Vault: She tried on her costume at the last minute and it's too small.

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: She tried on her costume at the last minute and it's too small.
Date: May 7, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the humorous and all-too-relatable world of last-minute Halloween costume struggles, as shared by intern Michelle. Michelle narrates her frantic quest to find the perfect Pocahontas costume for her and her boyfriend’s themed couple look—only to face the disheartening reality of ill-fitting costumes and shifting body expectations. The conversation moves beyond costumes to touch on body image, changing metabolisms as you approach your thirties, and the everyday frustrations of unpredictable sizing across brands.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Last-Minute Costume Planning

• Michelle, self-proclaimed procrastinator, decides on a Pocahontas and John Smith couple’s costume with her boyfriend:
  "I wanted to be Pocahontas, and I wanted my boyfriend to be John Smith because I'm ethnic and he's a country white boy. So I figured it'd go hand in hand." (00:50 - Michelle)
• She hopes for a “sexy” costume, opting for a size small, even though she admits she may be straddling size ranges.
• The small size, labeled 4-6, won’t fit past her hips, despite her being a “size 6.”
  "I go into the fitting room and I try it on, and I can't get it over my butt." (01:32 - Michelle)

2. The Frustration of Sizing & Body Image

• Michelle tries various ways to get the costume on—including over her head—but it’s an exercise in futility (02:08).
• The emotional toll is palpable:
  • “You get a little bit depressed because as a female, you’re like, okay, I’m a size 6, so this says 6. So it should fit me, period… But it won’t fit over my butt.” (02:37 - Michelle)
• The struggle is not just physical but mental, tying into broader issues around self-image:
  • “It’s kind of depressing and discouraging when you don’t… fit into that small costume.” (04:25 - Michelle)

3. Turning 30 and Changing Bodies

• The moment becomes more poignant as Michelle notes she’s just months away from her 30th birthday. This milestone brings new challenges:
  • “My metabolism is slowing down, but my eating habits are increasing.” (03:28 - Michelle)
  • “I can eat clean all week, but if I eat that one thing, I feel like it just shows up on me or I feel it.” (03:39 - Michelle)

4. Judgment-Free Sharing & Group Support

• Co-hosts and Michelle laugh about the difficulty of costume sizing and offer encouraging support:
  • “Stupid designer advice coming in, saying that Party City has some Pocahontas costumes that you might want to try.” (05:30 - Michelle, reading suggestions)
  • Playful banter about the realities of costume fits ensues, with funny suggestions about customizing or embracing the snug fit:
    • “Why don't you mix it up and wear it really tight around the butt and go as Pocahonta-ass?” (05:49 - Co-host 2)

5. The Universal Sizing Dilemma

• The episode highlights how erratic clothing sizes can be—sometimes fitting in a size four, other times a ten, even within the same store (05:06).
  • “But you always blame it on the clothes… It's not a four. Right, exactly. That's exactly what I think about that costume.” (05:17 - Michelle)

6. Creative (and Comical) Solutions

• Michelle considers altering the small costume by cutting slits on the side and adding suede ties, though time constraints make this unrealistic (05:54).
• The group jokes about using old-man expandable belts to save the day:
  • “For some of that expandable belt stuff that old men have on their pants.” (06:04 - Co-host 2)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Michelle on costume shopping under pressure:
  “I’ve gone literally to, like, 10 costume stores, and this is the only place that had a really cute Pocahontas type costume.” (01:53)
• On sizing dismay:
  “You never blame it on you. It’s like, this clothing size is wrong. It’s not a four… There’s nothing wrong with this label.” (05:17 - Michelle)
• Co-host 2’s humorous take on tight fits:
  “Why don’t you mix it up and wear it really tight around the butt and go as Pocahonta-ass?” (05:49)
• Michelle admitting defeat (with a smile):
  “I was thinking about cutting slits… but I don’t know if I have enough time to do all the alterations.” (05:54)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:30 – 02:33: Michelle narrates her costume dilemma and failed fitting attempts.
• 02:37 – 03:54: Emotional impact, body image, and age-related changes.
• 04:38 – 05:06: Continued discussion of costume search and shopping frustrations.
• 05:30 – 05:49: Advice from co-hosts and listeners, with playful jabs.
• 05:49 – 06:04: Alt costume ideas and comic relief.

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Tone and Style

The tone throughout is candid, self-deprecating, and supportive, with the hosts mixing empathy and humor in a way that makes everyday frustrations both validating and laughable.

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Conclusion

This episode captures the stress and silliness of real-life wardrobe mishaps, especially during costume season, while touching on broader themes of self-acceptance and changing bodies. Michelle’s story is both funny and relatable, providing plenty of laughs—and a bit of reassurance that if your costume doesn’t fit, you are definitely not alone.

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Transcript

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[Michelle]

the Bird show intern Michelle here. This is her at Mike Music. Poor little, poor little thing Poor little thing. Hello. A little shock treatment this week. Trying to get into her Halloween costume.

Well, I didn't actually. I went to. I had the idea for Halloween to be. I wanted to be Pocahontas, and I wanted my boyfriend to be John Smith because I'm ethnic and he's a country white boy. So I figured it'd be like. It'd go hand in hand. So of course, I'm a procrastinator. And I wait till the last minute to go costume shopping. And I went to a costume store, and I found this cute. The cutest Pocahontas costume. And it's a small. And, you know, I think, as we've discussed before, that on Halloween, you want to be sexy. So a little small.

Like, if it's a little small.

[Co-host 1]

Small.

[Michelle]

Yeah, it's fine.

You're gonna err. Err on the side of. Of too small.

Yeah. Rather than too conservative. Small enough.

Okay.

Okay. So on the package, it says small four to six. And I'm a size six. So I go into the fitting room and I try it on, and I can't get it over my butt.

And I. Yeah, so I'm pulling it up my thighs. Like, it's not going up. It's just like one of those moments where you're just like, please fit. Please fit. You're just doing everything you can.

So I leave the costume store, and I'm just contemplating, you know, what am I gonna do looking. I've gone literally to, like, 10 costume stores, and this is the only place that had a really cute Pocahontas type costume. So I go back to the costume store. Cause I'm thinking to myself, well, if

I try putting it on a different way, maybe it will fit.

So I.

[Co-host 1]

Over your face.

[Co-host 2]

So why can't you Chest.

[Michelle]

Do not accept that.

So I go back to the same one, get the same size. Cause it's only small. And I try putting it over my head, but. But it still won't Fit over my butt.

Aw. They can have it. There is no medium, no nothing.

There's no medium or nothing. So it's just one of those things that I got it on, but it just won't go.

And so, of course, it's one of those things where you get a little

bit depressed because as a female, you're

like, okay, I'm a size 6, so this says 6. So it should fit me, period. There's no, you know, there's no ifs, ands, or buts, buts.

But it won't fit over my butt, so it's a problem. So now I'm just in a dilemma, because I really want to find a

costume that's cute, but it has. My boyfriend and I. We have to compliment each other. It can't be something where I go solo.

[Co-host 1]

What a cute idea, though, for the Poconos.

[Michelle]

This has sort of been a reoccurring theme here with Michelle over the last couple. She's struggling with 30 right now.

Yeah, six months till I turned 30. And I think it's. There are obviously a lot of different changes you go through because you're leaving your 20s and tons of things going on your mind. But then the biggest one, I think that probably affects you is when your

metabolism just slows down again, because you go through that phase, like maybe in

your early 20s or where it slows down. And now I feel like my metabolism is slowing down, but my eating habits are increasing.

You mean you're hungrier or you're paying more attention?

I feel like I'm always hungry, but I just don't feel like no matter how hard I work out and I eat pretty clean and stuff, but everything. I can eat clean all week, but if I eat that one thing, I feel like I just shows up on me or I feel it. Yeah. Or my jeans fit a little bit tighter.

[Co-host 2]

Well, is the one thing that Hardee's burger that drops out of the sky in that TV commercial that weighs about two pounds?

[Michelle]

No, I don't like Hardee's. It's more like grits and bacon in the morning.

[Co-host 1]

Is that worth it, though?

[Michelle]

It is, but I think, you know, it's just like I said, it's that thing. And of course, you put your clothes on and everything, but when you're preparing for Halloween and you want to fit in that costume and you don't, and it's almost like that in between size, because even some costumes I've tried on, I'm a medium. They may be a little bit big, but it's just that small. You just want to be able to fit into that small costume. And it's kind of depressing and discouraging when you don't. When you're not able to do so.

So what are you going to do now? Are you still searching for.

I'm still on the hunt for the costume. I found a couple little ideas I have, but like I said, I have to be a partner with my boyfriend.

[Sleep Number Announcer]

If you found.

[Michelle]

If you found an 8 that F fit, would you wear it or would you?

I don't. Yeah, I mean, I think, like I said, traumatic. Yeah, I think we kind of do take that since, you know, we were very sensitive in that subject of. But, you know, I think also with brands and different types of clothing, sometimes you fit in a four and some brands, and then you go to a different brand because the cut's different. You don't fit in it.

[Co-host 1]

But, yeah, I would say changes throughout the same store. Like, there's a couple of stores in town, like, where you have to try stuff on, because sometimes a two would fit you, and then the next time it's a 10.

[Michelle]

Exactly. But you always blame it on the clothes. Like, you never blame it on you. It's like, this clothing size is wrong. It's not a four. Right, Exactly. That's exactly what I think about that costume. I think it's an extra small, not a small. There's nothing wrong with this label.

Stupid designer advice coming in, saying that Party City has some Pocahontas costumes that you might want to try.

We'll have to check that out.

[Co-host 2]

And they have big ones, too.

[Co-host 1]

Come on, now.

[Michelle]

I mean, it's coming from. I mean.

Yeah.

Come on now.

Hater.

Hater. Also, they say little five points. Have you tried there yet? Great costumes.

[Co-host 2]

Why don't you mix it up and wear it really tight around the butt and goes Pocahonta ass.

[Michelle]

Well, I was thinking.

I was thinking about cutting slits, buying it and maybe cutting slits on the side so I could alter it. Maybe put some little suede ties or something. But I don't know if I have enough time to, like, do all the

[Co-host 2]

alterations for some of that expandable belt stuff that old men have on their pants. The Burt Show.