Vault: She's Determine To Reverse Roles With Her Husband

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: She's Determined To Reverse Roles With Her Husband"

Episode Date: March 2, 2026
Main Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and listeners
Featured Caller: Theresa

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on Theresa, a long-time listener who calls in (with her voice disguised) to discuss a life-changing opportunity: she's been quietly promoted and offered a significant raise, which could allow her husband—a traditional guy who’s struggled to finish college—to quit his landscaping job and go back to school. The catch? She’s anxious about how her husband might react to the reversal of traditional breadwinner roles. The show’s panel and callers provide advice, insight, and personal stories to help Theresa navigate the conversation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Theresa’s Dilemma: Supporting Her Husband’s Dream

• Theresa shares her backstory: She and her husband are high school sweethearts, married young, and struggled financially after she became pregnant. Her husband left college and has worked landscaping jobs since.
• Theresa’s secret plan: For four months, she’s trained for a promotion at work, earning a significant raise. With this income, her husband could quit his job and finally finish college—something he’s talked about but never thought financially possible.
• Her concern: Her husband is very traditional and may not be comfortable with her being the breadwinner.

Quote:

“He's very traditional and he kind of has a thing with the woman being the breadwinner. ... I just don't know how to tell him, and I'm nervous because I don't want to hurt his ego.” – Theresa (00:46)

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2. Panel’s Initial Reactions and Male Ego

• The co-hosts discuss how they’d feel if their own partners were sole providers.

  • Bert (Host): Personally wouldn’t mind; “Bring the money into the house, man, we are a tower. I couldn't care less if she was making more money.” (03:12)
  • But the group recognizes Theresa’s husband may feel differently due to traditional values on masculinity and providing.

• Discussion of how men’s identities are often tied to employment, based on a recently published study.

Quote:

“There's a study ... talking about how men's identities are so closely related to their jobs ... they lost a sense of identity because they weren't working.” – Co-host (03:59)

• Bert reveals he might struggle more if his wife received notoriety or status rather than just a bigger paycheck.

  “The notoriety, but the cash, I don't care. It's all going to the same place.” (04:42)

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3. Listener Call-ins: Real-World Advice

Kristen (Caller):

• Went through a similar situation; she explained to her husband that supporting him to finish his degree was for the family’s benefit.
• Her husband went back to school and afterward landed a better job, benefiting everyone.

  “It's for the family, it's for everybody. So it's not a bad thing to approach it that way.” – Kristen (05:46)

Pat (Caller):

• Suggests framing it as an investment: he will become a better provider in the future, allowing the roles to be reversed back down the road.

  “You're actually furthering our family by going to school and letting me take care of things now.” (06:05)

• One co-host recommends emphasizing it's “training” for a better future, which could help deflect any bruise to ego.

• Another caller notes men often struggle with not working, and it might be hard emotionally for him to step back, even temporarily.

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4. Additional Advice & Considerations

• Making sure the husband’s dream of returning to school hasn’t been exaggerated by Theresa, so the offer doesn’t seem presumptuous.

  “...just check and double check ... this isn't a situation where he's mentioned a couple of times that I'd like to go back to college and you, like, have made this, this big dream of his.” – Co-host (06:53)

• Presentation timing and approach are crucial; knowing the right moment and tone can impact the conversation’s success.

  “When you know your significant other so well, it's about when to approach them with that kind of conversation.” – Co-host (08:33)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Theresa on her anxiety:

  “It's kind of a life changing thing for him ... I don't want to give a blow to his ego.” (00:53)

• Bert’s “tower” metaphor:

  “Bring the money into the house, man, we are a tower.” (03:12)

• Panel's honesty:

  “I think I would struggle more if I had to be totally honest with you guys ... the ego part of me.” – Bert (04:16)

• Theresa on non-negotiable opportunity:

  “Yeah, I don’t see how I can’t take the job. I don’t see how it’s gonna help us at all to progress, you know?” (08:09)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:30: Introduction of Theresa and her situation
• 01:45: Theresa reveals promotion offer and dilemma
• 03:00: Panel’s initial personal and gender role perspectives
• 05:10: Listener Kristen’s call and real-life story
• 05:55: Caller Pat’s framing suggestion
• 07:13: Discussion on avoiding ego clashes
• 07:25: Callers offer practical alternatives (working part-time, online school)
• 08:09: Panel asks if Theresa would resent not taking the job if husband opposed
• 08:33: Conversation about timing and sensitivity of the conversation

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Closing Insights

The episode thoughtfully explores the real, sometimes uncomfortable implications of reversing household breadwinning roles in marriages, especially those with traditional dynamics. Through candid panel discussion and heartfelt listener stories, the show offers both practical and emotional advice, emphasizing communication, sensitivity to ego, and the importance of considering what’s best for the family as a whole.

Fans are left wishing Theresa well, encouraged to “let us know how it goes.” (08:32)

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Transcript

[Narrator/Announcer]

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At the American Psychiatric association foundation, our vision is to build a mentally healthy nation for all. Because we want you to live your best life and be your best you all year round.

Please visit mentallyhealthynation.org to learn more.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

The Burt Show. Teresa wants to be on the Voice Disguiser. Good morning, Theresa.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Good morning. How are you guys?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good. How are you today?

[Theresa (Caller)]

Good, Good.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So Tracy told us that you have something that you've always wanted to give or do for your husband.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Yes.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

But you're not sure you're gonna pull the trigger on it just yet.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Co-host or Panelist 1]

Okay. You seem nervous.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Yeah, I am a bit nervous. It's kind of a life changing thing for him. And I just kind of. I've been married for eight years and we're like high school sweethearts and everything. I got married when I was 20 years old, but I never went to college. And my husband had started college and everything. I got pregnant and he couldn't finish because we couldn't afford it. And he worked for the landscaping company. He doesn't own it. He just works for them. And he's been doing that for a while. And he just really is bummed out. He wants to go to college. So anyway, I've been working administrative assistant job. And for the past four months I haven't told him, but for the past four months, I've been training for promotion. And I don't even want to say, like, the job or where I work, if that's okay. I don't want to.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Sure.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Okay. But they offered me a position, a huge, significant raise where he could actually quit the landscaping company, go to college, finish, get his business degree, all that. So it really, really is a huge gift for. I'm excited to tell him and I couldn't tell him this weekend, but the problem is that he's very traditional and he kind of has a thing with the woman being the breadwinner. And, you know, he wants to do that for our family and lead our family like that. And I just. I don't know how to tell him. And I'm nervous because I don't want to hurt his ego, you know, I don't want to give a blow to his ego, actually. So it's good news, but definitely a

[Co-host or Panelist 2]

question for you guys.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Panelist 2]

And how you would feel about that.

[Co-host or Panelist 1]

But it's for him to go back to school in order for him to. I'm just wondering if that is.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

His mentality may be different because you're doing this for him, for the family, Right?

[Theresa (Caller)]

For him. Yeah.

[Co-host or Panelist 1]

And he's gonna be training something else. Right?

[Co-host or Panelist 2]

Right.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Yeah. And that's kind of what I wanted to. To do. And I have to tell him today. I mean, I have to tell him tonight.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I don't think we. You. We may want to just throw this out to women that have had to go through this with their husbands, that knew that their husbands weren't going to be okay with the woman being the breadwinner. Because I just. It wouldn't matter to me. Stacy was making more money than me, but it was all going into the same pot. Bring the money into the house, man, we are a tower. I couldn't care less if she was making more money.

[Co-host or Panelist 1]

It's not more money at the moment. It's like him going back to school, essentially, is her working, him not working. Is that changing?

[Co-host or Panelist 3]

I'd still be. I personally would be okay. Like, I think it would be great.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I'd be fine with it. I really would.

[Co-host or Panelist 1]

So if you weren't working, Jessica was the only breadwinner.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

But here we are. I mean, your situation is going to be a little different because here you, you know, you have a husband that this is going to bother, and you're asking Jeff and I, and we. The place we come from, it doesn't bother us. So we need to find some Birch show listeners that have got. Had to go through this with their husbands to give you some advice on

[Co-host or Panelist 2]

it or maybe guys like you, guys who didn't think it would bother them,

[Co-host or Panelist 1]

but then it did.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

It did. Right. Bring it all into the house, and then all of a sudden, she's making more cash because there's a. And it really was bothering you. Yeah, there's 404741. Q100.

[Co-host or Panelist 1]

There's a study that just came out today talking about how men's identities are so closely related to their jobs that, you know, they did a study on guys that, I guess in this economy lost their jobs and found that they lost a sense of identity because they weren't working.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I think I would struggle more if I had to be totally honest with you guys. I'll share some ugliness, the ego part of me. Like, if Stacy had a show and we were out all the time, and she was the one getting the notoriety for the show, and she was the one that people really wanted to meet. When she introduced me, sometimes people cared, other times people didn't care and stuff like that. That would bother me more than the money situation, than the paycheck.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Yeah, I think it's the ego part of it.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

The ego part of that would bother me.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

The notoriety, but the cash, I don't care. It's all going to the same place.

[Caller]

But does he talk about going to college, like, almost every day, or is it just, like, once in a while type thing?

[Theresa (Caller)]

Once in a while? Because I know he kind of suppressed that because he knows the reality of it right now. You know, it's just too hard to do it. But I think he wants to do both. Go to school and provide for the family, and it's just too hard to do that, especially business school.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Kristen, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Hey.

[Caller]

I went to this exact same situation about five years ago with my husband, and it was difficult to approach him because at the same time, he has actually always been the bride winner. I got a great job. I went actually to school myself for a little while, got my associates, and got a great job. And I knew that he really wanted to go back to school. And when I approached him, I said, this would benefit us as a family by you getting your degree. And then in the end, he did get a better job. He works, I work, and we're living great. And it was so for him, it's for the family, it's for everybody. So it's not a bad thing to approach it that way.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Okay.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

All right. That helps.

[Co-host or Panelist 1]

Thank you.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Pat. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Yes. I just feel like that if you explain to him, honey, this is. You're going to school now to where you can make a better living. Where when I stop, when you get done, I will be able to stop and. And stay at home, and you'll be the breadwinner again. So you're actually furthering our family by going to school and letting me take care of things now?

[Co-host or Panelist 1]

Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking earlier. If you present it, like, as a training, like him going back to school is training for him to be a better provider, then that might ease it.

[Co-host or Panelist 2]

And I forgot what you guys said. Do you have children?

[Caller]

Me?

[Co-host or Panelist 2]

Yeah.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Yeah, you do.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Okay.

[Theresa (Caller)]

We do. We have two.

[Caller]

It's still gonna be hard for him to give up work and go to school. Like, he's still gonna work even if he goes to school. It's so, like, hard for guys who want to Work and provide all the time. Like my dad. Like, he wanted. He wants to work. Like that's what he wants to do. He wants to provide. It's going to be hard for him to give up his job to go back to school anyways, no matter if he wants to go or not.

[Co-host or Panelist 3]

And I would just check and double check to make sure that you. This isn't a situation where he's mentioned a couple of times that I'd like to go back to college and you, like, have made this, this big dream of his. Because if you come at him with, I'm going to give you the opportunity to go to college and give us a better life than.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah, you really got to play ego here. It sounds like with all the advice coming in. Yeah, it's all about stroking ego here.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Yeah, it is, it is. And just being delicate because men are very delicate.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Heather, you're on Q100. Go ahead.

[Caller]

Hey.

My advice is that if her husband's going to go back to school, he doesn't necessarily have to quit his job. He could work a part time job or he could even keep his full time job and go at night or on the weekends or online.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Is that a possibility for you?

[Theresa (Caller)]

Yeah, that is. It is. I think it just. He values being with his children too, so we might have to work through some time management stuff, but yeah, actually, yeah, that might be good. Both worlds.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Will you have any resentment towards him if you came at him honestly and said, look, this is the opportunity in front of me, and he said, no, I don't want you to take the job at that point. Do you have any resentment that you're sort of working under this glass ceiling in your own house also?

[Theresa (Caller)]

Yeah, I don't see how I can't take the job. I don't see how it's gonna help us at all to progress, you know? Yeah, there would be a big problem, I guess.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

You gotta, gotta be honest with them. Tell them what's in front of you guys. Best for the family, best for you. It's a no brainer.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Mm. Okay. Okay.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Okay.

[Theresa (Caller)]

That was good.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

All right, Good luck. Good luck.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Thank you guys so much.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Panelist 2]

Let us know how it goes.

[Theresa (Caller)]

Okay? I sure will.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Thank you.

[Co-host or Panelist 2]

Sometimes don't you think too, when you know your significant other so well, it's about Tim.

[Co-host or Panelist 1]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Panelist 2]

When to approach them with that kind of conversation.

[Co-host or Panelist 3]

Like if, like do it right when they lie down for bed, don't ever. If they are in bed, don't talk to them.

[Co-host or Panelist 2]

Like if it's, you know, if you can tell they're not in the greatest mood today. If he's. You know. Her husband's on the greatest mood today. Maybe just wait till tomorrow.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Caller]

You know, test it.

[Co-host or Panelist 2]

There's a barometer there for sure.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

The Birch Show.