Mike Borlo (1:47)

You just need to accept the fact that kick and drop have ever lived near or on a college campus. If you eat takeaway food, you have eaten someone else's pubis.

Bob Garfield (1:57)

Oh, dude, really?

Unidentified Male Caller 1 (1:59)

Oh, come on.

Unidentified Female Caller (2:00)

That's gross.

Bob Garfield (2:01)

Now, nobody in this room has more fast food experience than I do. I worked at Taco Bell, proudly for four years, and I wear it like a badge of honor. And I never. I seriously never saw that in the four years. Not from anybody.

Unidentified Female Caller (2:14)

I never worked in Fast food experience. Well, now, aren't there surveillance cameras everywhere and all that kind of stuff?

Mike Borlo (2:19)

Oh, yeah, but these are worse now.

Unidentified Female Caller (2:21)

Yeah, but these idiots try to do something like that.

Mike Borlo (2:23)

Were doing it, and they were video. It wasn't a survival surveillance camera. It's a woman holding, like, a camcorder.

Bob Garfield (2:28)

The video is up on our website right now. Yeah. And she puts it up on YouTube. These two clowns put it on YouTube. It's their last day at Domino's. They're in North Carolina. There's a series of four videos. Some of them are kind of graphic. Like, one dude pulls his pants down and puts, like, a dish towel up his butt, wipes his butt with it, and then starts washing some of the dishes. At this particular Domino's in North Carolina. It didn't happen here.

Unidentified Male Caller 1 (2:52)

That's gnarly.

Unidentified Male Caller 2 (2:54)

Oh.

Bob Garfield (2:55)

So one woman, she looks like she's about 20 years old. She's holding the camera, and her male co worker is. She's just describing what's going on in these videos.

Unidentified Male Caller 2 (3:04)

Did y' all see that? He just put a booger on those sandwiches. You remember the time when you sneezed? Do it again. Do it again. And I want to say what it goes.

Unidentified Male Caller 3 (3:25)

Ew.

Unidentified Male Caller 2 (3:25)

Now, Michael, I think that these sandwiches are gonna be full of protein, like

Unidentified Female Caller (3:31)

a little snot with your mayo.

Unidentified Male Caller 2 (3:33)

We all have our secret ingredients. He just farted on the salami that goes on these sandwiches. And in about five minutes, they'll be sent out on delivery. Where somebody will be eating these. Yes. Eating them. And little did they know that cheese was in his nose and that there was some lethal gas that ended up on their salami. Now that's we roll at Domino's.

Bob Garfield (3:56)

Yeah, Let me explain that for a second. He starts putting, like, small pieces of cheese up his nose and then putting them back on the pizza or back on the sandwiches also. Hey, Steven. Good morning. You're on Q100.

Unidentified Male Caller 3 (4:07)

Back in high school, I worked at a restaurant. It was chick fil a, my friend actually got fired because he stirred the soup with his tally whacker. No way.

Unidentified Female Caller (4:22)

No way.

Bob Garfield (4:22)

How did they. How did they catch the guy?

Unidentified Male Caller 3 (4:26)

Ye. Well, that's the problem. He sent it out, and the person actually ate it. And we were being immature. I mean, we were watching it. I mean, it was gross. But anyway, he got called into the manager's office the next day. And that just so happened to be one of the days that they were reviewing tapes and they saw it.

Unidentified Female Caller (4:43)

But isn't that something to brag about? I Can stir the soup with my penis.

Unidentified Male Caller 3 (4:48)

Yeah, it was nasty.

Mike Borlo (4:49)

If you mess with chick fil A, not only do you get fired, but you go to hell.

Bob Garfield (4:53)

Right?

Mike Borlo (4:55)

They're closed on Sundays. I mean, they're. They're a God fearing company. He's gonna burn for the rest of his days.

Bob Garfield (4:59)

I mean, as soon as he sat down in front of management and they turned the TV on, he must have known even before they showed him what they saw exactly what was going on.

Unidentified Female Caller (5:09)

Can you imagine being the security guy who has to review tapes and it's normally so boring. He's like, bored, bored. Bo. What is that? Rewind. And then he calls his friends. Come over here. I gotta shut you.

Bob Garfield (5:24)

There are no shortage of these calls.

Unidentified Female Caller 2 (5:26)

Oh, I've never eaten.

Bob Garfield (5:27)

If you're going to fast, these are gonna. These are gonna freak you out, y'. All.

Unidentified Female Caller (5:31)

Some fast food is so good that I will risk it.

Bob Garfield (5:33)

Not after this call. Hey, Jake, Good morning. You're on Q100.

Unidentified Male Caller 3 (5:36)

I worked at Waffle House and I used to have an open spot that leaked a lot of pus and I rubbed it all over somebody's waffle because they were being jerked and they sit there and ate it.

Bob Garfield (5:47)

You guys gotta remember something. My wife will do this from time to time. Oh, my God.

Mike Borlo (5:50)

Rub her sore on a waffle.

Bob Garfield (5:51)

No, she will complain before we get our food. That's the reason right there. You wait until you are signing the ch check until you say anything. If what you're saying is going to be interpreted in any way, shape or form as rude, you shut up. I used to have done.

Unidentified Female Caller (6:09)

Who would complain at every meal, he found something wrong with the service, the silverware, the tablecloth. He would complain to the server. I would say 90% of the time that I ever went out to.

Mike Borlo (6:20)

Why would you go out with him?

Unidentified Female Caller (6:21)

That's what we thought. Every time there had to be something

Bob Garfield (6:23)

in his food, that's a deal breaker.

Mike Borlo (6:25)

Yeah, he ate a lot of pubis.

Bob Garfield (6:27)

Adrian, good morning. You're on Q100.

Unidentified Male Caller 1 (6:29)

I worked for a popular pizza chain, and probably the worst thing we ever did, other than body fluid or hair going on the pizza, was that all the meat is pre cooked. So you can pop a handful in your mouth, chew it up, get it right back out on the pizza, shut up. Or a handful of cheese. So my advice to everybody is, and it always has been, when you call to order food or when you go to a restaurant, be nice. Be very nice, and they won't even think twice about messing with your food.

Bob Garfield (7:01)

Be Rude at the end or if you're never going back ever again. My God.

Unidentified Male Caller 3 (7:06)

Hello.

Bob Garfield (7:06)

Hey, how are you?

Unidentified Male Caller 3 (7:08)

Well, I have one where a guy I had worked with at a hotel in Tampa is actually doing time in Florida prison because he had peed in the coffee. Security tape caught it. I had warned the general manager that he was doing this, and they thought I was crazy. When I told him, they installed a security camera in the breakfast pantry area. Called him red handed. Hillsborough county arrested him. Is a second degree felony. It is basically, you could have killed somebody by putting fluid of your own body inside the coffee. I had to testify in court in Tampa. And he got, I kid you not, 20 years in Florida for doing this because it is a second degree felony. It's almost the same as attempted murder in the eyes of the DA down there.

Bob Garfield (7:48)

And now he's in jail for 20 years.

Unidentified Female Caller (7:50)

Yeah.

Bob Garfield (7:52)

Hey, Cora. Good morning. You're on Q100.

Unidentified Male Caller 1 (7:54)

I used to work at a Waffle House when one of my cooks got so mad because I kept coming back trying to fix an order. And he had previously burned his hand about two nights ago. And so he had blisters all over his hand. It was so gross. And he was supposed to be wearing a glove, but he got really mad at this customer. He kept going to my customer and asking, you know, what's wrong with it? What's wrong with it? And it became a big scene. So he finally ended up cooking his meal. Right. But he definitely took off his gloves and just put his fluids all in his food and then watched him eat it. And I wanted to say something so bad because it was my customer, but at the same time, it's your tip at the end of the day.

Unidentified Male Caller 3 (8:35)

Damn.

Bob Garfield (8:36)

Some blister fluid in the food.

Unidentified Female Caller (8:37)

This is gross.

Bob Garfield (8:39)

This is the end of the Domino's stuff here. And again, there are four different videos. And I mean, it's boogers. It's like I said, it's the guy's wiping his button and washing the dishes. And here she is, she's holding the video camera.

Unidentified Male Caller 2 (8:50)

Get the booger sticks out, sprinkle them with sprinkles so they'll never know that there's snot on it. Our manager is unaware of what we are doing at the moment. She is back in the back reading a newspaper like always while we're up here pounding around putting snot in people's food. Now it's ready to be shipped to some unlucky customer.

Mike Borlo (9:16)

I think. I think the safest bet is for you just to relay that we could

Bob Garfield (9:19)

have done this for the next half an hour. The shocking. The last shocking call would have been a guy full releasing on a pizza.

Unidentified Female Caller (9:26)

What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Bob Garfield (9:29)

I'm not even gonna take it.

Unidentified Male Caller 1 (9:31)

No, no, no, no.

Mike Borlo (9:34)

You know what? If Adam Murphy came in right now, I would feel clean.

Bob Garfield (9:37)

I know, right?

Mike Borlo (9:38)

Like, I want a roach.

Unidentified Male Caller 2 (9:40)

I'll take a roach over that.

Mike Borlo (9:41)

I want a roach pooping on my crouton.

Bob Garfield (9:44)

Right?

Unidentified Male Caller 2 (9:44)

No kidding.

Mike Borlo (9:45)

Seriously. Mold in the ice chest.

Bob Garfield (9:46)

Definitely.

Unidentified Female Caller (9:47)

Bring it on.

Mike Borlo (9:48)

I will climb in there and drink my soda from the bottom of the ice machine.

Bob Garfield (9:52)

The Birch Show.

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Bob Garfield (10:18)

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Mike Borlo (10:25)

This is Mike Borlo of Lexicon Valley

Bob Garfield (10:27)

and I'm Bob Garfield. Are you one of those people who sometimes uses words?

Mike Borlo (10:32)

Do you communicate or acquire information with, you know, language?

Bob Garfield (10:38)

Hey, us too. So join us on Lexicon Valley to chew over the history, culture and many mysteries of English. Plus some lice cracks.

Mike Borlo (10:48)

Find us on one of those apps where people listen to podcasts.

Unidentified Female Caller 2 (10:54)

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