Vault: She requires her husband to sit down to pee

Summary

The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: She requires her husband to sit down to pee
Date: May 7, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode delves into a surprisingly passionate debate: should men sit down to pee if their partners request it for cleanliness? Using a mix of humor and earnest discussion, The Bert Show crew and listeners explore issues of compromise, control, and masculinity in marriage—sparked by a listener's call explaining why she requires her husband to sit down to pee. The conversation organically spreads into broader themes of partnership, household responsibilities, and the dynamics of control in long-term relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Origin: Jeff’s Friend and the ‘Sit Down to Pee’ Movement

• [00:01] The segment kicks off with Jeff sharing how a friend advocated for men sitting down to pee, primarily for cleanliness—citing frequent bathroom splash issues due to a strong stream.
• “He said it was such a forceful wave, it would splash.” – A [01:03]
• This leads to jokes about targeting, masculinity, and animal comparisons (dogs vs. cats).

2. Michelle’s Call: A Wife’s Cleanliness Demand

• Michelle, a listener, calls in to share how she requires her husband to sit down to pee at home, after repeated issues with flushing and splash messes.
  • [02:18] “I've told him he needs to sit down or scrub it. I don't care what he does when he's not at home.” – Michelle
• The crew marvels (and laughs) about the level of “control” versus “partnership” this entails.

3. Listener Email: Sitting Down as a Symbol for Control

• Bert reads an indignant email from “Chad,” who argues that acquiescing to such demands is emblematic of larger control issues in marriage.
  • [03:45] “I don't know which is more ridiculous. The woman that thinks it's okay to make an unreasonable demand like this or the coward husband that agrees to it.” – Bert (reading Chad’s email)
  • “Isn't this whole conversation really about control and relationships?” – Bert (Chad’s email)
• Chad claims men are being “trained” and have lost agency in their own homes.
• The crew pushes back, noting the difference between compromise and control.

4. Crew Reflection: Is It Control or Just Partnership?

• The discussion shifts to the hosts’ personal lives, examining how decision-making actually works in their marriages.
  • [05:12] “I'll be honest with you. Sometimes I need [mothering].” – B
  • Jeff shares a story about being banned from choosing paint colors, joking about sneaking changes while his wife is away.
  • [06:13] “I gotta be honest with you. I'm scared.” – A (Jeff)

5. Collins Calls In: An African Perspective on Family Harmony

• Collins, a listener originally from Africa, shares his experience living with women in the US and adapting his bathroom habits out of respect for his mother and sister.
  • [07:37] “Every single time, I'll go in and just do my thing, you know, and have, you know, the splash issues. And so they sat me down and said, look, I don't think it's appropriate...so I, you know, out of respect for them, I did get what they requested.” – Collins
• Bert teases, questioning if failing to pee cleanly is really about losing “manhood.”

6. Compromise vs. Masculinity: What IS ‘Against Your Nature’?

• Bert and the show question if sitting down to pee is truly "against a man's nature" or just a minor adaptation for shared living.
  • [09:11] “You do not lose what makes you a man just by compromising with your wife. You know, what happened to, you know, compromise?” – Collins
  • [09:15] “This is not compromising. She is asking [you] to do something that is against your nature.” – B
• Another host points out: “If you dirty the bathroom...scrub your own urine. The problem these women are having is that you won’t clean up after yourself.” – D [09:23]

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Where do I start? I know it’s a silly conversation and this is an even sillier email, but I’m…[expletive]…past tense. When did men lose their testicles?”
  – Bert, channeling Chad’s email, lampooning the masculinity panic [03:45]
• “You do not lose what makes you a man just by compromising with your wife. What happened to compromise?”
  – Collins [09:11], voicing a perspective on respect and relationships
• “There has to be somebody that's the best shot…so there has to be somebody that's the worst shot, and if you’re the worst shot, you gotta clean up after yourself. That I agree with.”
  – B [09:35], humorously advocating for bathroom self-accountability
• "I did the whole garage and she asked me to send her a picture yesterday and I didn’t... I told her the lights didn't work."
  – A (Jeff) [06:40], playfully avoiding a partner's disapproval

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Notable Timestamps

• [00:01 – 02:18] – Introduction, Jeff’s friend story, animal analogies, and Michelle’s call
• [03:45 – 05:01] – Chad’s email about control and the state of modern marriage
• [05:12 – 06:50] – Crew’s personal reflections & humorous anecdotes about household authority
• [07:08 – 09:47] – Collins’s call, debates about compromise, masculinity, and cleaning up

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Tone & Takeaway

With a blend of the Bert Show’s signature banter and honest debate, this episode entertains while raising legitimate questions about shared living, compromise, and relationships. The consensus leans toward respecting shared spaces and one’s partner, humorously suggesting the solution isn’t about masculinity but about being considerate (or at least cleaning up after yourself). The show leaves listeners with the idea that real partnership often involves minor changes for the sake of harmony—and that, ultimately, masculinity is not determined by bathroom posture.

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Transcript

[A]

The Birch Show.

[B]

So let's reset this here really quickly because one of Jeff's friends made this suggestion to him last week and I thought it was outrageous.

[C]

He.

[A]

For a bunch of different reasons, but mainly a cleanliness one. He has started peeing sitting down and he was trying to explain to me the merits of this, why, you know, the various reasons it was a good idea and, you know, asked me to try it for a while, which I did.

[B]

What were the merits? Once again? Because I did spend a goodly amount of time thinking about this over the last couple days.

[A]

His big. The big issue was that he had splash issues. That became apparent when he was doing some work in his bathroom.

[D]

He had a forceful stream.

[A]

Yeah, he had good working prostate or whatever it is that fires that out of there.

[D]

He just was a bad.

[B]

He just target.

[A]

So the water would splash out of the toilet and onto the wall. And then. So what happened was a big splash.

[D]

I mean, that's a long way to go. That's what he's saying.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know how you can miss that hole. I mean, it's pretty standard.

[A]

He said he wasn't missing it. He said it was such a forceful wave, it would splash.

[B]

Tsunami.

[A]

Tsunami.

[B]

Arm built's a tsunami every time, whatever.

[A]

So that, by the way, so for cleanliness reasons, this stuff getting on the wall. He said once that wall was fixed, his wife made the suggestion, he took it. Now he sits down to make the tinkles.

[B]

And I have had some guys come up to me over the last week since Jeff relayed that, because I just think it's outrageous. I mean, it's instinct for men. I mean, look at. When you look at dogs urinate, the female dogs squat, and what do the male dogs do?

[D]

Lift their leg.

[B]

Lift their leg. We're all mammals, that's what we do. So for a man to sit down to pee is against your nature.

[A]

Oh, wait a minute. You use dogs as a comparison. What about a cat?

[B]

Like, you go, male cats are really. They're very feminine.

[A]

You dig a hole in the sand,

[B]

it doesn't even count. So we get this call from Michelle here at the same time, and basically the gist of this is that she has demanded that her husband sit down to pee. And he's done just that. He wants to make his wife happy.

[C]

My husband, when we first got married, he had a few problems flushing or whatever, and he was always in a rush. He took time to wash his hands, but he didn't take time to watch. So, I mean, I've Told him he needs to sit down or scrub it. I don't care what he does when he's not at home.

[B]

So you have demanded that your husband sit down to pee, and he does it.

[C]

Right.

[B]

All right, so Chad is a listener of ours and was really upset about this whole thing. And over the next three minutes, I'm going to detail for you how he believes what this guy does. Sort of just adhering to his wife's policy is really what's wrong with marriages in general. Okay. It's kind of a long way to get there. I think I see what he's saying. Okay. Okay. All right. Says Dear Burt, last week I heard the conversation about Jeff's friends selling him on the advantages of peeing sitting down. Absurd to say the least, but peculiar has never bothered me. But I had the same reaction you did to the woman that called in and said she demands that her husband sits down to pee cause he's too messy in the bedroom. Where do I start? I know it's a silly conversation and this is an even sillier email, but I'm. Expletive with a p. Really? Expletive with a p and past tense. I don't know which is more ridiculous. The woman that thinks it's okay to make an unreasonable demand like this or the coward husband that agrees to it. When did this guy lose his expletive for testicles? When did men lose their testicles? You know, isn't this whole.

[A]

It's really focused that for somebody who's coming across as very bold and manly, he's really focused a lot on the testes.

[B]

Well, I have edited that. I mean, he said the B word. He was very manly in this female. Isn't this whole conversation really about control and relationships? So now we've gone from peeing on the toilet to controlling relationships. This has zero to do with peeing sitting down and everything to do with what's wrong with half the marriages in this country.

[D]

Hmm.

[B]

Everybody is looking to control their partner. Does anybody really want what's best for the person they so call love? No. It's about control and getting your way. This guy's got issues in his relationship is what I'm picking up on.

[D]

I'm wondering if he's married or not.

[B]

He is, and I'll tell you why. At the end, everybody is just surviving in their marriage by jockeying to get their own way. Lose control and don't lose yourself. Married people. It is possible to compromise and still be happy. Half the guys I know can't decide for Themselves if they want to pee standing up or not anymore, because their wives have nagged at them their entire marriages, and the men have just given up. So, ladies, don't think of us as things you can train. Think of us as partners, and you might not have to mother us your entire lives. From Chad. And he says, not his real name, because his wife would kill him if he knew she wrote this. But he was just saying, oh, he's

[D]

all being all bold.

[B]

No, he was just. He even writes here. That's just a joke, sort of. He writes. So we've gone from peeing sitting down to control in relationships, and that's really what's wrong.

[D]

Do you guys feel mothered in your marriages?

[B]

I'll be honest with you. Sometimes I need it. I'll be totally and completely honest with you.

[D]

So you're okay with this control now, that's different.

[B]

I wouldn't say control. I mean, I just. Control and being mothered in different areas are two different things. Like, I mean, I can come and go as I please. I make decisions. There are major decisions that Stacey and I will make together for sure. But I don't consider myself controlled, and I don't think that she'd consider herself controlled.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

How about you?

[A]

I feel like Stacey controls me. No, I think we're pretty even. I mean, I'm sure there's things that Jessica does that kind of controls the way things go, and there's things that I do that control the way things go, but I think it's. I never have any feelings, like, God, she's running the show.

[B]

I'm oversensitive to that man.

[D]

Other than paint colors.

[B]

Yeah. Which you're not allowed to pick until she gets back.

[A]

Made a move yesterday.

[B]

Oh, you did?

[A]

Little one.

[D]

Oh, no.

[A]

Just having one cabinet painted.

[D]

Okay. All right. That's okay.

[A]

I gotta be honest with you. I'm scared.

[B]

Jessica left, and she told him, there's only one thing that you can't do is pick the paint colors for the house. And Jeff has been walking around the house just so close to going over to Home Depot and picking the paint colors by himself, but he hasn't done it.

[D]

God, you would think. Yeah, you would think if you're out of town, how refreshing it would be to get home and it'd be done.

[A]

I did have the.

[B]

Don't do it.

[A]

Well, I did do the whole thing.

[B]

I'm nervous for you.

[D]

I think she missed a huge opportunity.

[A]

I did the whole garage, and she asked me to send her a picture Yesterday.

[C]

And I didn't.

[D]

And you didn't?

[A]

No. I told her that the lights didn't work in there.

[D]

So, going back to his email, I

[A]

don't want her to not like it until she gets home.

[D]

But Jeff is definitely not controlled.

[A]

I said in different areas, it's different.

[B]

Collins, go ahead. You're on Q100.

[C]

Hi. But thanks for allowing me an opportunity to share my opinion here.

[B]

Yeah, what's up?

[C]

Well, I. Well, first of all, I listen to you guys. I'm from up north. As you can tell from my accent, I'm an African. But I moved here to Atlanta a few years, and I just happened to chance on your radio show one morning, and I've been hooked since. So thank you for making the drive quite tolerable in Atlanta, traffic every morning.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

Back to my point, I was listening with a keen interest when this topic came up. When I first moved to the States, I lived with women. My mother and my sister, we shared one apartment. And every single time, I'll go in and just do my thing, you know, and have, you know, the splash issues. And so they sat me down and said, look, I don't think it's appropriate, you know, for you to be splashing all over the place. And so I, you know, out of respect for them, I did get what they requested.

[B]

You really, really are damaging a man's credibility here. Are you telling me that you can't go to the bathroom and control your splash dude without sitting down? Come on, now.

[C]

I can, but sometimes you have to go and you're not paying attention. You lose concentration and you are.

[B]

What do you mean, lose focus?

[C]

See, have you ever been to the bathroom and you have to go so bad that, you know, you feel like, okay, if you don't get it out in two, three seconds?

[B]

Dude, it doesn't take. I love how you say that. Sometimes you lose concentration. It takes no focus at all. This is one of the very few things I can do when I'm so hammered I can barely even stand up straight, but I can still at least find a bathroom and pee into the toilet without splashing all over the place.

[C]

No, no. I mean, I think it's something that, you know, even. I mean, disregarding the splash issue, okay, I don't think that, you know, it's out of the ordinary or it's unreasonable. I mean, you do not lose what makes you a man just by compromising with your wife. You know, what happened to, you know, compromise?

[B]

This is not compromising. She is asking to do something that is against your nature.

[D]

See, well, the thing is that his email did not, you know, references the fact that, well, then clean up if you want to stand up and pee.

[B]

Agreed.

[D]

And you dirty the bathroom and scrub your own urine. Because the problem that these women are having is that you won't clean, clean up after yourself, and they're having to do it. So I love how guys are like, you know what? She's compromising my manhood. Well, clean up after you.

[B]

That I can agree with. Because they're mathematically, again, there has to be somebody that is the best shot when it comes to that. So there has to be somebody that's the worst shot. And if you're the worst shot, you got to clean up after yourself. That I agree with.

[A]

At what point do you think it will occur to Collins that he's gonna have to call his family back in Africa and tell him that he made it onto American media? I was on the radio, and they're gonna say, wow, what were you on the radio for? And that's what he's going to explain the Birch Show.