13 years married and we're still learning what's new real estate and what's not." (Bert, 04:32)

3. Distinctions: Old vs. New Friendships (04:56 – 07:49)

• The group explores whether friendships formed before the relationship are less threatening than those formed after.
  • Consensus emerges that long-standing friendships are less likely to be problematic.
  • Melissa observes:

    "If anything was going to happen between him and any of these women, it would have already happened." (Melissa, 05:22)

• Jen articulates the physicality of jealousy:

  "It's almost like shoots like pain, like through your stomach... like a physical reaction." (Jen, 04:56)

4. Boundaries and Perspectives on Cross-Gender Friendships (06:23 – 07:49)

• Maria (caller) shares her belief that opposite-sex friendships rarely stay platonic, based on her life experiences.
  • Quote:

    "Every male guy that I thought was just a friend would either end up falling in love or want to take it to the next step..." (Maria, 06:24)

• Another female caller proposes a middle ground: opposite-sex friendships can work, provided there is transparency and inclusion.

  > "I think it's important that he introduce you to all of his girlfriends so that you don't feel insecure, so that you are brought into the group." (Unidentified Female Caller, 07:09)
  

5. Trust, Insecurity, and Self-Reflection (07:49 – 09:52)

• Bert identifies insecurity as a driver, wondering if other friends provide something the partner lacks.
  • Quote:

    "It almost felt to me like he was providing something for her that I wasn't." (Bert, 07:50)

• The group considers the realities of growing with your partner, and having to confront discomfort or change ingrained beliefs.
  • Jen expresses acceptance of longstanding relationships but concern about new ones:

    "I don't know that I'd be comfortable with a new friendship, especially somebody that he would wanna, like, talk to a lot..." (Jen, 09:13)

  • Melissa notes new “exclusive” friendships as a red flag.

6. Audience Perspectives: The “Impossible” Debate (09:54 – 10:48)

• Maria (second caller) doubles down on the belief that opposite-sex friendships are “virtually impossible” to keep platonic due to underlying tension.
  • Quote:

    "There will always be an underlying tension, no matter what, but it is virtually impossible." (Maria, 09:54)

  • She advises Jen to "embrace those feelings" and communicate them to her boyfriend.

7. Wrapping Up: Growth and Ongoing Struggle (10:52 – 11:17)

• Jen reiterates her lack of genuine threat but ongoing feelings.
  • Bert realizes he isn’t as at peace as he thought:

    "Yeah, I guess I just buried it for a while. I didn't realize that it was not nearly as good of this relationship." (Bert, 11:01)

• The tone ends with friendly banter and a callback to Bert’s earlier story.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It’s like almost a physical reaction that I have to suppress and be like, okay.” (Jen, 04:56)
• “Here we are 13 years married and we’re still learning.” (Bert, 04:32)
• “Anybody that he forms a friendship with now should be with the both of you guys.” (Bert, 09:03)
• “If anything was going to happen between him and any of these women, it would have already happened.” (Melissa, 05:22)
• On transparency: “He introduce you to all of his girlfriends so that you don’t feel insecure, so that you are brought into the group.” (Unidentified Female Caller, 07:09)
• "It is virtually impossible for men and women to be friends..." (Maria, 09:54)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:57 – Jen shares the origin of her jealousy
• 02:07 – Bert relates his own experience; challenges to opposite-sex friendships
• 04:32 – Reflection on marital growth and changing boundaries
• 05:22 – Melissa reassures Jen
• 07:09 – Female caller: Importance of inclusion and transparency
• 09:03 – Bert outlines couple-focused friendships
• 09:54 – Maria's strong stance against platonic cross-gender friendships
• 11:01 – Bert’s self-awareness about ongoing discomfort

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Overall Tone & Atmosphere

Casual, honest, and empathetic. The conversation is full of mutual support, relatable confessions, and listener involvement, keeping to a humorous and authentic style even when navigating sensitive relationship topics.

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Summary:
This episode is a frank, entertaining exploration of jealousy in relationships, the evolving meaning of friendship and boundaries, and the ways couples continuously learn about (and from) each other. For anyone grappling with similar feelings, it offers validation, practical insights, and a sense of community.

Transcript

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[Jen]

Wayfair every the Bird show so I have this sort of odd jealous streak that I'm discovering in myself that I didn't realize that I had. And it's because it came up a couple of weeks ago and I think it's really because my boyfriend and I have been together about maybe six months now and things are going really great and I have zero reason to be jealous, but I just have this jealous streak and I think it's because I'm trying to figure out where it comes from. And I think it's because he works with a lot of women and like constantly a lot of women, like always around him all the time. And I think because of that some of his closest friends are women. And I don't know why, but it's like stirred up these emotions of jealousy for me. And I know there's no reason to be jealous, but I guess because most of my best friends are women and I don't have a ton of best guy friends. I don't know, it's just a difference for me and I'm like struggling with it because I know there's no reason to be jealous, but I find these pangs of jealousy that I'm having to squash in myself and just be quiet about.

[Bert]

I've got two things to add here. First of all, the dude that she's going out with is like the most solid guy ever. He's perfect, but he's also a very good looking dude, so I could certainly understand like, and he works in a field that's dominated by women, so I can understand that, especially in the beginning of a relationship. How you'd have those jealous feelings.

[Jen]

Yeah. And I think, like, I don't know, when I go and hang out and have like, you know, drinks with a friend or, you know, dinner with a friend or whatever to just like, catch up and he'll do the same thing, but his is with his women friends. And so I don't know why I have. I think it was a couple of weeks ago that it came up because it was like a few different nights in a row that he was like, catching up with this friend or that friend or whatever. And I was like, all right, well, don't be mad about it. You know, just trying to squash those jealousy feelings because I know I have no reason to feel that way. I've just got to figure out a way to get over that.

[Bert]

You know, Stacy and I went for probably months not seeing eye to eye on this through Burt's Big Adventure. We have a new webmaster for Burt's Big Adventure. He runs a studio down in St. Augustine. And they were working so much together that they had started to become really good friends, like texting each other all the time, on the phone with each other all the time. And I had a very difficult time with it. It doesn't help that he's really good looking. And we really went at it round and round. And I was really jealous about it. And she asked me, if I had this friend before we got married, would it be cool? And my answer was, absolutely, yeah.

[Melissa]

That's what I was just thinking.

[Bert]

Secondly, there was some superficial part of it also. It's a good looking dude. If it wasn't a good looking guy, I don't know that I would have been as jealous about it. But I really was pretty jealous about the relationship they were having. And I really felt like that's the beginning step to me of something that could have been much, much worse.

[Jen]

Like a slippery slope to something else.

[Bert]

And I'm still not a hundred percent comfortable with it. I gotta tell you, I was gonna

[Jen]

ask how you guys resolved it. You just consistently talk about it.

[Bert]

Well, they were sort of inviting me into their group and I was resistant to it. And she basically and said to me, this guy's not going anywhere. We're just friends. I'm allowed to have guy friends just the same way you're allowed to have girlfriends. Problem is, I've never even had the thought. Excuse me, Never had the thought of starting a friendship with a girl outside of my marriage. I just. I didn't. I thought that was off limits ground for us. Look, Here we are 13 years married and we're still learning.

[Katie]

Right.

[Bert]

What's new real estate and what's not.

[Jen]

Right.

[Bert]

That just in my head was never even an option. We had never talked about it. So she started this relationship with this guy and we had to redefine if that's cool or not. And at the end of the day, they did bring me in and I was more open to it. And I actually, I really dig this guy a lot. I really dig him. But I would not say that I'm 100%, totally and completely comfortable with that relationship, even today.

[Jen]

Because they became friends afterwards. Yeah, because all of Grant's friends are friends that he had long before. I mean, they've been friends a long time. And I know that it's non threatening, but I just feel these pangs. It's almost like shoots like pain, like through your stomach when it hits you. You know what I'm saying? It's like almost like a physical reaction that I have to like kind of suppress and be like, okay, usually not that way.

[Maria]

No.

[Jen]

It's weird because you've all.

[Melissa]

Because in the time that we've been on the show, I've heard you give advice to other people about that and. But I could see. Cause it's new because I could see where you're getting into that routine. But I think especially with your boyfriend and his friends, I mean, if anything was going to happen between him and any of these women, it would have already happened.

[Jen]

It would have already happened. Exactly. And I would have known about it. So there's.

[Commercial Narrator]

It's.

[Jen]

I'm suppressing it and I haven't really. I haven't talked to him about it at all because it's illogical.

[Bert]

Well, I still think, you know, for me, I still think at the end of the day that it's still ground that I don't want to walk on. I don't want to have relationships with women that are outside of my relationship with Stacy. Either you accept us as a couple or you don't. Which they were trying to do. The problem here is that I wasn't accepting it. I was resisting it. No, I don't want to be around the guy. I don't trust this relationship. But once I gave into it, turned out to be an awesome guy. He spent the night at our house this weekend, right in his own bed, I think. Do you really remember Saturday night? Anything could have happened. I don't know. Hey, Maria, Good morning. You're on the Burt Show. Hi.

[Maria]

Good morning.

[Katie]

I agree with you, Bert. I completely do not believe in opposite sex friendship. Just from my experience and other friends, every male guy that I thought was just a friend would either end up falling in love or want to take it to the next step or even with my husband, his previous friends, like they either either did something or I just feel like if you don't step that if you don't go ahead and get started on that line, if you just prevent it, it cannot accumulate to anything else. Especially nowadays, most women nor men don't really have that much respect for each other. So it is really difficult to me nowadays. So you just have to have that boundary where. Or that, you know, agreement within each other and just go from there.

[Unidentified Female Caller]

Well, I think you can have a opposite sex relationship and it be a friendship because I had a best guy friend. But I think it's important that he introduce you to all of his girlfriends so that you don't feel insecure, so that you are brought into the group. I think that's a big factor in it.

[Bert]

I think you're really talking about two different things. You're talking about friendships that were forged before you got into your relationship and friendships that start afterwards.

[Jen]

Start afterwards? Yeah. Because it does seem like, like Melissa said, like, if anything was going to happen before, it would have happened before anyway.

[Bert]

Ye.

[Jen]

And you wouldn't be in the relationship with them because they'd be in the relationship with the friend, you know. But I think, yeah, I think it's like after you're in a relationship, it's either like same sex, new friends or couple friends.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Bert]

It almost felt to me like he was providing something for he. She was getting something out of that relationship with him that I wasn't providing. Also, like, why do you need to call him on the phone?

[Jen]

And that's scary.

[Bert]

And I didn't like that at all. I still don't like that very much. Yeah. So I guess what I'm saying as I'm talking it out, I'm really, I'm still not very okay with this relationship. I really am not.

[Melissa]

Bert's gonna throw something or we're gonna call Stacy on the phone.

[Bert]

I thought I was at peace with it, but I. I just now realized I'm not at peace with it. Hey, Tony, good morning. You're on the Bird show.

[Tony]

Hey, good morning, guys.

[Bert]

What's happening, man?

[Tony]

Hey. I was just gonna say that, you know, when you got the other girls see this guy with Jim, who's a very attractive woman, you know, they're gonna start awakening themselves to, you know, like, hey, I Want this guy now for myself.

[Jen]

Oh, you think that. That it'll make it worse?

[Tony]

It's possible.

[Jen]

Hmm.

[Tony]

And men are dogs. We're animals.

[Jen]

You know, I have to say that I think. I think he's an exception. I don't think he's a dog.

[Melissa]

Well, but the thing is, what is the advice, though? You're telling Jen? I mean, I know he's off the phone now, but, like, what are you telling Jen that she's gonna tell her her boyfriend now? You can't have any female friends.

[Jen]

Like, I'm not gonna do that.

[Bert]

No, but any. Anybody that he forms a friendship with now should be with the both of you guys. Or he can have those relationships, too.

[Jen]

I don't know that I'd be comfortable with a new friendship, especially somebody that he would wanna, like, talk to a lot that wasn't a friend before. But I mean, he has great friends that I've met that they were friends before. Some of the women are married, you know, all that stuff. That's all good. Cause they were friends for a long time. But I think anybody new that he was talking to or spending that much time with, I would have a real issue.

[Melissa]

I would too. And it's a huge red flag to me if there's anybody that wants to just be my friend or just be Katie's friend. You know, if it's a. Well, in my case, it's female friends, and if it's. Especially if it's a lesbian who just wants to be friends with one of us, then that is a huge red flag.

[Jen]

Yes, totally.

[Bert]

One more call here. Good morning, Burchell.

[Maria]

Hey, guys. I was calling because I wanted to let Jen know that it is virtually impossible for men and women to be friends and maintain kind of level, like the other caller said, of respect. I agree with Bert 100%. There is no way. I was married before and my husband's business partner, slash friend, totally woman, all that. She. She was cute, had a nice shape, and it just does not work out. Even with male friends that I have. There will always be an underlying tension, no matter what, but it is virtually impossible. I agree with Jen. If you have feelings there, embrace those feelings. He needs to respect those feelings. And you just let him know, like, you know, is there any way that we can sit down and talk about this? Because the feelings that you have now, you're going to have a year from now.

[Bert]

You're going to have two years from

[Maria]

now, you're going to have five years from now. So embrace those feelings, honey. They are there for a reason.

[Bert]

I mean, but you can't change the relationship he currently had before he got in it with you.

[Jen]

I don't think so. And I'm not. I feel pangs of jealousy, but I don't feel threatened by those at all, you know? What about you, Bert? Are you okay?

[Bert]

Yeah, I guess I just buried it for a while. I didn't realize that it was not nearly as good of this relationship. If you need a guy friend, I've got a guy in St. Augustine that I will hook you up with this week to get out of my house.

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