Vault: She's stuck in her sisters' shadows Part 2

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Bert Show – Vault: She's Stuck in Her Sisters' Shadows, Part 2

Date: July 24, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Lauren (Guest), Callers

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Episode Overview

This episode revisits Lauren’s ongoing struggle with feeling overshadowed by her sisters and the deep insecurities that have shaped her self-perception. Through candid conversation and call-ins, the Bert Show team explores the roots and impacts of these feelings—ranging from family dynamics to self-esteem, people-pleasing, and the quest for validation. The tone is conversational, empathetic, and filled with both laughter and vulnerability, inviting listeners to reflect on their own experiences with self-doubt and familial relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Feeling Inferior and Overlooked by Family

• Lauren shares her experience as the youngest of three sisters, feeling that her father shows more excitement and favoritism toward her siblings.
  • “I know that he loves me the same, but... I don’t know if he's as excited as when I come walking in the door [compared to] my other two sisters." – Lauren (01:17)
  • Even playful jokes from her mom (“You’re my favorite”) don’t fully comfort her; she wishes to be equally cherished by both parents.
  • The feeling of favoritism has led to a sense of being overlooked and emotionally affected: “Why can't both of them like me the same? I don't know.” – Lauren (01:39)

2. Struggles with Insecurity, Social Anxiety, and People-Pleasing

• Lauren describes pervasive insecurity, especially when entering new rooms or social situations—not just with strangers, but with familiar people as well.
  • “It’s kind of any room I walk in. I’m just curious as to what people are thinking about me… what my hair looks like… my clothes…” – Lauren (02:11)
  • She admits to adjusting her personality and actions in response to perceived judgments: “I'll see how they act towards me and then it gives me the vibe of how I should act towards them.” – Lauren (02:57)
  • Lauren hates not being liked and finds it difficult to say no, seeking approval and reliability: “I hate saying no to people. I always want to be the person you can count on…” – Lauren (03:18)
• Co-hosts and callers empathize, sharing similar experiences and reinforcing that feeling judged or overlooked is common—often stemming from internal narratives rather than others’ actual opinions.

3. Connections Between Self-Image, Family Dynamics, and Food/Body Issues

• The team identifies a pattern in Lauren’s recurring topics of concern (weight, appearance, eating) and links it back to self-confidence and potentially to her relationship with her dad.
  • “It does all kind of stem back to this self-confidence thing… were your two topics this week connected? Like, is that connected back to your dad?” – Co-host (05:48)
  • Lauren hadn’t consciously considered this connection, but acknowledges the possibility: “I didn't really think about that until you said it today. But it might be.” – Lauren (05:55)
• They discuss how being ignored or not receiving affirmation from a parent can feel just as painful as explicit criticism.

4. The Universality of These Feelings

• The hosts affirm that many people, if honest, share similar anxieties about not being enough, seeking approval, or feeling overshadowed.
  • “If you scratch the surface on a lot of people, many people feel the same way you do.” – Host (06:48)
• Callers chime in with their stories, normalizing the feelings and highlighting how insecurities can lead to overanalyzing and self-doubt in various social contexts.
  • “You start over-analyzing situations… reading into [people’s reactions]. You start building up these storylines in your head about what they're thinking, what they're judging you on. It just ruins everything.” – Dylan (06:56–07:26)

5. Self-Esteem, Compliment Acceptance, and Growth

• When asked to say positive things about herself, Lauren struggles, revealing the depth of her self-esteem issues.
  • Host: “Give us five great things about Lauren.” (08:17)
  • Lauren: “No, I can’t.” (08:21)
  • She manages, after encouragement, to list being enthusiastic and a people-pleaser.
  • Co-hosts point out how Lauren’s tendency to dismiss compliments shows her inner critic at work: “See how you’re like dismissing the compliment she just gave you?” – Host (09:16)
• Advice from the hosts: With age and experience (especially into their 30s), self-confidence tends to grow, and the compulsion to people-please can fade.
  • “The cool part about once you get into your 30s… now that I’m in my 30s, I don’t care as much. [People-pleasing] washes away a little bit as you gain more confidence.” – Co-host (08:39)
  • Affirmations about Lauren’s worth are offered, listing her talents, work ethic, and attitude, even when Lauren doesn’t initially believe them.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parental Validation:
  “Why can’t both of them like me the same?” – Lauren (01:39)

• On Walking into a Room:
  “It’s kind of any room I walk in. I’m just curious as to what people are thinking about me... what my hair looks like… my clothes…” – Lauren (02:11)

• On People-Pleasing:
  “I always want to be the person you can count on.” – Lauren (03:18)

• On Dismissing Compliments:
  “See how you’re like dismissing the compliment she just gave you?” – Host (09:16)

• On Growing Out of People-Pleasing:
  “The cool part about once you get into your 30s… now that I’m in my 30s, I don’t care as much.” – Co-host (08:39)

• Caller Empathy:
  “You start building up these storylines in your head about what they're thinking… it just ruins everything, you know?” – Dylan (07:13)

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Key Timestamps

• [00:55 – 01:39] Lauren shares about parental favoritism and feeling left out.
• [01:44 – 03:34] In-depth discussion on Lauren’s social anxiety and people-pleasing tendencies.
• [05:28 – 05:55] Connections drawn between family, body issues, and self-confidence.
• [06:48 – 07:26] Universality of insecurity, with caller Dylan contributing.
• [08:17 – 09:35] Struggles with recognizing personal strengths and accepting compliments.
• [09:39 – end] Light-hearted closing exchange about listing positive qualities in others.

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

• The episode blends compassion, honesty, and gentle humor, allowing Lauren’s vulnerabilities to resonate with listeners while providing support and normalization.
• Listeners are reminded that insecurities and feelings of being overlooked are widely shared experiences, often rooted in early family dynamics, but addressable with time, affirmation, and self-work.
• The show’s signature conversational style makes a potentially heavy topic feel approachable, providing both relatability and hope.

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Transcript

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[Host]

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[Host]

Lauren sent us a couple of emails that she wanted to talk about on the air this week. That the second one broke my heart, man. She kind of feels like her dad likes her sister more than she likes than he likes.

[Lauren]

Lauren, right?

[Co-host 1]

Two older sisters, right?

[Host]

Both of them.

[Lauren]

Both of them.

[Host]

So you're like, I'm singled out. Singled out.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Host]

He's never said that. But you really feel that?

[Lauren]

I mean, I know that he loves me the same, but it's just, I don't know if he's not as excited as when I come walking in the door than my other two sisters. So. And it's kind of, I guess I am a little jealous of that. But then my mom's like, well, you're my favorite. I mean, I know they're like somewhat joking, but then kind of like, well, I want my dad of be like, I want him to be his favorite too.

[Host]

So still hurt your feelings?

[Lauren]

Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like, okay, like, why can't both of them like me the same? I don't know.

[Host]

So this next one here, she says she's always insecure when she walks into a room. Always. Really? Explain.

[Lauren]

I mean, I don't know, it's like everywhere I go. I don't really know where it stemmed from, but I'm always curious as to what people think of me about, like what I look like, what my hair looks like, what my clothes, what my clothes are like. I don't know, just like anything, any

[Host]

new room that you walk into or even a room where people know you, you're just sort of consumed with like these insecure thoughts.

[Lauren]

It's kind of any room I walk in. I'm just curious as to what people Are thinking about me. Like, I'm just really. I mean, I don't know just what they think of me. Like, honestly, I don't know. It's kind of sad, but just. Just like everywhere I go, like, oh, like, wonder. So even wearing that, or even when

[Co-host 2]

you go to the grocery store, even when you walk in here.

[Lauren]

Maybe not so much a grocery store, but like, I work at a gym where I see people constantly walk in every day. And I'm always thinking, like, I wonder if they're thinking like, oh, why is she sitting there? Wasn't she working now really at home

[Host]

with that kind of anxiety, Must be exhausting.

[Co-host 1]

So you're thinking people are judging you all the time?

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Co-host 1]

Anybody, even. Anybody friends with strangers, you're constantly thinking about other people judging you and what you can do to accommodate that judgment

[Lauren]

or kind of, I'll see, like, how they act towards me and then it gives me the vibe of how I should act towards them or what I should say and how I should be, like, how I should talk towards them.

[Host]

So you would adjust how you act towards them based on them how they act towards me. You want to be liked by everybody, right?

[Lauren]

I hate, like, not being liked. I hate saying no to people. I always want to be the person that you can count on. Like, I hate. I don't know. I just hate when people, like, look down on me, which I don't know if they are.

[Host]

They aren't.

[Lauren]

I don't know. I just.

[Co-host 1]

That's your assumption, is that people are judging you or looking down on you?

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Co-host 1]

So if somebody's in a bad mood around you about something completely different going on in their life, you will think

[Lauren]

it's about you sometimes.

[Co-host 1]

Okay.

[Host]

To you.

[Caller 1]

When.

[Host]

If somebody's in a bad mood around you, do you try to make them in a better mood? Because then that will make them like you more.

[Lauren]

Yeah, all the time.

[Host]

I'm just guessing. Good morning, Sara.

[Caller 2]

Hey, Sarah.

[Host]

Good Morning. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Lauren]

Hi.

[Caller 1]

I do the same thing too. Like, any room I walk into, even if, like, my sister's amazing, if I know everybody, I do the same thing too, but I fake it well, if somebody really knows about it. But deep down, I'm just like, oh, my gosh, what is he thinking about? What is he doing?

[Co-host 3]

I can understand that.

[Co-host 2]

It's so funny bringing this up because I forgot how long ago it was, but one of Katie and my friends who is overweight said that she feels self conscious because she thinks just walking down the street, everybody's judging her based on her weight and she's so self conscious about what you know. So you talk about, you know, thinking about how everybody looks at you and everything. And it just reminded me of that conversation with that friend where she's like, I cannot go anywhere and feel comfortable because I think everybody thinks I'm lazy. You know, all these other whatever labels that she thinks they're putting on her simply for her weight, probably not thinking

[Co-host 1]

about it at all.

[Co-host 2]

Right. That's what we said. They're not even. They're not paying attention to you.

[Co-host 1]

They're not concerned about that.

[Co-host 2]

You know, it's always a projection of usually how you feel about yourself, you know.

[Lauren]

Well, I know like I lay out in the sun a lot and I have some like speckled pieces or spots on my face.

[Caller 2]

And I'm always like, we've talked about that.

[Lauren]

No, because I'm always like, oh, people are probably looking at me like, oh, what is that? Because I know someone said like, oh, what's wrong with your nose? And like I peeled some skin and it's like raw looking.

[Caller 2]

And I'm like, heard said that. But Melissa was like, it's not that big of a deal. I hardly noticed it.

[Co-host 2]

I will actually save some of the pieces. Is that weird? Am I normal?

[Lauren]

No, just like, I guess it's fans from like people like, just like random comments to me and I'm just like, oh my God, now he thinks that. Then everybody's gonna think that. And I don't know, I guess that's an insecurity I have with if somebody says something, then I think everybody's thinking it.

[Host]

All of these things kind of go hand in hand, like consistently. You will email us and your topics have to do with you worried about your weight or working out too much. All of them, I think.

[Co-host 1]

Or food. Or food around the holidays. You were like stressing out because you couldn't eat what you wanted to because you and your family had to take a picture together.

[Co-host 3]

Like.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah, it does all kind of stem back to this self confidence thing. And, and that's why I was thinking your two topics this week were connected. Like, is that connected back to your dad?

[Lauren]

Yeah, I don't know. I didn't really think about that until you said it today. But it might be. But my dad's never really mentioned anything about the way I look or the way I act. He's always said, you know, you look great. He's never said like, oh, I can't believe you're right.

[Caller 2]

Well, you have to worry about what he says when you leave the room.

[Lauren]

Exactly.

[Caller 2]

Like to the sisters he likes more, sometimes it's worse.

[Host]

Feel like you're ignored. Like, if you feel like your dad pays attention to your. Your sisters more than he does you, and that is just as bad as them saying nasty things to be dismissed and ignored. Totally the same thing.

[Co-host 2]

Do you think your sisters feel the same way about your mom?

[Lauren]

I think one of the sisters, she might, but the other, I don't know. Like, my mom's always. Whenever, like we're all in a room, she never really picks out one over the other. It's just like when you're singled out, then she's like. And she kind of does it on purpose. Like, oh, I bought so and so this. Are you jealous? Like, I mean, joking around, but it's not really that funny.

[Host]

I think if you scratch the surface. If you scratch the surface on a lot of people, many people feel the same way you do.

[Lauren]

Many.

[Host]

Hey, Dylan. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 3]

Hey, guys. How you guys doing? Pretty good. Yeah. After a lifetime of living with a bunch of different insecurities, you start over analyzing situations and, you know, I've tried making new friends. And you start like reading their facial expressions and reading into it, and you start building up these. These storylines in your head about what they're thinking. They're, you know, what. What they're judging you on. And it just. It's really hard. Like, it ruins everything, you know?

[Co-host 3]

Well, it's people pleasing. And I do think it stems for the dad. Because if you're not getting the love that you need or you don't think you're wanted or the favorite or anything, you're gonna go above and beyond to impress your dad. You're gonna do as much as you can. You're always thinking about what your dad's thinking. Does he really think this way about you? Does he really think I'm pretty enough? And I think that's.

[Co-host 1]

Where am I good enough?

[Co-host 3]

Am I good enough? Because you're always trying that one parent that's not giving you what you need. So I think it. And then it goes even further to your friends and outside people who don't even matter about what do you think of you?

[Host]

You think you're pretty.

[Lauren]

Some days are better than the others.

[Co-host 2]

Stripped down, no makeup, you know, no clothes, whatever. Do you think is a just natural beauty?

[Lauren]

See, I'm thinking if I say yes, I'd be like, oh, people probably think she's cocky.

[Host]

So you're analyzing everything you're filtering everything.

[Lauren]

So I analyze every situation and a bug's bugs me so much.

[Host]

Take the pretty out of it. Give us five great things about Lauren.

[Lauren]

No, I can't.

[Host]

Three great things about Lauren. What makes Lauren great?

[Lauren]

Like, I can't even say it off the top of my head.

[Co-host 3]

I don't even know.

[Host]

Give us two great things that make Lauren fantastic.

[Lauren]

If we assure you.

[Co-host 2]

I'm sorry, go ahead.

[Lauren]

Oh, I just feel like I'm enthusiastic and I'm a people pleaser. That's kind of the same.

[Co-host 3]

I get the people pleasing thing. Completely understand.

[Co-host 1]

I understand. I want other people to like you. I think that's normal. That's kind of the cool part about once you get into your 30s. For me, anyway, now that I'm in my 30s, I don't care as much. And the people pleaser part sort of washes away a little bit as you gain more confidence. And I think that comes with time. But I think it's something that you can work on because I mean, you're really talented, you're really smart, you're way organized and put together. You bring a great attitude to the table every day. I could list off 15 things right now and you can't even think of two.

[Lauren]

Well, no, see, like you say I'm organized, but then like different situations, like a home. Mom's like, you are the most unorganized person.

[Host]

See how you're like dismissing the compliment she just gave you?

[Lauren]

Well, but I'm trying to say, like, because like you said, you're reliable and loyal.

[Co-host 1]

Like I can count on you. I know if you're going to be here, everything is going to get done. Everything is going to be done. And it's going to be done to perfection. I know you're, you know, you're great at follow through. You really. I mean, you've got so many great qualities. I just wish you knew that about yourself.

[Host]

You're going to have to sit in somebody's chair for a while. It's gonna cost you money and time. When you're older in life, I can

[Lauren]

tell you that I feel like this is good enough.

[Host]

We haven't even scratched the surface.

[Caller 2]

Can we stop with Lauren? And can somebody tell me what they like about me?

[Host]

No, no, no.

[Caller 2]

There's 15 things.

[Co-host 1]

I can't come up with two.

[Co-host 2]

I can't come up with one.

[Caller 2]

Just 15 things. Melissa, you saw me in the morph suit.

[Co-host 2]

You can come up with one big one.

[Host]

God, it's the vert show.

[Lauren]

Hey, everybody.

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