Vault: She wants her baby to sleep beside her every night

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault – "She Wants Her Baby To Sleep Beside Her Every Night"

Date: June 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, the Bert Show team dives into the parenting dilemma of co-sleeping as their producer, Tracy, faces a crossroads with her six-month-old daughter, Ella. Tracy openly discusses the struggles of sleepless nights, the emotional tug-of-war between instinct and societal expectations, and the debate on whether to let her baby sleep in the same bed. Listeners and the show’s cast chime in with their own experiences and opinions, creating a candid and nuanced conversation about one of the most fraught issues in early parenting.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Tracy’s Struggle with Sleep and Instincts

• Tracy’s Dilemma (01:00–01:53)

  • Tracy admits she’s considering co-sleeping, acknowledging it’s controversial:
    Tracy (01:23): “Just because I am considering doing this in my own relationship with my child does not mean that I think that this is the right thing for everybody.”
  • She shares that Ella refuses to sleep in her crib, waking more frequently as time goes on:
    Tracy (01:57): “She was waking up every two hours, which is bumped up to every hour and a half, which is now every hour. And as of last night it was every 45 minutes.”
  • Tracy notes safety concerns and plans to research solutions before deciding.

• Motivations and Cultural Reflection (03:45–04:10)

  • Tracy questions American parenting norms, noting that co-sleeping is common in many cultures and among other mammals:
    Tracy (04:00): “We're one of the very few cultures in the entire world where parents don't co sleep with their children.”

Co-Hosts’ Concerns About Coping and Independence

• Dependency Fears (04:22–04:46)

  • The host expresses concern that co-sleeping may foster over-dependence:
    Host (04:22): “You're raising a child that will have no coping abilities by herself... at some point that's gonna have to break.”

• Tracy’s Internal Conflict (04:46–05:32)

  • Tracy reveals her own fear about fostering dependence but also guilt for not following her instincts:
    Tracy (05:00): “Ever since she was a month old, I started feeling guilty about the fact that I put her in her own crib, in her own room so quickly, even though I was proud of it before.”

Family Perspectives & Communication

• Spousal and Parental Advice (05:32–06:45)
  • Tracy shares that Scott (her partner) supports “whatever is best for her and whatever’s best for you.”
  • Tracy recalls her own upbringing—she slept in a crib in her mother’s room, not her own room.

Listeners Weigh In

• Caller: The Product of Co-Sleeping (07:06–08:02)

  • A listener named Disha recounts her struggle to sleep independently after years of co-sleeping:
    Caller (07:06): “I remember being five and six years old and just crying, screaming and crying, not wanting to go into my own room.”
  • She feels the practice was unhealthy for both her and her parents’ relationship.

• Caller: Positive Co-Sleeping Experience (08:39–09:00)

  • Another caller shares a smoother story:
    Caller (08:40): “She actually just weaned herself to the crib one night... She slept perfectly.”

The Taboo Around Co-Sleeping

• Societal Judgment and Honesty (09:11–09:28)
  • Tracy suggests that more parents co-sleep or have tried it than will admit:
    Tracy (09:28): “Most parents, if we're being totally honest, they have tried this, they've tried the co-sleeping. They just don't admit it on some level.”

“Crying It Out” vs. Responsive Parenting

• Breaking the Habit and Self-Soothing (12:11–12:58)

  • Caller Marjorie recommends creative methods like placing a parent’s shirt with the baby to aid the transition.
  • Debate centers on “self-soothing” vs. “cry it out” approaches:
    Caller (12:41): “The kids have to learn how to self-soothe themselves.”

• Tracy’s Limits (12:59–13:25)

  • Tracy says, “I have a hard time doing that (letting her cry),” expressing her inability to withstand protracted crying.

Consensus and Final Thoughts

• No One-Size-Fits-All (13:31–14:00)
  • The episode closes on a note of parental solidarity and understanding:
    Tracy (13:31): “I don’t think either way is the wrong way to do it. I think it’s whatever’s best for you and for your family.”

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Tracy (04:00): “We're one of the very few cultures in the entire world where parents don't co sleep with their children.”
• Host (04:22): “You're raising a child that will have no coping abilities by herself that you guys are taking care of.”
• Disha, Caller (07:06): “I remember being five and six years old and just crying... not wanting to go into my own room. I don’t believe [it was] healthy for their relationship, and it wasn’t healthy for me.”
• Caller (08:40): “You just have to do what's right for your family, not listen to anybody else.”
• Tracy (13:31): “I just don’t know what to do and I keep fighting myself on it... I don’t think either way is the wrong way to do it.”

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Important Timestamps

• Start of Parenting Topic: 01:00
• Tracy Explains Her Struggles: 01:17–05:32
• Co-Hosts' and Listeners’ Input: 06:55–13:25
• Final Reflections & Consensus: 13:31–14:00

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Episode Tone & Style

The conversation is candid, vulnerable, and at times humorous as co-hosts and callers engage in back-and-forth banter. There is an undercurrent of empathy for the stress of new parenthood. Tracy’s tone is conflicted yet open, the hosts offer gentle pushback, and the callers provide both cautionary tales and reassurance.

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Summary

This episode provides a raw and honest look at the pressures, guilt, and inner conflict that come with parenting decisions, especially around sleep. The panel offers no definitive answers, but instead models how to seek advice, weigh evidence, and ultimately trust parental instinct. It’s a supportive, community-driven conversation wrapped in the authenticity and humor The Bert Show is known for.

Transcript

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[Hershey's Commercial Narrator]

One crunchy bite of a Hershey's cookies and cream bar and I'm taken right back to college. Move in. Day I was a little overwhelmed by the newness of it all. Boxes were everywhere. I needed a break from unpacking. But just as I was able to take a breath and open my Hershey's cookies and cream bar, my new roommate Rachel walked in. I offered her a piece, but she said no. Then after a beat, she said, actually those are my favorite ones. We left, the ice was broken and we've been friends ever since.

[Tracy]

Hershey's. It's your happy place.

[Host]

The Bird show producer Tracy here is about to make. And she's only. She's a new mom, first time mom. And I think she is about to make the biggest mistake of her parenting life. And it's. And I want to shake her and tell her, don't do it.

[Tracy]

I know and I know how you guys feel about this, so I'm a little like afraid to talk about it. But.

[Caller 1]

But.

[Tracy]

And let me also say for the record, just because I am considering doing this in my own relationship with my child does not mean that I think that this is the right thing for everybody. So if you're not doing this, this does not mean that I think you're making the wrong decision because I have tried to do it your way. I am considering co sleeping with Ella. What does that feeling? I have no idea what that's.

[Co-host]

We're not parents. Don't have mommy words.

[Tracy]

Sharing a bed with your child. So the baby's in the bed with you overnight? Yes.

[Host]

Temporarily or. How long we looking at here? Till she's 19? What?

[Tracy]

No, I mean, I think until she's past the I need to be around mommy stage, which I know is going to be difficult to break her up. I get it. And I also get that it might not be 100% entirely safe, which is why I haven't started it yet, because I haven't figured out how to make it safe when she's you know, cause they warn you against sleeping with your baby in case you roll over and things like that. So I'm looking into different products, I'm looking into different things to make it safe. And the reason I'm considering it is for several reasons. One, she is not, she refuses to sleep in her crib at this point. She hates it. You know, she was waking up every two hours, which is bumped up to every hour and a half, which is now every hour. And as of last night it was every 45 minutes.

[Co-host]

You're kidding. And are you still breastfeeding?

[Tracy]

Yes.

[Host]

Okay, let me ask you, let me stop you there for just one second and let me ask you a question. When she starts fussing and stuff in her crib, do you and Scott immediately go to the crib and comfort her?

[Tracy]

Yes. However, I have tried letting her fuss and cry and I'm just not capable of doing it. I have tried. It doesn't seem to work. I'm sure I need to be tougher and stronger, but I have a really hard time toughening up my six month old baby. Like, you know, that might work for a lot of other parents. It might be the right thing to do for a lot of other parents. For me, I can't do it. And somebody told me that you have to use your own instinct when it comes to your child because your child is a part of you. And therefore, if you don't feel comfortable with it and you can't do it, then it might not be the best thing for your child. If Bert is comfortable with it and Stacy is comfortable with it. Hayden and Hollis are a product of Burt and Stacy, which means Hayden and Hollis are probably going to be comfortable with it too. I haven't been able to pull that off. And if it seems like for Ella, she wants to be close to me, she sleeps best when she's laying right next to me. And honestly, so do I. I mean, I have a really hard time with my baby being even across the hall. It just seems really weird for, for her to be 20ft away from me. Like we're the only culture in, you know, we're one of the very few cultures in the entire world where parents don't co sleep with their children. And if you think about it, as far as other mammals, we're one of the few mammals that actually doesn't sleep next to their children too.

[Commentator]

She's bringing in the mammal.

[Host]

She's gone to the Internet on this one. She's like, I know. She's like, I know. Eventually I'M gonna be on the bird show talking about this. So I am getting my research done.

[Commentator]

National Geographic dot com. I've got it.

[Host]

Here's my concern, is that when you couple this with everything else that you've told us about you and Scott, parenting is. My concern is that you're raising a child that will have no coping abilities by herself that you guys are taking care of. And I understand that she's six months, but she's so dependent on you and you're so dependent on her that at some point that's gonna have to break and you're establishing a foundation where she can't cope by herself.

[Tracy]

Yeah, I know. And that's something I'm struggling with, too. And that's why I haven't done it so far, is because I know all the arguments on your side, and I've known that, you know, before I had her, I was on your. I was on the same page as you. I thought it was ridiculous. I thought that there's no way that I would ever do this. I was pretty proud that a few. She was sleeping in her own crib, and I was thrilled with that. But ever since she was about a month old, I started feeling guilty about the fact that I put her in her own crib, in her own room so quickly, even though I was proud of it before. And I've been just going back and forth with it, and it's been just eating at me for the past five months until now, when she obviously isn't comfortable with it either. It's starting to really make me wonder, should I have trusted my instincts five months ago when I thought she should still be sleeping next to me?

[Co-host]

All right, two questions for you. What does Scott think about it? And have you talked to your mom about it and, like, how your mom did it? Because I think that would be the first person I would go to if I had a question about anything like that.

[Tracy]

Right.

[Co-host]

It would be like, okay, call my mom. What did you do when this was going on?

[Host]

That would be my instinct, too, is to go to your mom.

[Co-host]

Call Nancy.

[Host]

Yeah. I'm not calling Myra. I would call your mom.

[Oregon Lottery Announcer]

But I'm just curious.

[Co-host]

Like, maybe this, you know, like, because you came from your mom and your dad, like, the same thing that you were saying about Ella. Like, did your mom have the same.

[Tracy]

I have not talked to my mom about it yet, but I do know that all of us were in our own crib, but we were in a crib in my mom's room. In the room, so. And I have tried, you know, recently having her sleep separately, but in our room. And that doesn't seem to be working either. As far as how Scott feels about it. Scott's all about it. I mean, he feels like whatever is best for her and whatever's best for you. That's the way that we're. You know, that's. You know, maybe your instincts are telling you something. Let me also clarify how she has been sleeping, because she's not sleeping in her own crib. So. So at this point, the way we have been doing it is she's got this baby seat that reclines all the way that she seems to like, and she'll sleep in that, for the most part, in the living room. And Scott's been sleeping on the couch next to her. So it's not like Scott and I are even sleeping in the same bed right now anyhow.

[Host]

Anyway, my fear is that six months turns into a year, which turns into three years, which turns into eight years, which turns to she's spending the night in your bed on prom night.

[Tracy]

And that's part of my fear, too, and why I haven't actually pulled the trigger on this.

[Host]

Good morning. Is it Disha?

[Caller 2]

Yes.

[Caller 1]

Good morning.

[Caller 2]

How are you guys?

[Host]

Good. How are you?

[Caller 2]

Good. I wanted to tell Tracy, don't let Ella do this. I'm the product of parents who allow me to stay in their bed. And I remember being five and six years old and just crying, screaming and crying, not wanting to go into my own room. I don't have children of my own, but I could probably say with confidence that if I did, I would not allow it to happen.

[Co-host]

That's an interesting perspective.

[Host]

Somebody that slept with.

[Caller 2]

I have vivid memories of falling asleep with my dad. My mom would stay up. My dad would go to bed early, and he would get up early, and I would remember him waking me up, take me to my own room. When my mom would come to bed and I wouldn't have it, I would actually end up going back into their bedroom and sleeping on the floor on my. On my dad's side of the bed. Because I couldn't be apart. I couldn't be away from. It wasn't healthy for their relationship, and it wasn't healthy for me. I don't believe.

[Tracy]

And I've looked into how you break it, you know, break her from it, whenever that is that you choose to do it, whether it's, you know, at a year old, two years old, three years old, whatever. You know, it's got to be a gradual thing. And I'VE looked into all of this and I haven't pulled the trigger yet because I just don't know. But it just seems like the most natural thing for her to be closest to me.

[Host]

Look, at the end of the day, you're gonna have to follow your own instincts. And if you don't, you'll kick yourself in the butt more for following your own instincts. If 99 people tell you one thing and your gut tells you another, as a mom, you got to do what

[Tracy]

you got to do, and that's. And my gut is telling me the

[Host]

other, then do what you got to do. Good morning, erin, you're on Q100.

[Caller 2]

Hi.

[Caller 1]

I have a six month old daughter and she slept in the bed with us since she was six months old. You just have to do what's right for your family, not listen to anybody else.

[Co-host]

Did you, how long did you allow her to co. Sleep with you?

[Caller 1]

Well, she actually just weaned herself to the crib one night. She didn't sleep well with us. I was like, well, I'll just go put her in her crib. And she slept perfectly.

[Host]

I think that's a really rare case. I think that if it is a rare case, if we put 10 parents on that did that, I think you would hear nightmarish stories about having to break their children of sleeping in their own bed.

[Tracy]

And I've also heard too that, I mean, it is such a taboo thing because everybody says you need to let them cry it out, you need to toughen them up and let them sleep in their crib. And I've heard, and obviously there's no proof of this, that most parents, if we're being totally honest, they have tried

[Co-host]

this, they've tried the co sleeping.

[Tracy]

They just don't admit it on some level.

[Co-host]

Oh, that's funny. It's so taboo.

[Host]

They don't admit it really? No, we never tried that. If the kids are sick or something like that, then we put them in bed with us. But outside of that, it was never even an option. And I think my mentality on it is different. I think when you're saying toughen up a six month old, that sounds so tough, harsh. But I think if you say to yourself that you're giving them the abilities to cope for themselves, then it feels more like you're helping them rather than.

[Tracy]

But it's all, I mean, really, it's all words too. I mean, if you're gonna leave a baby in the other room to cry and to fuss and I'm using these harsh words and that doesn't mean that I think it's wrong. So I don't want the emails from people. I'm not judging you. I tried to do it. So obviously I think that there's some merit in that. But, you know, it really is all words. If you're gonna let them cry in the other room for, you know, 10 minutes, for 15 minutes, for 20 minutes, I mean, really, they're having to toughen up and learn that if I want to be with mommy right now, or I'm crying or I'm uncomfortable, they're not coming to get me. So I need to. I need to figure this out on my own. And I just. For me and for my daughter, I have a hard time doing that.

[Host]

We all need silence while Melissa Carter tries to speak. Not a word.

[Commentator]

Okay, Two things. One, you seem really defensive. Have people already attacked you on this issue? And two, you said that you were raised in the crib in the room with your mom. Are you considering doing that with Ella first before the bed?

[Host]

Melissa Carter said you seem defensive already. Has anybody already attacked you on this issue? And you said that you slept in the room, in the crib with your parents.

[Tracy]

Yes. First of all, I think I'm defensive, not towards anybody else, but towards myself, because I have gone back and forth and I've tried to fight myself on this. So if I am defensive, I think I'm arguing against myself. And yes, I have tried putting her, you know, letting her sleep in her. Her own crib in my room, and that doesn't seem to be working either.

[Host]

Okay, you thought about putting her in the yard.

[Tracy]

Have you researched any other kind of methods on something else besides putting her in the bed?

[Commentator]

She researched mammals.

[Tracy]

I mean, like, some other remedy.

[Host]

She's gonna put her in a tree. I don't know, the ocean.

[Co-host]

Aren't there, like, baby wise?

[Tracy]

I've tried baby wise. I've tried the stuff that baby wise suggests. I've tried the moms on call stuff. I've tried so many different things, and I'm just not quite sure what it is that I'm doing wrong. And maybe I just need to be a lot tougher. There's that word again. Tougher. With the letting her cry it out. But I just feel like I'm not capable of it. And therefore, if she's a product of me, maybe it's not the best thing

[Host]

for her so I don't have to take the calls about moms on call. You know all about that already.

[Tracy]

I know all about moms on call.

[Caller 3]

Okay.

[Host]

Good morning, Marjorie, you're on Q100.

[Caller 3]

Hi, good morning.

[Host]

Good morning.

[Caller 3]

Okay, my advice to you, I have two daughters. I have a two year old and a two month old. My two year old has to sleep in the bassinet in the room with me because I let her sleep with me. The way I got her to finally sleep in the bassinet or away from me. I had to put a shirt like something that I was wearing in order for her to fall asleep. And it's, I don't know, don't think of it as you toughing up the kid. It's more like self soothing. The kids have to learn how to self soothe themselves. Does that make sense?

[Co-host]

And do you think that like after 15 minutes of crying, like if you leave her for that long and then you go in, it's only reinforcing? Oh, well, I have to cry for 15 or 20 minutes and then she'll come and get me.

[Caller 3]

No, I would let her cry at the very beginning when she was. Before she even turned one, I would let her cry for hours.

[Host]

Oh, wow.

[Tracy]

We didn't go that, I can't do that.

[Host]

We didn't go that long. We didn't go that long that soon. But I think we started. It started incrementally, like 10 minutes and 15 minutes.

[Caller 3]

I started slowly, but then she would get used to, okay, I have to cry this long. And she would keep crying when I came in there. My husband, he's a wimp, but he would go in there every five minutes. And both of you guys have to be on the same page because then you guys are going to butt heads and it's going to get even harder.

[Host]

And that's how they, I mean they are creating borders the same way you're creating borders all the time.

[Tracy]

Yeah, I mean, I just don't know what to do and I keep fighting myself on it. So I mean, I'd appreciate the advice and the emails and stuff like that as to different things to try, but again, I don't think either way is the wrong way to do it. I think it's whatever's best for you and for your family.

[Host]

At what age would you absolutely put a stop to it? Let's say she's a year old and she's still crying. Crying, crying, crying. Is she still in bed with you?

[Tracy]

I think at a year old, but I think at two years old I'd like to start weaning her.

[Host]

Two years old.

[Tracy]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

Get it.

[Host]

The bird show.