Vault: She's Graduating But Her Dad's New Marriage Might Complicate Thing

Summary

The Bert Show - Episode Summary

Title: Vault: She's Graduating But Her Dad's New Marriage Might Complicate Things
Date: May 21, 2026

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Main Theme

This episode centers on a listener named Kim who is facing emotional turmoil as she prepares to graduate. The complication? Her divorced parents can’t be in the same room, especially with her father’s new wife in the picture. Kim seeks advice from the hosts and listeners on navigating this delicate family dynamic so she can enjoy her special day without drama.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kim’s Family Backstory and Graduation Dilemma

• Background: Kim’s parents divorced in 2005 after being separated for some time. Her father remarried the same year, and there has been longstanding tension, particularly with Kim's mother.
• The Issue: Kim’s mother reluctantly agreed to attend her graduation, but only if the new wife wasn't present. Kim’s father insists on including his wife in all family events, leading to a standoff (02:21).
• Kim’s Attempt at Compromise: Kim offered her stepmother alternative activities during the ceremony, proposing she could take Kim’s car and visit local family or flea markets, with the hope to diffuse direct conflict (03:06).
• Breakdown in Communication: Email is the main form of communication with her dad, sometimes escalating emotion and making compromise more difficult (03:41).
• Underlying Emotions: The hosts highlight Kim’s exhaustion from years of acting as the emotional mediator and her desire for a "drama-free" graduation (07:26).

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2. Parental Behavior and the Burden on Children

• Host Perspective: Hosts, several of whom come from divorced families, empathize strongly with how children are often forced to manage adult emotions and dynamics (01:31; 07:08).
• Quote [Host 1, 01:31]:

  "But that's not your kid's problem. That's an adult. Those are adult problems right there. And you're always sacrificing for your kids and you always should be."

• Listeners Weigh In: Some listeners, like Reagan, share similar experiences, noting the need to stage separate celebrations or dinners to accommodate conflicted parents (08:20; 08:49).

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3. Advice for Kim

• Sit-down Conversations: The majority consensus encourages Kim to address both parents directly (not necessarily together), making clear that this day is about her, not their grievances (11:53–12:33).
• Quote [Katherine, 12:33]:

  "She needs to say, look, this is my day. I need you to be my parents. I need you to put that aside. I need you to be there for me, not for your anger issues."

• Setting Boundaries: Hosts suggest Kim could set clear terms: if parents cannot behave appropriately, they forfeit their invitation to attend (12:02).
• Directness vs. Avoidance: Debate arises about whether being open with Mom or quietly orchestrating logistics without full disclosure is better. Some hosts worry Kim is so used to navigating family strife, she can't envision real resolution (14:46; 16:10).

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4. Reflections on Parenting After Divorce

• Children as Middlemen: Hosts and listeners discuss the unfairness of children wielding emotional “damage control” between combative parents (13:09; 14:29).
• Quote [Host 1, 13:09]:

  "If you don't do this now, then this is going to go on and on and on and on and it's never going to go away. You have done nothing wrong. This is your graduation. This is not your problem."

• Long-term Effects: Kim hints this pattern has shaped her identity, and hosts note these wounds often extend well past milestone events (16:09).
• Debate - Whom Should Parents Prioritize?: One host suggests spouses must come first; others argue kids should always be the priority, particularly on days like graduation (16:23–16:47).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Kim’s Honesty [05:23]:

  "She's just a kind of angry, immature person when it comes to a lot of stuff. And she's gotten so much better."

• Host Empathy [07:26]:

  "As a product of divorce, you've had to be the peacemaker since you were 15."

• Listener Reagan’s Pragmatism [08:20]:

  "They sat on two completely separate sides of the auditorium... when you're a child of divorced parents, you just gotta get over it and gotta work around their issues."

• Katherine’s Tough Love [12:12]:

  "They need to act like responsible parents and put their feelings and their anger aside."

• Host 1’s Wisdom [14:55]:

  "Don't let them take that away from you."

• Host 3’s Insight [16:10]:

  "She doesn't know because her whole life her parents have been drama."

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:31 – Introduction of Kim, the core issue, and family history begins
• 02:21–06:00 – Details emerge on the timeline of relationships, current tensions, and Kim’s proposal
• 07:08–08:01 – Emotional burden on Kim and how her parents’ behavior affects her
• 08:18–09:29 – Listener Reagan shares comparable family experience
• 12:12–13:09 – Katherine offers direct advice about claiming ownership of the event
• 14:29–15:22 – Kim reflects on her ongoing role as family peacemaker
• 16:09–16:23 – Hosts reflect on the long-term impact and the reality of Kim’s situation

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Overall Tone

Empathetic, real, and sometimes tough-loving. Hosts and callers approach Kim’s struggle with a mix of personal anecdote, encouragement, and direct advice, always anchoring the conversation around Kim’s feelings — and the importance of her graduation day.

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Summary Takeaway

Kim’s situation exposes the ongoing fallout from acrimonious divorces, where children are too often burdened with adult responsibilities. The show’s advice: Kim deserves her day, and her parents need to step up. She’s encouraged to clearly and firmly own her boundaries, put herself first for once, and know that her feelings — not her parents' — are what matters most at her graduation.

Transcript

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[Host 1]

Let's get Kim on here. And I would say, you know, let's not take the calls that are like, hey, your parents should put aside their nasty feelings for each other and be at your graduation, because that's obvious. That's totally obvious. So let's try to figure out a way how we actually can get them on the same page because this sucks right here. I mean, I'm a product of a divorced family also, and I was the divorce trophy. But that's not your kid's problem. That's an adult. Those are adult problems right there. And you're always sacrificing for your kids and you always should be. So what happens when the two parents can't see eye to eye? That's exactly where Kim is right now and this is a really important day to her. Hey, Kim. Hey, you're on the voice disguiser. Can you speak up a little bit?

[Kim (Caller)]

Yeah. Can you hear me okay?

[Host 1]

Yeah, that's better. So you got graduation coming up when

[Kim (Caller)]

it's going to be December 12th.

[Host 1]

Okay. And give us a little history here about your mom, your dad, the new wife, and some things that have happened over the last couple of months where, you know, if they both are there together with the new wife especially, it's going to be tense.

[Kim (Caller)]

Well, long story short, My parents separated 11 to 12 years ago, probably 12. And they officially divorced in 2005. My dad remarried his current wife in 2005, but they celebrated their 10 year anniversary. That's what she told me earlier this year on vacation in like May. So they had been together since I was 15 years old. My parents had been divorced since four years ago. Really all was going to happen was I didn't really think it would be an issue. I talked to my mom and my mom said she would come. And she wasn't very happy about my dad being there, but she knew it was a really important day for me. And then she said that she really didn't want to be there if his wife was going to be there. And I said I understood that and I would make her go if she was going to be there, but I didn't think it would be an issue. And I found out that my dad was going to come down and take me camping instead of going. So I sent him an email. We do a lot of our communicating through email. And I asked him, I said that you guys can just go and be civil for a couple hours. I said that his wife could borrow my car to visit her aunt. She has family where I live, or she could go and visit the flea markets or something and it would only be a couple hours. And he responded saying that he never intended on disincluding his wife from anything. And that's kind of how it began. I sent an email after that. It was probably not as nice as it could have been, but had a lot of.

[Host 2]

So what you were attempting to do is to get him to come to the event, but during the actual graduation ceremony, his new wife, who your mom does not get along with, would just occupy her time elsewhere.

[Host 1]

Did your dad leave your mom for the new woman?

[Kim (Caller)]

He separated and he moved to a couple of different places before he officially moved to New Orleans, which is where they met and they were separated. And he was not with a new woman for about A year.

[Host 1]

Okay, so they weren't divorced, they were separated when he started dating this new woman.

[Kim (Caller)]

Yes. And he said in one of the emails that when he left, he got a taste of a drama free life.

[Host 1]

Have. Has your mom and the new wife been in the same room together or is there just unsaid tension right now?

[Kim (Caller)]

Completely unsaid tension. Probably more my mom's part. I mean, she's very.

[Host 3]

She's angry.

[Kim (Caller)]

Sorry.

[Host 3]

Your mom's just so angry.

[Kim (Caller)]

Yes, she's just a kind of an angry, immature person when it comes to a lot of stuff. And she's gotten so much better. I mean, there's a crazy amount better. My parents have only been in the same room together in the past 10 years.

[Host 2]

So then there's two dilemmas we could solve for you. You have to tell us which one is it. Do you want us to try to get input from our listeners on telling your mom that she kind of has to suck it up and grow up and be there with this new woman and just deal with it and everybody's going to be an adult? Or. Or do you want advice on how to convince your dad that your mom is important and out of respect for your mom, you can't have the new. What are you shaking your head at, Wendy?

[Caller 2]

Well, that just shouldn't matter. I mean, I'm in the same situation. My sister's graduating this month, too. I come from divorced parents. My dad's with another woman, too. I mean, she's gonna go. But if your parents can't get along, well, they can sit in different places and watch you graduate. They don't have to sit together. But you can get along for one day.

[Host 3]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

I mean, I'm assuming that you're graduating in a big. Pretty big auditorium or whatever. Why do they even have to see each other?

[Kim (Caller)]

Yeah, it is. And that's something that my dad had mentioned. And my mom doesn't know about any of this, like, as far as she knows. I mean, she knows my dad is not going to graduation, but she doesn't know why. I just didn't want to tell her, you know, until after graduation. So then she wouldn't say that. She wouldn't go because of all this drama. I mean, basically it comes down to my mom being really immature and overly controlling, kind of. And then my dad being not really in the picture. He hasn't been in the picture for so long. But, I mean, we're just. I don't think we're as important to him.

[Host 1]

And your mom is feeling that too. She's probably like, he hasn't been in the picture for all these years, so why does he even get a say in the matter if she knew what was going on?

[Host 3]

But.

[Host 4]

But, you know, my thing is. Let's go back to you. What do you want? I mean, it's your graduation day, like, because I think that unfortunately, as a product of divorce, you've had to be the peacemaker since you were 15.

[Kim (Caller)]

So I almost divorced when I was 5. And I wish they would have done it right, because it would have been so much. I mean, simpler.

[Host 4]

Right. So what do you want?

[Kim (Caller)]

I want both my parents there, and I want it to be as drama free as possible. And I can kind of understand my mom not wanting his new wife there. Just, you know, under the circumstances, it was kind of a bad divorce. I just do not have a good relationship at all. And I can understand my mom not wanting to be there if, you know, she's going to be around.

[Host 4]

Well, see, I think it's sad that you're now drifting back into the analyzing your parents where you shouldn't have to

[Host 1]

be in that place.

[Host 4]

Yeah. What they should be doing is saying, you know what? I can understand why she wants us there. So, you know, but it ends up always being the burden on you so that they can be mature.

[Host 1]

Here's Reagan here. She thinks she's got some advice. Hey, Reagan.

[Reagan (Caller)]

Good morning.

[Host 1]

Good morning.

[Reagan (Caller)]

I had this exact same situation go on with my family. I had basically my dad and my new stepmom and the whole family, even my mom and my remarried. You know, my stepdad, they all came to my graduation. They sat on two completely separate sides of the auditoriums, and. And then the dinner afterwards, there was two separate dinners. I went with my dad first and his new wife, and then we had, like, a dessert. And then I went with my mom and my stepdad. They're two separate dinners.

[Katherine (Caller)]

No.

[Reagan (Caller)]

No togetherness at all. And even seven, 10 years later, when I got married, I couldn't have my parents together either. It's just one of those things when you're a child of divorced parents, you just gotta get over it and gotta work around their issues.

[Host 4]

Let me ask you a question. Did they know about each other's dinners and each other's appearance? Cause it seems like they did know.

[Host 1]

And I'll tell you, I disagree with you. I totally and completely disagree with you, Reagan. I don't think that it is the child's responsibility to work around the child's responsibility.

[Reagan (Caller)]

I agree. It is not the child's Responsibility. But you know what? When you have a child, when you are a child of divorced parents, you realize your parents are very immature and can't get over it, so you just

[Host 4]

kind of got to work around them.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Ideally, I mean, I think you're. That it's a path that are supposed to work around the child and not the other way around.

[Host 2]

Like a question for Wendy and Burt, because talking to her, the original caller. What do we call her?

[Host 1]

Kim.

[Host 2]

Kim. Talking to Kim, she seems so, like. And I don't mean this in a rude way, but weak. Like, wishy washy.

[Host 1]

Like you constantly, constantly, constantly make excuses for your own parents.

[Host 2]

Okay, but if this is the first conflict, isn't this where she almost needs to be strong? I agree. Like, where she almost needs to say, mom, you need to come to my graduation. It's a one a lifetime situation. You're gonna come. You're gonna sit on this side of the room. Dad's coming. He's bringing the New Orleans floozy. I'm gonna make sure you guys don't have to be around each other. But you both need to be there.

[Host 1]

Yes. It's the toughest conversation that you'll ever have, because there is for me, there's just no more difficult conversation than having to talk to your parents and. And make the rules. Like, Stacy and I can have disagreements, and those are uncomfortable. That's one thing. But talking to your parents, that's a totally different level of uncomfortable.

[Caller 2]

You want to please each parent. You don't want to disappoint one parent or the other. You want them both to agree on the same thing. And that's tough because you're always stuck in the middle.

[Host 4]

But she's so trained to be drained by her parents that I'm curious if it would be. Would it be easier. I'm not necessarily saying this is what I would do, but would it be easier to lie to your mom than to tell her the truth about the wife coming? Like, to say, you know, and not even to tell her anything. Just, you show up and this is where you are, and he's in another side of the room, and the mother never sees him.

[Host 1]

Well, here's the problem then, is that Kim can't enjoy the day at all because she's gonna constantly be stressed out that they're gonna run into each other.

[Host 4]

I think she'll be more stressed out if her mom knows and it's causing drama.

[Host 1]

Hey, Kim.

[Host 3]

I don't know. I think I agree with Bert. I think you gotta tell her mom you're gonna be on this side of the room. Dad and stepmom are gonna be on this side of the room. I'll spend time with both of you. But just know that you're both gonna be under the same roof.

[Host 2]

So, jacked up, you think for one minute about bossing your dad around?

[Host 4]

I don't think Mama, she talks about how drama and immature mom is. Her mama may, I mean, give her such grief up until graduation.

[Host 1]

Hey, Kim. Most of the calls that are coming in are really saying that you really have to. You gotta sit down, both parents, and maybe even at the same time. And you have to draw some boys and parameters right now, saying, look, this isn't about you guys.

[Host 3]

Right?

[Host 1]

You know, this is about me, and this is a special day for me. You have to have that conversation with them. And that is easier said than done. I totally understand that.

[Host 4]

And I think you should have to be willing to back yourself up. And if they don't agree to your terms, then they're not allowed to come.

[Host 1]

Hey, Katherine. Good morning. You have some advice here for Kim?

[Katherine (Caller)]

Yes, I do. She needs to sit down with both parents. Not at the same time, but she needs to sit down and say, look, you need to make up your mind whether you want to be known as a sperm donor or egg donor or you want to be known as a parent. They need to act like responsible parents and put their feelings and their anger aside.

[Kim (Caller)]

She needs.

[Katherine (Caller)]

Instead of being a peacemaker and a convenience person, she needs to say, look, this is my day. I need you to be my parents. I need you to put that aside. I need you to be there for me, not for your anger issues.

[Host 2]

Would you be willing to talk to her parents on her behalf?

[Katherine (Caller)]

Oh, gosh, yes. Put me on the phone.

[Host 2]

Seriously?

[Katherine (Caller)]

I'm doing Heartbeat.

[Host 2]

I'm only half kidding.

[Katherine (Caller)]

No, I've been in a similar situation, and I had to sit down and say, look, I'm the child in this situation. I don't need my parents acting like petulant children in front of my friends. I need you to be my parents.

[Host 1]

And, Kim, if you don't do this now, then this is gonna go on and on and on and on and on, and it's never gonna go away. You have done nothing wrong. This is your graduation. This is not your problem. So when you approach them, you have to keep that in mind. You have done zero wrong.

[Host 4]

Yeah, this is your day.

[Host 3]

Cause your mom's using you to get messages to your dad.

[Host 2]

You still there?

[Kim (Caller)]

Yes, I am.

[Host 3]

She doesn't know how else to get the message?

[Kim (Caller)]

I have a lot of the same stuff that I'm hearing to my dad in email. Like, he lives 14 hours away, so I don't see him normally, but a couple times a year and we talk. Like, we don't talk on the phone that often. I mean, I call him more than I do. I think my sisters do. But I pretty much ended. You know, I said in the email that this is just another example of you putting your children on the back burner. Everything else in your life, and I plan, like, this has been. My parents have been an issue our whole life. You know, we have to carefully plan our holidays in case, you know, my dad might decide to show up to one of them or, you know, my mom, what she's going to want to do half the time. My mom doesn't really want to go anywhere, so, you know, she may not participate in holidays sometimes.

[Host 1]

Look, inevitably, you may just have to be at peace with, this is who your dad is. He's going to be a selfish guy. He's been a selfish guy his whole life. He's been a selfish parent since day one, and that's who he is. Someday you may have to come to peace with that. And that may start here with graduation.

[Host 4]

But don't compromise yourself because it's your grad. This is a. This is a huge accomplishment for you, and this is a day that you need to enjoy and not let them ruin.

[Host 1]

Don't let them take that away from you.

[Kim (Caller)]

Yeah. I basically told him that if he can't come to graduation and be there for me, then I didn't want him to be there. I mean, it might be a different situation if I had a relationship with my stepmother, but it's like, I don't talk to her unless I happen to call my dad's home phone and she answers, and I don't see her unless I go and visit my dad. I don't have this relationship with her, so she's not really a part of my family.

[Host 3]

Something about me tells, or something about you tells me that you just wanted to kind of talk about this, invent it, but you're not ready to solve it.

[Kim (Caller)]

Well, at this point, I'm just kind of afraid to solve it. I mean, I'm just not sure what can be done as far as me and my dad.

[Host 1]

There may not be anything at this point. There may not be my mom.

[Reagan (Caller)]

Do you know what I mean?

[Host 3]

Like, I think that you're not even

[Kim (Caller)]

hearing it up until after graduation, kind of.

[Host 2]

She just said she doesn't want to bring it up till after graduation.

[Host 3]

I just don't feel like you're like hearing the solutions or hearing the way to work through it. You just kind of want to vent about it and talk about it and commiserate in this situation. But in order for you to enjoy your graduation, you're gonna have to get past it and move on and set up some parameters. But.

[Host 1]

And this wasn't gonna be resolved in a 10 or 15 minute call to a radio station. Sometimes this takes years of work with a therapist to get all that.

[Host 4]

She doesn't know any difference.

[Host 1]

Believe you me, I know that.

[Host 4]

Yeah, she doesn't know. She doesn't know because her whole life her parents have been drama. So, I mean, it's like Kim has no concept of it being solved.

[Host 1]

This is the only world that she

[Host 4]

knows in it, that's all she knows and that's all her parents have offered her.

[Host 1]

I don't understand why parents don't under the priority. Never changes. When you're married, your kids come first. And if you divorce, your kids come first. Right?

[Host 3]

I don't agree with that.

[Host 1]

No.

[Host 3]

I think if you're married, your spouse has to come first.

[Reagan (Caller)]

I.

[Host 1]

I mean, I guess we could debate that. Yeah. They both have very.

[Host 2]

Spouse before parents, spouse before children.

[Host 1]

Spouse before kids sounds great on paper, but until you have kids, you realize there's got to be some kind of balance there.

[Host 3]

We could debate about that.

[Host 1]

Yeah, you really do get it.

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