Vault: She went on a lesbian date and didn't know

Summary

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The Bert Show – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Vault: She went on a lesbian date and didn't know
Date: July 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and authentic episode, the Bert Show cast dives into the humorous and relatable story of misinterpreted "dates"—focusing on a scenario where someone ends up on what turns out to be a lesbian date without realizing it. The hosts discuss the dynamics of stealthy same-sex dating, personal anecdotes about discovering someone’s interest was more than platonic, and the sometimes blurry lines between friendship and romantic/sexual interest—especially in college and young adult years. Callers join in to share their own experiences, leading to candid, funny, and occasionally insightful commentary about coming out, experimenting, and the nuances of forming connections.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pam’s Accidental Lesbian Date

• Pam’s Story:
  • Host’s cousin Pam was in town and shared that she’d unwittingly been on a lesbian date.
  • “She just looked at us and said, you know what? I actually one time went on a lesbian date and had no idea that I was.” (Female Storyteller, [00:47])
  • Neither party explicitly labeled it as a “date” until later; Pam thought they were just getting drinks.
  • When Pam started flirting with a guy, her female friend—who had asked her out—became upset and left. Only then did Pam realize her friend had romantic interest.
  • “Her feelings were so hurt because Pam was giving attention to somebody else ... and she totally sulked and left.” (Female Storyteller, [02:23])

2. Stealth Dating and Gray Areas in Same-Sex Dynamics

• Hosts discuss how some LGBTQ+ people, especially when closeted or cautious, might “test the waters” with same-sex friends to explore mutual attraction.
  • “A lot of times what you can do as a gay person is you can stealthily kind of tread the waters ... to see if there’s any possibility…” (Female Storyteller, [01:07])
  • This can result in confusion when intentions are not clear or reciprocated.
  • It's highlighted that for some, alcohol can be used to “warm up” possible partners:
    • “You get a little drunk and see if anything's gonna happen ... see if there’s any tendency, you know, bisexual tendency going on.” (Female Storyteller, [02:51])
  • The cast debates the appropriateness of this tactic, with some suggesting it’s more expected in youth and others finding it “too old” for those in their 30s.

3. Male Perspective: Accidental Same-Sex Date

• Male host recounts a story of a male friend who unknowingly goes on a date with another man in college.
  • “They go out to dinner, and it’s like an Italian restaurant that’s kind of dim, with little candle things on the table ... He doesn’t process that it’s a romantic restaurant ... I don’t think guys process things that way.” (Male Storyteller, [06:08])
  • The friend misses several cues until it's clear the evening has romantic intentions.
  • The cast jokes that men are often literal and may not pick up subtle social signals.

4. Learning Moments and Social Norms

• Discussion expands to how social conditioning leads many to assume couples are always heterosexual.
  • “We're raised to think of couples as boy, girl ... I think when you get into same-sex couples, there's a lot of gray area.” (Female Storyteller, [06:08])
  • Occasionally, both gay and straight people can misread friendly behavior as romantic interest.

5. Caller Segment: Melissa’s Stealth Strategy

• Melissa, a 25-year-old caller, shares her strategic approach:
  • “I definitely used it on girls that I knew were straight ... I was successful about 99% of the time.” (Melissa, [07:46])
  • She describes it as a fun challenge—“It was definitely fun. I'm not trying to boast ... I'm definitely, you know, cute.” ([08:21])
  • Hosts express skepticism that the targets were truly straight, suggesting experimentation is common in younger adulthood:
    • “Those girls weren’t completely straight ... I could give Gin hobby all the drinks on this planet and still couldn’t hook up with her.” (Female Storyteller, [08:48])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On accidental dates:
  • “Oh, my God. She was interested in me?” (Female Storyteller, [02:23])
• On stealth dating and being ‘undercover’:
  • “When you’re in the closet, you become a spy ... The government does not hire gays and lesbians because we’re probably the best spies ever, because we lived half of our life under the radar.” (Female Storyteller, [04:01])
• On experimentation:
  • “Women are a lot more ... I found experimental, but that’s if you just want to hook up.” (Female Storyteller, [08:41])

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Important Timestamps

• [00:47] – Pam’s story introduced: “I actually ... went on a lesbian date and had no idea.”
• [01:39-02:23] – The night out and realization of the unspoken date.
• [03:43-04:52] – Discussion about closeted dating and “spy” behavior.
• [06:08] – Male friend’s accidental date with another man.
• [07:46-08:48] – Caller Melissa shares her experiences with “stealth” dating straight women and experimentation.

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Tone and Style

The episode's tone is candid, humorous, and a bit cheeky, with the hosts openly ribbing one another, sharing stories, and gently poking fun at the confusion inherent in modern dating—especially when it comes to ambiguity in same-sex friendships. The atmosphere is supportive and open-minded, treating personal stories and listener contributions with a blend of curiosity and empathy.

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In summary:
This episode offers a funny, insightful exploration of the often unclear lines between friendship and dating in LGBTQ+ and straight circles alike. With real-life stories, listener calls, and playful banter, the Bert Show cast reveals just how easy it is to “not know you’re on a date”—and how those experiences can be both awkward and enlightening.

Transcript

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[Female Storyteller]

So my cousin Pam, who is also my kidney donor, I've talked about her on the air before, was in town last weekend for my birthday and she told Katie and I a story that I thought was hilarious because she just looked at us and said, you know what? I actually wanted to one time went on a lesbian date and had no idea that I was.

[Female Commentator]

No way.

[Male Storyteller]

Because this happened to a guy that I know.

[Female Storyteller]

And I'm sure it's happened to a lot of people because there's a lot of gay people who may be kind of a little cautious coming out of the closet. They may not be out of the closet yet. So a lot of times what you can do as a gay person is you can stealthily kind of tread the waters lightly to see if there's any possibility of any reciprocal feelings from somebody of the same sex. But it's almost like you're safe about it where it's like, if Jen and I are friends, I have a crush on Jen. She doesn't know it yet. So we get, we go out and then I consider it a date and you don't.

[Female Commentator]

And that's happened to me before too.

[Male Storyteller]

Does Jen know that you're gay at that point or is Jen.

[Female Storyteller]

I can't remember if Pam knew. Maybe she knew. I think she did know. But what had happened, they had gone out and they went out for drinks because she was like, hey, you want to go out and have drinks? And so Pam's like, well, sure, you know, that'd be great. So they go and have drinks and then later on the evening they go somewhere else and they run into some friends which include some guys. And so Pam proceeds to flirt with one of the guys. The guy Flirts with her. And then she noticed that her friend all of a sudden became withdrawn, almost sullen. Oh, God, I'm almost angry. And then left and completely left.

[Male Storyteller]

Because it'd be just like if you were out on a date with somebody. If you're a straight person, if you're out on a date with a girl and she starts flirting with another dude,

[Female Storyteller]

you try to be your wing woman.

[Male Storyteller]

You're, like, sad and bummed or whatever, and you bow.

[Female Storyteller]

I mean, her feelings were so hurt because Pam was giving attention to somebody else and that she was interested in guys, and she totally sulked and left. And so then that's when Pam's like, wait a second. Oh, my God. She was interested in me?

[Female Commentator]

Yeah. She's like, wait, hello, bulletin. I'm straight.

[Female Storyteller]

Because part of her was like, straight. Well, but the gay people. See, okay, look, one of the things. I may have tried this when I

[Male Storyteller]

was 22, exhausted by us straight people. She's like, okay, no, no, no, no.

[Female Storyteller]

I'm saying the gay people. We know you're straight. I mean, they. You know. But, you know, people kind of see if there's any possibility for you to get a little drunk and see if anything's gonna happen. And I think that's probably what she did with. Because when you're taking them out for drinks, then, you know, you're trying to warm them up a little bit to see if there's any tendency, you know, bisexual tendency going on. But my thing is, look, there's a certain age. Age that you can do that and I think get away with it. And they were in their 30s when this happened, so that's. To me, that was a little old for that to happen. But, yeah, I was fascinated. Never thought about it, but, yeah, My cousin Pam went on a lesbian date and didn't even know.

[Male Storyteller]

There might be people listening right now who are like, oh, my God, that happened to me. Like, it's just dawning on.

[Female Storyteller]

Yeah, maybe. Because, I mean, if your friend is all of a sudden. I, like. I mean, for no reason, out of the blue, pissed off. Parma language. That. That you are not paying attention to them anymore because you decided to go and try to hook up, then there, you know, there may be girlfriends.

[Female Commentator]

Don't do that. Like you said, like, girlfriends would be

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[Female Storyteller]

Yeah, get your man.

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[Female Commentator]

Call me tomorrow with details, you know,

[Female Storyteller]

but not storm out of the bar. Yeah.

[Female Commentator]

Do you think that the girl who took Pam out was unsure of her sexuality?

[Female Storyteller]

No.

[Female Commentator]

She knew for sure that she was Straight, but just trying to convince her otherwise.

[Female Storyteller]

You mean unsure about Pam's sexuality or unsure. Oh, no. I mean, I think. I just think that if. I think some people are seeking so much for that. I don't know, like, I am confident enough to ask a woman out on a date. Hey, I'm gay. You want to go out on a date, date, date with me. But there's some people that are just scared to do that. And then if they are, and it's almost like when you're in the closet, you are become a spy again. I don't understand what. The government does not hire gays and lesbians because we're probably the best spies ever, because we lived half of our life, you know, under the radar, stealthily, you know, because we don't want anybody to find out. So you have to kind of figure out somebody by just kind of feeling them out. But then I think also, if you have a crush on somebody, you don't care. You're just going to try anyway, you know? And I think for a lot of gays and lesbians, they try anyway because they just assume that maybe if I get him drunk enough, then something will happen.

[Female Commentator]

And is that some sort of challenge? Like some sort of personal challenge? Like, hey, I hooked up with a

[Female Storyteller]

straight girl, or, hey, I hooked up

[Female Commentator]

with a straight guy?

[Female Storyteller]

No, it's. You have a crush on him, and you just. You're trying to force the situation.

[Male Storyteller]

I have a guy friend who moved to a different city, like, for College. So he's 18 years 17. 18, probably 18 or 19 years old. And he moves to a different city, and everything's cool. And he meets an older student on campus, you know, like, so he's the freshman. He meets the senior, and the senior's like, oh, welcome to the school, guy. So it's another guy senior, and they become fast friends. He's like, oh, you got to take this class. Do this with this professor. Let's hang out. Let's whatever. And things are going cool. He's like, neat. I got a friend who's been here already for three, four years. I'm learning the ropes. So then the guy says, hey, what are you doing Friday night? You want to go to dinner? And this is perfect. I mean, this is guy mentality. They go out to dinner, and it's like an Italian restaurant that's kind of dim, with little candle things on the table where people are drinking wine. He doesn't process that. It's like a romantic restaurant. Like, it doesn't even occur. I don't think like I would. I don't think guys process things that way.

[Female Storyteller]

We're raised to think of couples as boy, girl, and the boy asks the girl out and they go on a date and they. And I think when you get into same sex couples, there's a lot of gray area and he may misinterpreted the guy being nice to him for being, you know, that's what he did.

[Male Storyteller]

Right. And so then during dinner, like they're sitting next to each other and like, you know, they would laugh about something and the dude, the older dude would slap my buddy's leg.

[Female Storyteller]

Oh my God.

[Male Storyteller]

You know, like, give it a squeeze or whatever.

[Female Storyteller]

Oopsie.

[Male Storyteller]

My friend still doesn't, still doesn't occur to him. He's like, wow, this guy's kind of touchy feely or whatever. And then at some point during the dinner, it comes up like, hey, do you wanna go dancing after this?

[Female Storyteller]

Cause he didn't stop him, you know, him from patting his leg. So he's thinking, oh, okay, all right,

[Male Storyteller]

dancing, you know, whatever, back to my place. And then suddenly he's like, why would he go back to your place? It's only 10 o'.

[Melissa]

Clock.

[Male Storyteller]

And that's just perfect. That's the way guys process things is it's just very literal. Like.

[Female Storyteller]

Well, I think that because it is so defined as most people think couples are straight couples, that if, I mean, it's, it's no different than a straight couple. If you're really nice to a guy, sometimes they misinterpret that as you flirting with him and he's got the green light to pursue. Right, right. It's no different. It's no different in the gay community if they misinterpret. You know, I just think in Pam's case, I think this woman just, I think she just had a crush on her.

[Female Commentator]

Are they not friends anymore?

[Female Storyteller]

No, because Pam felt bad. She's like, well, I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but I mean, you know. Well, it's not your fault. You know, she took a, she took a girl who she didn't know for sure out on a date and that. Yeah, that's never going to end well.

[Male Storyteller]

Hey, sue on the voice disguiser. Welcome to the bird show.

[Melissa]

Hello. Hey. Hey, Melissa. I definitely agree with you about the lesbian stealth thing when I was in College. Well, I'm 25 now, so that wasn't very long ago. But I definitely used it on girls that I knew was straight. The whole, let's go out to the even the straight bars and we'll drink. I'm going to tell you, I was successful about 99% of the time.

[Female Storyteller]

Well, I mean that was like come

[Melissa]

home and they, you know, little something, something would happen, you know, so.

[Female Commentator]

So that was like a personal challenge

[Female Storyteller]

for you, but you purposely pursued straight girls.

[Melissa]

Definitely. It. It was definitely fun. I'm not trying to boast myself. I'm definitely, you know, cute.

[Female Storyteller]

You are trying to. But come on, you're trying to brag. These are bragging rights for you.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I mean, I'm a little cute, but I mean it definitely worked out for me, you know, warming them up. Cause I do know women are a lot more.

[Female Storyteller]

I found experimental, but that's if you

[Female Commentator]

just want to hook up. You weren't looking for a relationship with anybody.

[Female Storyteller]

And I'm a little older and I gotta tell you that those girls weren't completely straight. Like that's. There's some girls that at 25 still don't know. Cause I can tell you I could give Gin hobby all the drinks on this planet and still couldn't hook up with her. You know what I'm saying? I mean, hey, I don't know.

[Female Commentator]

Let's have some tequila.

[Female Storyteller]

Melissa the bird show.

[Melissa]

Hey everybody.

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