Vault: She's over women who don't have standards

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show, "Vault: She's Over Women Who Don't Have Standards"

Date: July 24, 2026
Cast: Bert (Host), Joanna (Producer), Jen, Melissa, Wendy, Callers

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Episode Overview

This lively episode centers around a passionate discussion led by producer Joanna, who vents her frustration with women settling for poor treatment from men and lacking standards in their relationships. The Bert Show cast, joined by engaged callers, unpacks why women tolerate disrespect, the impact of societal and personal pressures, and potential ways to break the cycle. The conversation integrates real-life anecdotes and explores both male and female perspectives on the issue.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Joanna’s Rant: The Origin (01:04–02:20)

• Joanna opens the episode, exhausted and “over” seeing women accept “crap” from men and repeatedly cycle back into unhealthy relationships:
  • “I am just, just overt females just not having standards for themselves when it comes to men and putting up with so much crap and then complaining about it, but going back to them…” (01:12, Joanna)
  • Expresses disbelief at stories like her friend’s boyfriend leaving without a word, highlighting repeated poor choices.
• Key Quote:
  • “Why are we just settling and just being, you know, happy, you know, just with whatever we can get? I just don’t get it. And it’s annoying.” (01:29, Joanna)

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2. Why Do Women Settle? (02:21–03:38)

• Host/Burt and others reflect on how men may take cues from what women accept in relationships:
  • “As a guy, I’m like, I can get away with anything I want.” (02:41, Host/Burt)
• Jen asks if men’s standards of behavior are reactive to women’s standards:
  • “So if a woman wants higher standards from men, then they’ll step up and do it?” (02:44, Jen)
  • Host/Burt: “Yes, and I feel like there’s this underlying… current that women are so desperate… we can pull more crap…” (02:53, Host/Burt)
• Melissa and Joanna discuss insecurity, age, and societal expectations:
  • “It’s an insecurity thing. And then I think it’s an age thing, because… you’re just starting to figure out what you want…” (03:14, Melissa)
  • “At what point do you stop feeling like that and start… stand up for yourself, have your standards…” (03:38, Joanna)

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3. The Importance of Setting Standards Early (04:14–04:43)

• Unknown Female Caller provides insight:
  • "It’s easier to set those standards at the beginning… Once you have all your emotions all wrapped up… it’s hard to go back and start over again unless you get out of those relationships." (04:14–04:38)
• Group agrees: resetting expectations mid-relationship is hard; best to start strong.

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4. Societal & Psychological Pressures (04:43–06:29)

• Host/Burt: “People would rather be with somebody for the wrong reasons than alone for the right reasons.” (04:43)
• Jen challenges the societal double-bind for single women:
  • “You can’t tell a single person… ‘what’s wrong, you haven’t been in a relationship’… and then get mad if she settles.” (04:56–05:18, Jen)
• Caller Alison links relationship patterns to "daddy issues" and unmet emotional needs:
  • “She’s longed for that connection… no one can fulfill that for her. It’s so sad to watch.” (05:20–05:50, Alison)
• Joanna: Among her friends, troubled father-daughter relationships often correlate with poor partner choices, but she avoids broad generalizations.

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5. The Male Perspective & “Nice Guy” Discussion (06:29–10:33)

• Jason (caller): Wary of generalizations against men, insists many guys are decent, committed, and caring partners (06:35–06:57)
• Jen and Host/Burt note: the show recognizes good men are out there, but the issue is the recurring pattern of returning to the wrong ones.
• Mike (caller):
  • “No girls really want to see that. They want the jerks. And… it’s kind of hard for us nice guys…” (09:48–10:17)

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6. Why Are “Bad Boys” Attractive? (10:33–13:01)

• Jen and Melissa discuss the “challenge” of changing a “bad boy” and the appeal of feeling special:
  • “If he’s a bad boy, oh, I’m gonna be the one woman who’s gonna turn him around…” (11:07, Melissa)
  • “Makes you feel special, right.” (11:18, Jen)
• Wendy: Sometimes, women want the man that other women want; pseudo-competition and validation.

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7. Are Women Responsible for Men's Behavior? (12:00–13:13)

• Wendy: "If you give them an inch, they'll take a mile... if from the beginning of the relationship it's totally cool... the guy will totally take advantage of that." (12:00–13:01)
• Jen pushes back on the implication that women are responsible for setting standards for men’s behavior.
• Wendy: Clarifies men are responsible for themselves, but women’s “bar” sets expectations in the relationship.

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8. The Value of Assertiveness & Setting Standards (13:54–15:38)

• Jen (openly dating women): "I'm not self conscious about being demanding. So when I'm dating other women... those standards or limits or whatever, it's not that women don't take advantage of it... I do think for some women, they're afraid to tell men how they feel... don't want to come across as rude or a bitch. And I don't mind being a bitch." (13:54–14:25)
• Wendy: Encourages women to set the standard from day one:
  • “If he doesn't like you, then you don’t want to be in a relationship with him anyways. So women shouldn’t be afraid of setting a bar somewhere for the guy.” (15:18–15:26)
• General consensus: don’t fear setting expectations; if a person isn’t willing to meet them or labels you negatively, they’re not worth it.

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9. Fear of Being Alone & Social Pressure (15:45–16:43)

• Host/Burt: “Women have the problem, is that they want to be with anybody. Yeah, with somebody.” (15:49)
• Wendy and others challenge listeners to experiment: set your standards for one week or a month and see what changes.
• Unknown Female Caller: Harder to reset standards mid-relationship; easier to start with boundaries from the outset.
• Joanna: Pushes her friends—and listeners—to “start over” if necessary and stop the cycle of complaining and settling.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Joanna: "I cannot tell you how pissed off I am at my friends who do this that keep going back to that. And I tell them over and over again, there is a guy out there who will treat you nicely and... with respect, because that's the key word." (03:38)
• Host/Burt: “People would rather be with somebody for the wrong reasons than alone for the right reasons.” (04:43)
• Wendy: “…if from the beginning of the relationship it's totally cool for the guy to say he's going to pick you up at 7:30 and he rolls in at 8:15, you go, 'No problem, I understand.' ...Then the guy's going to totally take advantage of that.” (12:20)
• Jen: "I'm not ashamed of being a bitch." (14:25)
• Melissa: "You think you can change a guy too, if he’s a bad boy. Oh, I'm gonna be the one woman who's gonna turn him around." (11:07)
• Joanna: "Stop complaining to each other about it." (16:43)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:04 – Joanna’s opening rant about women’s low standards
• 02:21 – Analysis: do men adapt to women's standards?
• 03:14 – Insecurity, age, and settling discussed
• 04:14 – Setting standards early in the relationship
• 04:43 – Societal pressure and the fear of being alone
• 05:20 – "Daddy issues" and unhealthy patterns
• 06:29 – Male callers push back on generalizations
• 10:33 – Why women pick “bad boys”
• 12:00 – Do women set the bar for men's behavior?
• 13:54 – Enforcing standards and self-respect in dating
• 15:45 – Fear of being alone and social pressure to couple up
• 16:43 – Challenge: Set standards, stop complaining

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Tone & Atmosphere

• The tone is candid, occasionally blunt, often humorous, and energetic, reflecting The Bert Show’s conversational and authentic style.
• The hosts and callers speak frankly about dating frustrations, social stigmas, and personal vulnerabilities, infusing the conversation with realness and relatability.

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Conclusion

This episode is a deep dive into the recurring cycle of women (and people in general) who settle for less than they deserve in relationships. The Bert Show team calls out toxic dating patterns, unpacks root causes—from societal standards to personal insecurities—and collectively urges listeners (especially women) to own their standards, advocate for themselves, and stop tolerating subpar treatment.

Challenge to Listeners: Set, communicate, and uphold your standards from the start. If your relationship doesn’t allow for that, maybe it’s time to start over.

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For more, visit: www.thebertshow.com

Transcript

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[Host (likely Burt)]

Producer Joanna hi. It is venting time.

[Caller - Jason]

It is.

[Host (likely Burt)]

She's worked on the Burt show too long. She's reached her capacity of complaints.

[Joanna]

Okay, I think because I work here and I hear it here and then I work at a restaurant where I'm surrounded by women as well. I am just, just overt females just not having standards for themselves when it comes to men and putting up with so much crap and then complaining about it, but going back to them and then complaining and then going back to them. I just don't get where did we lower our standards? When did we realize like, oh well, I can take, you know, take what I can get at this point. You know, why aren't we, why aren't we out there saying, you know what? I'm not going to take this crap from a guy if he doesn't call me when he says he's going to call or if he doesn't, you know, take me out on a nice date. Why are we just settling and just being, you know, happy, you know, just with whatever we can get. I just don't get it. And it's annoying. It happened with, you know, I feel bad, but it happened with Psycho sue, you know, putting up with the crap with the guy coming back. And then this girl at work was telling me that her boyfriend just up and left and didn't call her and tell her where she was go where he was going. And I said, oh, so he's your ex boyfriend now? And she's like, no, we're still dating. And I'm like, what in the hell

[Melissa]

are you guys thinking?

[Host (likely Burt)]

I'll tell you what some of it is, is some of the messages that guys get that we feel like we can take Advant and the not so psycho Sue Fiji and Tool example is a great example. If I'm a guy and I'm on the outside looking in on this whole thing and I hear what Tool has done to Fiji and how she knows all about it, and at the end of the day, she gets back with them again. As a guy, I'm like, I can get away with anything I want.

[Jen]

So as a guy, are you saying that men react to whatever women do? So if a woman wants higher standards from men, then they'll step up and do it?

[Host (likely Burt)]

Yes. And I feel like there's this underlying still current that women are so desperate to be in relationships that we can pull more crap because you allow us to. And again, using the Fiji Tool analogy here, look at all the crap that that dude pulled. She is so desperate to be in a relationship, though, as she jumps back in. And as a guy, you hear that, you're like, game's on.

[Melissa]

Yeah, it's an insecurity thing. And then I think it's an age thing, because you don't go through too many relationships being in your late teens, early 20s, and you're just starting to figure out what you want, so you're gonna put up with more when you're younger until you figure out exactly you can get a nice guy.

[Host (likely Burt)]

I see with a lot of.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I think women don't think they deserve the standards that they want. I don't think we think we deserve a nice guy. I don't think we deserve to be treated well. I think that's just. It comes with time and age.

[Joanna]

At what point do you stop feeling like that and start taking. Take the, you know, stand up for yourself, have your standards. Make, you know, have him come pick you up at your house, have him open the door for you, have him pull out your chair for you. Take, don't settle. There are so many guys out there, and it infuriates me that these girls keep going back to this crap. I cannot tell you how pissed off I am at my friends who do this that keep going back to that. And I tell them over and over again, there is a guy out there who will treat you nicely and who will treat you like a lady with respect, because that's the key word. He needs to treat you with respect.

[Unknown Female Caller]

And I think it's easier to set those standards at the beginning of a relationship because Once you have all of your emotions all wrapped up in it, then it's like you can't even see straight, you know, because I have friends like yours. They're in relationships, but their emotions run so deep for those guys that they. It's like. It's like they screwed it up at the very beginning, you know, and it's like, it's hard to go back and start over again unless you get out of those relationships and hit the reset button. It's like you can't, you know, teach an old dog new tricks kind of

[Host (likely Burt)]

thing, you know, I think at the base of it, I still feel like this probably pertains more to women than it does to dudes, but maybe both is that people would rather be with somebody for the wrong reasons than alone for the right reasons.

[Jen]

But I also think that's on everybody, because people give single people a hard time, you know, like, you can't have one without the other. You can't tell a single person, especially women with their girlfriends. You can't tell her, oh, well, what's wrong? You haven't been in a relationship for two or three years or whatever, and then turn around and then get mad at her if she gets in a relationship and had settled for somebody. Like, I think it's all relative when you putting pressure on people.

[Host (likely Burt)]

Here is Alison. Good morning. You're on the Burke Show.

[Caller - Alison]

Good morning. Oh, my gosh. I agree with this so much. I just had this conversation with a friend not too long ago, and she always, always, always has to be in a relationship, and it's always gotten so much worse, especially over the past year. And it has to do with the daddy issues. It's always the daddy that has to make this issue so bad. She's long for that connection with someone, and it's only making it worse that no one can fulfill that for her. It's so sad to watch.

[Host (likely Burt)]

Is that consistent, do you think, like in the. In the women that y' all are talking about, if you know anything about their family history, Weak fathers equal weak daughters in relationships.

[Joanna]

I can say that with my friends. I do have a couple that have who had zero or very turbulent relationship with their fathers, and now it's resulting to not so good choices with their men that they're with. But I don't know if that. I mean, I can't generalize that. I can just say that, yes, within my group of friends, that is true.

[Melissa]

I think it's with relationships that you see growing up, too. You see your mom and dad's Relationship, if that went well, and what your mom settled for, even if what your dad settled for, you're gonna mimic that.

[Host (likely Burt)]

Dudes are calling up disagreeing. Totally. Hey, Jason. Good Morning. You're on Q100. What's going on, dude?

[Caller - Jason]

How are you guys represent? Dude, I am going to disagree wholeheartedly. You know, to lump every guy into this one category, I think is pretty wrong. And you guys gave the example of tool and Fiji and whatnot. But you have to understand that's a pretty extraordinary story, even by Birch show standards. You know what I mean?

[Jen]

Joanna said there's so many guys out there. Why are these girls going back to these same guys? So Joanna did say that there is. You know, there are plenty of good guys out there. But that's not the only reference we have to women putting up with crap. Because, you know, everybody's referenced several friends of theirs.

[Host (likely Burt)]

You know, look, let's bring it in studio. And Wendy, I don't mean to be disrespectful to you, but I mean, here it's the same type situation where Wendy was going out with this dude a couple of years ago who, I mean, not physically, but mentally abused her. Yet there's still this connection to the dude. And she's nervous that when she gets back, she's sort of gonna get back with the dude.

[Melissa]

And it's a fear of being alone. And I think a lot of women have that fear of being alone for the rest of their lives or until they're 30. And every. There's this age where you have to get married and pressure to be in a relationship. All your friends are getting married. There's a pressure there. And then you think, if you lose this person, there's not going to be somebody out there. You're going to just be this lonely person on an island all by yourself. Which I'm not saying is right, but it's just how. How you feel in that moment.

[Unknown Female Caller]

And what I try to get across to my friends that are in these relationships is like, as long as you are still putting up with this guy and this relationship and this crap, you're definitely not going to meet somebody else. Because you're. All of your thoughts and your energy and your time and your effort and everything is wrapped up in this one person. Whether you're broken up or not, or if you're in that broken up state, like where you are but still sort of hung up on it, guess what? Your mind space is completely occupied by all of that. Of course, somebody new's not walking into your life right now and not dealing with that, because you can't let go of the past. You can let go of the past and just like, just drop it and be able to move forward. Of course, then somebody new is going to walk into your life.

[Caller - Alison]

And.

[Jen]

And I think another thing that I find in women that is concerning is it kind of goes with what Wendy said about the fear of being alone. So many women identify themselves by who they're dating, and it starts in high school or junior high school. Like, it starts in. What all women want to talk about are the guys they're dating. Where. When you're in a group of guys, that's not necessarily everything that they're talking about about in their lives. And so I just think that the fear of being alone, as a woman, you have to think about everything about your life. And what is that fear of being alone? What's so bad about being single? What's so bad about being by yourself? What's so bad about having the time to be able to commit to yourself rather than because you're going to be in a relationship, it's going to happen. There's going to be a guy that's going to come along. But I still don't understand the concept of what is so bad about. What's that fear from?

[Host (likely Burt)]

Jason wants to be on the voice disguiser. He's like, oh, hell, no. Hey, Jason, come on. Good morning.

[Caller - Mike]

Good morning. How are y' all this morning?

[Host (likely Burt)]

Good, man. Why you want to be on the voice disguiser?

[Caller - Mike]

Because my girlfriend listens to this radio station, and I don't want her to know.

[Wendy]

Okay, this radio station.

[Jen]

Go for this one.

[Caller - Mike]

You know, y' all are. You know, y' all are generalizing. Yeah, I mean, you know, it doesn't make sense to the fact of.

[Joanna]

I would like to say. I did not generalize. I did say there's a lot of great guys out there.

[Caller - Mike]

Anytime you're generalizing, the fact that a lot of. A lot of these guys are abusing these women, where. I know. I know every. Everyone I know that's in a relationship, every one of those guys takes an extra effort into making sure that they make that their relationship is in great standing, you know, no matter what the situation may be with, you know, my best friend, you know, he's loved his wife since high school, and her father has had an issue with it, but he makes sure that she's happy no matter what. Of course, there's all these great guys out there, and, you know, no girls really want to see that. They want the jerks. And, you know, it's kind of hard for us nice guys to really try and, you know, notice.

[Jen]

I think he's got a point.

[Host (likely Burt)]

It's another great angle.

[Jen]

I think he's got it.

[Host (likely Burt)]

So why are y' all choosing, like. Like those guys?

[Joanna]

Yeah, Joanna, I can't speak for them because, I mean, my friends always made fun of me because I always dated the really nice, dorky guys. Those were the ones I liked. So I can't answer that.

[Host (likely Burt)]

You can speak to this, Jen? Yeah.

[Unknown Female Caller]

I'm dating a nice guy now. But I didn't always. I don't know. I think it's just. I don't know what changes. I mean, maybe it's cause I'm a little bit older now, or maybe it's like that I've learned I deserve to be treated a lot better.

[Melissa]

And I think you think you can change a guy too, if he's a bad boy. Oh, I'm gonna be the one woman who's gonna turn him around. I'm gonna be the one woman he's gonna propose to and get married to. And he's gonna be this good guy eventually.

[Jen]

But I worked with. Makes you feel special, right.

[Host (likely Burt)]

And it gives you an excuse to be with somebody that you don't really think that you should be with.

[Melissa]

Maybe.

[Wendy]

Or is it being with the guy that you think all the other women want? Like, so you're almost putting on a show. Like you. You know, it's not that.

[Unknown Female Caller]

It's. Well, Wendy hit the nail on the head. We think we can change you.

[Host (likely Burt)]

Hey, Summer. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller - Alison]

Good morning. Okay, so why is it that just like, guys see that women put up with a lot of things, so why does that excite them? Why don't they just want to act right where they're like, oh, here's someone I can take advantage of. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Wendy]

Guys don't. I don't think guys that way.

[Caller - Alison]

Why can't it just be like, oh, she's into me. Let me not be a jerk. You know what I mean?

[Wendy]

I don't think guys think that way.

[Jen]

Their own standard.

[Wendy]

Yeah, guys don't say, ooh, this girl. I can really take advantage of this girl. I think guys. I think men. This is a generalization. So whatever. Email me f you the generalization. I think guys will stretch every single limit that they can. Like, I think, like, if you give

[Unknown Female Caller]

them an inch, they'll take a mile kind of thing.

[Wendy]

If you give them an inch. They'll take every bit of that inch. So if from the beginning of the relationship it's totally cool for the guy to say he's going to pick you up at 7:30 and he rolls in at 8:15, you go, no problem, I understand. Things happen. Rather than stand there with your arms crossed going, hey, that's kind of jacked up because I got ready for you and put the guy on his toes. Women, I think, are so generalizing, but whatever. I think women are so nervous about losing the guy because they don't want to be alone that they're like, oh, it's totally cool. You're 45 minutes later, the guy's like, hey, I'm call you on my way home from work. And he doesn't do it. And you don't call him out on that. Like you don't pick up the phone. You know, he's in the car from 5:30 to 6:30. You don't call him at 6:15 and go, Dude, I thought you were going to call me then the guy's going to totally take advantage of that.

[Jen]

And I just want to reiterate the message I'm hearing from you guys, saying that you react to the woman. So you know, whether it's fair or not, it sounds like the woman is responsible for the men's behavior. From what you guys have said.

[Unknown Female Caller]

Setting the standard, setting the standard.

[Wendy]

The guy's responsible for his own behavior, but the woman who puts the bar wherever it's gonna be sets the bar.

[Host (likely Burt)]

Yeah. Hey, Mike, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller - Jason]

Yeah, what's up? I just want to say that I think out of all of you, Wendy has the best head on her shoulders. I do a lot of actual of watching people's behaviors and relationships. And I had a question for Jen and Melissa and you were giving great advice. But I want to know, do you actually follow that advice about how you should. You should be able to just set these standards and puff on these guys that are treating you badly.

[Jen]

I don't date men and women.

[Unknown Female Caller]

No, wait.

[Jen]

But my point is, I don't date men, so I'm not self conscious about being demanding. So when I'm dating other women, women are very expressive. And when you have two women together, we talk about and we communicate and those standards or limits or whatever, it's not that women don't take advantage of it. I've been in crappy relationships. But I do think for some women, they're afraid to tell men how they feel about it because they don't want to come across as rude or a bitch. And I don't mind being a bitch.

[Host (likely Burt)]

I got your back on that. You don't have any problem with that?

[Jen]

Yeah, and I'm not embarrassed by it and I'm not ashamed of it.

[Wendy]

I just want to follow up what I said before is women. I don't think women should be afraid of setting the standard from day one because a guy will step up to it. Like, guys don't what you don't understand. And you can correct me if I'm wrong because maybe this is just me, but guys aren't aware of the limits you're putting on them. Like if the guy says, I'm gonna call you tonight between six and seven and we'll figure out what we're gonna do. And he doesn't call you by 7 and you call him on that. If you're nice about it. If it's seven o', clock, the phone rings and you're like, hey, what's up? It's Wendy. You said you were gonna call me. It's between six and seven. Are we doing something tonight? The guy doesn't think, oh my God, what a bitch. I can't believe she's doing that. And like think negatively about you. The guy will adjust his behavior because he knows that.

[Host (likely Burt)]

Depending if he likes you or not.

[Tyler Reddick]

Yeah.

[Wendy]

And if so, if he's into you

[Unknown Female Caller]

and if he doesn't, he rise to the occasion.

[Wendy]

And if he doesn't like you, then you don't want to be in a relationship with him anyways. So women shouldn't be afraid of setting a bar somewhere for the guy.

[Host (likely Burt)]

Women don't like to play that game.

[Wendy]

It's not a game.

[Host (likely Burt)]

Not the game, but just like the all in. Like what you just said is if he likes you, then he will cater to you. You're absolutely.

[Wendy]

I'm not saying it's not even catering.

[Host (likely Burt)]

I know what you're saying. They will meet the standard that you're setting. Yes, but women are so scared to set that standard because they feel like guys are going to bail on them.

[Wendy]

But then why do you want to be in a relationship with a man?

[Melissa]

You don't want to be alone.

[Host (likely Burt)]

And that's where I think women have the problem, is that they want to be with anybody. Yeah, with somebody.

[Wendy]

Yeah. I think you should. I think if you throw it, I think you would be surprised. I would challenge women and I'm sorry, guys, but I would challenge women to spend the next, you know, the month of May or the next two weeks or even a week even, and just set the standard.

[Unknown Female Caller]

But that works if you're the beginning of a relationship. Once you're already in it, it's a harder adjustment. Oh yeah, Way harder adjustment. Like I make the analogy to like living with a guy. Like, I would never ever do that again. Because guess what? Once you move in with him and live with him, what's the reason for him to do, like, propose? What's the reason for him to move forward with any of those next steps and plans and all that other stuff? What's the point? You're already there every day.

[Joanna]

Well, I just think women need to go back and start over. Maybe get out of those bad relationships and start over from the beginning and set the standards.

[Host (likely Burt)]

Stop complaining to each other about it.

[Joanna]

Stop complaining.

[Wendy]

Especially stop complaining to Joanna because she's sick of you.

[Tyler Reddick]

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