Vault: She received a butt-dial about marijuana

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show “Vault: She Received a Butt-Dial About Marijuana” (July 1, 2026)

Episode Overview

This episode centers on a family dilemma sparked by an accidental butt-dial that revealed teenagers discussing marijuana. The central question: How should a concerned older cousin respond—confront the teen directly, involve their mother, or both? The Bert Show team opens the phone lines to listeners, facilitating a lively discussion on boundaries, responsibility, and the best way to support young family members when sensitive matters arise.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background of the Situation

• Caller Carl (the cousin, 27): Accidentally received a late-night butt-dial from his 17-year-old cousin. Overheard her and an unidentified male talking about rolling and smoking marijuana, with a 14-year-old sibling also present.
• Core Dilemma: Should Carl confront the 17-year-old directly, tell her mother, or both?

2. Hosts & Callers Debate the Approach

• Private Confrontation vs. Involving Parents:
  • Some panelists (notably Melissa) suggest a direct, private talk with the 17-year-old will be more impactful and preserve trust, especially given the cousinly bond.
  • Others (especially the Radio Host) argue that as the legal guardian, the mother must be informed due to both moral and potential legal responsibility.
• Peer Wisdom:
  • Many note that if the 17-year-old is given a chance to address it herself but doesn’t, then involving the mom is necessary.

3. Concerns Raised

• Exposure of the Younger (14-year-old) Sibling:
  • Immediate concern about the 14-year-old being exposed to (and potentially participating in) marijuana use.
• Lack of Parental Presence:
  • The children's mother works nights and is often absent—some suggest this lack of supervision may be a contributing factor to the teens' behavior (05:16).

4. Legal Ramifications & Risks

• Consequences for Everyone:
  • Discussion about legal risks, including the possible culpability of the parent if minors are caught using drugs at home.
    • “From a legal point of view, the mom is still responsible … I’m wondering what sort of legal liability she’s putting herself under.” – Radio Host (09:42)

5. Listener Call-Ins: Diverse Advice

• Lisa’s Story:
  • Shared her own experience going to her parents when her younger brother was involved with drugs, noting the social fallout but maintaining it was her responsibility (06:10).
• Mary’s Drug Test Suggestion:
  • Proposed administering voluntary urine tests to both teenagers, with refusal or positive results resulting in immediate disclosure to their mom (08:12).
• Casey’s Parental Perspective:
  • Emphasizes the seriousness, arguing that only the parent has the authority and context to address the issue fully; warns that teens will often lie to relatives (13:19).

6. Balancing Trust, Responsibility, and Realism

• Teen Psychology:
  • Melissa underscores the importance of giving the 17-year-old a chance to fix mistakes before escalating to parental involvement, reflecting how teens value agency and respect from older relatives.
    • “A 17-year-old still is a 17-year-old and they need an adult to come in and talk...but if you just leave them on their own, she might listen to you more than a mom coming home and punishing her immediately.” (07:21)
• Long-term View:
  • Several insist that direct intervention may help but is unlikely to fully change behavior without parental awareness and support.

7. Final Consensus (or Lack Thereof)

• Even Split:
  • The show (as is often the case with The Bert Show) finds no one-size-fits-all answer. About half support starting with a private talk, then escalating if necessary. The other half insists the parent should be told immediately.
    • “We still get you advice that’s right down the middle. 50/50.” – Radio Host (17:53)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to do that … But I mean, I don’t have any…”

• Caller Carl expressing discomfort about confronting his cousin directly (02:18)

“A 17-year-old still is a 17-year-old and they need an adult…But if you just leave them on their own, I just feel like she might listen to you more so than a mom coming home and, you know, punishing her immediately.”

• Caller Melissa, advocating for cousin-to-cousin intervention (07:21)

“From a legal point of view… the mom is still responsible for that 17-year-old…what sort of legal liability she’s putting herself under.”

• Radio Host, raising legal concerns (09:42)

“Those are symptoms of smoking pot. Who’s to say when you go and talk to her … she is not going to be honest with you…”

• Caller Casey, voicing skepticism about teen honesty (13:15)

“Let me know and let me be the one to find something.”

• Carl’s relative, emphatic on parental right to know (17:36)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:13 – Caller Carl describes butt-dial and overheard conversation
• 02:52 – Discussion on who should confront the teen, suggestions of private talk
• 05:16 – Caller Carl on his relationship with cousins and absence of parental supervision
• 06:10 – Listener Lisa shares similar experience and outcome
• 08:12 – Listener Mary suggests urine tests as intervention
• 09:42 – Legal responsibilities and risks discussed
• 13:15 – Caller Casey insists on informing the parent, shares experience as a parent
• 16:14 – Disagreement on best path; respecting both teen and parent perspectives
• 17:36 – Carl’s relative stresses looping parents in, even while considering how to approach kids

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Podcast Tone & Style

Friendly, candid, and at times humorous, but with an undercurrent of empathy and realism. The Bert Show team balances comedic banter with genuine care, fostering a supportive environment for listeners navigating tricky family issues.

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Bottom Line for Listeners

The episode offers no single “correct” answer, but emphasizes these key takeaways:

• Older family members should balance trust, respect, and responsibility when helping teens.
• Private, caring conversations may be impactful, but serious issues often require parental involvement.
• Each family’s dynamic is different; err on the side of transparency when stakes are high.

Classic Bert Show: Real people, relatable problems, and advice you’d only get from your own big, complicated, hilarious family.

Transcript

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[Radio Host]

Refreshers contain caffeine. Hey, the bird show the caller, Emily who is joining us right now. Good morning, Emily. I'm the voice disguiser by the way. How are you?

[Caller Carl]

Good, how are you doing?

[Caller Emily]

Good.

[Radio Host]

Emily. Got a more serious butt dial.

[Caller Jeff]

Okay.

[Caller Carl]

My cousin who's 17 accidentally called me about 10 o' clock one night and in the background you hear him talking about marijuana and rolling up some weed and, and being out of joints or something. I don't know what they were out though. But anyways, I was just wondering if I could. Should call her out on it or not.

[Caller Jeff]

Well, who in the phone conversation does it sound like she's talking to? Is it like a friend or.

[Caller Carl]

Well, yeah, there's a. There's another guy in the background I didn't recognize and There was my 14 year old cousin.

[Caller Jeff]

Oh, so she's discussing.

[Caller Melissa]

She did it in front of the 14 year old.

[Caller Carl]

Yeah, yeah, they were all there.

[Radio Host]

Was the 14 year old participating?

[Caller Carl]

That I'm not sure of. I'm knowing him probably.

[Caller Jeff]

Were they actually smoking or were they just talking about it and maybe a friend's doing it?

[Caller Carl]

That I don't know because it went after, after that, after a couple minutes of them talking about rolling it up, it went blank. I guess I don't know if they left the room because she obviously had her phone on the counter.

[Caller Melissa]

Yeah, I would definitely talk to her but I would tell you I would take her aside one on one.

[Caller Carl]

Right? Yeah. I didn't want to like call like confronted but you know, like acting like I'm trying to be hard, you know, But I mean I don't have any.

[Caller Melissa]

There's no re. I. Yeah. Being adult she's still a kid. So I mean, I don't think you're being hard on talking to her about being in front of a 14 year old talking about marijuana.

[Caller Carl]

Right.

[Radio Host]

You know, now who approaches her though? Does she.

[Caller Melissa]

Yes.

[Radio Host]

Go or does she go or does she go to mom?

[Caller Melissa]

No, she gets by herself.

[Caller Carl]

I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that.

[Caller Melissa]

No, you go to the teenager and you talk one on one. Look, I got, you know, we gotta talk for a second.

[Caller Jeff]

We're the 14 year old.

[Radio Host]

Okay, so, and how old are you?

[Caller Carl]

27.

[Radio Host]

So you're 27. So the 27 year old cousin, right? Yeah, 27 year old cousin goes to talk to the 14 year old, doesn't bring mom into it.

[Caller Melissa]

No, no, talk to the 17 year old.

[Radio Host]

Okay. Calls to talk to the 17 year old, doesn't bring mom into it a year from now. This is a bigger problem. The 27 year old's known about it and never told mom.

[Caller Jeff]

Well, she needs to figure out the problem first before even talking to mom because who knows what they were discussing or if they were even doing anything or if they're talking about a friend.

[Caller Melissa]

And I got to be honest with you, I think it'll be more effective for that 17 year old if the 27 year old cousin says, look, I got to put you aside and you've got to straighten this up more so than the mom or kind of, you

[Caller Carl]

know, say if you don't quit then it's going to become an issue with the parents or.

[Radio Host]

And how, but how are you going to know if they quit? See, I think I'm on the other side of this. I think you as the older cousin, I think you have to go to the parents, I think you can go to the kid first and go, look, this is what you did and this is what I just want to let you know.

[Caller Carl]

Yeah, the problem with that is, I mean their dad's not there and their mom works at night and I mean it's not real been much of a parent to them. So you know, I don't know how that would.

[Caller Melissa]

See, that's right, that's where I'm coming from, is that I feel like if something is. Because that's kind of extreme, then that's a reaction to something going on. So that's why I say she goes to 17 year old and try to, you know, because I think if I was 17 and my 27 year old cousin came to me because I had busted myself by butt dialing and then I'm embarrassed by it. I mean, she's, of course not your responsibility, but she's a family member. You take her side and then, I mean, I'm not opposed to her you saying, look, and I'm gonna have to go to your mom with this if you don't, if you don't stop this right now. But my biggest concern, more so than the 17 year old is the 14 year old, you know, is just saying you can, I mean, how, how can she bring the 14 year old into this?

[Caller Carl]

Right.

[Radio Host]

Do you do any.

[Caller Jeff]

Go ahead, I said, and it could be a whole lot of legal trouble because if they're in a household that is growing it, if you said that they're growing it or they're doing it

[Caller Carl]

in a house, I don't think that's smart.

[Caller Jeff]

That could be. I mean, they could get busted for that in the wrong place at the

[Caller Carl]

wrong time, or they could just get busted at the house and then get

[Caller Lisa]

her mom arrested or.

[Caller Carl]

Right.

[Caller Melissa]

Yeah.

[Radio Host]

See my kids. Do you have, do you, do you do anything else that's parenting wise with them? Like you said, the mom works nights or whatever. Like, do they ever come to you for rides to places or anything like that?

[Caller Carl]

No, she's got her own car. You know, she knows that she can talk to me if she needs to. It's not saying that she has before, but, you know, I hang out with her and try to be, try to be there when they need it, but they're very, the past year really kind of changed. You know, they used to be real outgoing and want to hang out. Now they like don't ever call you back or don't want to see anybody and just kind of act real strange. I don't know. I don't know what's going on with them.

[Radio Host]

Hold on. Get some advice from you from Richard Listener. Lisa. Hey, Lisa.

[Caller Melissa]

Lisa.

[Radio Host]

Hey, how are you?

[Caller Lisa]

Yes, hello.

[Radio Host]

Somebody is not happy with you being on the phone with Q100 right now. I'm sorry, I just heard a baby screaming in the background or something. How are you?

[Caller Lisa]

Oh, yes, I'm fine.

[Caller Emily]

That's my two year old.

[Caller Melissa]

What's going on?

[Caller Lisa]

Yes, I just had some advice for the caller.

[Radio Host]

Sure, go ahead.

[Caller Lisa]

I went through this with my brother who is 17 years younger than I am. I'm 35. And he had a friend that was into some really bad stuff and I had to go to my parents and he did not speak to me for a while.

[Caller Melissa]

Did you go to him first, though?

[Caller Lisa]

He actually was the one who told me about the problem. And no, I didn't go to him because I thought it was my responsibility as, because the way he spoke about it, he was speaking about it as sort of, it was sort of, the guy was a drug dealer and he was sort of almost bragging about how the guy was getting away with this at school and how, oh, you know, authority, you know, the authority figures in

[Caller Emily]

his life were all spirit mode and.

[Caller Carl]

Right.

[Caller Lisa]

I just knew that, you know, his attitude was sort of.

[Caller Melissa]

What's the word I'm trying to say?

[Caller Emily]

His attitude. He was sort of romanticizing.

[Caller Melissa]

Yeah, well, I mean, I, I see. My point about going to a 17 year old is, is one year away from what you, from what a lot of people consider an adult, legally an adult. Correct. And so that's what I'm saying is like, you know, you can't treat them like they're ten at one moment and then say, you got to be out on your own. That's why I say you go to the 17 year old and you say, I'm giving you the opportunity first to straighten this out. But if you, you know, and then check and then you got to still be involved in her life and then check back in and, and, and then say, or I'm going to your mom. Your mom has to know about this. If you don't straighten this up because you're exposing the 14 year old to it. And that's absolutely wrong. A 17 year old still is a 17 year old and they need, they need an adult, you know, to come in and talk to them. But if you just leave them on their own, I don't know, I just feel like she might listen to you more so than a mom coming home and, you know, punishing her immediately.

[Radio Host]

Hey, Mary, welcome to the bird show.

[Caller Lisa]

Hi. A friend of mine actually does this. Go to the drugstore, get some urine test and tell both the 14 year old and the 17 year old that they have to do a urine test. And if they refuse it, then you'll go straight to mom and then tell them that randomly you'll come along and do another urine test and anytime they test positive, you're going to mom.

[Caller Melissa]

Well, I mean, seriously, you know, to me, I don't think it's harsh. I think, I think if you go to the 17 year old, say, you have a chance to stop this, then the urine test is the second conversation you have. Then you go to mom.

[Caller Jeff]

That would be, that would have to be the second conversation, not the first.

[Caller Emily]

Because the reality is if they get

[Caller Lisa]

busted with this by school, by police officers, by other parents. They're not going to get 1, 2, 3 chances they get 1.

[Caller Melissa]

When also the 14 year old shouldn't be smoking pot. So you don't even know if the 14 smoking pot or not?

[Caller Lisa]

Well, legally the 17 year old urine test to find out, the 17 year

[Radio Host]

old shouldn't be either.

[Caller Melissa]

Well, legally the 40 year old shouldn't.

[Radio Host]

Right, but I'm saying like you can't, I feel like you're making it. The 14 year old is the big problem here. The reality is the 17 year old is still a minor, still living at the parent's house, gets busted for it, the mom is the one mom can get in trouble. Well, it should be the same with alcohol and legally. I almost wonder if. Well, it is the same with alcohol. If you're under 21 and your parents care and you get in trouble, the adult gets in trouble.

[Caller Melissa]

But I don't think our attitude toward it would be the same if a 17 year old got busted with beer. Then we wouldn't be like, well, go straight to the mom with this. You know, we say no, just tell them you don't have to.

[Radio Host]

Just no. I think I would because my thing is from a legal point of view, just a basic legal point of view, the mom is still responsible for that 17 year old. And I think by this cousin knowing about it and if the cousin handles it without bringing the mom into it, I'm wondering what sort of legal liability she's putting herself under.

[Caller Melissa]

If she doesn't possess anything, she won't have any legal liability. I just think that unless the. I think I'm trying to be realistic from a teenager standpoint that she comes in as somebody who's older but not a parent and tries to start, you know, start the conversation. But if it doesn't work then go to the parent. I'm just, I think I'm just trying to be realistic from teenagers.

[Radio Host]

Yeah, realistic. But then I'm just from a purely

[Caller Melissa]

point of view, you're absolutely right.

[Radio Host]

If she doesn't say anything to the mom and the 17 year old gets high and burns the house down, say chance of it happening is 1%. But if it does right. Then this woman might have some legal responsibility or at least that's the end of the family. Hey, Taylor, welcome to the show.

[Caller Carl]

Hey, how are you guys doing?

[Radio Host]

Oh, good. Hold on, I'll get you off the voice of sketch. Okay, Go ahead, Taylor.

[Caller Lisa]

Okay.

[Caller Emily]

I feel I'm a younger cousin and I'm an older cousin and I have to Say, I feel that the cousin should just speak with the teenager, the 17 year old, only because even if she goes to the mother, who's to

[Caller Lisa]

say is going to be able to

[Caller Emily]

do anything, the mother works nights, so she's not going to be able to monitor her child as if she were to work days, you know what I'm saying? So I mean the can still take her younger cousin of confidence and be like, look, this isn't right, you're a bad influence on your younger brother, da da, da, da. But as a younger cousin, I feel I respect my older cousin for coming to me like an adult and being like, look, we need to cut to the chase. This is what it's going to be, you know what I'm saying? At least give her the opportunity to show herself as an adult, show herself as a role model. And then if she decides like, oh, well, then that's when you take it to another level, but still give that person the opportunity to be the adult that she's about to become. You can't always run to mom. What's gonna happen when she does turn 18? I mean, her mom could sit here and say what? Oh, okay, stop smoking.

[Caller Lisa]

But who's to say she's gonna stop?

[Caller Emily]

And yeah, the mom doesn't. I mean, I had a juvenile record. My mom was, I mean my mom wasn't liable for if I screwed up. I went to juvenile hall, not my mom. You know what I'm saying?

[Caller Lisa]

So she gets caught with pot, she's

[Caller Emily]

gonna be the one to go to jail, not her mom.

[Caller Jeff]

Right. And it seems like your cousin needs the guidance too. Especially if mom's not around during the day. She could probably use somebody to talk to and probably, I mean she's getting into recreational activities because there is nobody there. So maybe if you step in and just have that time to talk to her, even during the week, like once a week. I mean, this might not go on either.

[Caller Carl]

Yeah, I figured she'd been more honest with me than if I went to her mom.

[Caller Jeff]

Absolutely.

[Caller Melissa]

You know, I think it's end up going to be both. But I, you know, my suggestion is to talk to her first and let her know what happened. And then she got busted.

[Radio Host]

Hey, Casey, you'll be the last phone call we take. Go ahead, Casey.

[Caller Lisa]

Yeah, I just want to say I have, I'm, I'm a parent of a 17 year old and I was a single mom for many, many, many years. And he does smoke pot. She does. She doesn't need to. She needs to. She needs to Give the parent the benefit of the doubt. This. This is a lot more serious than what you guys are giving it credit for. You're saying that the caller said that the nephew was withdrawn and not acting the same. Those are symptoms of smoking pot. Who's to say when you go and talk to her, if you don't hang out with her on a regular basis, she is not going to be honest with you guys. She is going to lie and she is going to keep doing it.

[Caller Melissa]

But what about the symptom of the fact that she has no parents around? So by going to the parents, that doesn't change her home situation. But by being.

[Caller Carl]

Well, you're talking about parents.

[Caller Lisa]

Yeah, she's not around, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care and she's not doing the best she can. You need to give her the heads up that, hey, maybe she doesn't have a clue. She. Maybe she didn't smoke her and she doesn't know to look for things if she's there, even during the day. Or she can look out if the kids are skipping school or if they're, you know, not getting good grades. You need to. You need to talk to both of them. I don't think you should just talk to the kid. The kid is gonna lie, especially if they want to do drugs.

[Caller Melissa]

I don't think she's gonna lie to the cousin. I think she'll lie to the mama.

[Caller Jeff]

Yeah, she can't lie. Well, it's on voicemail. She's got it on record. I mean, she's got the entire conversation.

[Caller Lisa]

She can lie and say, oh, yeah, we tried it and we didn't like it. No, I won't do it anymore. I ever expected to even try something like that because we've had a lot of experience with it in my family, and he. And he's. He's the biggest advocate for it.

[Caller Jeff]

Like Melissa's trying to say. Who's to say she's not going to lie to her mom?

[Caller Lisa]

Right? But her mom is the one who is. Who is accountable for that child. She deserves the chance. I agree with Jeff. She deserves the chance. Whatever. It's her responsibility to let that parent know. And then she can say she can still stay on top of the knees or still do the best she can to be in her life and try to help her. But the parent deserves the right to know as well. She needs to be given the heads up. And if she wants to look for the sign, she can. She's there with him every day. She's the One the school's going to call. She's the one that's going to be there when the kids are failing and she doesn't know why. I think definitely the mom needs to know.

[Caller Melissa]

And I appreciate that. I do appreciate that from a parent's perspective, you want the parents to know. But I just think let's not all forget what it was like to be a teenager.

[Radio Host]

Right? But I think, Melissa, you would be the first one if you had a 17 year old who was doing anything shady, whether it was drugs, whether it was sneaking out and using your car, whether it was whatever, doing something while you came in here and do did the morning radio show. Because you'll definitely be doing this in 20 years when you might have a 17 year old.

[Caller Melissa]

Crap. I mean, yes, of course.

[Radio Host]

So doing that, you, I couldn't even imagine how infuriated you would be if a cousin or someone else in your life took it upon themselves to handle an issue with your child, a 17 year old, and didn't tell you about it.

[Caller Melissa]

You're wrong. You're wrong. A 17 year old that's about to graduate high school. If my sister or their cousin came to them and said, you better straighten up before mom finds out, you know what that's being a teenager, I would be mad at the child, but I wouldn't be mad at the family member for trying to intervene in our family.

[Radio Host]

Right? And if it doesn't help, if it

[Caller Melissa]

doesn't help, they come to me. That's what I told her to do. I did not tell her not to go to the mom. I told her to go to the mom if the child didn't straighten up. But if you, I mean if his 17 year old screwing up, she's not gonna straighten up in one year. Yeah, she's not.

[Radio Host]

We have to agree to disagree because I think, number one, I think that

[Caller Melissa]

running straight to the parent is not gonna cure her of pot.

[Radio Host]

I don't disagree with that. But I think as a parent, until that kid is 18 and while you're still paying their bills, you are entitled to know. So Emily, entitled, glad to help. You are. You are entitled.

[Caller Jeff]

Maybe not this parent.

[Radio Host]

It doesn't, it's not an option. It's not a maybe this parent. Maybe not this parent.

[Caller Melissa]

Carl, my only advice was to go is to go to the 17 year old first, say, look, you just got busted, honey, and you got to decide what you're going to do. And that's all I said. I didn't say not to go to the parent.

[Radio Host]

Eventually I Love it when Carl walks in here. Emily, glad to give you some advice. That's 50. 50. As we always do on the show. Carl, please agree with me.

[Caller Carl's Relative]

I go through this all the time. I got a bunch of nephews and we're going through the same thing. Actually, right now, my advice to you would be is I go to my sister. I tell my sister what's going on, but I tell her, how do you think that she wants me to handle it? So I'll go to my sister, tell her that, you know, your son is doing whatever. What, what do you think the best way I should handle the situation? And so I'll, you know, when I'll bump ideas off of her and, and if it doesn't sound like something that I think will be beneficial because like you said, Melissa, going to the parents, he's not going to stop doing it. Matter of fact, he's like, whatever. So I would go to, I normally go to my sister and ask her how she would think to handle it.

[Radio Host]

Carl, scale of 1 to 10, how mad would you be if somebody in your family handled something serious with your kids and never told you about it?

[Caller Carl's Relative]

Oh, I'm pissed, man. I definitely need to know. Let me know and let me be the one to find something.

[Caller Melissa]

But the parent also needs to take their responsibility for the fact that their teenager's alone and doing pot because they're not there.

[Radio Host]

Totally agree.

[Caller Melissa]

So as long as the parent understands one of the reasons your child is the way they are is because of you, then everything's fine.

[Radio Host]

Doesn't matter if we're all here or half of us are gone. We still get you advice. That's right down the middle. 5050 the first show.

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