Vault: She says 23 is old

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: She says 23 is old"

Release Date: July 14, 2026
Main Theme:
The main theme of this episode is a lighthearted, relatable discussion about what it means to turn 23—especially intern Lauren’s belief that 23 feels "old." The cast dives into quarter-life anxieties, the transition to adult responsibilities, independence, and the funny ways people perceive different ages. The team also gives Lauren a tongue-in-cheek "birthday assignment" involving voicemails documenting her night out, echoing a notorious assignment from a previous intern.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Turning 23: Is It Really "Old"?

• Lauren’s Conflicted Feelings [01:10–01:46]
  • Lauren, the show's intern, shares her feelings about her upcoming 23rd birthday, expressing a mix of anxiety and resignation about "getting old."
    • “It is old. Now that I think about it.” – Lauren [01:10]
    • She describes 23 as the age where the carefree freedom of early adulthood transitions into a period of reflection and pressure to have things figured out.
    • “I feel like, oh, I’m 22. I can do whatever...Now I’m like 23 and I’m like, what am I doing with my life?” – Lauren [01:23]

The "Quarter-Life Crisis" Conversation

• Is This a Quarter-Life Crisis? [01:46–02:13]

  • The cast discusses whether Lauren’s feelings are typical for her age.
    • “No, that'll be when she's 25 and she's not making any money still...” – Melissa [01:50]
  • Lauren’s mother is starting to demand she pays her own car insurance and gas, which she finds overwhelming.

• Parents, Independence, and Support [02:13–03:21]

  • Birch reflects on generational differences in becoming independent:
    • “My parents just sort of, like, said, you're on your own at 18. And I had to figure all this out.” – Birch [02:13]
  • The transition period is discussed, where parents provide some support but kids gradually become independent.

• The Baby of the Family Dynamic [04:22–05:03]

  • Lauren acknowledges being the “baby” of the family and benefiting from special treatment, sparking sibling jealousy.
    • “Because they bought me a car when I was 16 and they’re like, ‘oh, you never did that with me.’ I’m like, well, I’m the baby. They had to.” – Lauren [04:58]

Generational Perspectives on Adulthood

• Comparing Experiences [02:43–03:39]

  • Melissa shares her hardcore approach to independence, highlighting her pride in not relying on parental help after moving to Atlanta post-college.
    • “Any debt or any frustration I had, at least I embrace it. Like, God, it’s my own though. You know, I'm an adult and I have my own bills...there's a lot of people who don't find pride in that.” – Melissa [03:14]

• Finding the Happy Medium [03:39–04:22]

  • Birch suggests balance: striving for independence but knowing your parents are there if needed.
    • “There’s got to be some, like, happy medium point, though, where you can be independent on your own, yet know at the end of the day that if you really needed the help, your parents were going to be there for you.” – Birch [03:39]

Assignment: Document Your Night Out

• Birthday Voicemail Task [05:25–11:37]

  • Lauren is given an assignment: call in every hour during her birthday celebration and leave a voicemail, to document how the night unfolds. This mimics a previous intern’s assignment at 21.
    • “Every hour till you go to bed.” – Birch [11:37]
  • Lauren is nervous, especially about the unpredictability of her “drunk phases.”
    • "Because I have, like, different drunk phases, and we’re gonna hear that on the radio." – Lauren [05:54]

• Types of Drunk (According to Lauren) [06:03–06:34]

  • Liquor: Makes her “witchy” (i.e., a bit mean).
  • Beer: Makes her chatty.
  • Wine: Sometimes makes her happy, sometimes emotional.

Replay: The Legendary “Intern Reshma” Voicemails

• The group plays highlights from a prior birthday voicemail assignment (Reshma at 21), showing the humorous progression from sober to silly to “British” to emotional.
  • “She became British.” – Birch [08:10]
  • Notable: How quickly inebriation can change the tone and content of the voicemails.
  • “At some point in one of these, she starts coming down for the night, you remember?” – Birch [10:12]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lauren’s Existential Realization
  “Now I’m like 23, and I’m like, what am I doing with my life? ...I need to really stay focused. But then again, I’m like, well, 23 is still pretty young, right? So, I mean, I’m a little conflicted there.” – Lauren [01:23]

• Melissa’s Take on Adulthood
  “As a teenager, you can’t complain about wanting to be an adult. And then when you’re an adult, act like you wanna be home and mom and dad take care of everything.” – Melissa [02:58]

• Sibling Rivalry Surface
  “Because they bought me a car when I was 16 and they’re like, ‘oh, you never did that with me.’ I’m like, well, I’m the baby. They had to.” – Lauren [04:58] “And that never goes away because I still see it with Stacy and her younger brother...” – Birch [05:03]

• The Unpredictability of a “Birthday Night Out”
  “I have, like, different drunk phases...I’m really emotional, I’m really—can’t really say it on the radio...witchy.” – Lauren [05:54]

• The Infamous Transition to “British”
  “She became British.” – Birch [08:10]

• Advice for New Adults
  “There’s got to be some, like, happy medium point, though, where you can be independent on your own, yet know... your parents were going to be there for you.” – Birch [03:39]

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Timeline & Timestamps of Important Segments

• [01:01] – Topic Intro: Lauren’s upcoming 23rd birthday and feelings about turning “old”
• [01:46] – Is this a quarter-life crisis?
• [02:13] – Birch and Melissa on financial independence and parental support
• [03:39] – Debating the “happy medium” between independence and asking for help
• [04:22] – Lauren on being the youngest child (“the baby”)
• [05:25] – Lauren’s birthday assignment: voicemails throughout her night out
• [06:03] – Lauren describes her different “drunk phases”
• [07:02–11:24] – Replay of Intern Reshma’s legendary 21st birthday voicemails
• [11:28] – Concluding the voicemail assignment details and setting expectations for Lauren's night

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Tone & Style

The episode is playful, supportive, and teasing—the Bert Show’s signature blend of real talk and comedy about everyday life and growing up. The cast offers honest, affectionate ribbing about adulthood, the awkward transition to maturity, and family dynamics.

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Summary Takeaway

Whether you’re 23, 33, or 43, the anxieties and laughter that surround “growing up” never really go away. Through Lauren’s quarter-life reflections, relatable stories, and the upcoming voicemail challenge, the cast delivers an uplifting and charming exploration of the fears and freedoms that come with inching toward true adulthood—reminding listeners to embrace each phase (even the silly ones captured on voicemail).

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Transcript

[Bretzky]

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[Birch]

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[Bretzky]

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[Birch]

The bird show. So intern Lauren here has a big weekend ahead of her. Here's where she starts complaining that she feels so old that she's turning 23 years old.

[Lauren]

It is old. Now that I think about it.

[Birch]

23, the whole world changes.

[Lauren]

It does.

[Birch]

What is the year that you, like, start being taken seriously as an adult? Because 23, you can still do a lot of stupid crap and people are like, oh, well, she's only 23 years old.

[Lauren]

I think that's when you do start feeling it is at 23. I think that was one of my toughest birthdays, was 23. Yeah. No, I feel like, oh, I'm 22. I can do whatever. You know, it's after 21 now I'm legal. Nothing's really that great. Now I'm like 23, and I'm like, what am I doing with my life? I'm just hanging out. I feel like just chilling. I need to, like, really stay focused. But then again, I'm like, well, 23 is still pretty young, right? So, I mean, I'm a little conflicted there.

[Birch]

Is this a pretty common, like, quarter life crisis thing that she's going through right now?

[Melissa]

No, that'll be when she's 25 and she's not making any money still. And she freaks out because she can't pay her bills and she thinks she should be able to.

[Lauren]

I know. I was like, I mean, I never really think about it that much. And then my mom's like, you know, you need to pay me for car insurance. You need to pay me for, you know, gas, blah, blah, my gas. Who pays for gas nowadays? And then I'm like, oh, my God, it's like $30 to fill up my tank. And she's like, yeah, this is the real world, Lauren. Get used to it. I'm like, oh, great.

[Birch]

She's in the breaking in period right now. She is like, I know of people like you. My parents just sort of, like, said, you're on your own at 18. And I had to figure all this out. But this, I think, is probably a little. There's a weaning period with your parents where they'll still, you know, you're out of the nest, but they're still sort of embracing you. And it sounds to me like she's in that period, but you're not out of the nest.

[Melissa]

You're still living.

[Lauren]

No, I still live it.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Birch]

Is that because of the economy right now, or was that gonna happen?

[Lauren]

I like to say it's because of the economy.

[Birch]

Would you be lying if you said that?

[Lauren]

No, not at all. It's totally the economy.

[Melissa]

Yeah. No, for me, it was when I. When I graduated college and moved to. Because I moved to Atlanta right out of college. So it was. Yeah, that's when. No, mom and dad were not paying for my gas or insurance or any of that stuff.

[Birch]

Melissa's very hardcore about this now. She takes a very hard line.

[Lauren]

Well, I am.

[Melissa]

I mean, the thing is, as a teenager, you can't complain about wanting to be an adult. And then when you're an adult, act like you want to be home and mom and dad take care of everything. And that was really where I come from. As a kid, I was the youngest, and so I just could not wait to be out of the shadow of my two sets of parents, which were my brother and sister, my mom and dad. So when I moved to Atlanta, I felt like. Well, I was just determined not to go back to them and seek help because I think felt like I had something to prove. So, yeah, any debt or any frustration I had, at least I embrace it. Like, God, it's my own, though. You know, I'm an adult and I have my own bills and that kind of thing. And I just, you know, there's a lot of people who don't find pride in that. You know, there's some.

[Birch]

There's got to be some, like, happy medium point, though, where you can be independent on your own, yet know at the end of the day that if you really needed the help, your parents were going to be there for you.

[Melissa]

You know, I think it's hard for people to be in that, though. I think that.

[Lauren]

I agree with you.

[Melissa]

I Mean, of course your parents are. Your parents are always going to be there for you. Well, in theory, except for birds. And at least they've been consistent. Never consistency. That's right.

[Birch]

They never showed me there was another way.

[Melissa]

But I do think though, you know, and my argument is always, and the reason I take a hard line is because I think a lot of times there are children who take advantage of that. Like, I don't think they wait until the very last minute before they ask their parents. I think they're not knee jerk reaction is to go ahead and ask their parents.

[Lauren]

I think with me, because I was in college and I mean they kind of supported me through college. And then I just figured like moving back, I would have no problem. I mean, I do have a part time job and I have my internship, but then it's like I live at home and I mean they pushed me. But then again I feel like, and I know this is like really bad to say, but I'm the baby, so I feel like, oh, well, they can take care of me now. And I mean, they didn't do this to my sisters. I'm the only one that came back, but.

[Melissa]

Oh, and your sisters talk about you.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Oh my God, yes.

[Birch]

What are they saying?

[Lauren]

You think, oh, because she's the baby,

[Melissa]

she gets all the attention, she gets all the money. They pay for everything for her. They didn't do that for us.

[Lauren]

No, they totally do.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Because they bought me a car when I was 16 and they're like, oh, you never did that with me. I'm like, well, I'm the baby. They had to.

[Birch]

And that never goes away because I still see it with Stacy and her younger brother. Brandon never goes away. And they never forget. Yeah, she'll bring it up. I mean, Brandon graduated from college 15 years ago and Stacy still from time to time will go, I had to pay for my own college. They, they pay for brands 10 years ago. Woman, let it go.

[Melissa]

Yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter. That will always happen, even when you're an adult.

[Birch]

Well, we want to shoot you with an assignment for this weekend. And it was the same assignment that we gave to intern Reshma when she was turning 21. And the assignment that we gave her at the time was we wanted to sort of live the night with her as she was turning 21. And we want to do the same thing with you as you're turning 23. So what we want to do is give you a phone number and every hour you call us and you leave a voicemail. All Night long. Because I'm assuming you're going out drinking.

[Lauren]

No, we are going out. And I'm a little nervous about drinking. Yeah.

[Melissa]

Why?

[Lauren]

Because I have, like, different drunk phases, and we're gonna hear that on the radio.

[Bretzky]

What's the first phase?

[Lauren]

Well, it depends on really what I drink. Cause either I'm really emotional. I'm really. Can't really say it on the radio. No, no, not at all. No, I did not mean that. Witchy. Oh, you get to be.

[Birch]

You're a mean drunk.

[Lauren]

Kind of. I mean, it really depends on what I drink, I guess. And then I'm either really, really happy.

[Bretzky]

So are these phases, or is this determined by the first cocktail you get?

[Lauren]

They can be phases, but then again, it depends on if I have liquor versus wine versus beer.

[Birch]

And what do each of those alcohols do to you? Like, liquor does what?

[Lauren]

Liquor makes me. The witchy part makes me. Beer makes me really, like, chatty. And wine makes me happy, but then also wine makes me emotional. So wine's a little iffy. So I'm really nervous to what to drink on Saturday.

[Birch]

Well, don't. I mean, go about your normal night.

[Lauren]

All right.

[Birch]

But you just have to commit to calling us every hour and leaving a message, and it'll sound a little bit like this. This was reshma on her 21st. This was the first voicemail she left us during the night. And I think she was relatively sober at the time.

[Reshma]

Sent at 7:43pm hey, Burcho, it's intern Reshma. I am at Twisted Taco right now. It's like seven something. Finally met with my friends, and I'm Chef. I have been carted three times so far. I've had, I think, two or three mini bottles since you've got. And I'm getting a surprise drink from Twisted Tacos. So I'm feeling pretty good. All right. I don't know.

[Birch]

Okay. You'll probably sound the same way. First time you call in. Just checking in and saying, hey. Okay, this was a little later in the night.

[Reshma]

Sent at 8:48pm One hour. So what's your name? Jacob. Hey, virtual, it's Reshma. I'm at Toy to Taco still, and Jacob just brought me some free drinks. So I'm awesome right now. Or some right now. But I'm feeling great. And I've had. What have I had? I've had a couple mini bottles, couple of drinks, some stuff, some shots, some other stuff. I don't remember. But I'll call you later back.

[Birch]

All right, so still relatively with us.

[Melissa]

A little happier. A little happier. Starting to cuss.

[Lauren]

Start. Kind of. Kind of goofy.

[Birch]

Okay. And then you remember that she changed accents, right?

[Reshma]

Yes.

[Birch]

A couple hours in the night.

[Melissa]

British.

[Birch]

She became British.

[Reshma]

Sent at 9:36pm Hi, BSO, it's Reshma. I'm here at Reroll because Melissa told me about it, but it's really, really hot in here. I'm kind of dying. No, I didn't. And so it's really hot in here. And I'm drinking some sort of surprise drink that the bartender gave me. And I apologize for not calling earlier. I think I was supposed to call earlier, but it's really hot in here. I wish they had sent some air conditioning on or something. Other than that, I'm doing great tonight. I hope you guys are having a good night. All right. Bye, Jolio.

[Lauren]

Cheers.

[Reshma]

Cheers.

[Melissa]

She does that when she drinks.

[Birch]

Everything peachy. Very nice.

[Reshma]

Sent at 10:40pm. I'm having a great time. I am Sando. They're like giving me free drinks at the show.

[Bretzky]

She's no longer British.

[Reshma]

I like free drinks.

[Birch]

She's just loudish now. Yeah,

[Reshma]

I love bringing the show and I miss you all. I can't wait to talk to you all tomorrow or Wednesday or something. But I love all of you and I hope you all have a great night. Bye.

[Birch]

Okay, so we're how many hours into the night at that point?

[Lauren]

That was three.

[Birch]

Three hours. Okay. And I think that was pretty much her peak.

[Reshma]

Sent at 12:09am. Totally gone right now. And. Oh, I'm sorry. I can't stop. Oh, man.

[Birch]

And then eventually, Lauren, are you totally

[Bretzky]

thinking that you're not gonna sound that.

[Lauren]

No, I'm thinking I'm gonna sound worse than that.

[Birch]

At some point in one of these, she starts coming down for the night, you remember? Like, she starts getting sleepy or something. I don't know if it's this one or not.

[Reshma]

Sent at 12:53am it's intern Reshma here. I just. At the end ish of the night, I think this will be my last call, but I don't know, maybe, maybe not. My cousin just met me at a bar and I was at a bar and I was pretty drunk. They were like feeding me alcohol there. They like IV'd me and I alcohol there. But I'm feeling pretty good. My Dee Dee is driving, so, I mean, I can't tell if she's driving straight or not, but it's pretty good. And I had an awesome night and we will see you guys tomorrow. Awesome, awesome, awesome night. Like memorable. Maybe not Mickey sort of memorable night. But I guess I'll talk to you guys at work. And so thanks. I love you guys. Rush my Q100.

[Bretzky]

What? Okay, signing with her Twitter address.

[Birch]

So that is your assignment on Saturday night. We'll give you a phone number and you have to commit to calling us every hour and at least leaving some kind of message.

[Lauren]

All right? Every hour till I go to bed.

[Birch]

Every hour till you go to bed.

[Lauren]

All right. Sounds like a plan.

[Bretzky]

I think the phone number you should give her should be your home phone number. So you get to hear that coming into your answering machine every night.

[Birch]

You're on the Birch Show.

[Bretzky]

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[Birch]

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