Vault: She's getting married and keeping her last name

Summary

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Episode Overview

Theme:
The episode centers around the wedding and name-change dilemma faced by producer Joanna. As she prepares for her upcoming marriage, she debates whether to keep her last name, Rodriguez, hyphenate it, or take her fiancé’s surname, Newman. The cast discusses cultural, professional, and family perspectives on married names, inviting authentic debate and listener reflections.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Wedding Planning & Traditions

• Joanna’s Engagement:
  • Joanna shares excitement about her pending marriage to Jason on May 28, 2011.
  • The cast jokes about the extended engagement, discussing how women pass down wedding expectations and often believe their experience will be different.
    • “Like, this isn't gonna be me. That was their life.” — Bert [02:01]
  • Joanna notes, "You don't wanna ruin it for them. You want them to figure it out and shatter their dreams on their own." [02:35]

Is There Competition in Weddings?

• Wedding Comparison:
  • The cast teases Joanna about wanting her wedding to be better than her friend's but not out of competitiveness.
  • Joanna admits: “I want hers to be lovely and beautiful as well. I just want mine to be better.” [02:54]
  • “Lovelier and better.” — Bert [03:15]

The Last Name Question

Joanna’s Perspective:

• Professional & Cultural Identity:
  • Joanna feels her last name, Rodriguez, is important for both career and personal reasons.
  • She explains, “...nowadays...you get kind of an edge being Spanish...in the job market today to stand out somehow.” [03:54]
• Hyphenation Solution:
  • She tells Jason she wants to hyphenate, becoming Joanna Rodriguez Newman:
    “At first he thought I was joking, but I would always assure him that it wasn't a joke.” [04:42]
  • They agree their future kids will just have "Newman," not the hyphenated name.
  • Joanna emphasizes her pride: “I’m proud of being a Rodriguez.” [06:55]

Family Reactions

• Jason’s Mother’s Disapproval:
  • Tension arises when Jason's mother learns about the hyphenated name via Facebook:
    • “She called Jason and said, you know, I saw something on Facebook and I'm not too happy about it.” — Joanna [05:37]
  • Jason tells his mom Joanna was joking, but Joanna reminds him: “He needs to go ahead and let his mother know that that’s not the case. I’m not joking.” [06:16]
• Hispanic Tradition:
  • Joanna explains it’s normative in Hispanic culture to keep both family names, sometimes via “de [husband’s name],” indicating family union rather than ownership.

Around the Room: Support or Conform?

• Co-host Advice:
  • Female co-host tells Joanna to stand firm:
    “If you’re this clear on what you want, then that’s exactly what you have to do.” [07:13]
  • Others joke about how attitudes might shift in different regions or cultures, playing with stereotypical “American” last names.

Listener Call-in: A Similar Dilemma

Caller’s Story ([07:58])

• A male listener shares his experience arguing with his wife over her last name:
  • “I did not want her to hyphenate her name, and she insisted that she keep her name...her mom got involved... Ultimately, I’d like her to be happy.” [08:00-08:54]
  • His wife, Julia Elizabeth Holman Barbani, keeps all four names legally, for career and legacy reasons.
  • He admits the compromise still bothers him but prioritizes her happiness.

Relationship & Family Dynamics

• Cast Advice to Jason:
  • Male co-host: “He’s got to get on that same page because...He cannot...start playing between you and his mother and saying she was just kidding. That was a huge violation.” [09:56]
  • Bert underscores, “You set the groundwork for all this stuff like how he’s gonna handle conflict between you and his mom right now.” [10:05]
  • Jim jokes about calling Jason’s mom directly: “I think you should pick up the phone and go, ‘listen, lady…Guess what you’re going to have to get used to.’” [10:13-10:22]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You don't wanna ruin it for them. You want them to figure it out and shatter their dreams on their own.” — Joanna [02:35]
• "I just want mine to be better." — Joanna [02:54]
• "Because, I mean, nowadays it's, you know, you get kind of an edge being Spanish.” — Joanna [03:54]
• “He told her that I was just kidding, that I'm not gonna be keeping my eyes in.” — Joanna [06:02]
• “If you're this clear on what you want, then that's exactly what you have to do.” — Female Co-host [07:13]
• “You set the groundwork for all this stuff like how he's gonna handle conflict between you and his mom right now.” — Bert [10:05]
• “I told her I did not want her to hyphenate her name, and she insisted that she keep her name. ... And ultimately, I'd like her to be happy.” — Caller [08:00]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Joanna introduces her wedding planning discussion: [01:25]
• Debate about competition in weddings: [02:35]
• Why Joanna wants to keep her last name: [03:54]
• Reactions from Jason and his family: [05:17]
• Joanna discusses cultural naming traditions: [06:16]
• Advice & encouragement from co-hosts: [07:13]
• Listener calls with a similar story: [07:58]
• Cast reflects on handling family dynamics: [09:56]
• Bert outlines why this issue sets tone for future in-laws: [10:05]

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Summary

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the personal and sometimes contentious issue of last names after marriage. Joanna’s heartfelt reasons, from professional advancement to cultural pride, spark lively debate and relatable anecdotes. The cast supports her conviction, sharing wisdom about standing firm in relationships and the significance of early boundaries, especially when it comes to navigating evolving family ties.

If you’re engaged, in a blended family, or reflecting on your own name change journey, this hilarious and candid conversation will resonate with you—especially with lines like:
“If you’re this clear on what you want, then that’s exactly what you have to do.” [07:13]

Listeners are left with a sense that these choices are personal, complex, and worth advocating for, even in the face of family pressure.

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Transcript

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[Host Bert]

All right, producer Joanna here is getting married. Allegedly.

[Joanna]

And the exact day you're getting married, May 28, 2011.

[Host Bert]

Okay.

[Jim]

Did you celebrate on May 28, 2010, like a pre and pre anniversary?

[Joanna]

Not really, but it did. I thought that I would like, you know, be thinking of that day. Oh, my God. It's a year out. And actually, Jason, my fiance, reminded me that we were a year away, so.

[Female Co-host]

Haven't you been engaged for a year already?

[Host Bert]

Yes, I know, right? It does feel like a really long time.

[Jim]

Do you know why? Because it is.

[Host Bert]

But, I mean, I think there comes a point, at least from the outside looking in, you know, with weddings and planning. Like, women don't learn from each other. Like, it seems like the very same fairy tale attitude is passed down from generation to generation and woman to woman, even though every woman complains about the small things that go along with wedding planning. But yet again, when a woman gets engaged, it all starts from zero. Like, this isn't gonna be me. That was their life.

[Joanna]

You don't wanna ruin it for them. You want them to figure it out and shatter their dreams. On their own. You don't wanna be the one to tell them that. Look, honey, that's not how it's gonna happen.

[Male Co-host]

But do you.

[Joanna]

Go ahead.

[Male Co-host]

Do you think it's competitive, though? Cause I know that you're helping with a friend and her wedding, and. Do you think it's. Oh, well, I know that she may be having problems with the little details. It's gonna be different with me.

[Joanna]

It's not competitive. If I'm gonna be completely honest, I think it's more of. Yeah. Not competitive. Just like you want yours to be awesome and beautiful and the best, and you hope that everyone thinks yours is. But I don't want any. You know, I want hers to be lovely and beautiful as well. I just want mine to be better.

[Host Bert]

Lovelier and better.

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Are you?

[Female Co-host]

Yes.

[Male Co-host]

That's competition.

[Joanna]

Yes.

[Host Bert]

What's that?

[Caller]

That would be.

[Host Bert]

Okay. Yeah, that's a competition. Now, this doesn't really have to do with the wedding planning itself. This is more after wedding.

[Joanna]

Right, Right. Well, I think that with getting, you know, being engaged, there's a lot of things that Jason and I have been discussing from not moving in together until we're married, to our finances, how we're going to handle things, and then now also what we're going to do with my last name. Because my last name is Rodriguez. And in this world, I think that holds a lot. Like, as far as job goes, I think it's very important to keep my last name.

[Female Co-host]

Why is that?

[Joanna]

Because, I mean, nowadays it's, you know, you get kind of an edge being Spanish. I think you get kind of like a. You get put at the front of the line because maybe you're Hispanic, you can speak two languages. And I think it's very important in the job market today to stand out somehow.

[Jim]

That's why I use Jose$. Jesus. Hang on. Better joke.

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Jesus.

[Joanna]

Your potential married name, it would be Newman or Newman. It's German.

[Female Co-host]

Okay.

[Joanna]

But it doesn't hold as much value as.

[Host Bert]

It's not.

[Male Co-host]

That's not gonna get you in the

[Host Bert]

front of line anywhere.

[Joanna]

No, it's not.

[Female Co-host]

That doesn't say, I am from Urukuai.

[Joanna]

No, not at all. So we've been discussing it, and I told him that I don't wanna keep my last name. I want to hyphen my last name so I would drop my middle name so I would be Joanna Rodriguez Newman.

[Female Co-host]

And hyphenated.

[Joanna]

Hyphenated. And at first he thought I was joking, but I would always assure him that it wasn't a joke. That I'm being serious. And then he finally, after arguing time after time, he let it go. And he's like, fine. As long as our kids are not gonna be Rodriguez Newman, they're gonna be Newman. I was like, that's fine.

[Female Co-host]

Whatever.

[Joanna]

You know, the kids don't even matter at this point, but I do right now, and that's how I'm going to do my last name.

[Female Co-host]

Don't talk about kids before you get married that day. You know, you can just cover that afterwards. It's not important now.

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Whenever it happens.

[Host Bert]

Yeah.

[Female Co-host]

Cross that bridge when you come to it.

[Host Bert]

So you guys have an agreement.

[Joanna]

Yeah, so we have an agreement. However, I wrote on Facebook, or a friend of his posted a picture of Jason and I on Facebook, and they said, the future Mr. And Mrs. Newman. And I commented afterwards, and I said, actually, future Mr. And Mrs. Rodriguez Newman. And Jason's mother saw it, and she wasn't too happy about it.

[Female Co-host]

What did she say? Did she comment underneath it?

[Joanna]

No, no, no. She called him. She called Jason and said, you know, I saw something on Facebook and I'm not too happy about it.

[Female Co-host]

Jason's like, oh, great. Joanna took her top off again.

[Caller]

That's the problem.

[Jim]

Moms shouldn't be allowed on Facebook.

[Caller]

I agree.

[Joanna]

I agree. I agree.

[Host Bert]

Should be an entirely separate website. Facebook.com mom, whatever your name is.

[Male Co-host]

Right, Agreed.

[Female Co-host]

Exactly.

[Male Co-host]

Yeah.

[Joanna]

So they had a long conversation, and he told her that I was just kidding, that I'm not gonna be keeping my eyes in.

[Host Bert]

Wait a minute.

[Jim]

Wait a minute.

[Joanna]

Military man.

[Host Bert]

That's what I love about guys in the military, man. They not afraid of any kind of confrontation.

[Joanna]

Except for with their own mother. Yes. So after he got off the phone, I pretty much told him that he needs to go ahead and let his mother know that that's not the case. I'm not joking. That is what I'm gonna do. And traditionally, in the Hispanic community, we keep our last names. If my, you know, my.

[Jim]

Wouldn't you be Rodriguez Day Newman?

[Joanna]

Yes, I would exactly. I would technically be Joanna Elisa Rodriguez

[Jim]

de Newman, which translates properly to, I am Joanna Rodriguez, owned by Mr. Newman. Which is correct.

[Joanna]

Or I'm part of the Newman family. Yes. Not owned by Newman.

[Jim]

Semantics.

[Joanna]

But anyways. But in the United States, it's not traditional. The women usually take the men's last name. And I understand that, and I get it, but I just. I think career wise, and also because I'm proud of where I'm from, and I don't want to drop my last name. I'm proud of being a Rodriguez.

[Female Co-host]

You know, I think because you feel so strongly about it, because so many women are gray in this area, because it does seem. Well, once you have children, it's just easier to do it. So just sort of succumb to it, you know, because you don't want to make everything complicated. But I think you feel very strongly about this, and I can tell it's something that means a lot to you. So do it. Regardless of what his mom thinks, regardless of what anybody else thinks. If you're this clear on what you want, then that's exactly what you have to do.

[Host Bert]

I bet your attitude would change if you were living in Arizona.

[Joanna]

Then you'd want to occupy Newman.

[Caller]

Name.

[Male Co-host]

My name is Newman. It's Newman.

[Female Co-host]

It's Jones.

[Male Co-host]

It's Smith. Smith.

[Female Co-host]

Smith.

[Male Co-host]

Look, my Last name is White.

[Host Bert]

187-7-588. Bert B E R T. Hey, Joe. Good morning. You're on the Bert Show.

[Caller]

Hey, what's going on, Burt?

[Host Bert]

You tell us, dude.

[Caller]

Hey, man. I was just gonna call and tell Joanna. Me and my new wife, we just got married in April.

[Female Co-host]

Congratulations.

[Caller]

We had the exact same argument. I told her I did not want her to hyphenate her name, and she insisted that she keep her name. She's actually. She comes from a family that they didn't have a son, so she was the only child, and she felt strongly about maintaining the family name. And my last name is very rare, so, you know, I really wanted us to keep my name. So we had this huge argument about her Hypernamor name. Her mom got involved, said the same kind of thing. My parents really aren't in the picture, so they didn't really have an opinion. But what we decided was. And I thought this might help you, was she decided that she was going to keep her last name, and. And I guess I'm gonna have to be okay with that, since that's what she wants. And ultimately, I'd like her to be happy. So she said she's gonna keep all four names, so it'll be her first name, her middle name, her old last name, and now my name without a hyphen.

[Host Bert]

So what's the whole name?

[Caller]

So her whole name is Julia Elizabeth Holman Barbani.

[Joanna]

That is a lot.

[Female Co-host]

Yeah, a lot of women do that.

[Host Bert]

I hope she doesn't play soccer, because you can't get that on the back of the jersey.

[Caller]

Well, she said she wanted it because she'd like to keep a professional career. And she said that, you know, ultimately she will go by My name. But on paper, she would still like to keep her last name. She said it wasn't. I felt. I personally felt like it was kind of like a lack of commitment or like it would be easier for.

[Host Bert]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Caller]

I just. I guess I didn't have a good attitude to begin with about it. But she says she wants to keep it and, you know, I love her, so that's what I'll let her do. As long as. As long as kind of the same thing. Our kids are my last name. And I didn't like the whole hyphen idea. It bothered me.

[Male Co-host]

Gotcha. It still bothers him.

[Joanna]

But I.

[Jim]

You know, he stretches out the. His sentences the way his wife stretches out her name.

[Male Co-host]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jim]

Because I caught a few hyphens in that sentence.

[Male Co-host]

Yeah, I think the whole thing was hyphenated. But Joanna, I agree with Jim, but I think the number one thing is you and Jason have to be on the same page.

[Host Bert]

Yeah, man.

[Male Co-host]

He's got to get on that same page because he cannot. This is the wrong time for him to start playing between you and his mother and saying she was just kidding.

[Joanna]

Right.

[Male Co-host]

That was a huge violation.

[Host Bert]

Take it from a dude that's been married a long time. You set the groundwork for all this stuff like how he's gonna handle conflict between you and his mom right now.

[Jim]

I think you should call his mom. Like, I don't even think you should tell him. I think you should pick up the phone and go, listen, lady, listen, new mom or whatever the hell your name is.

[Caller]

It's Rodriguez.

[Jim]

Guess what you're gonna have to get used to.

[Host Bert]

Hey, the Birch show.

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