Vault: She's married and not in love with her husband Part 2

Summary

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The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: She's married and not in love with her husband Part 2
Date: August 3, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode centers around the struggles of maintaining romantic love within long-term marriages. The Bert Show team and listeners discuss the difference between "loving" someone and being "in love" with them, how early relationships shape perceptions of love, and whether those initial sparks can (or should) last throughout the years. The tone is candid, witty, empathetic, and occasionally irreverent, creating a supportive space for listeners wrestling with the complexities of love, marriage, and nostalgia for "first love."

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Call: Mandy's Regrets and Perspective

• [00:12 – 01:41]
• Mandy, a divorced listener, shares her regrets about taking her husband for granted after falling out of love.
• She highlights the difference between love and being "in love," urging others not to throw away good relationships for fleeting excitement.
• Quote:
  "I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him anymore. And I live with the regret every day of taking him for granted and treating him the way that I did..." — Mandy [00:17]
• Mandy stresses that relationships take effort to maintain excitement:
  "After a few years, you quit doing that, and so you lose that excitement and you don't feel special anymore. And you look for that somewhere else when you should be looking for it inside your marriage." — Mandy [01:08]
• The cast jokes about high school reunions and romantic realities, adding levity.

2. Listener Call: Ruth on Long-Term Marriage Realities

• [01:52 – 02:49]
• Ruth, married for 27 years, normalizes feeling disconnected or even annoyed with a spouse at times.
• She emphasizes communication as key to rekindling romance and moving past routine annoyances.
• Quote:
  "We've had our moments where just hearing him breathe would annoy... But we talk about it...say, I need you to woo me." — Ruth [01:58]
• The cast applauds Ruth's honesty, seeing "the work" in a long-term relationship as a deeper kind of love.

3. Email from Listener: Questioning Love vs. Being "In Love"

• [03:17 – 03:48]
• An email prompts the show: Can you love your spouse but not be "in love" with them?
• The writer confesses she doesn't feel the "in love" feeling she once had with her first boyfriend, despite having a devoted husband.

4. Listener Call: Stacy and the Myth of "First True Love"

• [03:48 – 04:41]
• Stacy calls out the romantic ideal of "first love" as "psycho babble," especially in how some people hold onto the idea that no one can replace a first boyfriend/girlfriend.
• Shares her own experience with her husband's ex claiming to be his "first true love."
• Quote:
  "I think that the first true love ordeal is just a bunch of psycho babble for women who think they're still in love with their first boyfriend..." — Stacy [04:07]

5. Cast Discussion: The Evolution of Love

• [04:49 – 05:57]
• Cast members reflect on how teenage love often feels more exciting because it is filled with "firsts," which are hard to sustain in adulthood.
• They stress the value and privilege of sharing daily life—even the boring or annoying parts—with a chosen partner.
• Quote:
  "For me, it's a privilege...for us to get on each other's nerves. Because to me, that's real. That's real life." — F [05:30]

6. Personal Stories: The Reality of Long-term Commitment

• [05:57 – 06:22]
• Host Bert shares a relatable story where his wife is irritated by his leg twitching—an everyday annoyance symbolic of real, long-term love.
• Team member E mentions her parents' 39-year marriage, noting that her dad never stopped flirting and doing romantic gestures, keeping love alive through small daily efforts.
• Quote:
  "But my dad's never, ever stopped doing, like, the romantic things all along the way...he never stopped, like, grabbing her butt and, like, doing stuff like that." — E [06:27]

7. Humor and Reflection: What is "True Love" Anyway?

• [06:22 – 07:46]
• The team jokes about prom dances for "high school true love," poking fun at the idea that real love ends with youth.
• They suggest forgiveness and flexibility when it comes to defining "true love," as everyone's path is different.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I'd give anything to redo the mistakes I made, and it just...it drives me insane." — Mandy [01:13]
• "You have to talk through it, push through it. It is normal." — Ruth [02:45]
• "If you were in love [with our show], you would have won that thousand." — F (jokingly, to Stacy, about contest call-ins) [04:01]
• "It may be the first time you get all these little romantic things...and then I do think...when people finally get with somebody as an adult that they chose...it's a privilege to be with Katie and to sit and be bored with her and for us to get on each other's nerves." — F [05:17]
• "He never stopped, like, grabbing her butt..." — E [06:34]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:12 – 01:41] Mandy's regrets and reflections on love vs. being "in love"
• [01:52 – 02:49] Ruth's honest take on long-term marriage and the importance of communication
• [03:17 – 03:48] Listener email: Can you love but not be "in love" with your husband?
• [03:48 – 04:41] Stacy challenges the idea of "first true love"
• [04:49 – 05:57] The cast discusses how love evolves from teenage to adult relationships
• [05:57 – 06:22] Everyday annoyances as a symbol of enduring connection
• [06:22 – 07:09] Story about long marriages and keeping the romance alive

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Summary

This episode of The Bert Show dives candidly and humorously into the gray areas of love within long-term relationships. Through honest listener stories and personal anecdotes, the cast explores the tension between romantic nostalgia and adult reality, the work required to keep relationships thriving, and the acceptance of both the spark and the everyday. The overall takeaway: Real, enduring love may not always feel like those first heady days, but—through effort, communication, and genuine affection—it often grows into something deeper, more complex, and ultimately more rewarding.

Transcript

[A]

The Birch Show. All right, Mandy wants in on this whole conversation. Can you compare your current love with the love of your very first boyfriend or girlfriend? Good morning, Mandy. You're on Q100.

[B]

Hi. I just called because I get so frustrated when I hear this stuff. I love him, but I'm not in love with him anymore. I'm currently divorced from my high school sweetheart and the father of my children because I felt the same way. I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him anymore. And I live with the regret and every day of taking him for granted and treating him the way that I did and pushing him away because I didn't think I was in love anymore.

[C]

And it just.

[B]

It drives me crazy. Melissa's right. It's bored. And the excitement's not there anymore. And after a couple of years, that every relationship, and it's on you to make things exciting and to bring that spark back. I'd give anything to redo the mistakes I made, and it just. It drives me insane.

[A]

So what's the definition of being in love and not in love then? I'm in love. Just don't love you. What's the definition there?

[B]

I'm with you, Bird. I think it's an excuse you have that when you first meet somebody, you have that tingly and excitement and you do everything you can to make each other feel special and everything else. And I think after a few years, you quit doing that, and so you lose that excitement and you don't feel special anymore. And you look for that somewhere else when you should be looking for it inside your marriage. And I would, like I said, she'll regret if he's a great man, like she said, and she just doesn't feel like she's in love anymore. She'll regret what she's doing. Just appreciate your husband, love him, and bring the excitement back.

[D]

Especially when she goes to her 10 year high school reunion and sees that the guy that she thinks she's in love with is 70 pounds heavier.

[E]

Wow.

[F]

You didn't look like that in high school, right?

[A]

Here's Ruth. Good morning, ruth. You're on Q100.

[C]

Hi.

[G]

Hey, bird show.

[C]

Love you guys.

[A]

Thank you.

[G]

So I totally think it's normal to be married and not be in love, but you have to work at that, you know? And as far as, you know, comparing it to your first love, though those feelings may have been genuine, it's different. I mean, you're married now. You. You stop trying to impress each other as much as you did before when you Were had your boyfriend, but I've been married 27 years and we've had our moments where just hearing him breathe would annoy. You know when you just get that annoyed and I'm thinking, I really just don't even like you anymore.

[B]

But we, we talk about it, you

[G]

know, and you're honest with each other and say, I need you to woo me. I need, I want to kiss you and be turned on. You have to talk through it, push through it. It is normal.

[A]

See, that's why that kind of love to me is like a real love that you have to push through. And like 16 and 17 year old love, that's just not real.

[B]

Just a difference in maturity.

[E]

I think that's cool that they talk about it.

[A]

What are you smirking like?

[E]

I'm just laughing at her saying like her he was just breathing and just driving me crazy.

[D]

How do you talk about that? I don't know.

[E]

I think that. I just think that's cool that. I mean, They've been married 27 years. They talk about it. Your breathing is driving me nuts right now. And could you please chew with your mouth closed?

[A]

This is the email that we got and it says, I have a question for all the ladies listening. Is there anyone that's married but not in love with their husbands? I'm pretty sure there are a lot of couples out there in this situation. The reason I ask is because I've been married for over five years and I love my husband. He's a great guy and would never change him for anybody, but I'm just not in love with him. And this is the key one right here. Like, I was the first time I felt in love with my first boyfriend. So we're asking, is that even fair to do? Here is Stacy. Good morning. You're on C100.

[C]

Hey, I just wanted to let you guys know that I love your show and a little confused because I can get through now, but not when I want to win $1,000.

[D]

But are you in love with our show or do you just love our show?

[C]

I love your show.

[F]

If you were in love, you would have won that thousand. But anyway, go ahead.

[C]

The only thing I'm in love with is my husband. And I think that the first true love ordeal is just a bunch of psycho babble for women who think that they're still in love with their first boyfriend because they realize what they had and they let it go and somebody else came along and took him. And I'm just speaking from experience because I'm married to My husband and my. His ex girlfriend and I got into an argument and a fight, and she's already married to somebody else. And she just came up to me when I first met her and said, I'm his first true love, and I hold this spot in his heart that you will never feel. And I think that's just ridiculous.

[A]

See, to me, like, you're. They're almost different things. Your first love and your first true love. To me, I don't know. I feel like there's a difference there.

[F]

I mean, you know, when you're in high school, there's also there. I mean, it could just be a case. There's more effort. I mean, again, you don't see each other all the time. And it's the first time you're gonna kiss. It's the first time you're gonna, you know, whatever. It's the first time you're gonna get flowers. It may be the first time you get all these little romantic things. Cause everybody's trying out their dating skills when they're in high school, and it's cute. And then I do think it. I do find it so sad that when people finally get with somebody as an adult that they chose to be with, that they're with them far. The time spent with the person you're with as an adult is far more. Is far greater than it was with the time you spent when you were a teenager with somebody. And so, yes, there's gonna be times where you're bored. There's times where you're just gonna sit on the couch. There's times it's not gonna be flowers and romance and kissing to where the sparks fly all the time. And I. But I don't think that's a bad thing. I think it's a privilege to. For me, it's a privilege to be with Katie and to sit and be bored with her and for us to get on each other's nerves. Because to me, that's real. That's real life. You know, as well as when we're romancing each other and we're doing all these other things, it's not fake or this facade of something.

[A]

There was a couple of weeks ago, Stacey and I were sitting on the couch, and we're just watching who knows what show together. And I do this leg twitch thing that it's very hard for me just to sit still. So without even knowing it, I twitch my leg. And just from out of nowhere, Stacy's like, will you stop that?

[E]

She didn't know.

[A]

That's 16 years of love that went

[G]

into that statement right there. That's real.

[E]

I've seen my parents. I mean, my parents have been married 39 years. It was really neat at the wedding we went to over this, this past weekend. You know how they invite, like all the married couples up onto the dance floor? Like if you've been married, you know, one year, five years, 10 years, and they go all the way up. My parents were one of the last ones to join the dance floor at 39 years of marriage. But he never stopped flirting with my mom. And when I was a kid, I thought it was gross. I would be like, would you quit doing that in front of us? Like, ew. But my dad's never, ever stopped doing, like, the romantic things all along the way. So I don't think they ever sort of let themselves fall out of love with each other because they always, you know, and I'm sure it. It ebbed and flowed through the years or whatever and. But he never stopped, like, grabbing her butt and like, doing stuff like that.

[A]

And then.

[E]

Your Mom's got a.39 years.

[D]

She's got a really grabbable butt.

[F]

Jeff's even grabbed.

[E]

Don't you even come close to talking about that.

[A]

Mom's yours.

[D]

Does she ever do the two hand? Cause she's got a good two hander.

[A]

That same experience happened to me at the prom when I thought I had true love. The DJ said, look, for all of you that have been in love for two weeks, come out on the dance floor. And then it was four weeks and then it was six. Has got to be kind of a lonely dance.

[D]

I think we all need to forgive Jen right now for saying the true love can be found in high school. You'll get it.

[E]

That's where I found it.

[A]

I don't think I get it.

[D]

You will in a minute.

[A]

Okay. The bird show.