Vault: She Thinks A Man From A Magazine Is Her Soulmate?!

Summary

The Bert Show — Vault: She Thinks A Man From A Magazine Is Her Soulmate?!

Original Air Date: January 28, 2026
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Featuring: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the Bert Show Cast
Main Guest: "Kelly" (caller, under voice disguise for part of the episode)

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into a real-life rom-com scenario: Kelly, a listener, believes a man she saw in a Cosmo magazine might be her soulmate. The Bert Show crew hears her out, debates the concept of fate versus fantasy, and schemes to help her get in touch with the mystery bachelor—a semi-pro hockey player from Youngstown, Ohio. The hosts retain their signature balance of humor, empathy, and a little skepticism, making the morning both entertaining and thought-provoking.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Setting the Scene (00:00–03:37)

• Voice Disguiser Snafu: The show kicks off with technical hiccups as Kelly requests a voice disguiser, leading to some playful banter and adjustment.
• Kelly's Story: Kelly explains her single status (five years), with sister and friends often attempting to find her a match. She describes seeing a guy in Cosmo, feeling a “connection,” and wondering how to meet him despite geographic distance (Atlanta to Ohio).

2. What Drew Kelly to the Magazine Guy? (03:37–04:22)

• Profile Resonance: She notes his love of outdoors, sports, horseback riding, canoeing, and seeking an independent woman—all traits she identifies with.
• Quote:

  "He's looking for somebody who's independent, which is me." —Kelly (01:49)

3. Debate: Is This Romantic or Naive? (04:22–05:16)

• The hosts toggle between skepticism and support:
  • Comparing this to teenage crushes on celebrities.
  • Wondering if acting on this as an adult is unconventional or courageous.
• Kristin draws a distinction:

  "Every woman has done it when they've gone through a magazine. So you're just living out the adult fantasy and maybe it'll come true." —Kristin (04:09)

4. Kelly's Motivation and Dating History (05:16–06:46)

• Kelly details her dating fatigue, aversion to the club scene, stints with online dating, and the challenge of meeting mature men.
• Discusses how her lifestyle (busy, working professional) limits traditional dating opportunities.
• Admits this is her "most crazy thing I've ever done" but emphasizes she's level-headed and just open to possibility.

5. Is This Stalkerish? Or Just Bold? (06:46–08:55)

• Hosts and callers weigh in on the line between pursuit and creepiness.
• Fan analogy:
  • "Katie Holmes had Tom Cruise posters and ended up marrying him," a caller jokes, showing that fantasies can sometimes become reality (06:56–07:13).
  • The hosts clarify the difference between going after a celebrity vs. someone featured in a magazine but not globally famous.

6. Who is the Guy? (Semi-Pro Hockey Star) (07:56–08:55)

• Kelly reveals that he plays for the Youngstown Steelhounds—a semi-pro hockey team, not a celebrity but potentially a local notable.
• The hosts discuss how exposure in Cosmo might result in such bachelors being contacted by many, and Kelly is "one of many," so she shouldn't worry about standing out negatively.
• They all agree this isn't equivalent to stalker behavior due to the public nature of the feature.

7. Plan of Action: Getting in Touch (08:55–11:25)

• Strategy Session: The team suggests using their wider radio network—Cumulus’ affiliates—to reach out to Youngstown, Ohio radio to track the bachelor down.
• Good-natured riffing on small market radio tropes ("There could be zany, bells, whistles," 10:33–10:39).
• They arrange to call "The Wake Up Crew" in Youngstown for possible direct contact.
• Quote:

  "[W]e can... call the morning show up in Youngstown, that is part of our Cumulus family, and we can all go on the air together and find out what this guy is all about, if he is even still single, and maybe even get him on with you this morning." —Host (09:45)

8. Memorable Quotes and Light Moments

• On Adult Fantasies:

  "You're just living out the adult fantasy and maybe it'll come true." —Kristin (04:09)

• On Stalkerish Behavior:

  "If you were calling us up and you said you wanted us to pursue Matthew McConaughey for you...then it feels creepy to me. But just because it's a dude in a picture of a magazine, it doesn't seem creepy." —Host (07:14)

• On Radio Synergy:

  "We can attack this from a couple of different angles..." —Host (03:37)

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Notable Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:13 — Kelly is introduced, begins her story, and struggles with the voice disguiser.
• 02:25 — Technical issues resolved; Kelly gives real voice.
• 03:37 — Kelly describes why the Cosmo bachelor stood out.
• 05:16 — Kelly's dating history and motivation.
• 06:56 — First caller weighs in with pop culture fantasy-reality comparison.
• 07:56 — Semi-pro hockey player’s details surface.
• 08:55 — Callers support Kelly, liken her quest to online dating.
• 09:45 — Hosts outline the plan to contact Youngstown radio.
• 10:53 — Playful banter about small market vs. big market radio.
• 11:13 — Kelly tries to pronounce bachelor’s last name ("Curtis Dulle?...Dulay?").

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Tone & Style

Staying true to The Bert Show's brand, the episode is warm, self-deprecatingly humorous, and down-to-earth. Good-natured teasing is balanced by empathy and genuine curiosity. The cast plays off each other’s takes, with some skepticism but an underlying urge to help and entertain.

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In Summary

This feel-good episode highlights the quirky yet universal hope of finding connection—even if it means calling a morning show to find your “magazine soulmate.” The Bert Show crew walks Kelly through her dream-chase, engaging with the audience’s doubts and rooting for love all the while.

Bottom line:

• Is it a little crazy? Maybe.
• Is it worth trying? Absolutely—at least according to The Bert Show, who are along for the ride, rooting for romance, and ready to make radio magic happen.

Transcript

[A]

The Bird Show.

[B]

All right. Kelly is on five.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Does she want to be on the Voice Disguise?

[C]

She does.

[B]

Okay, now we got. We were supposed to get this thing fixed yesterday. Is it at the pitch that you want, Jeff?

[A]

I will see.

[B]

Hey, Kelly, how are you today?

[D]

Hi. I'm good. How are you guys doing?

[B]

Good. Can you speak up for us a little bit, though?

[D]

Yes, yes, gladly.

[B]

All right. A very intriguing email because at least on the surface, you're checking out Cosmo magazine and you identify and you make a connection with a guy that's pictured in Cosmo and you want help finding the dude.

[D]

Actually, my sister, I think my friends, my closest friends, my sister have been on a guy hunt for me forever. I've been single for roughly five years. Going on.

[A]

Stop talking for one second.

[B]

Just because we're trying to adjust the Voice Disguiser talk again.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Hello.

[B]

Is that better?

[A]

I think that's better. Is that easier to understand? Can you. Can you sing?

[F]

Oh, stop.

[E]

I'm not singing.

[B]

You just count from like, I do.

[E]

Not sing for days.

[A]

That sounds a little better, right?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Okay, go ahead.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

All right. So it was your. Yeah, you're fine now. So it was your sister that told you about this dude?

[E]

Yes, actually. And I went over for her house for a cookout one evening, and she was, you know, trying to talk me into this. And I don't know, it just sounded really far fetched, kind of stalker, creepy. Ish. And I don't know, I read his profile thing that he had in Cosmo and I really thought, you know, he'd be a great match. So how do you meet somebody in Ohio when you're living in Atlanta, when.

[B]

You come to the Birch?

[F]

We have strong connections in Ohio. I want to know in his profile, what are some of the things that stood out to you that made you want to get in touch with him?

[E]

That he's looking for somebody who's independent, which is me.

[B]

Hey, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Do we have to have you on the Voice Disguiser?

[E]

I would prefer that.

[D]

Is it not working out?

[B]

It's just. It's just. It's hard to understand. It's obnoxious.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

And you should be proud of finding love.

[B]

It's okay. It's a little out of the ordinary.

[E]

For sure, but this is extremely out of the ordinary. It's quite unusual.

[A]

Don't be embarrassed. Nobody will make fun of you while.

[B]

You'Re on the air. I mean, if you want to still be on the Voice Disguiser and you feel that strongly about It. We can certainly use it.

[E]

That's okay. That's okay.

[B]

Okay, hold on one sec.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Cool. That's awesome. Okay, you're back.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

So much easier.

[A]

You know what we should do is just put people on the air without the voice disguiser and tell everybody they're voice disguise. So then people listen go, God, that girl on the phone, Kelly, sounds just like R. Kelly, but she's voiced disguise, so it can't be.

[F]

Anyway, so okay, anyway, Kelly, back to you. Yeah.

[B]

All right, so your, your sister go through you check out the profile. And I kind of checked out because the voice disguiser was bugging me so much. So what was it in the profile right there that was so intriguing to you?

[D]

That he's. He's athletic, which I love being outdoors. I love sports. I don't so much watch them as like to do hands on, throw the football, whatever. And he mentioned that he likes horseback riding, canoeing, you know, I love camping, all that sort of stuff. That he's looking for a woman who's worked hard to accomplish what she's had and independent. And that describes me perfectly. You know, I've worked hard and succeeded in a lot of life and at an early age because I'm 30, so, you know, it just sounded, it sounded like, you know, I could give it a shot and how would you go about approaching that? And my sister and I talked about it and we thought, you know, give you guys a call. So that's how we ended up on the Brick Show.

[B]

We can attack this from a couple of different angles, you know, because at first your first thought is going to be, that's crazy. So you see a guy in a magazine and he says a couple of things that you have a connection with, and all of a sudden you want to find the guy. That's obviously going to be the most common call that we're going to take. But there's also, like, why not like, if you turn the pages of the magazine, you see the guy and there's something in there that you think that maybe this is my soulmate, maybe by something crazy, why not pursue it?

[F]

I mean, how many of our listeners, when you were teenagers or younger and you saw, you know, let's say NSync and you saw what all the guys and Justin Timberlake was into and everything, and you thought to yourself, I, you know, if he just met me, then we could be together. I mean, every woman has done it when they've gone through a magazine. So you're just living out the adult fantasy and Maybe it'll come true.

[A]

But that's. Isn't that the difference? Like, every woman has done it before, they're an adult. But then once you're an adult, then like, what's the problem with finding somebody here?

[B]

It obviously hasn't worked out for her. So she's looking for different. Different avenues. Right.

[C]

And Kelly and I were talking yesterday, and if you do have one soulmate in life, just because you happen to live in Atlanta, what makes you think that God made your one soulmate live here too?

[B]

Because that would be destiny.

[C]

If he's in Ohio, you gotta come across him somewhere.

[A]

Here we go. Here we go.

[F]

One soulmate in Cosmo magazine. That's how it could be. Could be.

[B]

Now you're being sarcastic slightly, but you're being condescending slightly. You think this is a little crazy?

[F]

I don't think it's a little. Why not? I mean, I don't think that it's. I don't think that she should not try to pursue it. I just think that she should know that he put that down in the, in the profile and those may not be things he's passionate about. You know what I mean? Like, his profile might not be an accurate description of him.

[D]

I clearly understand that. And you know, this is the most crazy thing I've ever done in my life. And I've done some wild things, but, you know, I have a college education and a really good level head on my, on my shoulders. And this is just, you know, it's a really far fetched idea, but what the heck, you know, if it were to even get a friendship, you know, it would be neat.

[B]

Give us a little of your dating history because, I mean, to be perfectly honest, it has, it certainly has a hint of desperation.

[D]

I am not into the club party scene. I kind of did that early on in my early 20s, so in late teens. And I'm not interested in that. Have seen. I did the online dating thing through a company for a while and some friends of I, and we kind of did it together and we would talk about our dates and stuff, but you just don't know who you're meeting. You know, you don't know if they're really who they say they are, if they're really, you know, not secretly married and cheating on their wives through these things. So that's kind of a really creepy way to go about it. So I did that for a while and just, you know, being in a career and you're, you know, at a job Monday through Friday, you know, where else are you going to meet people? Unless you're really. Atlanta is a real club scene, you know, at night, in the city, the city life. And I'm just not into that type. I'm over that. You know, I'm kind of into a more mature dating scene, and it's hard to do that when you're working and.

[A]

Have you tried Craigslist?

[B]

Why, do you think that's any better? No, why is that any better?

[A]

I didn't find anything on Craigslist.

[B]

Hey, Jill, you're on Q100.

[D]

Hey, good morning. I wanted to call and say I thought it was exciting that she's going for it when she's seen this. And for those who say, oh, I know people had posters and whatever, Katie Holmes said she grew up with posters of Tom Cruise on her wall.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

To me, that married to him now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's not creepy at all.

[D]

It can happen.

[B]

Like, if we were talking, Kelly, if you were calling us up and you said that you wanted us to pursue Matthew McConaughey for you because you're sure you had a connection with him, then it feels creepy to me. But just because it's a dude in a picture of a magazine.

[F]

Mm.

[B]

It doesn't seem creepy. It just seems like it's. She's working extra hard to find a guy that maybe she's got a connection with.

[F]

Well, it's certainly more attainable, I think, because it's a regular dude that was featured in Cosmo more so than a celebrity, because I don't know if he would actually. Because you mentioned how you're worried that it'll seem stalkerish. But from a celebrity standpoint, maybe. But from him, I don't. I don't know. I don't think that he would receive it that way.

[B]

Now, this guy has an era celebrity about him, though, right?

[D]

It said that he's a semi pro hockey player. So, I mean, I don't know. I'm not on the sports scene enough to know, you know, how big that is.

[B]

He plays for the Youngstown Steelhounds. It's a semi pro hockey team. So he might be a celebrity in Youngstown, but he's certainly not.

[A]

He was a fan.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Steelheim's good ass in Youngstown.

[B]

Jeff, do you think this is crazy? Because I. Go ahead.

[A]

It's a little hard.

[F]

You're usually the romantic on the show. Do you think this is crazy?

[B]

No. I mean, I'm all for it.

[A]

No, I think it's cool. I'm all for it, too. I can't wait to hear how it turns out.

[C]

I don't think it's crazy at all. I mean, he was in Cosmo's eligible bachelor issue, Right. And obviously they put him in there and it's gonna expose him to all sorts of women. I'm sure he's gotten lots of emails and lots of people that are trying to contact him because he was in this issues. She's one of many people.

[B]

Was there an email address or anything in Cosmo?

[D]

No, there wasn't. And I didn't want to try to pursue it that way because then, you know, that is kind of stalker.

[B]

That would be crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Track him down aggressively.

[B]

Hey, Kelly, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[D]

Good morning, guys.

[E]

How are you?

[B]

Good, thanks.

[D]

Before everyone starts to call her crazy, I just want to applaud her for doing this because it's just like online dating, only she found him on paper as opposed to reading his profile on the Internet.

[B]

That's a great point. How different is it? I think it's a great idea.

[D]

Yeah, go for it.

[B]

All right, Kelly, here's what we thought about doing here, and here's what we can do with you this morning. Like, we don't know who this dude is, and we don't have a lot of connections in Youngstown. Steelhound in Youngstown. And we don't know anybody on the Steelhounds, but as part of our company, Cumulus, you know, we've got radio stations all around the country. Got 300, 400 radio stations. So we can call the morning show up in Youngstown. That is part of our Cumulus family, and we can all go on the air together and find out what this guy is all about, if he is even still single, and maybe even get him on with you this morning.

[D]

Okay, we can do that. That's fine. Yeah. First off, make sure he's single.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Well, he's in the Bachelor issue, right? So he's got to be.

[D]

Well, it was in the fall, so.

[A]

Yeah, but, I mean, he's.

[D]

Things change quickly.

[A]

Nah, if he's smart, he's not settled, you know, settling down with anyone. He's living. He's gonna ride that for about a year or two.

[B]

All right, so let's do this. Kelly, let me put you on hold. Producer Tracy is working now to put us on with the morning show in Youngstown.

[A]

Youngstown, wake up crew. 7:48, 12 minutes ahead of 8:00 clock in Youngstown.

[B]

What is the name of the morning show we're going on with?

[C]

It is the Wake Up Crew.

[B]

The Wake Up Crew.

[F]

The Wake Up Crew. Okay.

[B]

You never know what you're going to get when you call, like, a smaller market morning show also. So these guys may be great or just maybe really, really good.

[F]

They could be zany.

[B]

Could be zany.

[A]

There's definitely going to be a lot of zany. Not as much whimsy as we have here, but definitely some zany.

[B]

Could be some bells, some whistles, some, like, clapping as you go into the G100 in the vert show. You know, that could be that we could have that kind of wackiness going on.

[F]

Yeah. So just be warned, Kelly.

[A]

No, we can't even afford a full size cymbal. Like, seriously, this is something that I would train my dog to use.

[B]

It's full size for me and Wendy.

[D]

Exactly.

[B]

All right, Kelly, hold on. We're gonna get on Youngstown on the phone with us and we'll start looking for this dude. Okay?

[D]

Okay.

[B]

What is his name?

[E]

Curtis.

[D]

I'm not sure how to pronounce his last name.

[B]

D, U, L, L, E. Dulay, Dole, Curtis.

[A]

Doe.

[B]

Give us a second and we'll call up the youngster. All right.

[A]

The bird show.