Vault: She's overwhelmed with bills

Summary

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Episode Overview

Theme:
In this episode, the cast of The Bert Show offers heartfelt, candid support to Wendy, a team member grappling with overwhelming bills and the hard decision of possibly moving back in with her mom at 24. They explore generational attitudes about financial independence, the stigma around “boomeranging” home, lessons in self-worth, and the challenge of asking for help or a raise—especially for young women. Listeners also call in to share their own experiences, making this a reassuring discussion for anyone struggling in tough economic times.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Wendy’s Situation: The Turning Point

• Tough Circumstances: Wendy opens up about her struggle to pay bills despite holding two jobs (one with the show, another at a bar) and her embarrassment over considering moving back in with her mother when her lease ends.

  “I find myself in this predicament of not being able to pay my bills right now… I’ve had a conversation with my mom about moving back in with her at the age of 24. Embarrassing.” – Wendy [01:35]

• Pride & Independence: Wendy explains her deep reluctance to ask for help, especially from her father.

  “I would rather struggle than ask anybody for a handout or help… it is so much, it’s a pride thing when asking my dad because … he would give me such a hard time.” – Wendy [01:55, 03:15]

• Economic Realities: Hosts stress these decisions are increasingly common given today’s financial climate.

  “In this economy, like, all the old school rules of, like, once you move out, you’re out… I think you gotta sort of throw away right now.” – Co-host [03:27]

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Exploring Solutions & Emotional Toll

• Family Dynamics:

  • Wendy’s mom initiated the idea to move back, showing support.
  • Her dad is less supportive and takes a tougher, more judgmental stance:

    “My dad’s like, you should always have a backup plan… you’re not in school, so why do you need a handout?” – Wendy [03:39]

• Alternatives Considered:

  • Roommates aren’t an option right now for Wendy due to her financial backlog and personal comfort.
  • A caller suggests putting a time frame on living at home to make it feel more manageable:

    “Would it help you if you put a time limit on it and really worked out the numbers…?” – Jen [05:57]

• Stigma and Shame:

  • Wendy voices concern about how her situation might affect romantic prospects and her self-image.

    “Imagine going on a date with somebody and saying you live at home. Like, nobody wants to be with somebody who can't take care of themselves.” – Wendy [05:37]

• Reassurance:

  • Hosts and callers underline that economic hardship is widespread and not a personal failing.

    “Don’t think you’re a failure, just… I know it’s easy to think that, but you’re not a failure just because you’re broke.” – Co-host [14:59]

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Lessons on Asking for Help and Value

• Lessons From Listeners:

  • Callers chime in with empathy, describing similar experiences of returning home and the challenge of swallowing pride.

    “You got to suck up your pride and do what’s best for you… you don’t want to be in a situation where, you know, like, me, where it gets so bad, where you can’t even afford diapers.” – Caller named Christy [07:22] “Sometimes we have to learn to lower our pride and ask for help... if I don’t get the help, I’m going to sink even farther.” – Anonymous Caller [15:07]

• Expert Advice: Asking for a Raise

  • Jen and the group emphasize the importance of advocating for oneself in the workplace, especially for women, and not waiting for recognition.

    “Nobody’s gonna give you money if you don’t ask for it.” – Jen [11:13] “I think this is a good lesson for parents with their daughters. Because we are not taught to ask.” – Guest or Co-host 2 [12:58] “If you set [out] that you are reliable… and you ask for what you deserve, you will be surprised what comes in return.” – Jen [11:26]

• Systemic Challenges:

  • The discussion turns to how young women, especially those who start at entry-level, are often overlooked for raises unless they push for them.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Shame and Parental Expectations

• “It’s embarrassing only because I can’t pay my bills and I’m so far behind.” – Wendy [01:35]
• “Her having to come back and retake care of me. I know she wants to do it. I just feel bad that she has to do it.” – Wendy [10:20]

On Gender and Negotiation

• “Men are significantly better negotiators than women are… we feel like we don’t deserve it as much for some strange reason.” – Jen [11:26]
• “You just work for your money and going above and beyond, that’s just what you do… that’s just my work ethic.” – Wendy [12:35]

On Reframing Success

• “Just because you have a pitfall doesn’t mean you’re not succeeding.” – Guest or Co-host 2 [14:48]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:35] – Wendy describes her predicament and shame over possibly moving home at 24
• [03:00 – 03:40] – Family attitudes: Mom’s support, Dad’s tough-love approach
• [05:03 – 05:37] – Comparing generations, economy’s impact on the “boomerang” move
• [05:57 – 06:55] – Budgeting, time limits for moving home as a relief plan
• [07:22 – 08:35] – Caller stories: Similar experiences, pride vs. survival
• [11:06 – 12:58] – Jen pushes Wendy (and listeners) to learn to ask for raises
• [13:59 – 15:04] – Hosts reinforce that financial setbacks are normal—especially now
• [16:05 – 16:56] – Economic stats underscore unusual challenges for young adults

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Takeaways

• Moving back home doesn't mean failure—circumstances are uniquely tough right now.
• There is strength in asking for help—even (especially) if it doesn’t come naturally.
• Young women, in particular, often need support learning to advocate for themselves at work.
• Real financial progress can start with practical steps—like setting deadlines and making honest asks.

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The Bert Show’s honest and supportive tone, paired with real stories, offers comfort and practical advice for anyone feeling overwhelmed by bills or life transitions.

Transcript

[Podcast Host]

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[Caller 1]

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[Wendy]

Wait.

[Podcast Host]

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[Co-host]

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[Wendy]

Yeah, very awkward situation. And it's normally not like me to ever even consider this because I've been living on my own since I was about 20 years old and like to do things by myself. I pay my own bills, I take care of myself, I pay for my own apartment. And I'm never one to even ask for money. Don't go to my dad. I would rather struggle than ask anybody for a handout or help. But I find myself in this predicament of not being able to pay my bills right now and it's who I'm gonna get so emotional over it. But I've had a conversation with My mom about moving back in with her at the age of 24. Embarrassing when my lease ends in July. And it's. It's embarrassing only because I can't pay my bills and I'm so far behind because, I mean, I get a paycheck here, obviously, but it's not enough to cover a lot. So I work another job. I work at a bar on the weekends, trying to make extra money there, and I'm not making it there. But I'm so far behind and catching up that it's been almost. It's been a debate for couple months now. And I don't. I want to go through my lease. I can obviously can't break my lease. I can't afford to break my lease. So the conversations come up with my mom on whether to move back or not.

[Co-host]

And is she receptive to that?

[Wendy]

She's actually the one who suggested it

[Co-host]

because she's seen you struggle so much.

[Jen]

Now, is that. Is that the only solution that you've considered or have you talked to. Have you considered, like, roommates or that kind of thing?

[Wendy]

I mean, I've considered roommates and I've considered asking my dad, but it is so much. It's a pride thing when asking my dad because my, My dad would make me feel so bad about asking for money and being in such a bind. Right. That he would give me such a hard time.

[Co-host]

Even in this, like, economy, like, all the old school rules of, like, once you move out, you are out, you know, I think Melissa's a little old school on this, but, yeah, like, those I think you got to sort of throw away right now with this economy, it does seem different.

[Wendy]

Not when it comes to my dad. My dad's like, you should always have a backup plan. You should always have a savings account. With my sister, she asks all the time, which, I mean, she was in school, but I mean, I'm working and I'm obviously not in school, so my dad would come in on that topic. You're not in school, so why do you need a handout? You decided to take a job before finishing school, and it's just a pride thing. He would make me feel so bad about asking for money that this is almost the only solution I have. And I don't think I could do it with roommates either right now because I'm. I'm just behind. And it's embarrassing to say that you're so behind on bills now you can't support yourself.

[Co-host]

I think there's so many that are going through the same Thing now.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Wendy]

And I've been working since, literally, I was like, 12 years old because I wanted my own money. I've worked throughout my high school career. I've worked to have a place, but now it's just the time. I just. I don't have anything.

[Co-host]

And Wendy busts her ass, too. It's not like she's lazy. I mean, she works two shifts here. Like she said, she's got the bar gig. Also, she hangs out here after the show and helps out with show prep and stuff like that.

[Wendy]

It's frustrating and embarrassing. It's. And then even your mom coming up to you and suggesting to move back,

[Guest or Co-host 2]

like, she knows you shouldn't be embarrassed. Number one, I don't think you should be embarrassed because I think that, yes, it is a recession, but I also think when you're in early to mid and even late 20s, that you're not going, you know, it's just a struggle. It's just a struggle, you know?

[Co-host]

Are you only saying that now because this is the recession? Because you've been pretty consistent about that since we've been on the air that once you leave.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

But Wendy, I mean, Wendy's attitude is one I relate to. I mean, it's the same thing. Like, you know, I had cars repossessed and got kicked out of homes when I was 25 years old and refused to ask my parents for money. And I, you know, she's crying over the thought of moving back in with her mom. So I relate to Wendy, you know, but you never can't because she's waiting. It's the last resort for her, you know. But I have said on the air, though, during a recession, I think all rules are out the door, you know, for sure.

[Wendy]

And it's embarrassing. Imagine going on a date with somebody and saying you live at home. Like, nobody wants to be with somebody who can't take care of themselves.

[Co-host]

That's not true. I think the rules are, like, really different now, man. I think everybody's feeling it.

[Wendy]

Not to me. I don't know. I like to do things for myself. And the last thing I would ever ask for is someone to help me out, especially my parents.

[Jen]

Would it help you if you put a time limit on it and really worked out the numbers, saying, okay, if I live back at home with my mom for this finite amount of time, here's how much money I can put towards my credit cards, how much I can get out of debt, how much I can save, however long it takes. But a real financial plan, a budgeting plan for you. Would that make you feel better if there was a deadline on it? Like, I will move back in for one year, and at the one year mark, here's where I'm gonna be. And you know, because I think that it will offer some relief. But then I think also the reality of that situation is, is that then you will have a little extra money, right? It's not gonna be going to rent. So is it going to, you know, pay off the credit card bills and get you out of this place where you feel so stressed right now? Or is it gonna be to like, you know, have a fun trip with your girlfriends or whatever? Cause you found that relief, you know what I mean? So I feel like if you. If you set a deadline on it, it may make you feel better about the decision.

[Wendy]

I don't even think I would do a year. I would. I'd be too prideful to do a year.

[Co-host]

Two days. Two days, yeah. We can be there until Wednesday. That's all.

[Wendy]

I would even think two months. But I would. I would get another job. Not to be there for a year and try and get all this stuff paid off. But I'm not doing anything fun. I'm not going on trips. I don't. I can't. Like, I can't afford to.

[Co-host]

One suggestion I would make is to don't ask Jeff how to ask for a raise around here, because we know that will go horribly wrong. So that's not your starting point.

[Caller 1]

It gets you four weeks off.

[Co-host]

Hey, Jackie, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 2]

Oh, my God, Wendy. I have gone through the same thing. I'm 20 years old and I just. Oh, my gosh. When I had to move back home, it was the most hurtful thing ever was like somebody stabbed a knife in my back. Like, it was the most worst thing ever. I had to swallow up my pride and go back home. It was. It had gotten so bad that I had lost my job. I was pregnant and I have a daughter, and I didn't. I couldn't afford her diapers, like. And I had to swallow my pride and go back home. And I'm the exact same way like you. I just never ask anybody for anything. I'm a very independent woman. I've never asked my parents for any money at all. So once I moved out, you know, that was it. I was telling myself, I was like, I'm never going to have to go back in. I'm going to figure it out. I'm very organized and very time management. But, you know, right now it's like you can't do anything about it. It's just. It is what it is, you know? So you got to suck up your pride and do what's best for you because, you know, you don't want to be in a situation where, you know, like, me, where it gets so bad, where you can't even afford diapers. Like, you don't want it to be that bad. So, you know, I mean, it sucks going back home, but you got to do what you got to do.

[Wendy]

And it's almost a shame thing, though, because I know I'm going to get so much grief from my dad for even being close to a situation like this. And, like, getting that from your dad that.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

Is that what upsets you the most?

[Jen]

Disappointing him, I know, would be a huge disappointment.

[Co-host]

There are some parents that would take that personally. Like, I raised a girl or I raised a boy to be out on their own. And if they come back, then they'll think that they did something wrong rather than sort of like, embrace it and say, just the time. It's just a time.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

Have the phone call started? The collection? Phone calls?

[Wendy]

Not. Not yet.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

That's good.

[Wendy]

They probably will, probably a little bit. But, I mean, I'm not gonna.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

It's good. You still in a good place.

[Wendy]

I'm not gonna go ask anybody for anything, especially. Especially him. It just sucks. And it's been sucking for a couple months, so I just don't wanna swallow my pride and go back. And I'm not asking for handouts or anything like that.

[Co-host]

Here's Ashley. Good morning, Ashley. You're on Q100.

[Caller 2]

Hi. First of all, I don't know why I said I shouldn't say my name. My name's Christy. I'm not Ashley. Honey, let me tell you something.

[Co-host]

That's a weird thing.

[Caller 2]

Disguised for I'm good. So I just want to say that, first of all, you need to take that pride that you have, which is a sin, first of all, and put it in the pits of hell where it belongs. And you let your mother, who loves you more than anything in this world, help you. And it's not a handout. She has taken care of her child.

[Co-host]

I don't think that any parent could assess your situation and say that you're back in the house because you haven't tried. Like, I think in the future, if Hayden or Hollis came back to me and wanted to be back in the house, I seriously, as a parent, I'd have to say, okay. Is this a chance for them to Learn and have to, like, make it on their own. Have they not tried the best that they can and. Or not. And in your case, I'd have to say you've done everything you can.

[Wendy]

I know my mom doesn't mind and she wants to help. It's just she's already taken care of me. I mean, I've been out of the house for four years taking care of myself. So her having to come back and retake care of me. I know she wants to do it. I just feel bad that she has to do it.

[Jen]

Okay, I'm gonna ask you a question. I know you're in a sensitive place right now, but can I be tough Love Jen?

[Wendy]

Absolutely.

[Jen]

Are you sure? Because I don't want to do that if you're in too sensitive of a place.

[Wendy]

No, you're good.

[Jen]

All right. Tough love Jen is going to bring up the conversation we had over the summer when you and I were out.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

I'm so glad I'm in between them, because if Wendy doesn't react well, I get hit.

[Jen]

Now, my tough love question for you is, have you asked for a review with any of your bosses here, including Bart? Have you asked for a review?

[Wendy]

No, not directly. Not for a review. Just how I can improve.

[Jen]

Because remember, when you.

[Caller 1]

By review, she means raise.

[Jen]

Yeah, exactly. But I think this is something that you need to think about and consider because nobody is just handing out money these days, and nobody's gonna give you money if you don't ask for it.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

So that's my recession or non recession.

[Jen]

That's just. That is just that you are a loyal, great employee. You are reliable. You do above and beyond what you are asked to do in your job responsibilities. And I think if you set that out, and I think if you list that out and you ask for what you deserve, you will be surprised what comes in return. And that's not just for Wendy. That's for anybody who does a good job and goes above and beyond their call of duty in their position. And I think that men are significantly better negotiators than women are. I think we feel like some sort of. Like we don't deserve it as much for some sort of strange reason. I don't know if it's like traditional roles in the household, like the men or the providers or whatever, so they're not afraid to ask for money. But guess what? Like, you need to learn how to ask for money.

[Co-host]

When is the last time that you asked for a raise?

[Wendy]

I haven't and I don't in how many years I've never asked for a raise. I. I mean, obviously I was promised one a while, a long time ago, but I just feel like that's part of your job. I mean, you work for what's part of your job. I mean, it's just that they would

[Co-host]

give it to you.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

This is a female mentality.

[Caller 1]

It is.

[Wendy]

You just work for your money and going above and beyond, that's just what you do in a job. That's just how you work. And that's just my work ethic.

[Co-host]

So you should be rewarded for that with. Voluntarily. You think the company should reward that without asking?

[Wendy]

Well, maybe over time, but I guess so.

[Jen]

I don't.

[Wendy]

I mean, I don't know. I've never been in a job where I. I need to ask for a raise.

[Caller 1]

You've never been in any other job but this one. What the hell is that?

[Guest or Co-host 2]

Well, I know he says he cries, but I think this is a good lesson for parents with their daughters. Because we are not taught to ask.

[Jen]

No, we're not taught to ask.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

I had the same thought she had when I was in my 20s. Yes.

[Jen]

And we're so uncomfortable to ask.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

Yeah. And it's like, well, they're gonna give me a raise if I'm a good employee. It's not my job to go and push them into it.

[Caller 1]

But I'm. You said something.

[Jen]

Sometimes most times women learn that lesson when they leave their job and go to another one. They go to another one and the offer slid across the table from you at your next job, you. It will blow your mind because you started out as an intern here. And guess what? They're still treating you that way because you haven't asked to be treated any differently.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

Staying at the same place for a long time sometimes is not. You know, you get punished instead of rewarded.

[Co-host]

Especially when you start the way you did, like an entry level position. Jen raises a really great point that in some cases they just. You have to force them to see you in a different way.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

Yep.

[Co-host]

You're on a damn good show. We're not, Johnny.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

Oh. And you're not being. And you're not being criticized.

[Co-host]

Good, successful show.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

Yes.

[Co-host]

Johnny.

[Jen]

Oh, it's just me being tough love, Jim. Because I think it's a lesson for a lot of women your age.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

Yes. You're not being criticized. It is enlightening. Because it is. I mean. Yeah, it. There is a reason why the majority of the list we just did were girls in this situation.

[Co-host]

And this is the same dad that you're like, you guys Had a disconnect there for a while also, right?

[Wendy]

For a little while, yeah. Probably about a year and a half ago, I didn't go. I went without talking to my dad. And then we reconnected on my birthday last year. Just a great relationship, but still, like, he's like, I'm proud of you. You're succeeding. And then to come back and say, well, that I'm not.

[Jen]

That may be your perception of how his reaction is going to be rather than his real reaction. Have you already talked to him about it?

[Wendy]

I mean, he's. I mean, this is an ongoing conversation. I don't think I've ever not talked to my dad where he's like, are you doing okay? You got your bills paid, right? You've got your savings in. Right? That's every conversation. But.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

And I don't mean to interrupt the call, I just want to say that that's your perception of yourself, too, because I think you're succeeding. Just because you have a pitfall doesn't mean you're not succeeding.

[Co-host]

I mean, and the rules are different, man. The rules are different right now.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

Don't think you're a failure, just. But, you know, I know it's easy to think that, but you're not a failure just because you're broke.

[Co-host]

Hey, Donna. Good morning. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller 3]

Hi. I just want to have a little heart to heart with you, Wendy. I'm a fighter. And I think by nature you're probably a fighter as well. And I've been a single mom for a very long time, and I'm in my 30s. Sometimes we have to learn to lower our pride and ask for help. And I've never wanted to be one of those that asks for help. But I can say, in 2009, me and my children probably would have been on the street had it not been me lowering my pride and going to my mom and asking for help. Because if I don't get the help, I'm going to sink even farther. And when you sink even farther, it's just so much harder to climb out of that hole.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

And sometimes by having to be forced into asking for help, it makes you a better giver in the future because you have more sympathy for what it takes for somebody to ask you.

[Co-host]

Here's just another sign. I mean, we're not talking about you being jobless or anything, but I just read this this morning. I just.

[Caller 1]

This doesn't make you feel good? This is an unemployment statistic. But don't worry, you're cool.

[Co-host]

No it's just. It's just a really good indicator of, you know, how we're in a recession here. And the rules are just different. Americans aged 20 to 24 who are neither in school nor working jumped to 28% last year, 28% from 17% in 2007. So the rules are just different now.

[Guest or Co-host 2]

Yeah, because you're competing with people who have. For those who are competing for jobs, you're competing with people who have master's PhDs, people who are in their 30s, 40s and 50s for the same job. So, yeah, that's why the rules are thrown out, because it's all. It's. It is already a struggle for people in their 20s. And I think it. There's a part of me that thinks it should be, you know, because I do think that you kind of sharpen your teeth in your 20s because you go through some rough patches, but I just don't want you to think less of yourself because of this, because I, you know, I think this is part

[Co-host]

of life, you know, and don't dismiss Jen's advice. Also, if you think you're worth more money, then you've got some conversations to have.

[Caller 1]

And not if you think. Because you don't think that you are worth more money

[Wendy]

for it. Yeah, that's tough.

[Jen]

Ask for more money.

[Wendy]

That is tough.

[Co-host]

It is tough.

[Caller 3]

Why?

[Caller 1]

What do you think's going to happen? You're going to go in there and say, can I have a. They're going to go, you're fired. That's not going to happen. The worst they can say is, no, we have to keep you around to what you're making right now. So where are you? How are you in a different place next week than you are this week?

[Wendy]

I mean, the thought has crossed my mind, like, they can just like, let you go. You know what I mean? That doesn't not cross my mind.

[Co-host]

I don't think that's gonna happen. Yeah, you're on the Birch show.

[Jen]

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[Wendy]

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[Jen]

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[Wendy]

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