Vault: She's moving in with two men, and neither knows

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: She's moving in with two men, and neither knows"

Release Date: June 16, 2026
Main Theme:
The episode centers on a dramatic love triangle. A listener, Olivia (name changed, voice disguised), reveals her plan to move in with two different boyfriends in two separate homes—without either man knowing about the other. The hosts, Bert, Jen, and the rest of the cast, along with callers, unpack the ethical, logistical, and emotional fallout of Olivia's unique situation.

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Episode Summary

Background and Setup

[01:32]

• Olivia is brought on the show reluctantly; her friend initially emailed the show about her. She’s using a voice disguiser.
• Bert stresses they should “tread lightly” as Olivia did not volunteer herself for public scrutiny.

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Olivia’s Story: The Two Boyfriends

[02:00–03:13]

• Olivia lays out her predicament:
  • Boyfriend #1 (Midtown): Dating 5 months. Wealthy, furnished condo, closer to her work, they often go out.
  • Boyfriend #2 (Kennesaw): Dating 4 months. Less financially stable, empty apartment, all her furniture will go there. Far from work, but she likes him more due to his sweet, creative side (he plays guitar).
  • Notable quote (Olivia, 02:53): “He’s got, like, a totally empty apartment, so all my furniture is going there… but he’s really sweet… I like them both.”
• The hosts joke: “It’s like Prince and the Pauper.” (Co-host, 03:13)

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The Plan & Justifications

[03:40–04:19]

• Olivia’s plan hinges on using her mom’s divorce as an alibi.
  • She told both men she’d be at their place only half the time to “support her mom.”
  • Both men asked her to move in; she said yes to both.
  • Notable quote (Olivia, 03:55): “My mom is going through a divorce right now. So I’ve told both guys… I’ll probably only be there half the time.”
  • Jen calls the plan “brilliant” for its logic, though not ethics: “I’m just impressed that she’s been able to think through all the angles.” (Jen, 04:29)

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Ethical Dilemmas and Host Commentary

[04:58–06:44]

• Bert points out the gender hypocrisy: if a man were doing this, he’d be judged more harshly.
  • Olivia reveals both men call her their “girlfriend” (05:24).
  • “You’re cheating on both of them with the other.” (Co-host, 05:31)
  • The team questions her ability to juggle both lives: “Where are your clothes going?” (Sherwin Williams Announcer, 06:34)
  • Olivia splits her clothes—work attire to Midtown, casual to Kennesaw (06:36).

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Real-World Complications

[06:44–07:14]

• The hosts predict her plan won’t last, warning that eventually her alibi will run out.
• Olivia says, “I haven’t thought that far ahead… I’m just going to keep this up as long as I’m enjoying it.” (Olivia, 06:59)
• She admits she prefers the Kennesaw boyfriend, but isn’t ready to commit to someone “broke” (07:09).

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Listener Responses: Outrage and Support

[07:44–09:50]

• Several callers criticize Olivia harshly:
  • Jennifer says, “I hope both of them find out about each other, and she ends up lonely with no one.” (Jennifer, 07:44)
  • Another caller calls Olivia “a scum bucket, deceptive liar,” noting the double standard in dating ethics (Cassie, 08:31).
  • The hosts agree: “You’re cheating on both of them.” (Co-host, 08:25)
  • Olivia is accused of being attracted to the richer Midtown guy only for financial reasons, not affection (Co-host, 09:22).

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Logistics, Holidays & Morality

[09:50–10:24]

• Callers ask about holidays—specifically, how Olivia will manage Valentine’s Day.
  • Olivia answers she’ll “support her mother,” using the divorce excuse (10:07).
  • Host checks if Olivia’s mom knows about the scheme—she does not (10:18).

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Olivia Defends Herself

[10:35–11:05]

• Olivia reiterates she was pressured to come on air and is uncomfortable being ridiculed.
  • “I did not ask to come on the air… I don’t really want to sit here and be ridiculed.” (Olivia, 10:36)
  • The hosts acknowledge this and give her a chance to hear from a supportive caller (“Angela”) who defends dating multiple people—as long as everyone knows. But Angela pivots, admitting moving in with two is “a little pushing it” (Angela, 11:07).

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Moral of the Story & Closing Thoughts

[11:26–12:10]

• The hosts emphasize the difference between dating openly and living a double life: honesty and transparency matter most.
  • “Dating two different guys isn’t a big deal if you’re not committed.” (Co-host, 11:34)
  • “As long as they know about each other.” (Burt, 11:38)
• Bert closes, promising to follow up with Olivia after the weekend to see if she managed to juggle both moves.

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps and Attribution)

• “So you are planning on moving in with two different dudes, two different locations, and you’re hoping they don’t find out about it?”
  — Bert, [02:03]
• “He’s got, like, a totally empty apartment, so all my furniture is going there… but he’s really sweet… I like them both.”
  — Olivia, [02:53]
• “It’s like Prince and the Pauper.”
  — Co-host, [03:13]
• “My mom is going through a divorce right now. So I’ve told both guys… I’ll probably only be there half the time.”
  — Olivia, [03:55]
• “If this was a dude, you’d be coming down on her so hard. All y’all would hypocrites.”
  — Burt, [04:21]
• “You’re cheating on both of them with the other.”
  — Co-host, [05:31]
• “I already kind of like Kennesaw guy more.”
  — Olivia, [07:09]
• “I hope both of them find out about each other, and she ends up lonely with no one.”
  — Jennifer, [07:44]
• “She was the one lying… This is unique because I have rarely heard of a woman living with two guys and trying to, you know, play them both.”
  — Co-host, [04:48]
• “I just… I want to repeat that. I did not ask to come on the air… I don’t really want to sit here and be ridiculed.”
  — Olivia, [10:36]
• “Dating two different guys isn’t a big deal if you’re not committed.”
  — Co-host, [11:34]
• “As long as they know about each other.”
  — Burt, [11:38]

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Key Takeaways

• Double Standards: The show highlights the hypocrisy in how men and women are judged for dating multiple people.
• Juggling Ethics: The biggest critique is Olivia’s dishonesty—moving in with two people implies exclusivity.
• Emotional Fallout: Callers express anger at the deception, voicing concern for the men and frustration with Olivia’s justifications.
• Practicality Questions: The hosts (often laughing incredulously) find Olivia’s plan unlikely to succeed long-term (“You’re going to be exhausted.” – Burt, 06:23).
• Olivia’s Self-Awareness: While defensive, Olivia admits her predicament is both intentional and unsustainable.

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Major Segments & Timestamps

• [01:32] – Olivia joins the show (voice disguised)
• [02:00–03:40] – Olivia describes both relationships and her plan
• [04:21–05:39] – The panel discusses exclusivity and relationship ethics
• [06:23–07:14] – Logistics of her scheme, Olivia’s preference for one boyfriend
• [07:44–09:50] – Callers react, some voicing outrage and others reluctantly supporting her right to choose
• [10:07–10:24] – Discussion about keeping up appearances during holidays
• [10:35–11:48] – Olivia voices discomfort, supportive caller responds, debate continues
• [11:59–12:10] – Show wraps up, promise to check back with Olivia on Monday

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Tone and Style

• Candid, Fun, and Judgmental: The Bert Show’s trademark blend of humor, tough love, and real-world cynicism.
• Interactive: Live caller input adds sharp, often emotional perspectives.
• Lighthearted but Direct: While the situation is treated with some comedic disbelief, the hosts do not shy away from blunt critique.

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This detailed summary covers the episode’s primary themes, conversations, and emotional beats, offering a comprehensive guide for any listener or curious reader.

Transcript

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[Burt]

All right, I got the story a little twisted here with Olivia. I thought she emailed us and producer Tracy came in here before. We're getting Olivia on. She said tread lightly here. She doesn't really want to go on. Her friend emailed us about Olivia and producer Tracy has sort of strong armed her or asked her to come on. So she didn't do this voluntarily.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Burt]

So be respectful. Right. Good morning. Olivia. You're on the voice disguiser. Hi.

[Olivia]

Hi. Good morning.

[Burt]

How are you today?

[Olivia]

I'm good.

[Burt]

All right, you've got to give us some history here because this could be great. All right, so you are planning on moving in with two different dudes two different locations. And you're hoping they don't find out about it?

[Olivia]

Yes, that is what I'm doing this weekend.

[Jen]

Wow.

[Burt]

All right. History on these guys. You got to bring us up to speed.

[Olivia]

Okay, so one of them lives in Midtown, and I've been dating him for about five months. I like him. He's pretty well to do. He's got a really beautiful, fully furnished condo. It's close to where I work. We go out a lot together. We have a good time. And then the other one lives in Kennesaw, and I've been dating him for four months, casually. I actually like him more, but he's broke.

[Caller 1 (Jennifer)]

He's just.

[Olivia]

He's got, like, a totally empty apartment, so all my furniture is going to go there, and it's pretty far from where I work. But he's really sweet. He plays guitar. We stay home a lot together, and, you know, I like him both.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

It's like Prince and the Pauper.

[Olivia]

What?

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

I said it's like Prince and the Pauper. You have one guy who's rich, who you kind of like, but you like him better because he's got all the money than the other guy who's, you know, the sweet, guitar playing, you know, creative type.

[Jen]

Well, and just broke. Don't underestimate the commute. I mean, Midtown's closer to her work, right?

[Burt]

So there are some benefits there.

[Jen]

That is a really big deal in Atlanta. That's actually a quality. You look for a guy now.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

Especially when it's the better apartment.

[Sherwin Williams Announcer]

Yes, exactly.

[Burt]

So how do you think you're gonna pull this off, though? I mean, obviously, especially when you move in with somebody. I'm going to state the obvious, that you're elevating the relationship. So how do you think you're going to be able to just hang out with one guy one day and the other guy the other day?

[Olivia]

Well, my mom is going through a divorce right now. So I've told both guys that they both knew that my lease was up at the end of January, and I said yeah. They both asked me to move in with them, and so I said yes, but. But my mother is gonna need a lot of moral support right now, so I'll probably only be there half the time while I'm helping her with the divorce.

[Jen]

Brilliant.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

Wow. Okay.

[Bluff]

Wow.

[Burt]

Now, if this was a dude, you'd be coming down on her so hard. All y' all would hypocrites.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

Well, we talked yesterday. Well, Jen's the only one that called her brilliant, by the way.

[Jen]

I'm just Impressed that she's been able to think through all the angles of this plan.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

Cause we talk. Well, we talked yesterday about guys who've, like, lived double lives and that kind of thing.

[Burt]

So we talked to somebody yesterday whose mother in law faked a relationship for 25 years.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

He lied to her about.

[Burt]

He lied to her. She was the one lying.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

No, he lied to her.

[Burt]

He did, yeah.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

So, you know, we talked yesterday about the guys doing it. So this is unique because I have rarely heard of a woman living with two guys and trying to, you know, play them both.

[Burt]

You can't pull this off.

[Jen]

Do these guys both think that you're exclusive with them?

[Olivia]

Well, we haven't. We haven't. Like, they've never said, like, have you. Are you seeing other people? They've never asked me flat out.

[Burt]

You're moving in with a guy. It's assumed.

[Jen]

Do they call you girlfriend? Like, do they use the word girlfriend?

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

Jen.

[Burt]

She's moving in with a guy. When you move in, it's assumed that it's an exclusive relationship.

[Olivia]

Call me their girlfriend.

[Jen]

What?

[Olivia]

They both call me their girlfriend.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Burt]

They both think that you are only seeing that you're moving in with a guy.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

You're cheating on both of them with the other.

[Bretzky]

Yes.

[Burt]

I mean, call it what it is at least.

[Olivia]

Yeah. I have two boyfriends.

[Burt]

Okay?

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

So we just don't know it.

[Sherwin Williams Announcer]

So which day are you moving into

[Jen]

the guy in Kennesaw's house? And which day are you moving into

[Narrator/Advertiser]

the guy in Midtown's house?

[Olivia]

So Kennesaw guy is coming to help me move on Saturday. His apartment is totally empty. So all of my furniture is going to his place. And Midtown guy thinks that I sold all my stuff on Craigslist this week. And so, you know, I told him I'm gonna pack up the rest of it on Saturday. I don't need your help. But Kennesaw guy is going to be at my place helping me on Saturday. And then, you know, I'll move over there. Then Sunday morning, I'll go back to my place, and Midtown guy is going to come over and help me clean it so that I can get my security deposit back.

[Burt]

You're going to be exhausted. You're going to be exhausted.

[Olivia]

So basically, you know, if I can pull off this weekend, I think I can pull off the living arrangements. Where are your clothes going? What?

[Sherwin Williams Announcer]

Where are your clothes going?

[Olivia]

Oh, I'm dividing them half and half. But I think that probably more of my work clothes will go to Midtown guy's house since it's Closer to my office.

[Burt]

There's no way you're going to be able to pull this off.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

So you got your mom excused? For the moment. But if someone's living with me and they don't spend the night with me every night, I think I get suspicious. Like, how are you going to pull this off once the mom issue is done? If you make it that long.

[Olivia]

I haven't thought that far ahead. I'm just gonna keep this up as long as I'm enjoying it.

[Jen]

Well, you're gonna end up liking one more than the other.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

She already does.

[Olivia]

And yeah, I already kinda like Kennesaw guy more.

[Jen]

So why not just go with Kennesaw guy, right?

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

Cause he's broke.

[Olivia]

Too much all in commitment for me at this point.

[Burt]

Too much what?

[Jen]

All in commitment? She's not ready.

[Caller 2]

But you're moving.

[Burt]

She don't want to be with the broke broke exclusively.

[Jen]

It's going to be more difficult of a challenge if you decide you like the midtown guy better. Because then all of a sudden you're going to have all this furniture. He's going to be like, when did you buy all this?

[Burt]

There's something comical about it, but obviously so wrong. Hey, Jennifer, Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 1 (Jennifer)]

Hi. I want to say I love, but this makes me so mad. This woman, she has two guys to pick from. And there's people out there that can't even get one guy. And she's going to play bunch. I hope both of them find out about each other. And she ends up lonely with no one.

[Burt]

Well, and this would totally change if they both knew about each other, right? I mean, but I don't know any guy that would go for that. But if they both knew what the situation was, then it's no problem. Yeah, it's your relationship, sure, but the fact that they don't have a clue about each other. They don't even know that you're dating another guy. Going to dinner with another guy changes everything. You're being so deceptive on two different levels.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

Yeah, you're cheating on both of them,

[Burt]

but you know that I'm not schooling you. Here's a. Cassie, good Morning. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller 1 (Jennifer)]

Hi. I just want to say that Burt said something a little bit ago that I agree with. This girl is a scum bucket, deceptive liar. All the time that the guys are on, we sit there and say, oh, you know, the girls gang up and say, this guy is trashy. This girl is trashy. Why are not the girls standing up for, you know. Come on, be a lady.

[Caller 2]

Agreed.

[Burt]

Agreed. You would be yelling at. If Olivia was Eddie, you would be yelling at this guy right now.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

I supported what she's doing. I'm just listening to her be arrogant about it. She's cheating on both of them.

[Burt]

You're a little tickled that she's actually pulling it over.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

I'm not tickled by that because I think that.

[Jen]

I don't think she's going to pull it over.

[Burt]

I don't think so either.

[Jen]

I think it's interesting that she's thought through the whole plan, but I don't think she's going to pull it off.

[Sherwin Williams Announcer]

Definitely not.

[Jen]

It's just.

[Burt]

It will be exhausting.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

I mean, and then on the same token, I mean, she's, you know, it's also not just that she's cheating on both of them, but she's choosing a guy. The only reason she's cheating on the creative musician type is because he's not rich enough. Like, she's going for rich dude, you know, So I. You know, I mean, there were some people that would assume that you're whoring yourself out because he's got a place near your work and he's, you know, rich, and you're moving in with him just for those reasons. Because you even admitted you don't like him as much as the other guy.

[Burt]

Hey, Greg, here you have Olivia. She's planning on moving in with two different dudes in two different places this weekend.

[Caller 1 (Jennifer)]

Well, first off, she's gonna want Bitterball tickets, apparently. But really, what's she gonna do on Valentine's Day?

[Burt]

Yeah, how are you gonna manage that? That's a good one. How are you gonna manage that with

[Olivia]

my mother going through the divorce?

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

Oh, please.

[Olivia]

What, am I gonna leave her alone on Valentine's Day?

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

What's gonna hate me the most?

[Burt]

She got it all worked out.

[Jen]

Does your mom know you're doing this?

[Olivia]

No, my mom does not know I'm kidding.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

Okay.

[Jen]

I was gonna say. Cause if moms is in on it,

[Burt]

then it's triply wrong right there. Totally.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

For sure.

[Burt]

All right. I think Monday, when we talk to you, you're gonna say that you didn't pull it off. One of these guys is gonna find out about it, but we gotta check back with you on Monday morning.

[Caller 1 (Jennifer)]

Okay.

[Olivia]

I mean, I just, you know, I wanna repeat that. I did not ask to come on the air Twisted my arm and so I don't really wanna sit here and be ridiculed.

[Burt]

You're right. You're Right.

[Olivia]

You're about in the third person when

[Caller 1 (Jennifer)]

you come on the show.

[Burt]

You're right.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

You're right.

[Burt]

We asked you to come on. And actually, you know what? As a, as a present for coming on, I'm actually going to put you on with a virtual listener that agrees with what you're doing. Go ahead, Angela. You're on Q100.

[Caller 1 (Jennifer)]

I have to completely agree with Olivia.

[Olivia]

More power to her.

[Caller 1 (Jennifer)]

More power to her. You know what, guys do it all the time and. But you know what? I have to say, I've been in this situation before. I moved in with two different guys, so that's a little pushing it for me. But as for dating two different guys and having fun with it, why not?

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

That's not dating two different guys. No big deal. But if you were saying I commit to you, to the point I'm moving in with you. What do you mean?

[Burt]

Dating two different guys isn't a big

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

deal if you're not committed.

[Burt]

So long as they know each other.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

Dating's a verb. That's what we've been talking about.

[Burt]

As long as they know about each other.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

But I mean, if you say I'm not even closer to one person, even

[Caller 1 (Jennifer)]

if you're committed to them, I mean.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

Oh, please. If you're not committed to.

[Caller 1 (Jennifer)]

Then that's what she wants to do. More power to her.

[Burt]

So you feel like guys have been doing this. So this is just. This is even totally.

[Caller 1 (Jennifer)]

If she has nothing else to lose, why not?

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

Well, yeah, that's the solution. Lower your standards. Perfect. That's what, that's what women should do, right?

[Burt]

Olivia, we will talk to you on Monday and we will not judge. And if you're. When you're on the radio.

[Co-host (possibly Jen or another female host)]

No, I was not. I was being facetious. I was not. I was being sarcastic. You don't have to thank me for that comment.

[Burt]

We'll talk to you on Monday, Olivia.

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