Vault: She swore off chasing men

Summary

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The Bert Show — "Vault: She Swore Off Chasing Men"

Release Date: June 8, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show features a candid and relatable discussion on modern dating dynamics, focusing on why one listener, Emily, has made a New Year’s resolution to stop chasing men. The hosts explore the cycles of dating, the value of self-worth, and how breaking established patterns can lead to healthier relationships. There’s humor, vulnerability, and practical advice woven throughout the segment, offering listeners both empathy and encouragement to “do things differently” if they want different results.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Love Lost and Found" Format Introduction

[01:30 – 02:32]

• The hosts explain their usual "Love Lost and Found" segment, designed to help listeners reconnect with potential love interests they’ve briefly met but lost touch with.
• Emily originally emailed in to find a guy she met but then changed her mind after setting a New Year’s resolution.

2. Emily’s Story: From “Chasing Men” to Focusing On Herself

[02:33 – 04:57]

• Emily joins the show and candidly explains her situation:

  “I was out and met this dude… I probably should have gotten his number… but I was oblivious to it.” — Emily [03:08]

• She describes how she and a close friend, both frustrated with unsuccessful romances, decided, inspired by a Dr. Phil and Steve Harvey episode, to stop pursuing men altogether.
• Steve Harvey’s dating advice comes up:

  “Guys have three layers...they’re going to tell you what you want to hear… make themselves be perfect… then you get to the truth.” — Emily, recounting Steve Harvey [03:32]

• Emily reflects on the idea that men who are genuinely interested will make the effort, and that focusing on oneself is a better strategy:

  “If you focus on yourself and you become oblivious, then you’ll definitely know they’re interested if you’re doing your own thing.” — Emily [04:54]

3. The Pattern: Emotional Investment and the Pursuit Cycle

[04:57 – 06:53]

• Hosts and Emily discuss how it’s easy to get “lost in a guy” and start overanalyzing, shifting focus away from oneself.
• Emily admits past experiences were not exactly chasing, but rather, investing in men who habitually cheated or lied:

  “The history really is I’ve been dating people who lie and cheat and like to have several women.” — Emily [05:39]

• The cycle: starts well, then turns stressful as she feels compelled to do more to win interest—only to end up in the same dead end.

4. Breaking the Cycle Through Resolutions

[06:15 – 08:00]

• Host 1 references the adage:

  “If you’re expecting different results, but you do the same things over and over and over again, you’re not going to get different results.” — Host 1 [06:15]

• Emily highlights the importance of being aware of her habits and changing them:

  “It’s a catch yourself type thing... am I doing the same thing again?” — Emily [06:33]

• She shares that she recently broke up with someone and recognizes a bit of bitterness and the need to stay independent for a while.

5. Positive Reinforcement and Relatable Humor

[07:54 – 08:41]

• The hosts praise Emily for her candidness and resolve, joking that usually New Year’s resolutions only last about 10 days.

  “She’s so together that she tried to bail on us, and we wouldn’t let her. Like the mafia. The radio mafia.” — Host 1 [07:05]

• They suggest she might call back if she slips back into her old habits:

  “Maybe she’ll call us back next week and we’ll be doing a Love Lost Family.” — Host 2 [08:38]

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Emily on dating the wrong people:
  "The history really is I’ve been dating people who lie and cheat and like to have several women." — Emily [05:39]
• On breaking old patterns:
  "If you’re expecting different results, but you do the same things over and over and over again, you’re not going to get different results." — Host 1 [06:15]
• Emily’s self-awareness:
  "It’s a catch yourself type thing... am I doing the same thing again? I don’t need to." — Emily [06:33]
• Light-hearted banter:
  "She’s so together that she tried to bail on us, and we wouldn’t let her. Like the mafia. The radio mafia." — Host 1 [07:05]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:30] — Introduction to "Love Lost and Found" Segment
• [02:36] — Emily Joins the Conversation
• [03:06] — Emily’s Backstory and Inspiration from Dr. Phil/Steve Harvey
• [04:54] — Emily’s Take on the Benefits of Not Chasing
• [05:39] — Emily on Past Relationship Patterns
• [06:15] — Hosts Discuss the Importance of Change
• [07:05] — Humor About Emily Bailing on the Segment
• [07:54] — Wrap-Up and Reinforcement of Emily’s Resolution

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Tone and Style

The episode is authentic, warm, and humorous, staying true to The Bert Show's signature engaging and conversational style. The hosts express empathy and playful teasing, while Emily brings self-awareness and insight, creating an honest and motivational conversation for listeners navigating tricky dating landscapes.

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Summary

"Vault: She Swore Off Chasing Men" provides a thoughtful, often funny take on how changing your own behaviors and focusing on your self-worth can break toxic dating cycles. Listeners are urged to prioritize themselves, recognize unhealthy patterns, and feel empowered to expect more from those they choose to date. Emily’s journey provides a relatable test case, emphasizing the courage it takes to set boundaries and stick to them, even when old habits are hard to break.

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Transcript

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[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

The bird show. So normally we do love lost and found. And it works like this. Like if you're at a club, that could happen anywhere, restaurant, could be in traffic, whatever, brave grocery store, and you'll link up with somebody that you think you got some chemistry with, right? I mean, you guys are vibing on your conversation, yet at the end of the conversation, there's that awkward should I get his phone number or not? And then you decide that you don't get it or you do get it, and you accidentally delete his number in your phone or what have you, right? But his memory lingers on and you have no way to find the guy or find the woman. You email us, you give us a description and give us some details about some of the conversation you had with the guy. Then we'll put it out to the Birch show community. And chances are really good someone listening is going to know who this guy or this woman is. Yeah, that's normally how Love Lost and Found works. And Emily was all fired up, man. She was getting ready to do it. She met a dude, didn't get the number or whatever, so she was ready to come on and do Love Lost and Found. So she's here now, but we will not be doing Love Lost and Found.

[Host 2 (Possibly Tracy)]

She has enough details on him, right?

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

Hey, Emily. Doesn't matter.

[Emily]

Hello.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

Hi. How are you?

[Emily]

I'm good. Well, I'm sick, but I'm good.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

You got a case of the Carters right now?

[Host 2 (Possibly Tracy)]

Just this cold, Melissa.

[Emily]

I don't know. I'm just hanging out in the garage getting me sick, I guess.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

Okay, well, Emily, you emailed us initially, and. And you. You wanted to do a Love Lost and Found, and then you emailed us a couple of days later and said, oh, my New Year's resolution is to not chase guys, right?

[Emily]

Pretty much.

[Host 2 (Possibly Tracy)]

So that kind of canceled each other.

[Emily]

Yeah, it was kind of funny, actually. I. I was out and met this dude. We were out for my birthday, and I was like, oh, well, you know, he seems kind of nice, and I'm not exactly the most forward person when I'm out. And I was like, I probably should have gotten his number because I. Because we were out. I was with my friends. I really didn't. I was oblivious to it. And so I was like, well, I know they do that, so let me email them and see what's going on. So then Tracy responded, probably two hours after I emailed. I was like, oh, crap. And see, last week, yeah, I have a good friend that we talk about everything that's going on in our lives or whatever, and we haven't had the best of luck with men. We've been dating the ones that really aren't up to par, so to speak. And last Monday, this is gonna sound like a pitch for Dr. Phil and Steve Harvey, but he had a don't do it again in 2010 show, and Steve Harvey was by his side the whole show, so. And one of the women on the show was like, I keep dating losers this and that. And so Dr. Phil gives his pitch of, you get what you deserve, you get what you expect. You know, the big, serious Dr. Phil. And then Steve Harvey said, all right, listen, guys, have three layers. Layer number one is they're going to tell you what you want to hear. Layer number two is they're going to make themselves be the ideal guy and the perfect guy for you no matter what. And layer three is where you get to the truth. And so we were like, I was talking to my friend. I was like, you know, honestly, how do you know you're going to get to layer number three if you put yourself out there? So it's kind of like. Well, you're more likely to get a guy that is honestly interested in you if he pursues you.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

Correct.

[Emily]

That's one side of it. And then the second side of it is it's so easy to get lost in a guy and analyzing things, being an emotional chicken, that if you focus on yourself and you become oblivious, then you'll definitely know they're interested if you're doing your own thing.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

Okay. That makes. This is the mojo that we talk about all the time. Like, the less. The less you care, the more people are interested in you.

[Emily]

Exactly. And it works. Sometimes it's hard to get out of the cycle if you've been involved with somebody who kind of controls you for so long, but that's the deal.

[Host 2 (Possibly Tracy)]

So your New Year's resolution is not

[Hers Brand Narrator]

to pursue any guys, right?

[Host 2 (Possibly Tracy)]

I think it's a great resolution. Tell us about your guy chasing in the past.

[Emily]

Well, it hasn't really been chasing initially, but it's been getting hooked up and. And I guess, you know, that whole motherly thing, I don't. I don't really know. The history really is. I've been dating people who lie and cheat and like to have several women.

[Host 2 (Possibly Tracy)]

And you often. You have to meet these guys and somehow you pursue them.

[Emily]

Yeah. It ends up. It ends up being fine for the first couple weeks, and then it's like, oh, well, maybe. Maybe I need to do more to get them. To get them to know that I'm interested. And then it just ends up being a vicious cycle, basically.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

So this goes back to the same thing we were talking about half an hour ago. If you're expecting different results, but you do the same things over and over and over again, you're not going to get different results. So she's trying to snap that whole thing.

[Host 2 (Possibly Tracy)]

I think it's really smart. Yeah. And I think when you make that a conscious decision, that ultimately you start filling your time with other things.

[Emily]

Exactly. Well, it's a catch yourself type thing. It's like, oh, am I doing the same thing again? I don't need to. It's not like it's. It's like the guy that I met Saturday. Well, why do I need to. I mean, I'M sure he would have. He probably would have gotten on, and he probably would have gotten my number, and he probably would have gone out with me, but that doesn't mean he really was interested.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

Seemed way too pulled together to be a part of the Birch show. That's why she tried to bail.

[Emily]

Sorry. Well, I'm pulled together now. You want me to call you back when? In three months. Whenever you're in the same spot.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

That would be really perfect. She's so together that she tried to bail on us, and we. And we wouldn't let her. Like the mafia? The radio mafia.

[Emily]

Exactly.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

So my. My first hunch is that you really couldn't have had too much of a chemistry with this guy, because if you really thought he was right for you, then I think you would have sacrificed your New Year's resolution in order to find this guy. So there's got to be something that's really holding you back from doing what you want to do.

[Emily]

Well, that's partially because I dumped the last one last week.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

Okay.

[Emily]

So I think there's probably a little bitterness there, too.

[Host 2 (Possibly Tracy)]

Okay.

[Emily]

I'm a little. Probably still a little anti.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

So you were attracted to the new guy before you even broke up with the old guy?

[Emily]

No, no, no, no, no. Last. I met the new guy last Saturday.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

Okay.

[Emily]

What, Tuesday now? Four days ago.

[Host 2 (Possibly Tracy)]

Okay.

[Emily]

And I dumped the other one five days prior to that.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

She needed to prove that she could do this by her on her own, independent. She needed some alone time before she was somebody else. All right, Emily, we will re. We will. We will grant your request and not do a love lost and found. For sure.

[Emily]

I appreciate it.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

Thank you for coming on with us,

[Host 2 (Possibly Tracy)]

sticking with your resume.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

Yeah. Good luck. Stick with. I think she's very. She's a great example of what New Year's resolutions are all about, though. Man, it usually takes you about 10 days to break that thing. Matthew was telling us earlier that statistics show that 98% of Americans, once you make a New Year's resolution. What? End it sometime next week. By next week.

[Host 2 (Possibly Tracy)]

Same for her.

[Emily]

Maybe she'll call us back next week

[Host 2 (Possibly Tracy)]

and we'll be doing a Love Lost Family.

[Host 1 (Possibly Matthew)]

Get it? The bird show.