Vault: She says, women have no game because they lead with emotion

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: The Bert Show
Episode: Vault: She Says, Women Have No Game Because They Lead With Emotion
Date: May 5, 2026

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Overview

This lively episode of The Bert Show centers around the much-debated topic of “game” in dating—specifically, whether women lack “game” because they often lead with emotion. The cast, including Bert, Michelle, Melissa, Jen, and several callers, dive into gendered dating behaviors, societal expectations, self-confidence, and the strategies—or “playbooks”—both women and men follow in the early stages of attraction. The hosts debate the importance of authenticity, self-confidence, and being elusive in both male and female dating approaches, while also addressing common stereotypes and personal growth within the dating scene.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Are Women Emotional and Lacking "Game"?

• Michelle argues women often "lead with emotion," becoming overly excited or anxious when engaging with someone they're attracted to. This, she explains, sometimes means women may act on immediate feelings rather than playing it cool and strategic.
  • Quote: "Women are emotional creatures... So instead of actually thinking and being cool and calm and collective, she just wants to respond with her immediate reactions acting on her emotions and therefore it leads to not having any game." — Michelle (01:00)
• Contrast with Men: Michelle suggests men typically adopt a more nonchalant approach and that “playing the game" successfully involves being similarly composed and deliberate.

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The Myth of Attentiveness

• Bert raises a common misconception: many women believe they must be constantly attentive so that men don't lose interest, when in reality, the opposite is often true.
  • Quote: "Women really do believe that if they are not totally and completely attentive to a dude, that the dude is gonna lose interest. Where it's just the opposite." — Bert (02:07)
• Michelle advocates for showing romantic options to maintain intrigue, relating the dynamic to having a “selection of wine or cheeses” to spark competition and desire.

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Self-Confidence and Authenticity

• Melissa and others stress the need for genuine self-confidence rather than simply acting relaxed or detached.
  • Quote: "There has to be an authenticity... you have to work on your own self-confidence so that the genuineness of that shines through." — Melissa (03:30)
• The cast agrees that confidence doesn’t mean arrogance, but rather knowing and valuing oneself, which naturally attracts others.

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Age and Emotional Self-Regulation

• The group discusses that emotional self-control often comes with age and experience.
  • Jen remarks: younger women may lack the confidence of their older counterparts, making emotional detachment harder in their early 20s (03:51).
  • Melissa: encourages self-focus—making your own goals and happiness the center of your life rather than centering all efforts on gaining a man’s approval (05:56).

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The Male Perspective: The “Unavailable” Factor

• Tommy uses a memorable childhood analogy: men, like young boys, are most interested in the “toy” another child wants, suggesting men desire what seems just out of reach (04:24).
  • Quote: "No six year old boy has a more appealing toy in his toy chest than the one that the other kid is playing with." — Tommy (04:24)
• Melissa questions the objectifying undertone, but Tommy clarifies he’s describing male psychology, not advocating possession (05:15-05:33).
• Tommy’s Advice: The number one move? Be unavailable sometimes—men will intuit confidence if you have your own life and occasionally aren’t accessible (07:00).
  • Quote: "All you have to be. There's one thing. You have to be. Unavailable." — Tommy (07:00)
• Bert: "Elusive." (07:00)

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Gender Stereotypes & Common Pitfalls

• The team notes many young women tether their self-worth to the opinions or presence of men, a mistake that undermines confidence and self-esteem.
  • Quote: "So many young girls think that they're only great based on the guy they're dating." — Jen (07:29)
• Elizabeth (Caller): Chimes in to say Michelle's advice isn't groundbreaking—women have always known that confidence attracts men, but not everyone knows how to implement it (08:25).
  • Quote: "As long as you're confident and you can exude that, then guys are going to be interested... I've never had a problem." — Elizabeth (08:25)

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Listener Reactions

• Harold (Caller): Disagrees with Michelle’s analogy of dating as a wine and cheese platter, suggesting intentionally keeping options open can backfire and leave people confused or annoyed (07:33).
• Elizabeth: Asserts that what’s being discussed is common knowledge, but execution, not theory, is where most struggle (08:25).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Women are emotional creatures...acting on her emotions and therefore it leads to not having any game." — Michelle (01:00)
• "Women really do believe that if they are not totally and completely attentive to a dude, that the dude is gonna lose interest. Where it's just the opposite." — Bert (02:07)
• "You have to work on your own self-confidence so that the genuineness of that shines through." — Melissa (03:30)
• "No six year old boy has a more appealing toy in his toy chest than the one that the other kid is playing with." — Tommy (04:24)
• "All you have to be. There's one thing. You have to be. Unavailable." — Tommy (07:00)
• "So many young girls think that they're only great based on the guy they're dating." — Jen (07:29)
• "As long as you're confident and you can exude that, then guys are going to be interested... I've never had a problem." — Elizabeth (08:25)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Women's lack of "game" and emotional approach: 00:51–02:23
• Misconceptions about attentiveness and creating intrigue: 02:07–03:28
• Authenticity and confidence: 03:30–03:51
• Age and emotional growth: 03:51–05:56
• Tommy’s “toy chest” analogy and debate: 04:24–05:33
• Making it about yourself; the elusive woman: 05:56–07:00
• Key dating advice—being unavailable: 07:00–07:29
• Listener reactions and experience: 07:33–08:47

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Conclusion

The episode artfully blends humor, personal anecdotes, and practical advice as the Bert Show cast and listeners debate the nuances of "game" in dating. From self-confidence to strategy, emotional maturity, and societal myths, the crew concludes that the best “game” comes down to authenticity and self-worth. Contradictory opinions keep the conversation lively, but the consensus lands on the importance of being true to oneself—and sometimes, a little elusive—to spark real attraction.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

The first show intern Michelle here. I have heard her complain off the air before that women just don't have any gain.

[C]

And we've spoke about this before or you guys have spoken about this before. Confidence. It goes back to confidence. I think that women are emotional creatures. So when something like Terri today when she was instant messaging him, she gets all excited and giddy. So instead of actually thinking and being cool and calm and collective, she just wants to respond with her immediate reactions acting on her emotions and therefore it leads to not having any game. Whereas guys are a little bit more nonchalant about things, they don't get as involved. But the trick is, is that if you play the game properly, you can have them all wrapped up in you. And I think that's just about being nonchalant. And you know, well, first of all, like you said, don't say Good morning sunshine. It's a little cheesy like Good morning sunshine. Even if you were going to initiate a conversation with somebody kind of, I don't say planet, but at least have a reason for why you want to. Like if you really are eager to sit there and contact somebody, then come up with the reason why you're eager? You know what you want to say to this person? No, I mean they went to school together, so if they went to USC in California, shouldn't you kind of like know who his football fans, you know who he's a fan of and know if he's into football and stuff like that. So when you create these conversations or initiate these conversations, you have something to base your conversation on.

[B]

Doesn't this go. It all goes back to that conversation that I think we've had before, where women really do believe that if they are not totally and completely attentive to a dude, that the dude is gonna lose interest. Where it's just the opposite.

[D]

Right?

[C]

Absolutely. And I also think that when you are single and you're dating a guy, say you meet a guy and you're interested, not that you should drop the fact that there are other guys, but let him know that you are on the market for other men to take you on dates and other men to be interested on you, be interested in you. Because that makes them. It just. It initiates that little thing inside their mind that it's like, I want this girl because everybody else wants this girl. And I think that's very, very important when you're in the dating scene. I mean, like I said when I was single and I told Wendy this that one time, it's like having a selection of wine or a selection of cheeses. When you're drinking wine, you want to be able to pick and choose who you want to go on a date with and let them wine and dine you and be charming and be nonchalant. There's some girls out there that if a guy says something about an ex girlfriend or talks about ex girlfriend, they get all emotional and they get hurt, their feelings hurt. Why just be cool about. Be like, really? That's like, ouch. That sucks for you. You know, but that's cool. Yeah. And just not care. And then they're like, okay, I could talk to this girl. She doesn't care. She's confident in who she is, so she's not threatened by any other female.

[B]

That's mojo. That's mojo.

[E]

Yeah. And I think there has to be an authenticity with that, as though, like, I think you have to work on your own self confidence so that the genuineness of that shines through. And then you can act upon that self confidence. Because somebody that's totally insecure and not confident whatsoever is eventually going to pull off the mask and they're gonna see that.

[C]

Right? I think.

[D]

I think the insecure. I mean, because that's coming from a perspective of late 20s, 30s woman, where an early 20s woman I just don't think is gonna be able to have the confidence that she's gonna have later on. So I think in the meantime, for an early 20s girl, there has to be a way for her to distract herself from working on her emotions. Because I think guys are easily distracted. I mean, come on. I mean, they're, you know, that's a great answer. So they're not so Tapped into their emotion that they get overwhelmed by it. They may see, you know, they see pretty girl on TV while they're texting, oh, wait, she's alive.

[F]

You know what?

[D]

And a girl has. And it's so hard for a woman to distract herself mentally, you know.

[F]

You know what it is, Melissa? You just said something in there that it's put a light bulb thing above my head. Guys never move past, I think probably six years old because no six year old boy. And Bert correct the age or whatever if I'm wrong because you know this from Hayden or whatever. But no six year old boy has a more appealing toy in his toy chest than the one that the other kid is playing with. Right. Seriously. And every time I've been around kids, I see it. I remember doing it as a kid. Could have never picked up that, you know, remote controlled dump truck thing for two Christmas two years after I got it for Christmas two years ago. But the minute my little buddy is over at the house and he takes out and he's playing with it, I'm like, wait a minute. My favorite toy is.

[E]

You think it's a little bit dangerous to compare women to like a toy, like an object, like it's something that a guy wants to somehow own.

[F]

Well, what do you want?

[C]

Guys only want you when they can't have you.

[E]

Like it's like women sort of possession.

[B]

I think I totally understood what you're saying.

[F]

I'm not talking about

[B]

it's more of a statement about guys and their mentality than it is that being literal. Right? Don't be literal about it.

[F]

Let's not try to get too deep when I get deep because there ain't much more there.

[B]

It's basically shallow, deep pool.

[D]

That's the conversation between men and women. He's making a simple analogy and we read so much into it. So I think that for a woman to be able to play the game, Michelle, do you think, don't you think that she needs to kind of pull back from what she's thinking?

[C]

I think it goes with both you and Jen. You, Melissa and Jen said, I think, yeah, it has to be genuine. And you have to like they say you have to love yourself for someone else to truly love you and want you. That's just, you know, that has to come from within. But I also think it's what you said, Melissa, about, you know, men are distracted and when you are in your early 20s, it should be about you. It should be all about you and what you want to do and make it about You. And if you're making it about you and your goals in your life and where you want to be, then people are gonna be attracted to that. Just guys are gonna be attracted to that. People are gonna be attracted to that, and they're gonna say, wow, you know, this girl is like. She has herself not. Not arrogant or cocky, but she knows what she wants and she's not afraid to, you know.

[B]

You know, don't be scared of cocky either. Cocky's not bad.

[F]

I still think you're way overcomplicating it. You're trying to analyze a guy from a girl's point of view.

[C]

I'm not.

[D]

And she's talking. She's talking about the girls. I mean, you know what I mean, right?

[F]

But I think there's, like. I think you're putting a lot of things, okay, I gotta be cocky and confident. Blah, blah, blah, blah. All you have to be. There's one thing. You have to be. Unavailable.

[B]

Elusive.

[F]

Every now and again, be a little bit unavailable. Don't worry about cocky, because a guy is gonna assume that you have your own thing going on when you are,

[C]

you know, doing your thing.

[F]

Doing your thing. Don't worry about being confident because he's gonna assume that you're confident because. Wait a minute. Every guy thinks they're the greatest guy in the world. Every guy.

[B]

Only. Only a few of us know it.

[C]

That's my point. Every girl should. Every girl should think that she's the greatest thing in the world.

[D]

But so many young girls think that they're only great based on the guy they're dating.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

Harold here doesn't. Isn't agreeing with Michelle at all. Hey, Harold. Good morning.

[G]

Hey, good morning. Guys. I just wanted to say real quick that, like, I didn't agree with what Michelle said when she was saying, like, guys are like wine, like, having a selection of wine and cheese. I mean, like, honestly, if you're dating somebody, you know, and, like, and you, like, want to date him or whatever, I don't think you should, like, try to, like, you know, keep your, like, options open or whatever. Because. Because then, like, if you're dating, let's say, like, you're dating somebody, and then, like, you go on a date with somebody else, and then the guy tries to talk to you, then you just, like, blow them off. Like, then that guy, like, doesn't even know what to do anymore. And then he gets to the point where, like, he's, like, annoying you, you know?

[B]

I think we're talking about apples and oranges there. I don't I don't think.

[G]

No.

[F]

We're talking about wine and cheese.

[D]

All I know is I'm hungry.

[B]

And Jen heard the word wine and she's like, what? Where is it checked out?

[E]

I'm already like, wait, which time?

[D]

But I do think Michelle date.

[A]

I'm so confused.

[B]

Here's Elizabeth real quick. Hey, Elizabeth. Go ahead.

[H]

Hey. I was just saying that everything that Michelle is saying is nothing groundbreaking, really. I mean, girls have known this forever. As long as you're confident and you can exude that, then guys are going to be interested. It really doesn't matter if you pay attention to them or not. And I'm a woman in my early 20s and I've never had a problem.

[B]

You might be right. But just because you have the playbook doesn't mean that you know how to play.

[C]

Yeah, I think certainly not in the playbook.

[D]

I just think so many girls have her, you know, tear off a day calendar to let her know exactly what she needs to be doing. But then in real life, she is trying to please him and cater to and doing all these things, and it's like, you're way too available. I do think too many. So many girls do that.

[B]

You're on the Birch Show.