Vault: She Wants Our Help Proving She's Not A Stripper

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: She Wants Our Help Proving She's Not A Stripper
Date: January 28, 2026
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & others

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a listener, Krista, who seeks help from The Bert Show cast to clear her name after her ex-boyfriend accused her of being a stripper or prostitute. Krista describes her experience being wrongly suspected due to her behavior and circumstances, and the cast discusses using a modern voice-based lie detector to decisively confirm the truth. The episode blends humor, empathy, and relatable relationship drama.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing the "Lie Detector" (00:00–01:04)

• Cast explains the voice-based lie detector:
  • Not a traditional polygraph—uses voice cues to detect anxiety and lying.
  • Provides a baseline and measures changes in voice, pauses, stutters, and pitch.
• Offer to listeners: Use it to expose lies or clear one's own name.

Notable Quote:

"This one detects... nuances in your voice, like pauses and stutters and quivers... and it provides an analysis based on how much you paused and stuttered and quivered."
— Host (B), [00:07]

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2. Krista's Story: Accusation and Fallout (01:11–03:00)

• Krista Introduced:
  • Calls in, greets the hosts, and shares her appreciation for the show.
• The accusation:
  • Her ex believed she was a stripper or prostitute based on her finances and some quirky behaviors.
  • He went behind her back texting Krista's roommate and, later, her mother to dig for "the truth."
• Wigs as a trigger:
  • Krista describes wearing wigs for fun on nights out, which her ex fixated on as "proof."
• Humor throughout:
  • The hosts and Krista riff on the absurdity—with comments about paying with $1 bills and jokes about prepping for the lie detector.

Notable Quote:

“My ex-boyfriend... broke up because he was convinced that I was a stripper or prostitute at night. And that's where all my money was coming from.”
— Krista (D), [01:19]

Memorable Exchange:

“Did you pay for everything with damp $1 bills that smelled like Bud Light?” — Host (B), [02:16]
“No, I didn't. I always used a credit card.” — Krista (D), [02:19]

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3. Deeper Dive: The Relationship Dynamic (03:00–05:11)

• Looking for further "evidence":
  • Hosts press for any other signs besides wigs and Krista’s income.
  • Krista asserts she’s been “scratching her head” about the accusations.
• Motivation for the lie detector:
  • Krista wants the "haha factor"—to have the last laugh and set the record straight after the embarrassing ordeal, especially since she missed out on her New Year’s present due to their fight.
  • She clarifies she has no interest in getting back with the ex.

Notable Quote:

“I don’t want him at all. What I want is the ha-ha factor at the end of the day.”
— Krista (D), [04:26]

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4. Exploring the Ex's Motives and Ridicule (05:11–07:36)

• Cast questions the ex’s logic:
  • Speculate if the ex was searching for an excuse to break up.
• The ex's intrusive behavior:
  • Krista reveals the ex texted her mother, adding further stress as their mothers are friends.
• Hosts joke about “shifts” and “pimps”:
  • Lighthearted banter around strip club and prostitution stereotypes (pasty, day vs. night shifts).
• Gift exchange gone wrong:
  • Krista describes her thoughtful presents (Tiffany keychain, nice tie) and the disappointment of only receiving a humiliating breakup in return.

Notable Quote:

"If somebody asks you if you're a stripper, then you should say, 'What shift?'"
— Host (B), [06:34]

Memorable Moment:

“I got nothing except a huge freaking fight and humiliation in front of my mother and... my girlfriend being like, you gotta leave him. Just a lot of a waste of time.”
— Krista (D), [07:24]

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5. Moving Forward: The Lie Detector Plan (07:36–08:22)

• Cast's Solution:
  • Bert wants to put both Krista and her ex on the lie detector—Krista to prove her innocence, and the ex to discover his true motives.
  • Plan to call Krista and her ex separately, play the results on the show.

Notable Quote:

"I'll call you later on today and I'll put you on the lie detector... and I'll play the results for him for you tomorrow morning around this time. And I also want to get the ex boyfriend's number."
— Host (A), [08:02]

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• “No, I didn't. I always used a credit card.” — Krista dismissing the $1 bills stereotype, [02:19]
• "He even went so far as to text message my mother, things like that." — Krista on the ex's invasive actions, [05:58]
• "I think it makes for an interesting story." — Krista on going public with her experience, [05:05]
• "Hell yeah." — Hosts riff on how to answer strip club assumptions, [06:34]
• "You got nothing to lose at this point. You've broken up with the dude, you don't want to get back with him." — Host, [07:51]
• "And the number to your pimp." — Closing banter, [08:19]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:00–01:04: Lie detector explanation and show context
• 01:11–03:00: Krista introduces her story, recounts the accusation
• 03:00–05:11: Deeper discussion on breakup, Krista’s perspective, and host banter
• 05:11–07:36: Exploring ex’s motivations, gifts, parental involvement
• 07:36–08:22: The plan to use the voice lie detector, next steps

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Tone and Style

The episode blends authentic storytelling with signature morning radio humor—snarky, fast-paced, and irreverent. The cast probes the story with empathy and curiosity but always keeps the tone light and engaging, supporting Krista while making jokes about the absurdity of her ex’s suspicions.

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Summary

This episode offers a combination of real-life drama and comedic relief as Krista seeks to vindicate herself from wild accusations using a modern lie detector test. The Bert Show cast balances light-hearted banter with genuine support, promising to follow up with lie detector results and possibly confront the ex—ensuring a follow-up full of laughs and closure for Krista.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, the bird show, the lie detector we use isn't like that old school polygraph thing that you used to see in the movies and stuff like that.

[B]

Now, this one detects, I guess, nuances in your voice, like pauses and stutters and quivers and everything. And then it provides an analysis based on how much you paused and stuttered and quivered, I guess.

[C]

Well, it is based on your voice. And then they. The way it works is you. You first kind of get a baseline, you know, where. Because a lot of people think, oh, well, you'd be scared and pause and stutter anyway because you're nervous about being on the lie detector. But it kind of measures it and then has a baseline so that if you go above that, if you stutter a little more than usual in certain places, if you pause a little more, then your voice goes higher, a little more, then it can detect whether you're anxious or whether you were flat out lying.

[A]

So by the time you're done with the conversation, I mean, you have a pretty good indication if this person is lying or not. And we've used it a couple of different times, and we'll make the offer to you guys. Also, like, if you want to try to get the truth out of somebody you think has been lying to you, we could use it on them. Or you can use it to clear your name also.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Which is what we're going to do today in a beautiful, beautiful way. Good morning, Q100.

[D]

Good morning.

[A]

This is Krista.

[D]

This is Krista.

[A]

How are you?

[D]

Good. How are you guys? I love your show.

[C]

Thank you.

[D]

So. Yeah, I know. It's a funny story. My ex boyfriend of almost a year, as of next week, broke up. We broke up because he was convinced that I was a stripper or prostitute at night. And that's where all my money was coming from.

[B]

Okay, you just did it during the day.

[D]

Yeah, I guess my job during the day didn't count to him. So he went so far as to text message my roommate at the time and say, you know, tell me the truth. Be honest with me. I won't tell her. I know. Just weird things like that behind my back, convinced that I was a prostitute.

[A]

All right, well, wait a sec. There has to be some kind of indication, because a guy doesn't just wake up on a Wednesday morning and go, I bet she was a prostitute. I'm assuming there must be some kind of history, like the two of you walked into a strip club together and like, all the girls knew you or something, which made him start to Think that you were a dancer?

[D]

No, that wasn't it at all. I mean, hell, maybe I was getting bed. Never know.

[B]

Did you pay for everything with damp $1 bills that smelled like Bud Light?

[D]

No, I didn't. I always used a credit card. But the night. A couple nights, I showed up at his house in a wig, and I just thought it was fun. Like, I bought a wig. One of my girlfriends and I, we always go out in wigs sometimes. So I show up at his house with a brunette wig, long hair, and I guess that's what it stemmed from, I'm not sure. But it ultimately ruined our relationship.

[C]

Into the relationship, though.

[A]

We're fast forwarding to too much because it doesn't go from one night of wig wearing to a breakup. So there must have been some kind of other indicators.

[D]

I don't know. I mean, I've been scratching my head about it for a while.

[C]

He thinks you had more money than your job should have afforded you. And the wig.

[D]

Right?

[B]

And has anyone ever paid you for sex?

[D]

No.

[A]

You're not on the lie detector yet. Yeah, but I can already tell you're lying.

[D]

Am I on the air right now?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Ever?

[B]

Nope, we're not on the air. We're just hanging around Melissa's bedroom.

[A]

Melissa's taking her wig off right now.

[D]

The other day, you guys had somebody and you said that you prepped them for, like, five minutes, so I didn't know.

[A]

No, no, no. We. No. No prepping.

[B]

Here's how we prep.

[D]

Talk to them, rather.

[B]

Hey, you ready to be on the air? Hold on.

[A]

All right, so how does. How does it get to just one night of him being curious to thinking that this is the real deal and you breaking up? Like, is he starting to bring it up, like, all the time and yet denying it?

[D]

Yeah, I mean, after he texted my roommate slash best friend, who he didn't even know, not even sure how he got her number, a little bit creepy. But after that, the next day, you know, I saw him. We were supposed to go to dinner, and I confronted him as casually as possible without getting really ticked off. And he basically was like, you need to be honest with me. Straight me in my face, you know, accusing me of being a prostitute. And I just was so taken aback, I didn't even know what to do.

[B]

Now, let me ask you a question. What is it about this guy that makes you still want him after he is that convinced that you're a hooker?

[D]

I actually. I don't want him at all. You just want to prove to him, what I want. What I want is the haha factor at the end of the day. Because what happened was we broke up New Year's Eve and I gave him his presentation. We got in a fight about the whole hooker thing, and then I never got my present. So in a way, I'm a little bit pissed off about that.

[B]

So you want the ha, ha, I'm not a hooker last laugh.

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

If we get one call like this, we get a million calls.

[B]

I know there's nothing makes me feel better. I remember when I was dating, like, after breaking up with a girl and then just telling her, and I'm not.

[D]

A hooker.

[A]

I'm assuming the chances are pretty good if she was with you, she was a hooker.

[D]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know why I want to prove it to him, but I think it makes for an interesting story.

[A]

So he just thinks you showed up one night with, like, the wig on and that was it. Like, you must have forgotten to take the wig off after you worked.

[D]

I guess that's what he thought. I don't know.

[A]

What a jack.

[D]

I mean, it's funny. If I had hidden it for a year, why would I all of a sudden, you know, bring it out?

[B]

When you were with him, did pimp ever show up and shake you down for cash from your tricks the night before?

[D]

No.

[A]

Now, are we talking about prostitution or are we talking about dancing? Or a combination of both?

[D]

Well, quote unquote, for what he was, have you ever been a stripper or a prostitute? So I guess it covers the whole arena of skankdom. I'm not sure I know. Totally.

[A]

It is weird. It almost sounds like when you were telling the story about the gifts and all. I wonder if he was, like, looking for an out to get out of the relationship.

[D]

Yeah, I think that's what it was ultimately. But I mean, he even went so far as, like, text message my mother, things like that.

[A]

Oh, no, he texts your mom asking if you were a prostitute.

[B]

What, like she put you through prostitute college?

[D]

I don't know. I don't know if he texted her that exact question. But I mean, different things, personal things he would tell my mother. So, yeah, very creepy. And his mom and my mom are like, really good friends. So it made my life even more difficult, you know, explaining things to my mom.

[B]

It's kind of a compliment because. I don't know. I mean, did you ask him if you were day shift or night shift?

[D]

No. I don't know why he. I don't know. Why he thought that?

[B]

I mean, if you're like. I mean, if somebody asks you if you're a stripper, then you should say, what shift? And if he's like, I don't know, Friday nights, 10 to 2, you should be like, hell yeah.

[A]

If he says Wednesday afternoon at 1, then you should be offended.

[D]

And the funny thing is, you know, the ultimate alpha male would actually probably like it if his girlfriend was a stripper. Or her. I mean, I don't know, maybe.

[A]

I think there's a big difference here. Like, I could probably at a leap of faith, date a stripper, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't date a hooker.

[D]

Exactly.

[B]

I think a pasty keeps getting in the way of you and the phone.

[C]

Oh, stop.

[D]

A what?

[C]

A pasty. I'm curious, what gift you got him? I just, I don't know.

[D]

Oh, I got him a really nice, like, Tiffany keychain because you know how boys have their ugly keychains. And I also got him a tie. A really nice tie for work and.

[B]

A threesome with a girl named Mercedes.

[D]

And I got nothing. I got nothing except a huge freaking fight and humiliation in front of my mother and my, you know, my girlfriend being like, you gotta leave him. Just a lot of a waste of time.

[A]

There are two calls that I want to make on this. Not only do I want to make the call to you later on in the day and put you on the lie detector, but I also would like to call him to see if he broke up. If he used that as the excuse to get out of the relationship and find out if he's lying on that. On that end.

[C]

That's a great idea because you got.

[A]

Nothing to lose at this point. You've broken up with the dude, you don't want to get back with him.

[C]

And breaking up on New Year's Eve, I just. I wonder if that was kind of premeditated.

[D]

Exactly. Yeah. Christmas Eve, New Year's.

[A]

Alright, Krista. Yeah. Well, I'll do this. I'll get your number from Tracy and I'll call you later on today and I'll put you on the lie detector and I'll ask you a whole series of questions and we'll see how you do. And I'll play the results for him for you tomorrow morning around this time. And I also want to get the ex boyfriend's number.

[D]

Okay?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And the number to your pimp.

[A]

Hold on. Okay. Hey, the bird show.