Vault: She Set Her Divorced Parents Up On A Blind Date, And It Didn't End Well

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault – She Set Her Divorced Parents Up On A Blind Date, And It Didn't End Well

Date: March 23, 2026
Main Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Jen (caller)
Summary prepared by Podcast Summarizer

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Episode Overview

This episode revisits a dramatic and awkward family story: Jen, a listener, describes orchestrating a surprise "blind date" for her divorced parents—at her mother's request—in the hope of rekindling their romance. Despite clear warnings against the plan from the show’s hosts and community, Jen followed through, leading to a tense fallout and major emotional consequences for everyone involved. The segment is equal parts cringe comedy and heartfelt advice, with the Bert Show cast providing insight and support while holding Jen accountable.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Plan: What Happened Last Time (01:19–02:04)

• Recap: Jen’s mom had a “massive revelation” that she and Jen’s dad still belonged together. Jen’s mom asked her to arrange a blind dinner date, with Jen’s dad unaware her ex-wife would join him.
• Host Reaction: The cast (and the Bert Show community) strongly advised Jen not to do it, warning her about potential hurt and chaos.

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Execution of the Plan (03:08–03:41)

• Details: Jen proceeded with the scheme. She had a pleasant time with her dad at dinner, excused herself, and swapped out for her mom, leaving abruptly and not witnessing what followed.
• Jen (caller):

  “I would have loved to stay there with my dad... we were actually having a really good time.” (03:13)

• Host Criticism: The cast calls out Jen for not even monitoring the fallout, suggesting that her fleeing indicated foreknowledge of disaster.

  “The fact that this thing could have been such a train wreck that you couldn't even bear to watch should have been an indication to you that you shouldn't have done it.” (04:12 – Host)

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Aftermath & Immediate Reactions (04:45–06:14)

• Jen Leaves: On the way to see friends, Jen’s dad calls her within minutes—she ignores the call, letting it go to voicemail.
• Voicemail: Jen listens with her friends. Her normally stoic dad expressed his frustration and disappointment directly.
• Dad’s Words:

  “He wished I would have told him and that ... it was really unfair to be put in that position.” (06:00 – Jen)

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Dinner Outcome & Family Perceptions (06:43–07:50)

• Dinner's End: Despite his discomfort, Jen’s dad stayed for the meal. Jen’s mom returns home elated, believing the night went “amazing.”
• Hosts’ Take: The show notes the contrast: Jen’s dad is polite but clearly upset; Jen’s mom is oblivious and overjoyed, misunderstanding dad’s civility as romantic interest.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “She thinks that this thing is rekindled now.” (07:02 – Host)
  • “Because he was kind and polite to her... you always see what you want to see.” (07:19 – Male Co-host)

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Responsibility, Guilt, and Moving Forward (07:50–10:52)

• Jen’s Dilemma: The hosts press Jen about her avoidance, urging her to confront both parents honestly.
• The Burden of Children in Divorce:
  • “It’s unfair for them to put you in this ... but you need to take responsibility for what happened and be able to clear up that confusion.” (08:46 – Female Co-host & Male Co-host)
  • “You’ve got to call your dad ... He reached out to you as soon as he realized what was going on ... Like, you got to stand up and talk to your dad.” (09:51 – Host)
• Reality Check: The hosts emphasize that children of divorce often hope for reconciliation, but “it’s just not a reality that the parents are going to get back together.” (09:39 – Female Co-host)

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Relationship Damage & Emotional Impact (11:32–12:25)

• Caller (Jessica): Raises the point that Jen may have damaged her relationship with her father and any chance of rekindling between her parents.
• Jen Downplays: She insists her relationship with her dad wasn’t unusually close before, so silence isn’t abnormal.

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Final Advice & Takeaways (12:57–13:54)

• Cast’s Closing Guidance:
  • Jen should immediately call her dad and consider an in-person conversation.
  • If it’s clear her dad has no interest in reconciling, Jen must also break the news to her mom to prevent “false hope.”

    “You’ve got to be the one to tell her ... this excitement that you’re feeling right now, it has backfired. Let’s end it right now. You can’t let her live with that another day.” (13:23 – Host)

  • Strong admonishment: Children should not be made mediators or matchmakers for divorced parents.

    “Be the adult. Stay the adult. Just because you've become divorced doesn’t mean now your child's your best friend.” (13:48 – Female Co-host)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you can’t watch, don’t execute.” (04:12 – Host)
• “As soon as he called you four minutes later, you knew it was bad ... your stomach dropped.” (05:25 – Female Co-host)
• “You’re acting like a little itty bitty cowardly little girl right now, Jen.” (08:29 – Host)
• “She wants there to be a chance with her parents. And so that’s why she’s not calling... she doesn’t want to call her dad because he’s not going to give her the same response.” (12:41 – Female Co-host)

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Important Timestamps

• [01:19–02:04]: Recap of Jen’s original plan and show’s warnings
• [03:08–03:41]: Execution of the plan: Jen’s account of the dinner switch
• [04:45–06:14]: Jen leaves, ignores her dad’s call, listens to the angry voicemail
• [06:43–07:50]: Dad’s reaction vs. mom’s oblivious excitement
• [08:29–08:46]: Cast confronts Jen about her responsibility and avoidance
• [09:51–10:52]: Hosts insist Jen must talk to both parents, stress danger of false hope
• [12:57–13:54]: Final advice: honesty and hard conversations must happen

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Tone & Style

The episode balances humor, empathy, and honesty. The tone is direct and supportive, but not sugarcoated; the hosts hold Jen responsible for her actions, while also acknowledging the emotional complexity of being a child of divorce. The interplay between co-hosts and their compassion for Jen—even as they rib her for her choices—keeps things both lively and heartfelt.

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Conclusion

This Bert Show “Vault” episode is a cautionary and emotionally charged look at what can go wrong when adult children of divorce get entangled in their parents’ unresolved love lives. In equal measure awkward and instructive, it leaves listeners with a simple message: don’t play matchmaker for your parents, and always act with honesty—and courage—when things go sideways.

Transcript

[Tyler Redick]

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[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

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[Tyler Redick]

The Birch show previously on the Burch Show.

[Caller (Jen)]

My mom and dad, they've been divorced for five years. Suddenly this year, my mom just has this massive revelation that she and my dad belong together. I don't have any idea how my dad feels about my mom. Romantically. Well, my mom has constructed the theme. She wants me to take him to a really nice restaurant and then say, there's somebody special here that I think will be perfect for you. And my mom comes out, and then somehow I duck out and I say, well, I have a tape, you know? And now she's trying to get me involved and I. And I feel really guilty, like, okay,

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

so that was last week on the show. And going into the weekend, she was ready to execute her plan, even though the entire Birch show community said, don't do it.

[Caller (Jen)]

Because she said.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

She said, it would be fun. This would be fun. Sounds like fun.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

Well, and she was just really hoping that they would get back together or at least start up some sort of conversation. But we kept giving her the advice, like, you can't just step away from the table and shock your dad. You should at least tell him what's coming. Hey, when I get up, guess who's coming in, you know?

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

Or don't leave altogether. At least sit at the bar and keep an eye so if it looks uncomfortable, you can intervene.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

She's like, no safety net here.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

None.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Hey, Lori.

[Caller (Jen)]

Hi. How are ya?

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Good. How are you? And how are your mom today?

[Caller (Jen)]

I guess we're fine. I have a little bit. I have a flu. That's thoughtful.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

The good news is that it'll take four weeks to go away. You got that going for you?

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

Hey, it's the gift that keeps on giving.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

So Friday night, the game plan was to go to dinner with your dad, and then midway through, you were going to excuse yourself, go to the bathroom, and your mom was going to surprise your dad and sit down in your seat. That was the game plan. Is that how it was executed?

[Caller (Jen)]

That's exactly how we did it. Okay. Yeah, we went out. It was really nice. Like, I would have loved to stay there with my dad. You know, we were actually having a really good time. We were laughing a lot, and I had a drink and didn't order yet. Right before the waiter came over to take our order, I just tried, kind of said, you know, excuse me, gotta go to the bathroom. And then I went there. I saw my mom, you know, we kind of hugged, and then I just walked out the back door to where I parked.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

You didn't even watch her go sit down or anything?

Dude. It's like I could. It's like that Judd Nelson movie, Vice Versa or whatever it is. Mom comes to the table and thinks that you're the daughter, but you've aged and switched places with her just like that.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

Oh, man. The show would have been complete without a Judd Nelson.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

So you take off, you don't watch nothing. You just split?

[Caller (Jen)]

Yeah, I had to. I had to just go and I had plans with my girlfriend, and I just wanted to meet up with them and get it over with.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

The fact that this thing could have been such a train wreck that you couldn't even bear to watch should have been an indication to you that you shouldn't have done it.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

Agreed.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

If you can't watch, don't execute. Okay, so you take off?

[Caller (Jen)]

Yeah, I mean, I was also just. It's. It's still emotional. I think that because my parents break up and everything, so I didn't really want to see, you know, what would happen.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

Falling out again. So what happened?

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

So do you go and you. You immediately go to have drinks with your friends or. Where are you now? In the Parking lot or what?

[Caller (Jen)]

Yeah, well, I was driving to meet up with some girlfriends and then I got a phone call from my dad. How.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

How many minutes were you in the car when you got that, that call?

[Caller (Jen)]

Four. Four to six.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Okay.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

What did he say?

[Caller (Jen)]

I. I didn't. I didn't pick up. I just like, let it go to voicemail. Oh, no,

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What was your thinking behind. Not.

[Caller (Jen)]

I didn't want to hear it yet. I really. I just figured whatever it was, it couldn't be helped right then. I wasn't gonna go back.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

Wow, you knew it was bad.

Yeah.

As soon as he called you four minutes later, you knew it was bad.

Your stomach dropped.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

So what did his voicemail say?

[Caller (Jen)]

Well, I listened to it with my girlfriend. I went over to one of their house and we were all drinking wine and we listened to it on speaker. What do you say it was? You know, my dad's pretty stoic, so for him to express any, like, anger or frustration with me is pretty weird.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

That's great. What did it say?

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Is that exactly what he did, though? He expressed anger and disappointment a little bit?

[Caller (Jen)]

Yeah, he just said that he, you know, he wished I would have pulled him and that, you know, if I had plans like that, I wouldn't have knock it up on him. You know, he felt like it was really unfair to be put in that position.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

And the first time you'd heard that,

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

well, it will realize that he had to leave the table to go make that phone call or so.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

I mean, like, unless he's doing it right in front of the. Make a phone call.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

Exactly.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Hi, baby. I just want to let you know that I'm in a really uncomfortable situation right now. So glad you put me in this situation.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

Yeah, exactly. I mean, if you're mad enough. But how long did they. Did they last? Did they stay at the table all night or did he get up and leave and call you? Because he left when he saw her.

[Caller (Jen)]

Oh, no, they had dinner completely. The weird thing is my mom has come home and she doesn't seem to think that anything was bad or weird. She thinks that it went amazing. Oh, psychedelic raving about it.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

So he did sit there through the entire night and did the polite thing and didn't get up and stuck it out. And she thinks that this thing is rekindled now.

[Caller (Jen)]

I don't know how. I don't know how my mother, like, has not picked up at all.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

Because he was.

[Caller (Jen)]

I don't know.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

Because he was kinda. Because he was kind and polite to her, like, that's why. So she's what? You always see what you want to see.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Is she like overly excited? Like a 17 year old girl in love for the first time again?

[Caller (Jen)]

Pretty much, yeah. And I don't know if maybe things went better towards the end of the night. Maybe they loosened up. I have no idea because I haven't touched my dad since then. I just sent him an email and said like, I have the flu and I can't talk, I can't talk to him.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

I just, I really, I still think, like I felt in the very beginning, it's unfair for them to put you in this. Like your father's not putting you in this because you put him in that. But I. What worries me is that. Did you tell your mother that you're not in this anymore? Because I think this is so bad for you.

[Caller (Jen)]

I mean, I'm already in it though, because I still have to deal with everything that happened.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

Well, yeah, because you were an instigator. I mean, it was your mom's idea, but you executed it in that way. And then now, as a follow up, you haven't even called your dad. You sent him an email and said you were sick. Like, you need to at this point take some responsibility for what happened and be able to clear up that confusion.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

You're acting like a little itty bitty cowardly little girl right now, Jen.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

Hobbie's taking you apart like Lance Armstrong took apart that Irish fella.

I'm just saying, you're so flipping about it now when your mom could get really hurt, or already is. And it's obvious that your dad's really hurt.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

It's unfair to your dad not to talk to him or explain anything to your dad.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Well, and now mom's got this false hope also. Oh my God, The. The plan has worked to perfection. And dad's not feeling that at all.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

You know, I'm sure he's feeling a little betrayed too, because, I mean, it's not your fault that you're in the position you're in about being the child of. A child of divorced parents. But I do think that this seems like you've taken her side, so to speak, and that you've manipulated him and you tricked him.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Has your dad reached out to your mom again since that night?

[Caller (Jen)]

No, I don't think so.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Because if he was excited about it and this plan was working the way that she wanted it to, I'm sure he would have called on Sunday or he'll call sometime today. But since he hasn't yet, I don't think he's feeling the same way your mom is.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

Without a doubt, he's not.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Number one.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

Because he said that.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Yeah.

[Caller (Jen)]

Yeah.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

I mean, that unless that reaction phone call, there's not much that turns that completely around, even if it was a great dinner.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

I mean, I don't know. I. I know that that is a common wish, I'm sure, amongst a lot of children in this situation, but it's just. It's just not a reality that the parents are going to get back together.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

And you got to call your dad. Yes. You got to call him today. I mean, you're late on that now. I mean, he reached out to you as soon as he realized what was going on. It goes to voicemail. He doesn't hear anything from you all night. Nothing yesterday. And you're the one that instigated this. Like, you got to stand up and talk to your dad.

[Caller (Jen)]

Yeah, you're right.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

And my concern. Yeah. And my concern also, though, is, like, too many times I've seen couples where one moved on and the other one didn't because they held out hope. And I think for your mom, the danger is that she's going to hold out hope for your dad. He's going to move on with his life, and she's never going to move on with her life because she's going to just hang on to that. And I think it stunts their life.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Yeah. At one point or another. Now, if your dad is not feeling the same way as your mom, you're gonna have to be the one to tell mom that I got. You got to slow it down here, Mom. I know you're all excited, but this hasn't worked out the way we thought it was going to. That has to come from you. It's not your dad's responsibility anymore.

[Caller (Jen)]

Really genuinely seems to think something amazing happened. So I still. You know, my dad could be just, like, mad at me for how things went down or, like, how I handled it, but it doesn't mean that it's in go.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Well, you don't think your mom's judgment is a little bit clouded on what happened in that hour and a half,

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

or your judgment is a little clouded?

[Caller (Jen)]

Yeah, I'm still just hoping for the best.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

You know, at this point, it was. Admirable might be the wrong word, but it was. At least there is the best was an option then, but now you've been shown that that's not going to happen. So time to wrap it up.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Hey, Jessica. Go ahead.

[Caller Jessica]

Hey, I'm not sure what your relationship with your dad is currently, but is it any indication that since he didn't call you after all this happened, that you could have potentially, you know, hurt your relationship with your dad? And not only that, but any potential relationship there could have been with your dad and your mom? I mean, is he just kind of, like, shunning you at this point?

[Caller (Jen)]

I don't know. My dad and I. You go a long time sometimes without talking, and then I'll just send, like, little emails like, how are you? Or, you know, it doesn't seem abnormal, I guess, to me.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

Mm.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

This is really a. This is a fantastic example of somebody calling us that knew what she was going to do before she called us. And you called us up for advice, and 90% of the people that called up said, don't do it. Don't get involved, don't get involved, don't get involved. But you knew what you were going to do before you even called us, and this was going to be the result.

[Caller (Jen)]

Mm.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

But now you've got the. But it's a little surprising that now you have the result, but you're, I guess, ignoring it. Right.

Like, she just apathetic about it now. And it's like, you can't jump in with two feet and get involved in this situation now that it's gone bad. Be like, oops, wasn't my fault.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

She. Well, by calling her, talking to her father, it confirms that there's not a chance. And in her mind, she wants there to be a chance with her parents. And so that's why she's not calling. She's listening to her mother talk about how wonderful the night was. And she's buying into that. And she doesn't want to call her dad because he's not going to give her the same response.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

Larry, we got to run. But what's your next move here? You're going to call your dad today. You're going to call your mom here today. What are you going to do?

[Caller (Jen)]

I'm definitely going to call my dad and talk to him. I'm probably going to even tell him we need to meet up in person and not talk over the phone. You know, I'm sick, but I'm going to go out and show him that I care about how he feels.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

Ask him to dinner and tell him I'll stay the whole time. I said ask him to dinner and say, but I promise, dad, I'll stay the whole time.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

This is not a double setup. Now, if you talk to your dad and he tells you, look, I'm just not feeling the same way as your mom. Now you've got the response of, you've got two things to do now. You got to call mom. And you've got to be the one to tell her, like, mom, this excitement that you're feeling right now, it has backfired. Let's end it right now. You can't let her live with that another day.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

And divorce parents. Yeah, and divorce. Divorce parents. Don't get your children involved.

[Male Co-host/Advisor]

Be the adult.

[Female Co-host/Advisor]

Stay the adult. Just because you've become divorced doesn't mean now that your child's your best friend.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

All right, Lori, thanks for the follow

[Caller (Jen)]

up on it, you guys.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

All right, I'll talk to you later. Bye bye.

[Announcer/Promo Voice]

Get it the Bird Show.

[Tyler Redick]

Tyler redick here from 2311 Racing. Another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Chumba. Jump [e-mail] let's jumba.

[Host (possibly Larry or main show host)]

No purchase necessary. BTW group void where prohibited by law. CTNCs21+ sponsored by Chumba Casino.

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host of the podcast Lunatic in the Newsroom. If you enjoy journalism that drifts into mil, wild overthinking and a guaranteed nervous breakdown, Lunatic in the Newsroom is for you. It's news like you've never heard before. The only newsroom with a panic button. You'll laugh, you'll cry and gasp in horror as the show spirals completely out of control. It's not just news, it's emotionally unstable. Lunatic in the Newsroom. Listen, today.