The Bert Show — Vault: She Thinks A Man From A Magazine Is Her Soulmate?!

Original Air Date: January 28, 2026
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Featuring: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the Bert Show Cast
Main Guest: "Kelly" (caller, under voice disguise for part of the episode)

Episode Overview

This episode dives into a real-life rom-com scenario: Kelly, a listener, believes a man she saw in a Cosmo magazine might be her soulmate. The Bert Show crew hears her out, debates the concept of fate versus fantasy, and schemes to help her get in touch with the mystery bachelor—a semi-pro hockey player from Youngstown, Ohio. The hosts retain their signature balance of humor, empathy, and a little skepticism, making the morning both entertaining and thought-provoking.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Setting the Scene (00:00–03:37)

• Voice Disguiser Snafu: The show kicks off with technical hiccups as Kelly requests a voice disguiser, leading to some playful banter and adjustment.
• Kelly's Story: Kelly explains her single status (five years), with sister and friends often attempting to find her a match. She describes seeing a guy in Cosmo, feeling a “connection,” and wondering how to meet him despite geographic distance (Atlanta to Ohio).

2. What Drew Kelly to the Magazine Guy? (03:37–04:22)

• Profile Resonance: She notes his love of outdoors, sports, horseback riding, canoeing, and seeking an independent woman—all traits she identifies with.
• Quote:

  "He's looking for somebody who's independent, which is me." —Kelly (01:49)

3. Debate: Is This Romantic or Naive? (04:22–05:16)

• The hosts toggle between skepticism and support:
  • Comparing this to teenage crushes on celebrities.
  • Wondering if acting on this as an adult is unconventional or courageous.
• Kristin draws a distinction:

  "Every woman has done it when they've gone through a magazine. So you're just living out the adult fantasy and maybe it'll come true." —Kristin (04:09)

4. Kelly's Motivation and Dating History (05:16–06:46)

• Kelly details her dating fatigue, aversion to the club scene, stints with online dating, and the challenge of meeting mature men.
• Discusses how her lifestyle (busy, working professional) limits traditional dating opportunities.
• Admits this is her "most crazy thing I've ever done" but emphasizes she's level-headed and just open to possibility.

5. Is This Stalkerish? Or Just Bold? (06:46–08:55)

• Hosts and callers weigh in on the line between pursuit and creepiness.
• Fan analogy:
  • "Katie Holmes had Tom Cruise posters and ended up marrying him," a caller jokes, showing that fantasies can sometimes become reality (06:56–07:13).
  • The hosts clarify the difference between going after a celebrity vs. someone featured in a magazine but not globally famous.

6. Who is the Guy? (Semi-Pro Hockey Star) (07:56–08:55)

• Kelly reveals that he plays for the Youngstown Steelhounds—a semi-pro hockey team, not a celebrity but potentially a local notable.
• The hosts discuss how exposure in Cosmo might result in such bachelors being contacted by many, and Kelly is "one of many," so she shouldn't worry about standing out negatively.
• They all agree this isn't equivalent to stalker behavior due to the public nature of the feature.

7. Plan of Action: Getting in Touch (08:55–11:25)

• Strategy Session: The team suggests using their wider radio network—Cumulus’ affiliates—to reach out to Youngstown, Ohio radio to track the bachelor down.
• Good-natured riffing on small market radio tropes ("There could be zany, bells, whistles," 10:33–10:39).
• They arrange to call "The Wake Up Crew" in Youngstown for possible direct contact.
• Quote:

  "[W]e can... call the morning show up in Youngstown, that is part of our Cumulus family, and we can all go on the air together and find out what this guy is all about, if he is even still single, and maybe even get him on with you this morning." —Host (09:45)

8. Memorable Quotes and Light Moments

• On Adult Fantasies:

  "You're just living out the adult fantasy and maybe it'll come true." —Kristin (04:09)

• On Stalkerish Behavior:

  "If you were calling us up and you said you wanted us to pursue Matthew McConaughey for you...then it feels creepy to me. But just because it's a dude in a picture of a magazine, it doesn't seem creepy." —Host (07:14)

• On Radio Synergy:

  "We can attack this from a couple of different angles..." —Host (03:37)

Notable Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:13 — Kelly is introduced, begins her story, and struggles with the voice disguiser.
• 02:25 — Technical issues resolved; Kelly gives real voice.
• 03:37 — Kelly describes why the Cosmo bachelor stood out.
• 05:16 — Kelly's dating history and motivation.
• 06:56 — First caller weighs in with pop culture fantasy-reality comparison.
• 07:56 — Semi-pro hockey player’s details surface.
• 08:55 — Callers support Kelly, liken her quest to online dating.
• 09:45 — Hosts outline the plan to contact Youngstown radio.
• 10:53 — Playful banter about small market vs. big market radio.
• 11:13 — Kelly tries to pronounce bachelor’s last name ("Curtis Dulle?...Dulay?").

Tone & Style

Staying true to The Bert Show's brand, the episode is warm, self-deprecatingly humorous, and down-to-earth. Good-natured teasing is balanced by empathy and genuine curiosity. The cast plays off each other’s takes, with some skepticism but an underlying urge to help and entertain.

In Summary

This feel-good episode highlights the quirky yet universal hope of finding connection—even if it means calling a morning show to find your “magazine soulmate.” The Bert Show crew walks Kelly through her dream-chase, engaging with the audience’s doubts and rooting for love all the while.

Bottom line:

• Is it a little crazy? Maybe.
• Is it worth trying? Absolutely—at least according to The Bert Show, who are along for the ride, rooting for romance, and ready to make radio magic happen.