Vault: She Wants To Serve Her Country, But At What Cost To Her Family?

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: The Bert Show
Episode: Vault: She Wants To Serve Her Country, But At What Cost To Her Family?
Date: March 17, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Emily, a listener, calls in seeking advice as she considers a major life transition: joining the military while being a wife and the mother of a young child. The hosts and guest experts engage Emily in a candid discussion about the personal, emotional, and practical implications of her decision, inviting input from listeners with direct military experience. The conversation examines gender roles, family expectations, career stability, and long-term impacts on both Emily and her family.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Emily’s Background and Motivation

• Emily is currently in a job (not a career), feels unfulfilled, lacks a college degree, and her family is facing instability due to an upcoming move (01:39).
• She has always wanted to join the military but never did, a decision she regrets (02:24).
• The idea resurfaced during recent discussions with her husband about their uncertain future and need for stability (02:23–03:09).

“I've always wanted to go into the military, never did. And I've always regretted it.” — Emily (02:24)

2. Family Concerns & Gender Roles

• Emily has one child, a year and a half old (04:01).
• She struggles with the gendered expectations surrounding mothers leaving their families for military service and feeling out of place (04:11–05:24).
• She questions if she’s being reasonable or if this is a “crazy idea” to solve family problems (05:13).

“A woman typically doesn't do this... I certainly don't want to have role reversal and my husband taking care of the house and my son and everything else.” — Emily (04:11)

3. Emotional and Societal Judgment

• Emily feels her extended family may dismiss the decision as impulsive (06:41).
• The host reflects on his own initial, traditional feelings about maternal roles in the family (07:15).

“I sort of feel traditionalist... I would really like my 18 month old... to be around his mom consistently.” — Host (07:15)

4. Searching for Guidance & Support

• The panel suggests gaining as much information as possible, particularly about the instability and demands military life can impose on a family (03:34, 11:19).
• It’s highlighted that all families are different and success depends on the couple’s readiness and mutual support (08:01).

5. Input from Listeners with Military Experience

• Kim, an Air Force veteran & single mom (09:29): Describes the military as “the most stable thing you could possibly do,” citing benefits like healthcare, travel, and valuable exposure for children. Advises considering the Air Force for better career options and stability, while acknowledging hard decisions are inevitable.

“You can't feel guilty about leaving your child. There’s going to be other things in your career that are going to force you to make hard decisions in regards to your family. This will be one of them. You'll have an amazing time.” — Kim (10:11)

• Michael, military veteran (11:37): Advises against joining if she already has young children, stressing military will always come first and long absences are inevitable.

“You’re never going to have that chance to raise your kids again... If you’re away from them for two and a half years, that really does make a big difference.” — Michael (11:46)

• Corbin, single mom deployed to Iraq (13:38): Shares her experience leaving three kids behind, mentioning the support system required, the necessity of signing custody paperwork, and the personal fulfillment that military service brings.

“There are going to be opinions about anything that you do. But I think that it would be a good decision, because if that's what she wants to do, you better feel really strongly about it, though.” — Corbin (14:46)

6. The Reality of Military Commitment

• Both experts and listeners emphasize the military’s demands: instability, lack of control over location and assignments, and the irrevocable nature of signing up (03:34, 12:24).

“Once you sign up for the military, they will tell you where you live... You are at the mercy of the military because you joined to serve.” — Military Expert (03:34) “Once you sign the dotted line with the military... you can’t back out.” — Military Expert (13:02)

• The hosts inject humor but underscore the gravity of the commitment (12:48–13:29).

7. Emily’s Next Steps

• Emily and her husband will meet with a military recruiter to get detailed answers (15:07).
• They plan to reevaluate after gathering more information and will check in with the show next week to share their updated thoughts (15:31–15:44).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the drive and conflict:
  “I feel like I might be making a better decision as a parent. But of course, that's not something anybody wants to do just up and leave their child.” — Emily (05:31)
• On societal expectations:
  “It's not really the same way for a woman... I feel really like, out of place even trying to consider that. Because I'm a mother, I don't want to leave my child.” — Emily (04:11)
• On family tradition:
  “But everybody's family works differently.” — Caller/Listener (07:59)
• On irreversibility:
  “Once you sign the dotted line with the military, you can’t back out.” — Military Expert (13:02)
• On decision-making:
  “If your husband is okay with this, it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself to be okay with this. Because once you're steadfast in your decision, everyone around you who loves you will support you.” — Caller/Listener (08:09)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:39–03:09: Emily’s background, current situation, and motivation for considering the military
• 04:11–05:24: Emily describes her emotional conflict and societal pressures
• 07:15–08:29: Host and panel discuss traditional vs. progressive views, and family support
• 09:29–11:13: Listener “Kim” shares positive Air Force experience as a single mom
• 11:37–12:24: Listener “Michael” raises concerns about parenting and military obligations
• 13:38–14:46: Listener “Corbin” (single mom, Iraq deployment) outlines ups and downs and importance of commitment
• 15:07–15:44: Emily details next steps, plans to visit a recruiter, and schedule for follow-up

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Final Thoughts

The episode illustrates the deep complexity of balancing parental duty, personal ambition, and societal norms. Emily’s dilemma sparks a nuanced conversation, including heartfelt advice from people who’ve lived the military lifestyle. The hosts provide perspective but refrain from giving direct answers, instead highlighting the need for deep reflection and thorough research. Emily’s journey continues, and listeners are left with respect for her thoughtful approach to a life-changing decision.

Transcript

[Host]

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[Emily]

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[Co-host]

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[Host]

Uh huh.

[Co-host]

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[Carvana Announcer]

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[Co-host]

The bird show.

[Host]

All right, completely different subject. And she needs to be on the voice disguiser here because she hasn't even discussed this with her family yet.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, her extended family?

[Military Expert]

You mean her immediate. Like her husband?

[Host]

I think her husband. Oh, I don't think she's got into it with him yet. She's having all sorts of thoughts about going into the military, but she also has children and she's got a husband Rhyme. So I think it probably goes against a woman's instinct. Do I bail on my kids, I bail on my family to pursue this? So she wants to get some clarity. And maybe some of you guys listening have been in the exact same situation. Maybe you're a woman and you're in the military and you've had all these mixed feelings. Also, maybe you can help her out. Good morning, Emily.

[Emily]

Hey, Rexo. Good morning. How are you?

[Military Expert]

Good. Now, is it true? Because I. I am concerned at the fact. Have you not shared this with your husband yet?

[Emily]

No, no, no. I actually have shared it with my husband. It's my parents, my siblings, friends, it's everyone else like that. I just happen to listen to your show, so I don't want to take any.

[Host]

All right, so we'll try to not get too specific on details.

[Emily]

That's okay. That's fine.

[Host]

So it's trying to be as vague as we can tell us how you got to the point you're at right now. Like, you're not in the military now. You have a current. Obviously. Would you say it's a job or would you say you're in a career right now?

[Emily]

I am definitely in just a job right now.

[Military Expert]

Okay.

[Emily]

And that's what kind of got us to this position. And I don't really know how much background to give you, but basically, you know, we've. We've just been kind of talking to my husband. We've kind of been talking about, you know, the place we're renting. The lease is going to come up in, you know, several months, and we're going to have to make a move. And I had, you know, you know, offered the information that I'm not in a position to where I have a career, I don't have a college education, we don't live anywhere that we particularly like to call home. And I've always wanted to go into the military, never did. And I've always regretted it. And somehow or another that was thrown up that, hey, maybe I should consider that we could move. We'd have a place to live. I could get training, I could get a job.

[Caller/Listener]

What was your husband's reaction when you guys started talking about it?

[Emily]

Well, initially, I think he thought I was joking. And I brought it up again and said, you know, hey, this is something that I'd really like your input on, because I don't think I'm completely crazy. And, you know, we did have another discussion about it, and we're both kind of in agreement that we would like to know more about it and that it's not that bad of an idea.

[Military Expert]

Well, I definitely think you should find out as much as you can about it, because once you join the military, I mean, they will tell you where you live, and you. And it may be at one place for a little bit, and then you will have to move your whole family to another place. You know, so it's really. You are at the mercy of the military because you joined to serve. And so. And they will put you wherever they need you. So I do think that the instability of living conditions may be something that might. You need to consider, especially with children.

[Emily]

Right.

[Caller/Listener]

And how many kids do you have?

[Emily]

Just one.

[Caller/Listener]

One. And how old?

[Emily]

He's a year and a half.

[Military Expert]

Okay.

[Host]

Okay. So where. Where's the conflict, the mental conflict, the emotional conflict coming in for you?

[Emily]

The conflict that I'm having, And I think you said it a few minutes ago, Bert, it's a woman typically doesn't do this. You know, it's perfectly acceptable for the man to make this kind of decision. And, you know, he's applauded for standing up and doing so for his family. And, you know, he leaves the woman, takes care of the house and home, and that's just cool. That's what you have to do when you do it. It's not really the same way for a woman. And I'm just. I feel really like, out of place even trying to consider that. Because I'm a mother, I don't want to leave my child. I don't want to leave my husband. I certainly don't want to have role reversal and my husband taking care of the house and my son and everything else. And I'm just having that problem. If it's okay, like, if I don't know anybody else that's done. This is it. Is it reasonable to think that we can do it and, you know, both of us just have to be willing to deal with it and it's going to be fine, or is it something that's completely, you know, just out left field and it's just. It's not going to work? I guess that's where I'm having the problem. Is it. Are we just coming up with this crazy idea because it seems like it's going to solve our problems?

[Host]

Do you feel like less of a mom because you're entertaining these thoughts, or you're going to be less of a mom if you're away?

[Emily]

Well, not really, because I would. I feel like I would be making this decision for our future, you know, for my child and for our family. So I don't ever have to worry about not having a career. I can get my degree and I can, you know, work in different fields and I can retire in, you know, whatever it is, 20 years. And, you know, we can grow up. My son can grow up in different places and have a wonderful lifestyle. And so I feel like part of that I would be doing to secure a future for us versus where I'm at now, not really having an education, the economy the way it is. I'm taking the risk of any day losing my job. So I feel like I might even be. I feel like I might be making a better decision as a parent. But of course, that's not something anybody wants to do just up and leave their child.

[Caller/Listener]

I mean, it sounds pretty much like you have your mind kind of made up that are you scared that your family's gonna see you? Like, is your family, like, traditionalist, and then they're gonna judge you for leaving and your husband staying home? Because I know a lot of families are the traditionalist.

[Emily]

With me, I've always been the one to make crazy, outrageous decisions. So I don't think that it would surprise them. I do think that they would just see it as something that we're doing on a whim that just sounds like fun. And they wouldn't really take it serious, do you know what I mean? Like, it's a serious decision. And I think they might just see it as, you know, we're not putting any thought into it when actually we have. We just, we don't know if we're, you know, kind of on cloud nine and we think we've found the perfect solution and if there's really a whole lot more and a whole nother side to think about.

[Host]

Sometimes I get conflicted in these thoughts. Cause I like to think myself as a pretty progressive guy, especially when it comes to women issues on a lot of things. But the reality of it is when issues like this come up, I sort of feel traditionalist. Like a traditionalist or conservative because I'm trying to think if my white comes to me and we only have one child and it's Hollis because he's about the same age as your child, and she says, look hon, I'm really thinking about going into the military and says the exact same things you're saying. My knee jerk reaction to that would be this is that I really think that my 18 month old, and this is just for me, I would really like my 18 month old to be around his mom consistently than have her gone and him have not to have that connection and that day to day with his mom.

[Caller/Listener]

But everybody's family works differently.

[Host]

Everybody's family works different. Sure. That's what I would say to Stace.

[Caller/Listener]

And I think what it sounds like to me. What are we using as her fake name?

[Carvana Announcer]

Emily.

[Host]

Emily.

[Military Expert]

Emily.

[Caller/Listener]

What it sounds like to me is that if your husband is okay with this, it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself to be okay with this. Because once you're steadfast in your decision, everyone around you who loves you will support you in it. It may be difficult, there's bumps in the roads and everything else, but it just sounds to me like you're trying to get everyone else's opinion around you to help you make up your mind.

[Emily]

And that might be a part of it. I mean, I do feel like at this point I'm probably 50. 50, you know, maybe even 60. 40. I do think it's a good idea, especially because I have wanted to do it in the past and I just, you know, for whatever reason, I never followed through with it. I don't know, it's just. It's a weird feeling of, you know, what we would, what we would be doing it's such a huge thing. And it's not just like, you know, moving to another city, starting a new job. You don't like the job, you quit the job. You don't like where you live, you move cities. It's, you know, I'm signing my wife away for whatever, two, four, 20 years and.

[Caller/Listener]

But it is something you've wanted to do your whole life. You said you regretted not doing it.

[Emily]

Yeah. A problem with the fact that it would be me and not my husband, when he is perfectly capable of doing it, he's just not willing to make the decision.

[Host]

Good morning, Kim. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, good morning, Bridget.

[Military Expert]

How are you?

[Host]

Good, thank you.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, Emily, this is an amazing opportunity for you. I'm a single mom. I was in the Air Force for four and a half years. You know, it's hard to leave your child. Yes. Will you have to make hard decisions throughout the time in the military? Yes. But it's the most stable thing you could possibly do for them. You have automatic health care benefits. You get to travel the world. Your child gets to see so many. Much of the world. I grew up in the Air Force with my father. He was a single parent. You know, we were just exposed to so much. We were given opportunities that other children weren't given. We were overseas, you know, we were here stateside. It's an amazing opportunity. You can't feel guilty about leaving your child. There's going to be other things in your career that are going to force you to make hard decisions in regards to your family. This will be one of them. You'll have an amazing time. You know, it's stable. It's all I can speak from is my experience at the Air Force. You do get some control over your career decisions. It's based on how you perform on the asvab. Then when you get to basic training, you go to a career counselor and you're given choices that you mark 1 through 10, 1 being your favorite, 10 being your least favorite. And that's about as much control you get over it. It's based on what positions are available at the time that you enlist, but you still get some control. For me, almost all medical positions were available to me and linguist, which was my number one choice. I didn't get it. I became a dental assistant, which has been very fruitful for me. You know, I would say do Air Force as a female because, you know, you're just less apt to go overseas in the field, you know, hands on hand, kind of, you know, war type situation, the careers are more aligned with civilian careers. You'll definitely.

[Co-host]

You and Emily could connect privately.

[Host]

What you're hearing there is. She's saying that. Yeah. Do you think?

[Military Expert]

Yeah, I do. Yeah, I agree. And I also kind of, you know, what she was getting at is the fact that when you do your research, like, each branch of the military focuses on different things and focuses on different parts of you and your personality. So I would definitely, you know, military, such a broad term, but each branch is very individual.

[Host]

So go ahead, Michael. You got to take on this.

[Military Veteran]

Yeah, man, I was in for four years, and out of those four years, I was probably deployed for two. And, you know, the thing is, the military is always number one. And the concern is just making sure that she's putting her family first. You're never going to have that chance to raise your kids again. And if you're away from them for two and a half years, that really does make a big difference.

[Host]

So you're saying don't do it.

[Military Veteran]

I'm saying don't do it. I'm saying find another path. Because the thing is, if you go into the military when you don't have kids, you have time to be able to plan around that. But when you have kids, you are definitely putting the military number one. And I'm telling you, when you sign up, when you sign up for the military, they tell you you are going to, you know, they are going to be number one in your life.

[Military Expert]

Yeah, I mean, I agree with that. I do think the only naive feeling I have, and I would say this to a guy, too, is that if you think that the military is not going to dictate to you how your life is going to be, then I do think you're naive once you sign up for the military, because the nature of the military is they have to figure out what's going on in the world and. And pluck and put and pluck and put. And it's not this personal. Let me figure out what your family life is like so I can negotiate that. They don't have time for that.

[Host]

Can't you see some drill sergeant sitting you down and go, okay, what would you like to do today? Would you like to go?

[Military Expert]

How do you feel about this?

[Host]

How can we accommodate your schedule?

[Military Expert]

Whatever.

[Host]

See, we're going out on deployment here, but if that doesn't work for you, that's cool. You just stay here with the fam.

[Military Expert]

I just think. I mean, yeah, I just want the argument to be consistent. If this is a dream of hers, then I Think she should pursue it, but pursue it with education, you know? But if you are not certain, then I think that you need to hold off until you are. Because once you sign the dotted line with the military, you can. You can't back out.

[Host]

Let me just take one more call here, and we'll end on a. I didn't. I didn't mean to sign up last year. Can I go home?

[Military Expert]

This isn't working out for me. Y' all mind if I just go

[Host]

home, have a little trial separation? Let's see. I'm gonna go my way. Military, you go your way. We'll see if this works out or not. Good morning, Corbin.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi.

[Military Single Mom]

How you doing?

[Host]

I'm okay.

[Military Single Mom]

I'm in the military, and I could not wait to get to just come through so I can explain to her the ups and downs about it. There are ups and downs about it. I am a single mom. At the time that I left, I had three kids, and I left and went to Iraq, to Balad, Iraq, from the year 2003 to 2005. Who takes

[Caller/Listener]

care of your kids during that time?

[Military Single Mom]

Okay. When you join the military, you sign the consent for someone, a child care provider. If you're a single mom, then you have, like, your parents or the next in line. If you're married, it will automatically be your spouse. But the thing about it is, she would gain so much from joining the military if that's what she wanted to do. I love it. I mean, I battle with opinions about it every day. Everyone comes in here with an opinion. There are going to be opinions about anything that you do. But I think that it would be a good decision, because if that's what she wants to do, you better feel

[Host]

really strongly about it, though, is what I hear her saying. Absolutely, Emily.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Host]

It's all the time we have for that. So I think we gave you. We presented you with both sides pretty equally there. Yeah. 50. 50.

[Co-host]

Welcome to the bird show. There you go.

[Host]

I mean, I always say don't come looking for an answer here, but we can at least throw some things at you from a whole bunch of listeners that at least will give you different angles.

[Military Expert]

Yeah.

[Emily]

And I think I wanted to hear from some people who were a little experienced and at least had some background where I don't. And so that's exactly what I wanted. We're planning on going and talking with the recruiter on Friday and getting all 100 one of our questions answered. And so hopefully after that, we can take some time and sit down and, you know, really make a decision on it. So that's the next step.

[Host]

Hey, can we check back with you on Monday morning and find out how you guys are feeling about the whole thing after you talk to the recruiter?

[Emily]

Yeah, yeah, definitely. We're already got an appointment on Friday, so on Monday. I'm sure that I'll know something by Monday.

[Host]

Okay, let's check back with you on Monday morning.

[Emily]

All right, well, thank you guys so much. I really, really appreciate it.

[Military Expert]

All right, good luck.

[Host]

Good luck, Emily. Bye. Bye.

[Co-host]

The bird show.