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Radio Host
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Radio Host
Refreshers contain caffeine. Hey, the bird show the caller, Emily who is joining us right now. Good morning, Emily. I'm the voice disguiser by the way. How are you?
Caller Carl
Good, how are you doing?
Caller Emily
Good.
Radio Host
Emily. Got a more serious butt dial.
Caller Jeff
Okay.
Caller Carl
My cousin who's 17 accidentally called me about 10 o' clock one night and in the background you hear him talking about marijuana and rolling up some weed and, and being out of joints or something. I don't know what they were out though. But anyways, I was just wondering if I could. Should call her out on it or not.
Caller Jeff
Well, who in the phone conversation does it sound like she's talking to? Is it like a friend or.
Caller Carl
Well, yeah, there's a. There's another guy in the background I didn't recognize and There was my 14 year old cousin.
Caller Jeff
Oh, so she's discussing.
Caller Melissa
She did it in front of the 14 year old.
Caller Carl
Yeah, yeah, they were all there.
Radio Host
Was the 14 year old participating?
Caller Carl
That I'm not sure of. I'm knowing him probably.
Caller Jeff
Were they actually smoking or were they just talking about it and maybe a friend's doing it?
Caller Carl
That I don't know because it went after, after that, after a couple minutes of them talking about rolling it up, it went blank. I guess I don't know if they left the room because she obviously had her phone on the counter.
Caller Melissa
Yeah, I would definitely talk to her but I would tell you I would take her aside one on one.
Caller Carl
Right? Yeah. I didn't want to like call like confronted but you know, like acting like I'm trying to be hard, you know, But I mean I don't have any.
Caller Melissa
There's no re. I. Yeah. Being adult she's still a kid. So I mean, I don't think you're being hard on talking to her about being in front of a 14 year old talking about marijuana.
Caller Carl
Right.
Radio Host
You know, now who approaches her though? Does she.
Caller Melissa
Yes.
Radio Host
Go or does she go or does she go to mom?
Caller Melissa
No, she gets by herself.
Caller Carl
I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that.
Caller Melissa
No, you go to the teenager and you talk one on one. Look, I got, you know, we gotta talk for a second.
Caller Jeff
We're the 14 year old.
Radio Host
Okay, so, and how old are you?
Caller Carl
27.
Radio Host
So you're 27. So the 27 year old cousin, right? Yeah, 27 year old cousin goes to talk to the 14 year old, doesn't bring mom into it.
Caller Melissa
No, no, talk to the 17 year old.
Radio Host
Okay. Calls to talk to the 17 year old, doesn't bring mom into it a year from now. This is a bigger problem. The 27 year old's known about it and never told mom.
Caller Jeff
Well, she needs to figure out the problem first before even talking to mom because who knows what they were discussing or if they were even doing anything or if they're talking about a friend.
Caller Melissa
And I got to be honest with you, I think it'll be more effective for that 17 year old if the 27 year old cousin says, look, I got to put you aside and you've got to straighten this up more so than the mom or kind of, you
Caller Carl
know, say if you don't quit then it's going to become an issue with the parents or.
Radio Host
And how, but how are you going to know if they quit? See, I think I'm on the other side of this. I think you as the older cousin, I think you have to go to the parents, I think you can go to the kid first and go, look, this is what you did and this is what I just want to let you know.
Caller Carl
Yeah, the problem with that is, I mean their dad's not there and their mom works at night and I mean it's not real been much of a parent to them. So you know, I don't know how that would.
Caller Melissa
See, that's right, that's where I'm coming from, is that I feel like if something is. Because that's kind of extreme, then that's a reaction to something going on. So that's why I say she goes to 17 year old and try to, you know, because I think if I was 17 and my 27 year old cousin came to me because I had busted myself by butt dialing and then I'm embarrassed by it. I mean, she's, of course not your responsibility, but she's a family member. You take her side and then, I mean, I'm not opposed to her you saying, look, and I'm gonna have to go to your mom with this if you don't, if you don't stop this right now. But my biggest concern, more so than the 17 year old is the 14 year old, you know, is just saying you can, I mean, how, how can she bring the 14 year old into this?
Caller Carl
Right.
Radio Host
Do you do any.
Caller Jeff
Go ahead, I said, and it could be a whole lot of legal trouble because if they're in a household that is growing it, if you said that they're growing it or they're doing it
Caller Carl
in a house, I don't think that's smart.
Caller Jeff
That could be. I mean, they could get busted for that in the wrong place at the
Caller Carl
wrong time, or they could just get busted at the house and then get
Caller Lisa
her mom arrested or.
Caller Carl
Right.
Caller Melissa
Yeah.
Radio Host
See my kids. Do you have, do you, do you do anything else that's parenting wise with them? Like you said, the mom works nights or whatever. Like, do they ever come to you for rides to places or anything like that?
Caller Carl
No, she's got her own car. You know, she knows that she can talk to me if she needs to. It's not saying that she has before, but, you know, I hang out with her and try to be, try to be there when they need it, but they're very, the past year really kind of changed. You know, they used to be real outgoing and want to hang out. Now they like don't ever call you back or don't want to see anybody and just kind of act real strange. I don't know. I don't know what's going on with them.
Radio Host
Hold on. Get some advice from you from Richard Listener. Lisa. Hey, Lisa.
Caller Melissa
Lisa.
Radio Host
Hey, how are you?
Caller Lisa
Yes, hello.
Radio Host
Somebody is not happy with you being on the phone with Q100 right now. I'm sorry, I just heard a baby screaming in the background or something. How are you?
Caller Lisa
Oh, yes, I'm fine.
Caller Emily
That's my two year old.
Caller Melissa
What's going on?
Caller Lisa
Yes, I just had some advice for the caller.
Radio Host
Sure, go ahead.
Caller Lisa
I went through this with my brother who is 17 years younger than I am. I'm 35. And he had a friend that was into some really bad stuff and I had to go to my parents and he did not speak to me for a while.
Caller Melissa
Did you go to him first, though?
Caller Lisa
He actually was the one who told me about the problem. And no, I didn't go to him because I thought it was my responsibility as, because the way he spoke about it, he was speaking about it as sort of, it was sort of, the guy was a drug dealer and he was sort of almost bragging about how the guy was getting away with this at school and how, oh, you know, authority, you know, the authority figures in
Caller Emily
his life were all spirit mode and.
Caller Carl
Right.
Caller Lisa
I just knew that, you know, his attitude was sort of.
Caller Melissa
What's the word I'm trying to say?
Caller Emily
His attitude. He was sort of romanticizing.
Caller Melissa
Yeah, well, I mean, I, I see. My point about going to a 17 year old is, is one year away from what you, from what a lot of people consider an adult, legally an adult. Correct. And so that's what I'm saying is like, you know, you can't treat them like they're ten at one moment and then say, you got to be out on your own. That's why I say you go to the 17 year old and you say, I'm giving you the opportunity first to straighten this out. But if you, you know, and then check and then you got to still be involved in her life and then check back in and, and, and then say, or I'm going to your mom. Your mom has to know about this. If you don't straighten this up because you're exposing the 14 year old to it. And that's absolutely wrong. A 17 year old still is a 17 year old and they need, they need an adult, you know, to come in and talk to them. But if you just leave them on their own, I don't know, I just feel like she might listen to you more so than a mom coming home and, you know, punishing her immediately.
Radio Host
Hey, Mary, welcome to the bird show.
Caller Lisa
Hi. A friend of mine actually does this. Go to the drugstore, get some urine test and tell both the 14 year old and the 17 year old that they have to do a urine test. And if they refuse it, then you'll go straight to mom and then tell them that randomly you'll come along and do another urine test and anytime they test positive, you're going to mom.
Caller Melissa
Well, I mean, seriously, you know, to me, I don't think it's harsh. I think, I think if you go to the 17 year old, say, you have a chance to stop this, then the urine test is the second conversation you have. Then you go to mom.
Caller Jeff
That would be, that would have to be the second conversation, not the first.
Caller Emily
Because the reality is if they get
Caller Lisa
busted with this by school, by police officers, by other parents. They're not going to get 1, 2, 3 chances they get 1.
Caller Melissa
When also the 14 year old shouldn't be smoking pot. So you don't even know if the 14 smoking pot or not?
Caller Lisa
Well, legally the 17 year old urine test to find out, the 17 year
Radio Host
old shouldn't be either.
Caller Melissa
Well, legally the 40 year old shouldn't.
Radio Host
Right, but I'm saying like you can't, I feel like you're making it. The 14 year old is the big problem here. The reality is the 17 year old is still a minor, still living at the parent's house, gets busted for it, the mom is the one mom can get in trouble. Well, it should be the same with alcohol and legally. I almost wonder if. Well, it is the same with alcohol. If you're under 21 and your parents care and you get in trouble, the adult gets in trouble.
Caller Melissa
But I don't think our attitude toward it would be the same if a 17 year old got busted with beer. Then we wouldn't be like, well, go straight to the mom with this. You know, we say no, just tell them you don't have to.
Radio Host
Just no. I think I would because my thing is from a legal point of view, just a basic legal point of view, the mom is still responsible for that 17 year old. And I think by this cousin knowing about it and if the cousin handles it without bringing the mom into it, I'm wondering what sort of legal liability she's putting herself under.
Caller Melissa
If she doesn't possess anything, she won't have any legal liability. I just think that unless the. I think I'm trying to be realistic from a teenager standpoint that she comes in as somebody who's older but not a parent and tries to start, you know, start the conversation. But if it doesn't work then go to the parent. I'm just, I think I'm just trying to be realistic from teenagers.
Radio Host
Yeah, realistic. But then I'm just from a purely
Caller Melissa
point of view, you're absolutely right.
Radio Host
If she doesn't say anything to the mom and the 17 year old gets high and burns the house down, say chance of it happening is 1%. But if it does right. Then this woman might have some legal responsibility or at least that's the end of the family. Hey, Taylor, welcome to the show.
Caller Carl
Hey, how are you guys doing?
Radio Host
Oh, good. Hold on, I'll get you off the voice of sketch. Okay, Go ahead, Taylor.
Caller Lisa
Okay.
Caller Emily
I feel I'm a younger cousin and I'm an older cousin and I have to Say, I feel that the cousin should just speak with the teenager, the 17 year old, only because even if she goes to the mother, who's to
Caller Lisa
say is going to be able to
Caller Emily
do anything, the mother works nights, so she's not going to be able to monitor her child as if she were to work days, you know what I'm saying? So I mean the can still take her younger cousin of confidence and be like, look, this isn't right, you're a bad influence on your younger brother, da da, da, da. But as a younger cousin, I feel I respect my older cousin for coming to me like an adult and being like, look, we need to cut to the chase. This is what it's going to be, you know what I'm saying? At least give her the opportunity to show herself as an adult, show herself as a role model. And then if she decides like, oh, well, then that's when you take it to another level, but still give that person the opportunity to be the adult that she's about to become. You can't always run to mom. What's gonna happen when she does turn 18? I mean, her mom could sit here and say what? Oh, okay, stop smoking.
Caller Lisa
But who's to say she's gonna stop?
Caller Emily
And yeah, the mom doesn't. I mean, I had a juvenile record. My mom was, I mean my mom wasn't liable for if I screwed up. I went to juvenile hall, not my mom. You know what I'm saying?
Caller Lisa
So she gets caught with pot, she's
Caller Emily
gonna be the one to go to jail, not her mom.
Caller Jeff
Right. And it seems like your cousin needs the guidance too. Especially if mom's not around during the day. She could probably use somebody to talk to and probably, I mean she's getting into recreational activities because there is nobody there. So maybe if you step in and just have that time to talk to her, even during the week, like once a week. I mean, this might not go on either.
Caller Carl
Yeah, I figured she'd been more honest with me than if I went to her mom.
Caller Jeff
Absolutely.
Caller Melissa
You know, I think it's end up going to be both. But I, you know, my suggestion is to talk to her first and let her know what happened. And then she got busted.
Radio Host
Hey, Casey, you'll be the last phone call we take. Go ahead, Casey.
Caller Lisa
Yeah, I just want to say I have, I'm, I'm a parent of a 17 year old and I was a single mom for many, many, many years. And he does smoke pot. She does. She doesn't need to. She needs to. She needs to Give the parent the benefit of the doubt. This. This is a lot more serious than what you guys are giving it credit for. You're saying that the caller said that the nephew was withdrawn and not acting the same. Those are symptoms of smoking pot. Who's to say when you go and talk to her, if you don't hang out with her on a regular basis, she is not going to be honest with you guys. She is going to lie and she is going to keep doing it.
Caller Melissa
But what about the symptom of the fact that she has no parents around? So by going to the parents, that doesn't change her home situation. But by being.
Caller Carl
Well, you're talking about parents.
Caller Lisa
Yeah, she's not around, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care and she's not doing the best she can. You need to give her the heads up that, hey, maybe she doesn't have a clue. She. Maybe she didn't smoke her and she doesn't know to look for things if she's there, even during the day. Or she can look out if the kids are skipping school or if they're, you know, not getting good grades. You need to. You need to talk to both of them. I don't think you should just talk to the kid. The kid is gonna lie, especially if they want to do drugs.
Caller Melissa
I don't think she's gonna lie to the cousin. I think she'll lie to the mama.
Caller Jeff
Yeah, she can't lie. Well, it's on voicemail. She's got it on record. I mean, she's got the entire conversation.
Caller Lisa
She can lie and say, oh, yeah, we tried it and we didn't like it. No, I won't do it anymore. I ever expected to even try something like that because we've had a lot of experience with it in my family, and he. And he's. He's the biggest advocate for it.
Caller Jeff
Like Melissa's trying to say. Who's to say she's not going to lie to her mom?
Caller Lisa
Right? But her mom is the one who is. Who is accountable for that child. She deserves the chance. I agree with Jeff. She deserves the chance. Whatever. It's her responsibility to let that parent know. And then she can say she can still stay on top of the knees or still do the best she can to be in her life and try to help her. But the parent deserves the right to know as well. She needs to be given the heads up. And if she wants to look for the sign, she can. She's there with him every day. She's the One the school's going to call. She's the one that's going to be there when the kids are failing and she doesn't know why. I think definitely the mom needs to know.
Caller Melissa
And I appreciate that. I do appreciate that from a parent's perspective, you want the parents to know. But I just think let's not all forget what it was like to be a teenager.
Radio Host
Right? But I think, Melissa, you would be the first one if you had a 17 year old who was doing anything shady, whether it was drugs, whether it was sneaking out and using your car, whether it was whatever, doing something while you came in here and do did the morning radio show. Because you'll definitely be doing this in 20 years when you might have a 17 year old.
Caller Melissa
Crap. I mean, yes, of course.
Radio Host
So doing that, you, I couldn't even imagine how infuriated you would be if a cousin or someone else in your life took it upon themselves to handle an issue with your child, a 17 year old, and didn't tell you about it.
Caller Melissa
You're wrong. You're wrong. A 17 year old that's about to graduate high school. If my sister or their cousin came to them and said, you better straighten up before mom finds out, you know what that's being a teenager, I would be mad at the child, but I wouldn't be mad at the family member for trying to intervene in our family.
Radio Host
Right? And if it doesn't help, if it
Caller Melissa
doesn't help, they come to me. That's what I told her to do. I did not tell her not to go to the mom. I told her to go to the mom if the child didn't straighten up. But if you, I mean if his 17 year old screwing up, she's not gonna straighten up in one year. Yeah, she's not.
Radio Host
We have to agree to disagree because I think, number one, I think that
Caller Melissa
running straight to the parent is not gonna cure her of pot.
Radio Host
I don't disagree with that. But I think as a parent, until that kid is 18 and while you're still paying their bills, you are entitled to know. So Emily, entitled, glad to help. You are. You are entitled.
Caller Jeff
Maybe not this parent.
Radio Host
It doesn't, it's not an option. It's not a maybe this parent. Maybe not this parent.
Caller Melissa
Carl, my only advice was to go is to go to the 17 year old first, say, look, you just got busted, honey, and you got to decide what you're going to do. And that's all I said. I didn't say not to go to the parent.
Radio Host
Eventually I Love it when Carl walks in here. Emily, glad to give you some advice. That's 50. 50. As we always do on the show. Carl, please agree with me.
Caller Carl's Relative
I go through this all the time. I got a bunch of nephews and we're going through the same thing. Actually, right now, my advice to you would be is I go to my sister. I tell my sister what's going on, but I tell her, how do you think that she wants me to handle it? So I'll go to my sister, tell her that, you know, your son is doing whatever. What, what do you think the best way I should handle the situation? And so I'll, you know, when I'll bump ideas off of her and, and if it doesn't sound like something that I think will be beneficial because like you said, Melissa, going to the parents, he's not going to stop doing it. Matter of fact, he's like, whatever. So I would go to, I normally go to my sister and ask her how she would think to handle it.
Radio Host
Carl, scale of 1 to 10, how mad would you be if somebody in your family handled something serious with your kids and never told you about it?
Caller Carl's Relative
Oh, I'm pissed, man. I definitely need to know. Let me know and let me be the one to find something.
Caller Melissa
But the parent also needs to take their responsibility for the fact that their teenager's alone and doing pot because they're not there.
Radio Host
Totally agree.
Caller Melissa
So as long as the parent understands one of the reasons your child is the way they are is because of you, then everything's fine.
Radio Host
Doesn't matter if we're all here or half of us are gone. We still get you advice. That's right down the middle. 5050 the first show.
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Radio Host
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McDonald's Advertiser
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Radio Host
McDonald's refreshers contain caffeine.
This episode centers on a family dilemma sparked by an accidental butt-dial that revealed teenagers discussing marijuana. The central question: How should a concerned older cousin respond—confront the teen directly, involve their mother, or both? The Bert Show team opens the phone lines to listeners, facilitating a lively discussion on boundaries, responsibility, and the best way to support young family members when sensitive matters arise.
“I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to do that … But I mean, I don’t have any…”
“A 17-year-old still is a 17-year-old and they need an adult…But if you just leave them on their own, I just feel like she might listen to you more so than a mom coming home and, you know, punishing her immediately.”
“From a legal point of view… the mom is still responsible for that 17-year-old…what sort of legal liability she’s putting herself under.”
“Those are symptoms of smoking pot. Who’s to say when you go and talk to her … she is not going to be honest with you…”
“Let me know and let me be the one to find something.”
Friendly, candid, and at times humorous, but with an undercurrent of empathy and realism. The Bert Show team balances comedic banter with genuine care, fostering a supportive environment for listeners navigating tricky family issues.
The episode offers no single “correct” answer, but emphasizes these key takeaways:
Classic Bert Show: Real people, relatable problems, and advice you’d only get from your own big, complicated, hilarious family.