Vault: She Wants Her Boyfriend... and Another Man

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: She Wants Her Boyfriend... and Another Man

Episode Date: July 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show focuses on a listener’s emotional dilemma—Kim, who is currently in a long-term relationship, finds herself developing strong feelings for a male coworker. The discussion centers on themes of love, fidelity, honesty, and the courage required to make life-altering decisions in relationships. The cast delves into whether it’s possible to “have it all,” how to handle falling for someone new, and the right way to exit or change a relationship.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Kim’s Situation (01:32 – 04:43)

• Kim (voice disguised) reveals she’s been with her boyfriend for three years, lives with him, and ‘loves him very much’, but hasn’t felt a passionate spark.
• She met a coworker six months ago and now feels “totally alive” and “really, really knowing that you’re in love.”
• Kim is wracked with guilt and confusion about what to do, claiming, "I wouldn’t hurt him for the world if it weren’t for this thing that I can’t decide." (04:18, Kim)

2. Cast Reacts: Shock, Guidance, and Parallels (04:43 – 05:48)

• The hosts are surprised by Kim’s situation, especially as she didn’t disclose her existing relationship at first.
• Melissa shares a story about a friend in a similar position who ended her current relationship before starting another. Her takeaway: honesty led to everyone’s eventual happiness.

Quote:
Melissa: “She recognized it correctly… We need to break up. And now she is married, has a child and is all... Everything's all hunky dory with the other guy.” (05:29)

3. Ambivalence and Risk (06:00 – 07:23)

• Kim confesses confusion: she loves her boyfriend but isn’t in love, and fears giving him up without knowing if the feeling is reciprocated by her coworker.
• The cast calls out that her boyfriend is being treated as a backup plan.

Quote:
Burt: “Your boyfriend, your three year boyfriend is now your backup plan…plan A now is have him.” (08:26)

4. Callers Weigh In & More Stories (06:31 – 10:00)

• Lucy and other listeners urge Kim to end things with her boyfriend before pursuing anyone else.
• Callers and hosts generally agree that Kim’s feelings demonstrate issues in her current relationship.
• Rebecca: “Like 10 years from now…you say to him, do you remember that guy…I think that would rattle the core of the relationship.” (08:40)
• Several listeners share similar experiences, including one who waited to see if the new guy reciprocated feelings (he didn’t), and stayed with her boyfriend—though that eventually ended, too.

5. Is It an Affair/Fantasy or a Real Connection? (10:35 – 14:12)

• Ann and others emphasize the selfishness of holding on to the boyfriend while pursuing another, and how the “grass is always greener” mindset can be deceiving.
• The cast challenges Kim’s recurring “victim” narrative that the situation just happened to her.
• Jen: “I'm a firm believer that you need to talk to your boyfriend about your situation, because…I think that this feeling for the other guy is a symptom of what's going on in your own relationship.” (08:05)
• Melissa argues it’s not possible to go back—once your feelings move to someone else, the previous relationship is “done, finished.” (10:24)

6. Advice, Accountability & Making a Choice (12:10 – 15:23)

• The cast points out that Kim seems to want validation for her course of action but needs to take honest responsibility.
• Burt: “What did you call us for? Did you think you were going to call us and we were going to go, ‘Oh, this is such a romance story.’” (12:10)
• Rebecca and Jen point out that Kim is treating her boyfriend as a fallback.

Quote:
Jen: “You can't have both.” (15:33) Burt: “So this could be the biggest mistake of your life, or the best decision you ever made. You don't know at this point. You just don't know.” (15:00)

7. The Upcoming Weekend (15:49 – 16:29)

• Kim reveals her boyfriend is away for the weekend and she will spend time with her coworker—not formally a date, but “hanging out.”
• The co-hosts tease her about this being a “date” and warn that emotional lines are already being blurred.

8. Wrap-up & Takeaways (16:31 – 17:09)

• The crew agrees Kim is headed for a reckoning: she must make a choice and take accountability.
• Burt and the team plan to check back in with Kim next week to see what she decides.
• Hosts close with humorous jabs at Kim’s “out of my control” framing, likening it to being on a runaway train.

Quote:
Burt: “This drives me crazy. Is like, this such a victim.” (16:39)
“My life is a runaway train and I have no brain.” (16:59)

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Notable Quotes by Timestamp

• Kim: “We work well together and I would never do that. Listen, I wouldn't hurt him for the world if it weren't for this thing that I can't decide.” (04:18)
• Melissa: “The relationship has expired. For you to have these strong feelings for somebody else, that former relationship is over. It's done, it's finished.” (10:24)
• Jen: “If you were completely happy with him, then you wouldn’t be having feelings for somebody else.” (07:41)
• Burt: “You can't have it all.” (07:15)
• Rebecca: “If he ever found out about this... like 10 years from now… I think that would rattle the core of the relationship.” (08:40)
• Jen: “You can't have both.” (15:33)
• Burt: “So this could be the biggest mistake of your life or the best decision you ever made. You just don’t know.” (15:00)
• Burt: “This drives me crazy. Is like, this such a victim.” (16:39)

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Key Timestamps

• 01:32 – Kim introduces dilemma: feelings for coworker
• 03:15 – Kim reveals she’s been in a 3-year relationship, lives with boyfriend
• 04:06 – Comparison with Melissa’s friend’s similar situation
• 06:10 – Kim distinguishes between loving boyfriend and being in love
• 08:26 – Hosts point out boyfriend is now backup plan
• 10:24 – Melissa: relationship is over if she’s in love with someone else
• 12:10 – Hosts question Kim's motives for calling
• 15:00 – “Biggest mistake or best decision” summary advice
• 16:11 – Kim’s weekend plans with coworker, “not a date”
• 16:39 – Hosts wrap up, point out the lack of accountability

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Tone & Style

As always, The Bert Show is candid, witty, and empathetic. The hosts and callers balance personal anecdotes, tough talk, and humor—sometimes playful, sometimes pointed. Their advice is direct, grounded in honesty, and delivered with a blend of empathy and playful sarcasm, often interjecting with real talk when needed.

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Final Thoughts

The episode is an honest look into the complexities of modern relationships, emotional temptation, and the difficult choices that occur when real life collides with raw feelings. The consensus from hosts and callers: it’s time for Kim to be honest, make the tough choice, and not keep her boyfriend as a “backup plan.” The consequences—good or bad—will follow her courage to act.

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Transcript

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[Host/Burt]

All right, here is Kim. Man, she is making a bold move this weekend.

[Co-host/Jen]

Okay?

[Host/Burt]

She said that she's got this man of her dreams and this is the weekend that she's gonna tell him what's up. Okay, so let's find out if they've been friends, if this is someone she just met a couple of weeks ago or a couple hours ago. Hey, Kim. Good morning. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller/Kim]

Good morning. How are you?

[Host/Burt]

Good, how are you?

[Co-host/Jen]

I'm in love.

[Caller/Kim]

I'm okay. I'm a little nervous.

[Host/Burt]

This is a bold, bold move. Now, is this a friend that you've had for a very long time?

[Caller/Kim]

This is someone that I met through work, but I've known him for about six months. I met him a long time ago, but it was very brief. And even then I felt this spark, but obviously I just sort of ignored it. And then in the past five to six months, I guess it's been six months, we've been working really closely together and just spending a lot of time outside of work together. And I just. Something has happened to me, and I can't. I've tried to ignore it, and I just. I just cannot get around the fact that something big has happened to me, and I can't get around the truth. And I'm very nervous about what to do with that.

[Host/Burt]

We got to squash some of this. This is going in. This is going in the opposite direction. I was hoping it was going to go. And I was thinking, here's a guy that I've known since I was 17 years old and I'm 30 now. We've got this great. And this is the weekend I'm gonna tell him I love him, and he's gonna say, I love you back, and we'll be married by Tuesday. That's. That's not what we're gonna.

[Co-host/Jen]

Clenching my teeth a little bit. Cause I wanna know more about the relationship outside of work. Are you dating? Are you monogamous? Are you.

[Caller/Kim]

No, no, I'm currently. This is where it gets.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Oh.

[Host/Burt]

Oh, no.

[Caller/Kim]

I'm currently in a relationship of three years.

[Co-host/Melissa]

Oh, Lord.

[Host/Burt]

Melissa just threw her headphones off.

[Caller/Kim]

Are you kidding me? I live with my boyfriend, and he's someone I love very much, and he's a good man. I'm telling you, I did not go looking for this. This is one of those things that has just hit me and I didn't realize, you know, I've been happy for three years. I've been happy, and I've been well loved. And it's only because I've been spending time with this person that I've realized that there's been something that's huge that's missing. And it's just that feeling of being totally alive and really, really knowing that you're in love. And you know when it hits you, you can't ignore it. You can't deny it.

[Host/Burt]

Okay, let's back up for a second. Let's squash this for just one second. You said you've been in this relationship with dude for three years. Did you feel the same way about the guy that you're living with right now that you feel about this guy? You've never been that excited about the

[Caller/Kim]

guy that I'm living with now. You know, I came to Lexington very, very slowly and I never had that spark and I never had that huge sense of passion. But he was a good man and I loved him. And we, you know, we work well together and I would never do that. Listen, I wouldn't hurt him for the world if it weren't for this thing that I can't decide. And I wouldn't, I wouldn't put him through this.

[Co-host/Melissa]

With your co worker. Do you know how your co worker feels about you yet?

[Caller/Kim]

I don't know that. I mean, I think it's gotta be two sides. I can't imagine that I've created this on my own and I know I haven't. I don't know how he feels. So I don't know.

[Co-host/Melissa]

Cause I actually know a story of a friend that this happened to maybe 10 years ago. She was in a long term relationship, had a longtime boyfriend. I think they were together maybe a couple of years. She met someone else and really started to have feelings for this other person and was just like, okay, I can't deny it anymore. So she went to her boyfriend and said, I'm having feelings for someone else. We're gonna need to break up. They break up and now she is with the guy that she started to have feelings for. They've been married for like, I don't know, however long.

[Host/Burt]

So it worked out well.

[Co-host/Jen]

She handled it right.

[Host/Burt]

She handled it correctly.

[Co-host/Melissa]

She recognized it correctly. And she said, the relationship I'm in currently is going nowhere. This is as far as it's gonna go. I have strong feelings for someone else. I'm just gonna be honest and tell him I have strong feelings for someone else. We need to break up. And now she is married, has a child and is all. Everything's all hunky dory with the other guy.

[Host/Burt]

First of all, don't ever use the words hunky dory on show.

[Co-host/Melissa]

But you know what I'm trying to say.

[Host/Burt]

So I can hit delay if you don't want anybody to do it.

[Co-host/Rebecca]

It's from the Hobbyville glossary.

[Co-host/Melissa]

I'm going to see my family this weekend. It's already kicking in.

[Host/Burt]

Let's see if these stories are parallel. Do you feel like you're in this relationship that's not going anywhere right now, that you're just going through the motions? You don't think there's an engagement? Or are you still in love with this guy?

[Caller/Kim]

This is the part that's so confusing. I love the man, but I don't think that I am in love with him. And I don't. I don't.

[Co-host/Melissa]

But he can't be a backup.

[Caller/Kim]

And I don't want to give it up unless I have some kind of confirmation that this other man feels the way I do. It's a huge risk to take.

[Host/Burt]

Yes, it is.

[Co-host/Jen]

All right.

[Host/Burt]

Lucy, Good morning. You're on the Burt Show.

[Caller/Alyssa]

I've been in a similar situation, and she, I think, needs to follow her heart. But before she does that, she needs to let the guy that she's with know that the feelings just aren't there.

[Co-host/Melissa]

Agreed.

[Host/Burt]

But she's not saying the feelings aren't there. She's just saying that she has stronger feelings for the other guy. Is that right, Kim?

[Caller/Kim]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I. Like. You're right. I've never felt this way about a guy before. The office guy. And I think he could potentially be my real soulmate. But if he doesn't feel the same way, I mean, I love my boyfriend, and I don't want to hurt him unnecessarily, you know? And for my own sake, I don't want to lose him.

[Host/Burt]

You know, you can't have it all,

[Caller/Alyssa]

but you're trying to have your cake and eat it, too, and you can't do that. You owe it to your boyfriend.

[Caller/Kim]

I put him through that. If this man doesn't want to be with me, I mean, I can't even stomach the thought. But if he doesn't want to be with me, why would I put my current boyfriend through that kind of turmoil? When I'm happy with him, I love him. I don't understand why this has happened to me. I just know that I can't.

[Caller/Alyssa]

But if you were completely happy with him, then you wouldn't be having feelings for somebody else. Agreed.

[Co-host/Jen]

And, I mean, why not let your boyfriend find his soulmate? I mean, if you're actually saying that somebody else is your soulmate. Yeah, I.

[Caller/Kim]

Because he thinks that I am his soul.

[Co-host/Jen]

Well, you don't think he's yours, though. And so I don't believe.

[Caller/Kim]

I just didn't know.

[Co-host/Jen]

I mean, but he's not.

[Caller/Kim]

He's not this guy.

[Co-host/Jen]

So I. I don't believe that. Even if you told this other guy and he said, no, I don't have feelings for you, and you go back to your boyfriend, I don't think you'll be happy. So I, you know, I agree with that. I'm a firm believer that you need to talk to your boyfriend about your situation, because, yeah, I think that this feelings for the Other guy is a symptom of what's going on in your own relationship.

[Host/Burt]

Your boyfriend, your three year boyfriend is now your backup plan. Cause plan A now is have him

[Caller/Kim]

referred to that way.

[Co-host/Jen]

That's what he is.

[Caller/Kim]

I never thought of him that way and I don't, and I hate to,

[Co-host/Rebecca]

but then, yeah, if he ever found out about this, like, you know, you'd lose him. Like 10 years from now you guys are married, you got two kids or whatever and you say to him, hey, you gonna hear a funny story? Do you remember that guy that I, blah, blah, blah, and was friends with? Remember him? Oh my God. Well, there was a time that would rattle the core of the relationship.

[Host/Burt]

Sure would. Hey Rebecca, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Alyssa]

Hey, good morning guys. I've actually been in the same situation before. And the only thing that I really hated about it was I didn't tell my boyfriend anything about it. I found out what the feelings were from the other guy first because in the end I didn't want to be alone and I didn't want to hurt my boyfriend either. I mean, because I was with my boyfriend for about 4 years and I did meet, I also met a guy that I was working with and we hung out after work, you know, grab drinks, you know, do whatever for probably about seven to nine months. And I thought I had that connection there. And I found out after I talked to him first, you know, he didn't like me that way. He just liked me as a friend. And you know, I just stayed with my boyfriend so I didn't go through all that pain. So I just, I think, you know, in my opinion she shouldn't tell her boyfriend anything yet. She should find out first to be sure. So that way she doesn't have selfish

[Narrator/Advertiser]

lose everything that's really selfish because she

[Co-host/Jen]

doesn't want to be.

[Co-host/Melissa]

Are you still with that boyfriend?

[Caller/Alyssa]

No, actually we broke up.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Surprise.

[Co-host/Melissa]

I mean, so it's like, I don't know, I just.

[Co-host/Rebecca]

Yeah, she finds.

[Co-host/Melissa]

I don't think you're gonna go. I don't think you can go in reverse. I completely agree with Melissa. I think your feelings have moved on to someone else. And it's not that they're gonna move back to your three year boyfriend. Cause you're already done.

[Host/Burt]

Like what's gonna happen?

[Co-host/Melissa]

The relationship has expired. For you to have these strong feelings for somebody else, that former relationship is over. It's done, it's finished. Let him, like Melissa said, let him go find his destiny.

[Host/Burt]

Hey Ann, good morning. You're on the Burt Show. Hi.

[Caller/Alyssa]

Hey, you guys. I'm sorry. I'm just sitting here stewing. It's selfish. The thing is, you know, everything is always greener on the other side. It's always newer. It's always more attractive. Why not fix the problems that you have, Address the issue. You know, you're being selfish, holding onto this. What is this person was doing it to you, how would you feel?

[Host/Burt]

But she's saying you guys don't have any issues. Just what you're saying is that you feel stronger about this new guy than you ever have about the first guy. But in your opinion, there's nothing wrong with your current relationship, Right?

[Caller/Kim]

Yeah, I've been. I'm telling you, I've been very happy. He is a good man and we're. We are good together. I would never. I would never do anything to harm him or harm that. Except that this thing has happened to me. I didn't choose for this to happen. It just happened.

[Co-host/Melissa]

Neither did he, though.

[Co-host/Jen]

Yeah. And if. I mean, in all honesty, if Katie said to somebody else, I think I have found my soulmate and I'm not it, then I would want her to let me go because I don't want to. Like Bert said, let's look at the perspective of your boyfriend. Your live in boyfriend.

[Caller/Kim]

He.

[Co-host/Jen]

If he knew all this and he knew he was your backup plan because that's really what he is right now, then.

[Caller/Kim]

No, but it doesn't feel that way. I would never. I don't.

[Co-host/Jen]

I don't know why you're being so defensive. Because you're in this situation whether you chose it or not, you're in it, so you got to handle it right? And I think that the right thing to do is exactly what Jen's friend did. You got to talk to your boyfriend about the situation because it is not a perfect situation at home. You said you're not in love with him. You said yourself, I love him, but I'm not in love with him. Then why are you with him?

[Host/Burt]

What did you call us for? Did you think that you were going to call us and we were going to go, oh, this is such a romance story.

[Co-host/Rebecca]

She called us. So we justify her story and then she can move forward. But when we don't justify it, then they get all, yeah, like you're fighting

[Host/Burt]

your position, but you called us for advice. So we're giving you the other side here and you're not accepting it.

[Caller/Kim]

I think I'm just scared and I need to hear a sounding word. I mean, I feel like, again, the past few months, I've been trying to ignore it and trying to ignore it, and I'm like, God, am I crazy? I just. I think I just needed to say it out loud. I haven't told anyone. I haven't told anyone.

[Co-host/Rebecca]

Thank you for that. We do appreciate you thinking of us for that.

[Caller/Kim]

Yeah, I mean, I just needed to say it out loud, and I needed to see how it felt to say it out loud. And I respect your opinion. I just.

[Co-host/Jen]

You chose.

[Caller/Kim]

The more I talk about, the more I feel like these things only happen to you maybe once, maybe twice in a lifetime, and if you don't act on them, then it's to ignore this wonderful gift that's been given to you. And I just.

[Host/Burt]

We're not even. Now, listen to the advice that you've heard today.

[Co-host/Jen]

Yes.

[Host/Burt]

Most people are calling up, saying, if that's really the way you feel about it, then go for it. Then go for it. But do it in the right way. And the right way is to tell your boyfriend where your head's at because

[Co-host/Jen]

you chose to spend time outside of work with this guy. Like you. It's like it just happened to me. Well, you have chosen the path that leads to having feelings for this guy because you have not ignored him. You've spent time with him, and you just talked about the gift. You just talked about the gift that you've been given, and you're talking about this other man. You're not talking about the guy you're living with. That's a problem.

[Host/Burt]

Here's Alyssa. We'll take one more call on this. Hey, Alyssa. Go ahead. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Alyssa]

Hey, I just think this is a phase and a fantasy, and she is just about to make the biggest mistake of her life. I really do. I think that it's just. I mean, she thinks she likes this guy because he's at work, and it seems all exciting and, you know, it's just a fantasy. But really, I think she should stick with what she has because she knows that she loves him, and she's just going to get sick of this guy at work if he actually does go for her.

[Host/Burt]

On the other hand, you have the Jen hobby story that she was telling us. You know.

[Co-host/Melissa]

Yeah, my friend, this happened to her maybe 10 or 15 years ago. But she was telling me because I asked her how she and her husband met, and she said, actually, I was in another relationship. It was, like, maybe two or three years long. I can't remember exactly, but she said, I just Started having really strong feelings for him. So she sure enough, she went back to her boyfriend at the time and said, listen, this isn't going anywhere. We got to part ways. I have feelings for someone else. So they broke up, and now she is currently married to and has a child with the guy that she started having feelings for. But she handled it in the right way and in a really mature way, which I think when you're caught up with emotion and everything else, that not everybody makes great decisions. And so I always think of her story because I think I really commend her for making the right decision.

[Host/Burt]

So this could be the biggest mistake of your life or the best decision you ever made. You don't know at this point. You just don't know.

[Co-host/Jen]

I don't think it's the biggest mistake of your life if because just the way you talk about your boyfriend, you're not excited by him. You said you're not in love with him anymore. I mean, relate. There are relationships that just are meant not to work, and so this may be one of them. And. But you need to do. You need to do the right thing. You just need to do the right thing.

[Caller/Kim]

After three years, I don't even know if I'm ready to face the possibility of letting him go, But I have to do. I have to know.

[Co-host/Jen]

You can't have both.

[Host/Burt]

We are facing the possibility of having to let you go right now, and

[Co-host/Jen]

we're gonna do the right thing and do it.

[Co-host/Rebecca]

We're letting you know.

[Host/Burt]

I'm being honest with you, and I'm telling you that we're gonna separate from you.

[Co-host/Melissa]

You're starting to have feelings for another segment.

[Host/Burt]

Kim, can we. Can we check back with you? I want to check back with you next week, though, and find out what you did. Did you talk with the guy at office? Did you talk with your boyfriend? Did you not do anything? Can we check back with you next week?

[Caller/Kim]

This weekend? So I don't know how I'm not gonna talk about it. I don't know.

[Host/Burt]

So you're supposed to do some work, like some side work with him this weekend?

[Co-host/Rebecca]

No, no, she's seeing him.

[Co-host/Jen]

She's having a date with him that she set up.

[Caller/Kim]

Not really a date, but.

[Co-host/Jen]

Well, come on.

[Co-host/Rebecca]

So you're so your boyfriend. So you're just hanging out his friends so your boyfriend will be there?

[Caller/Kim]

My boyfriend's away this weekend.

[Co-host/Melissa]

I mean, great.

[Co-host/Jen]

Cheat on your boyfriend. Are you amazing?

[Caller/Kim]

I'm not. No, I'm. I'm absolutely not gonna cheat on.

[Co-host/Melissa]

You're Calling it a date.

[Advertiser/Promoter]

It's a date.

[Caller/Alyssa]

A date is cheating.

[Host/Burt]

Hey, we'll talk to you on Monday, okay?

[Caller/Kim]

Okay.

[Host/Burt]

All right.

[Caller/Alyssa]

Bye.

[Host/Burt]

Bye.

[Caller/Kim]

Thank you.

[Host/Burt]

This drives me crazy. Is like, this such a victim.

[Co-host/Jen]

It just happened.

[Host/Burt]

I don't have control of any of this. How does this happen to me?

[Co-host/Jen]

I mean, we're going out this weekend. I mean, I'm just gonna somehow be. You know, I'm gonna just fling in my car without any control, and the car's just gonna go to him and I don't know. Where's my car going? I don't know.

[Host/Burt]

My life is a runaway train and I have no brain.

[Co-host/Jen]

Oh, my God.

[Co-host/Rebecca]

I understand that because my card is the same thing. As I pass a Dairy Queen, it just turns right in.

[Host/Burt]

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[Advertiser/Promoter]

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Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. All new drinks are now at McDonald's with refreshers like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher and the Mango Pineapple refresher with popping boba. To crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry Blast with berry flavors and cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire six? All new drinks are here now at McDonald's.

[Caller/Kim]

Refreshers contain caffeine.

[Advertiser/Promoter]

Evening buyer's remorse. Buy a new car. I'll be moving in. Let's get started.

Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana.

You what?

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Yeah, Great price.

[Advertiser/Promoter]

I even have seven days to love it or return it.

So there's no.

No. No buyer's remorse. More like buyers rejoice.

I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Buyers rejoice.

[Advertiser/Promoter]

Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

See our seven day return [e-mail].