Vault: She Wants To Break Up With Him Over Plastic Surgery?!

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: She Wants To Break Up With Him Over Plastic Surgery?!

Date: December 29, 2025
Podcast Host: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast
Episode Theme: A listener’s dilemma about discovering her boyfriend’s extensive plastic surgery and contemplating breaking up over it.

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Overview

In this lively, debate-filled episode, The Bert Show tackles a controversial listener call: Melissa has been dating her boyfriend for a year, considers marriage, and meets the family during the holidays. But after seeing old photos that reveal his dramatically different pre-surgery appearance, she’s so unsettled she wants to break up—mainly over worries about their future children’s genetics and what she sees as a breach of trust. The episode features impassioned arguments among the cast and callers about trust, vanity, expectations in relationships, and whether looks and full honesty are deal-breakers.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setup and Listener Call – The Discovery

• [02:54] Caller Melissa shares her story: After a year of dating, during a holiday visit to her boyfriend's Colorado home, she looks through family photo albums and is shocked at how different (in her view, much worse) he looked before apparent extensive plastic surgery (ears, nose, chin, cheeks, etc.).
  • “He just does not look like the man that I’m going out with… In his 20s, he looks like, frankly, Dumbo—his ears are sticking out, his nose is funny.” —Melissa [04:00]
• She learns about the surgeries from his sister and mom in an offhand, drunken family moment.

2. Her Dilemma – Attraction, Kids, Honesty

• Melissa admits the revelation turns her off, especially the thought of what their kids might look like. She expresses both aesthetic and trust concerns.
  • “If the guy I’m dating and thinking of marrying looks like this now, but looked like that then, what’s gonna happen? …My God.” —Melissa [04:39]
  • “It’s not just the kids, it’s someone who went through all that. Well, who would do that?” —Melissa [05:15]
  • She feels misled and uncomfortable about not knowing such a significant part of his history.

3. Cast Reactions – Opinions Split

• Bert and Host Aaron challenge Melissa’s focus on looks, with Bert pointing out:
  • “There’s so much more to somebody you hope than just their look.” —Bert [07:55]
  • He thinks the real issue, if any, is that the boyfriend didn’t share something significant over a year together.
• Caller Jeff and Jessica express understanding—even saying they might feel the same way.
  • “I have to almost, like, embarrassingly admit I get her point on the kid thing. I get it.” —Jeff [06:33]
  • “I would think the same thing. I’d be like, ‘Oh, well, my kids are gonna have to have plastic surgery when they grow up.’” —Jeff [06:41]

4. Honesty and Trust – Is This a Breach?

• Several, including Jen and Nicole, focus on honesty:
  • “I think there’s a lot more to it than what she’s letting on. I think she wants out for other reasons… If she really deeply loves this guy, love is blind, right?” —Jen [09:36]
  • “It’s the fact that he’s hiding something. A lie is still a lie… He should have went and told her.” —Nicole [14:19]
• Some compare it to hidden financial problems:
  • “If he was just hot and they had all this debt and didn’t say anything to her… Would we look at the situation any differently?” —Nicole [14:54]
  • Jessica agrees: “If it affects the future, yes, tell them everything you’ve ever done.” [15:37]

5. Vanity and Future Children – Is This Just Shallow?

• The cast debates if Melissa’s reaction is shallow or legitimate concern about being misled.
  • “If you were looking for a good looking guy so you can have good looking children, then, okay, this is not the guy for you. If you’re that shallow, you need to get out.” —Host Aaron [07:45]
  • “Everybody want pretty kids, you know what I’m saying?” —Nicole [14:31]
• Other callers and hosts counter that genetics can be random, and parent looks don’t guarantee anything:
  • “Great looking parents have ugly kids. And it goes the other way too. Ugly parents, sometimes… they’ve got beautiful children.” —Bert [17:30]

6. Final Thoughts—No Clear Answer, Just Real Debate

• The group recognizes they haven’t resolved anything and highlights the complexity of trust, attraction, and expectations in relationships.
  • “Nobody ever call us for advice, ever, cause all we do is we debate it and then we end up 50/50.” —Jessica [14:06]
  • The consensus: honesty about big personal changes is important, but looks as a decider can’t be justified for everyone.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Melissa, on her shock:
  “He just does not look like the man that I’m going out with… My God, he looks, frankly, hideous.” [04:00–05:06]
• Bert, arguing for trust over looks:
  “There’s so much more to a person, you hope, than just their look.” [07:55]
• Jeff, empathizing with fear for future kids:
  “I’d be like, ‘Oh, well, my kids are gonna have to have plastic surgery when they grow up.’” [06:44]
• Jen, on love and transparency:
  “If she really deeply loves this guy… love is blind, right?” [09:36]
• Nicole (caller), on hiding the past:
  “A lie is still a lie… He’s still hiding something that you should have wanted.” [14:39]
• Bert, wrapping up: “Great looking parents have ugly kids. And it goes the other way too… That’s the balance of life right there.” [17:30–17:41]
• Jessica's tongue-in-cheek quip:
  “A big nose ugliness is a debilitating disease… They should have ugly people’s sp[ots].” [12:31–12:41]

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Key Timestamps for Segments

• [02:54–05:15] – Melissa explains how she found out and her immediate reaction.
• [05:15–07:15] – Group presses Melissa: Is this really about the kids? Is this fair? Would men feel the same?
• [07:15–09:23] – Trust issues and the role of honesty in relationships.
• [09:35–13:14] – Callers and hosts debate if this is about vanity or trust, with additional stories and analogies.
• [14:19–16:39] – Further comparison to debts and other “hidden” pasts; listeners weigh in.
• [17:01–17:43] – The final points on why genetics can surprise anyone and a humorous wrap-up.

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Episode Takeaway

This episode puts vanity, genetics, and transparency in relationships under a comedic, candid microscope. While Melissa’s dilemma triggers strong opinions, the show’s cast and callers offer no easy answers—only honest, at times uncomfortable, perspectives on attraction, trust, and what’s fair to expect (or share) in love.

If you’re looking for a definitive answer, you won’t get it here—but you will find a debate as real (and funny) as it gets.

Transcript

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[Caller Melissa]

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[Bert]

The Burt Show. All right. Frankly, I am surprised that this phone call that we took yesterday was more controversial. I just didn't think that there would be much of a debate here.

[Host Aaron]

Right.

[Bert]

But Jen Hobby really showed how superficial she was yesterday.

[Caller Jeff]

I thought, well, and Jeff Dollar too. I wasn't the only one that felt this way.

[Bert]

And you thought I was being totally a hypocrite on it. Totally. You said that I would totally react differently.

[Caller Jeff]

Yeah, I think if this happened to you in real life, you would react differently than you did yesterday.

[Bert]

See, my thinking is like, guys don't think that far in advance. Like we wouldn't be thinking of our future, bab. We'd just be more upset by the past. Just not knowing, not Being educated on what happened to our woman in the past. You know what I'm saying?

[Caller Jessica]

Yeah, I don't agree with that because I think that would be one of the first things I would think of, really would be like, now you're jacking up my family. You know, like, I would just.

[Bert]

It would be like, you're screwing up my bloodline.

[Caller Jessica]

It would be like buying, you know, the perfect classic, you know, 65 Mustang.

[Host Aaron]

Red, there's a car comparison.

[Caller Jessica]

But then the whole thing is, you know, just patched up with Bondo. Like, I would just be bummed. It's like it's not the real thing.

[Bert]

See, to me, like I said, the bigger offense is not knowing what happened over the last year, that they didn't come clean in that relationship because they've been going out for a year, that.

[Caller Jeff]

They didn't tell them this major overhaul that they had.

[Bert]

Right.

[Caller Jeff]

Well, we're not even really explaining what the phone call's about.

[Bert]

We shouldn't because it's explained in the whole thing.

[Caller Jeff]

Oh, okay.

[Bert]

Good morning, Erin. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hello.

[Caller Melissa]

I've been dating a guy for about a year. We've even talked about marriage. And I've met his parents before, but I never really went home. He's from Colorado, so we went home for the holiday and they just got their new snow. You know, people were starting to ski, stuff like that. And we had a great time. And it was that day, you know, everybody's eating the turkey, drinking a little. And I'm watching him with his family for the first time. Met his sister and I was noticing, you know, he's a good looking guy, you know, would be my boyfriend. I love him. And he looks a little different or actually a lot different than a lot of the members of his family. So he goes out, I guess it's after they've been skiing, and then they go to the movie. I guess they went to see Ray or something, I don't know. And I decided to stay home with the sister and the mom. You know, we're bonding. So they start whipping out the photo album. He's. The baby pictures, you know, the naked baby pictures, all that stuff. And then we get into the ones where he's like in his 20s and they're like pointing to him and I'm like, what? He does not look like anything that he looked like. And this is in his 20s and stuff. Pictures of him in college with his. With his friends and stuff.

[Host Aaron]

So what's different?

[Caller Melissa]

Everything. My God, he looks like, frankly, Dumbo, in one of the pictures, his ears are sticking out, his nose is funny. He just does not look like the man that I'm going out with. I don't understand.

[Bert]

Why does that turn you off so much? He obviously grew out of it.

[Caller Melissa]

No.

[Host Aaron]

Or he had surgery.

[Caller Melissa]

Okay, we're all drinking. I don't know what this was about, but she says it's amazing what they can do today.

[Bert]

Oh, he's a surgeon.

[Caller Melissa]

I said, what do you mean? And I mean, look, I don't know. I don't know what he did. I don't care what he did.

[Host Aaron]

Right?

[Caller Melissa]

He's, like, totally must have done everything. He must have been, like, on one of those Nip tuck shows or something. I don't know.

[Host Aaron]

So does that bother you?

[Caller Melissa]

Yeah, it does. Because you know what happens? I mean, I'm not the. You know, I'm not Christie Brinkley, but I'm, you know, a reasonably very attractive girl, and I start thinking about kids. I mean, if the guy I'm dating and thinking of marrying looks like this now, but looked like that, then what's gonna happen? I mean, his ears were sticking out. It looks like his chin's different, his nose. I don't even want to go into what he must have done. My God.

[Host Aaron]

So you don't want to have an ugly kid, Is that what you're saying?

[Caller Melissa]

Yeah. Might sound a little vain, but he looks hideous.

[Bert]

So you're so turned off by what he looked like before the surgery that you would seriously consider not going out with this guy?

[Caller Melissa]

Yeah, I don't know how to get away from it because, like, first of all, it's not just the. It's not just the kids. It's somebody who went through all that.

[Bert]

So it's the mentality of it also, that's bothering you.

[Caller Melissa]

Well, who would do that?

[Host Aaron]

Well, there's a lot of women that do that. Do you think the guy should? Well, of course, the guy probably wouldn't be as turned off, but, I mean, it's the same. I mean, so many women.

[Caller Melissa]

Don't guys usually like that? It's usually boobs or something.

[Host Aaron]

But what I'm saying is, like, I mean, is it fair for you not to. I mean, would you criticize a woman for that and think a guy shouldn't marry her because of what she looks like now?

[Caller Melissa]

Well, I just don't know if they should be doing that much, sir. I don't.

[Jen]

Oh, God.

[Bert]

But a guy wouldn't look at a woman and go, look, I'm not gonna I don't want to have children with because I want my child to have big boobs. And she obviously doesn't, and she got the surgery done. But you're looking at this guy and you're like, he was so completely different looking than somebody you're not attracted to and frankly, kind of ugly that you'd be nervous that your child would grow up to look like him. Yeah.

[Caller Melissa]

And also that somebody would go through that. I'm really weirded out by all this weird surgery.

[Host Aaron]

Did you say anything to him?

[Caller Melissa]

No, he doesn't know I'm home early. He's still in. Well, I don't know.

[Host Aaron]

No, I would kill my family.

[Caller Jeff]

Like, that's one of those where.

[Host Aaron]

I mean, come on, don't, don't. Don't let your family block you from, you know, having a happy life with somebody.

[Bert]

Did you confront him on this?

[Caller Melissa]

No, I haven't told him yet.

[Bert]

Oh, no.

[Caller Jeff]

You know, I have to almost, like, embarrassingly admit I get her point on the kid thing. Like, I get it.

[Bert]

Come on, now.

[Caller Jeff]

I would think this.

[Caller Jessica]

I can understand that.

[Caller Jeff]

I would think the same thing. I'd be like, oh, well, my kids.

[Caller Melissa]

Are gonna have to have plastic surgery when they grow up.

[Host Aaron]

Kids jeans come from so many places. Have you. Have you seen your own family? I mean, have you seen, like, grandparents and stuff? I mean, there's. I don't know if one person. I don't know. That's just kind of mean, I think.

[Bert]

What kind of advice are you looking for? Do you dump them or not?

[Caller Melissa]

I want to know how to. Yeah. I need to get out of this.

[Bert]

So you're out. So you're already thinking it's over.

[Caller Melissa]

Oh, for me it is. Yeah. I gotta get out of it.

[Host Aaron]

Look, if you're that vain about it, and you obviously don't love this man as much as you think you do, because, I mean.

[Caller Melissa]

No, I do, but when I found out he was being fake with me.

[Caller Jessica]

I think it's almost.

[Caller Melissa]

He told me.

[Caller Jessica]

I think it's almost valid because he has misled her.

[Host Aaron]

Oh, you're kidding.

[Caller Jessica]

No, it is misleder. It's like going out with somebody.

[Bert]

There's so much more to somebody.

[Caller Jessica]

Every time they pull up. Every time they pull up to pick you up, they're in a Mercedes and they're wearing their nice, you know, Armani suit, and everything's cool and everything's great. But then once you find out you're, you know, they're $50,000 in credit card debt. They're living in a Studio apartment, you.

[Host Aaron]

Know, but if that's what you're looking for, if she. If you were looking for a good looking guy so you can have good looking children, then, okay, this is not the guy for you. If that you're that shallow, then you.

[Caller Jeff]

Need to get out.

[Caller Jessica]

There's so much shallow. No, it's not.

[Bert]

Of course it is. There's so much more to a person you hope than just their look.

[Caller Jeff]

It would be a trust factor thing for you, Bert. Your Mr. Trust. And if you had been dating somebody for that long and they didn't tell you about that part of their life, and all of a sudden you found out about it, I guess you would feel like you couldn't trust them because they weren't honest with you.

[Bert]

Well, that argument to me is more valid than Jessica. Like that one. If we've been going out with each other for a year, at least let me know. What? That this is a pretty big part of your past.

[Caller Jessica]

Same argument.

[Host Aaron]

And it's like the whole reason you have it done is so that you don't have to tell somebody about how you grew up. Everybody making fun of you.

[Caller Jessica]

But if you're gonna go spring your sperm around, you're telling.

[Host Aaron]

But now he's been made fun of probably his whole life to the point that he wanted to have that surgery. And now his potential fiance is gonna leave him for the very same thing.

[Caller Jessica]

I think it's valid.

[Bert]

I don't. I don't see it as valid, though.

[Caller Jessica]

Absolutely.

[Bert]

I see it as nothing more than just having a discussion. Like, this is something you should have shared with me. Certainly not like, this is not end of the relationship, but how devastating.

[Caller Melissa]

So think of it.

[Caller Jeff]

If you had married me. I'm sorry I cut you off, but if you had been with a woman and decided you were gonna marry her and then you found out that she had. Had God knows how much reconstructive surgery, that she never looked like the woman you fell in love with, you would feel betrayed. And you would. Second of all, you would think about your kid.

[Caller Jessica]

Yes, you would.

[Bert]

You totally would. I gotta be honest with you. I wouldn't feel as betrayed as you're making out it out to me. I really would.

[Caller Jeff]

Really?

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Caller Jeff]

And you wouldn't think like, oh, my gosh, I'm gonna have totally different gene pool than I thought I was dealing with here.

[Caller Jessica]

Wow.

[Bert]

Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. It doesn't feel like that strong to me. No. Good morning, Amy. You're on the Burt Show.

[Caller Jessica]

Hi.

[Jen]

Hi. I just want. I think There's a lot more to it than what she's saying. I think she wants out for other reasons. Because if she really deeply loves this guy, love is blind, right? I mean, you don't see this stuff. Plus, it's about having kids and stuff. I don't care what your kids look like. They're beautiful to you. It doesn't matter. I think there's a lot more to it than what she's letting on. I think it's just an exciting.

[Host Aaron]

I hope so, Jen, though.

[Bert]

Jen is saying, yeah, there's something to it.

[Caller Jeff]

I think there's something to that.

[Host Aaron]

Oh my God, I do.

[Caller Jeff]

I, you know, it's not like, you know, totally PC to say so, but I would legitimately be bummed about the future prospect of children.

[Bert]

Cause it's very important to you that your children are good looking.

[Caller Jeff]

No, because you're just misled by that. You're like, you know, you're attracted to someone physically. That's what initiates any relationship. Because of your physical attraction to somebody. And then to realize that that physical attraction's not. I mean, we're talking about a major overhaul of this guy, right, Aaron?

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Bert]

How much are we talking about, like, what did he have done?

[Caller Melissa]

Oh, I wouldn't even know. I mean, it's like his chin was different, his nose is different. His ears were like lowered from the pictures. They weren't sticking out his, like, eyebrow. I mean, everything. It just looks like a cheekbone. It just. He looks different.

[Bert]

He looks like a completely different person now.

[Host Aaron]

Did you investigate with the family or did you just. They just said, oh, they can do a lot of work. Because if I'm in.

[Caller Melissa]

That's all she said.

[Host Aaron]

If I'm in that situation, I'm like, oh, really?

[Caller Jeff]

I'd be like, really?

[Host Aaron]

So what? You know, like. Oh, yeah, that's true.

[Caller Melissa]

I didn't ask any questions. And it's not just about the looks. Look, I really like him. I love him and I really like him. No, no, I mean, I like the family. I'm sorry. I'm like so upset. All these people. I just, I really love him, but this is just so. Just like took me such a loop.

[Bert]

I think we have two different arguments here. And there's the one argument about feeling betrayed that something so important happened to him or he had something so big done to him that he didn't have any conversation with her about that in the year that they were with each other. And the second conversation, the second argument is, does this really affect how I look at the Guy. Because now I'm looking to our future, and I'm afraid I'm going to have ugly kids.

[Caller Jessica]

So do you think, Melissa, that once. It's in the past, it's in the past, and if you meet them after it's done with, you don't have to deal with it?

[Host Aaron]

I just feel like if you.

[Caller Jessica]

Unless they have herpes.

[Caller Jeff]

Well, my.

[Caller Melissa]

Well, even.

[Caller Jessica]

Okay, well, that's my thought.

[Host Aaron]

If I love somebody, if I let. Well, I'm answering your question. If I love somebody, then I'm gonna love them regardless of, you know, like, if they came to me and said, you know what? In years past, Melissa, I had this done and this done and this done. I'm not gonna break up with them because of it.

[Caller Jessica]

But if. Let's. Now, let me throw this at you. Let's say that something weird happens and Superman flies around the. And it starts spinning the other way. And you're attracted to men, and you're gonna have a child with a man.

[Caller Jeff]

Right.

[Caller Jessica]

In the past, he battled some hereditary disease. Does he have no obligation to tell you that disease before you have children with him?

[Host Aaron]

Well, I think there's a difference between a kid having a debilitating disease and.

[Caller Jessica]

A big nose ugliness is a debilitating disease.

[Bert]

You and I have done all right with it.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Right?

[Caller Jessica]

But it's been tough. Like, I should be allowed to park close to the mall.

[Bert]

That's all I'm saying. They should have ugly people's sp. Good morning, Christy. You're on the Burt Show. Hi.

[Jen]

I just wanted to let her know that, like Melissa was saying, he is not the only one that's gonna be making this baby. She's gonna be involved in this as well.

[Host Aaron]

It's a DNA story.

[Jen]

There are a lot of couples that make babies, and they can be two ugly parents and have beautiful kids, and they can be two ugly parents. I mean, she needs to stop being so shallow, because obviously this man doesn't deserve and 1. He needs to be able to explain his story to her because she's, you know, she's at this family function when she's just now meeting a family. She has no idea what's going on. And people do grow up. She's seeing pictures from the twenties.

[Bert]

Years ago. Years ago.

[Caller Jeff]

Yeah. But I still think he should have said something. And haven't you guys known those parents that have the kid that is the spinning image of only one parent?

[Bert]

Yeah. Look at Billy Joel. Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley. They had two kids, and I think. Did they have two or just the one.

[Caller Melissa]

They had one.

[Bert]

The daughter one just looks just like Billy Joel.

[Host Aaron]

Yeah, Christie Brinkley. So Billy Joel should not have been able to impregnate Christie Brinkley because he was too ugly for her.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Right.

[Caller Jeff]

That wasn't a DNA soup, that was a halfway.

[Bert]

I don't know what to tell you, Aaron. You're on your own here. You got takes from both sides.

[Caller Jessica]

You know what? Nobody ever call us for advice, ever. Cause all we do is we debate it and then we end up 50, 50. We're like, be on with your, Go.

[Bert]

On with yourself, and you're on your.

[Caller Jessica]

Own at the end.

[Bert]

So that was yesterday on the show. And now you guys are starting to call up. Nicole's back.

[Jen]

Hey, Nicole, what's going on? Hey, are you working now? I definitely agree with Jen on this one. And the reason that I agree with her is because it's the fact that he's hiding something. It's the fact that he did not come out and tell her. If he would have came out and told her, that's one thing. But it's been this long that they've been together and he didn't tell her. I see what she talking about with the kids and wanting pretty kids. Everybody want pretty kids. You know what I'm saying? Everybody wants that. But some kids that are beautiful have screwed up names. So you really, you know, you can't help that. But I mean, I really think that he should have went and told her. If it was finances, would we look at the situation any differently if he was just hot and they had all this debt and didn't say anything to her and she found out through the sister that he was 7 and 8 or, you know, $50,000 in debt, it wouldn't be any different. A lie is still a lie. He's still hiding something that, you know, he should have wanted.

[Host Aaron]

Well, to me, the better comparison though, is if he used to be in terrible debt, then he fixed it. Is he obligated to tell her how bad his debt was in the past?

[Caller Jessica]

Absolutely.

[Host Aaron]

Fixed it.

[Caller Jessica]

Now, if it's still existing enough that it could affect their future, which it could be. If it bankruptcy, then that's going to affect.

[Host Aaron]

He tweaked his looks to make it better. He fixed his debt. Is he supposed to bring up his entire past in a year in a relationship? If it affects him, tell them everything he's ever done?

[Caller Jessica]

Yes, if it affects the future.

[Jen]

Because what if he didn't learn how to, you know, correct his debt issues or if he's still not good with, I think, the fact that he was just hiding something.

[Caller Jessica]

Not even that. What if the fact. What if they had. He had a car repossessed or a house foreclosed on and 15 years down the road he goes to buy a house and the people look at him and say, yeah, we gotta charge you a higher interest rate.

[Host Aaron]

Well now from experience that 15 years later it'd be wiped off. But anyway, you know, I just think that. No, what I'm talking about is he fixed the debt. It's not, you know, so that's just, to me, the similar comparison.

[Caller Jeff]

See, I just think it's the misleading thing.

[Bert]

Yeah, that's what's bothering you so much.

[Caller Jeff]

Yeah, that's what's bothering me more than anything else.

[Caller Melissa]

He wasn't honest with her.

[Caller Jeff]

Yeah, he wasn't honest with her. Obviously, if it was that much reconstructive surgery and that much overhaul, it would have been a big point in his life. And him not revealing that. I mean, after a couple of months I could see, but after a year and you're bringing your girlfriend home to mom and dad, you know, you're bringing him home to the sister and the, you know, you don't think that's gonna come out before you bring somebody home.

[Jen]

He didn't think that if they were gonna see the pictures. He didn't think, you know, leaving her at home with the mama and the sister, that the pictures weren't gonna come up. Come on now, everybody know that. Everybody know that when you take somebody home, they gonna bring out the embarra. Everybody knows that.

[Bert]

But usually they're done with you around and it's done making fun of what you looked like when you were a kid. Good morning, Diane. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hey.

[Jen]

I just don't understand why she's so offended either. And I gotta tell you the whole, you know, so he had big ears and a big nose. It's not something he wants to wear around on his shirt sleeve and say, hey, guess what?

[Caller Melissa]

I think I should tell you before.

[Jen]

We decide to have kids that I had big ears and a big nose, for heaven's sake. And I gotta tell you, my boyfriend, just so Jen knows, my boyfriend is just. I think he's just an extremely attractive guy. Very attractive. Seeing pictures of his ex wife who is absolutely drop dead gorgeous. They have the most ugly 14 year old child I've ever seen in my life.

[Bert]

It does happen, man, it does happen. We've all seen it. You know, great looking parents have ugly kids. And it goes the other way too. Ugly parents, like sometimes. Look at these dorky parents and they've got beautiful children.

[Host Aaron]

That's the balance of life right there.

[Bert]

What God gives you in one area, he takes in another. The bird show.

[Mrs. Claus's Sister]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Drew Ski]

Zoe, this thing weighs a ton.

[Jen]

Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.

[Bert]

Santa. Santa, did you get my letter?

[Drew Ski]

He's talking to you, Brittus.

[Bert]

I'm not.

[Mrs. Claus's Sister]

Of course he did.

[Bert]

Right, Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list and elf.

[Drew Ski]

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[Mrs. Claus's Sister]

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[Bert]

Or give it as a gift.

[Mrs. Claus's Sister]

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[Drew Ski]

Guys, my side of the tree is slipping.

[Bert]

Kimber, the holidays are better.

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