Vault: Should new friends hangout with old friends?

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault – Should New Friends Hang Out with Old Friends?

Date: July 13, 2026
Topic: Navigating Friend Jealousy and Merging Friend Groups

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Episode Overview

In this episode, members of The Bert Show team (including Katie, Natalie, Jen, Lauren, Bianca, and others) dive into the nuanced topic of “friend jealousy”: What happens when someone tries to integrate new friends into established circles, and why does it sometimes create tension? The cast discusses the social dynamics, etiquette, and emotional hurdles of blending old and new friendships, especially among women. Through personal stories and relatable scenarios, the conversation explores why merging friend groups is challenging and how it might be addressed.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining "Friend Jealousy" and Personal Experiences

• Katie opens with her observations about “friend jealousy,” especially after moving from Nashville to Atlanta. Her experience: friend groups rarely overlap, so she’s mostly avoided this issue.
  • Katie (01:47): “My life was very compartmentalized… so I never have really dealt with this because a lot of my friends, we don’t really cross over.”
• Contrast with Katie’s friends: They stayed in their hometown, so their circles are more static, and new people can have a tough time being welcomed.

2. Turf Wars: Old Friends vs. New Friends

• The group recognizes the tension when a member starts hanging out with a new acquaintance, possibly leaving out old friends.
• Katie (03:23): “Then it would be the case where Jen becomes jealous of Wendy because she’s like, wait a second. I’ve known her longer… I’m getting kind of jealous about this.”

3. Is This a ‘Girl Thing’?

• There’s consensus that these jealousies are more pronounced in groups of women.
  • Lauren (03:45): “I think that's a girl thing.”
  • Jen: “It is.”
• The group jokes about “the real UGA” and takes playful stabs at the idea of tribal loyalty to alma maters as a metaphor for friend group loyalty.

4. Why Does the Old Guard Resist New Members?

• Katie observes that couples and significant others are more easily welcomed, but “new co-workers or outside friends” face resistance.
• Old friends may feel threatened or excluded if special milestones (like shopping for a baby) are experienced with new people.
  • Natalie (04:51): “They went clothes shopping, picked out that ugly outfit.”

5. The Middle School Analogy

• The cast likens group dynamics to middle/high school cliques, suggesting social behaviors hardly change with age.
  • Jen (05:02): “Nobody ever really evolves past the eighth grade. You pretty much are in the eighth grade your entire life.”
  • Lauren (05:14): “The only difference between high school and real life is you get benefits. Other than that, it's the same exact thing in your 30s.”

6. Etiquette for Blending Friend Groups

• Natalie’s advice (05:38-06:18): Successful integration depends on proactive outreach from someone other than the friend who brings in the newbie.
  • Natalie (05:58): “The only way to bridge the gap… is if somebody outside of the person who brought in the new girl reaches out and they form a friendship.”
  • Katie (06:27): “She’s got two votes instead of just one.”
• Mafia analogy: Entering a friend group is like joining “the mob”—another member must vouch for you.

7. Proper Timing and Etiquette

• It's considered poor form for the new person to immediately reach out to others in the group without building rapport, and without the original friend included.
  • Lauren (06:30): “After, like, one meeting… Wendy reaches out to other people in that group without including the original member. Isn’t that drama too?”
  • Natalie (07:04): “Yes. She can't do the reaching out. It has to be somebody in the group to do the etiquette.”

8. Balancing Old and New Friends

• If someone seems to hang out more with the new friend than old friends, it can spark resentment.
  • Bianca (07:09): “You can't hang out with the new person without hanging out with the old people more… That causes tension.”

9. The Temptation of Similarity and Nostalgia

• Katie points out that old friends often get stuck reminiscing about the past, which can make new friendships feel more refreshing and dynamic.
  • Katie (07:24): “If I’m hanging out with this crew from my college, all we talk about is time in college… when I’m friends with Wendy from work, it’s refreshing and new.”
  • Jen (08:09): “Go to a high school reunion. That’s all you talk about.”
  • Jen (08:13): “That’s why your spouses are so bored when they go with you.”

10. Responsibility to Grow and Evolve

• Katie and others agree that everyone has a role in being open to new people and experiences.
  • Katie (08:15): “There’s also responsibility on everybody’s part to kind of open up and evolve a little bit.”

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Jen (05:02): “Nobody ever really evolves past the eighth grade. You pretty much are in the eighth grade your entire life.”
• Lauren (05:14): “The only difference between high school and real life is you get benefits.”
• Natalie (05:58): “The only way to bridge the gap… is if somebody outside of the person who brought in the new girl reaches out and they form a friendship.”
• Katie (07:24): “It’s refreshing and new and there’s new tales to tell and new experiences to be had.”
• Jen (08:13): “That’s why your spouses are so bored when they go with you.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:47–03:19: Katie’s personal background and differences in friend group overlap
• 03:23–03:45: Example scenario of friend jealousy (“Wendy” situation)
• 04:26–04:54: The group discusses resistance to new members, with specifics on baby shopping
• 05:02–05:28: “Eighth grade” and high school analogies for adult group dynamics
• 05:38–06:27: How to successfully integrate a new friend (Natalie’s bridging strategy)
• 06:30–07:09: Etiquette and pitfalls when introducing new friends
• 07:24–08:15: The nostalgia trap and how new friends provide fresh perspectives

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Conclusion

This lively episode delves into the all-too-familiar anxieties and politics of merging friend groups. From playful analogies comparing adulthood to ongoing middle school, to practical advice for bridging social circles, The Bert Show cast shares candid, funny, and relatable wisdom on the complexities of friendship. Their recommendation? Be conscious of group etiquette, ensure multiple members endorse a newcomer, and try to keep stale nostalgia in check to make space for new connections and growth.

Transcript

[Host]

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[Host]

It's the Vert show.

[Katie]

So I want to ask you guys about the concept of friend jealousy, something that I've been observing and I want to kind of know how to repair that.

[Natalie]

Okay.

[Katie]

Because I my life was very compartmentalized. I grew up in Nashville, went to UT and the real ut, Tennessee. And then I came down to Atlanta. It was there first. So anyway, Tennessee was there before Texas.

[Bianca]

Yes.

[Lauren]

Really?

[Katie]

Hello. So anyway, so came down to Atlanta. Well, all my friends that I went to school with ended up saying staying around the Nashville area. So when I go see my friends from when I grew up, I go up to Tennessee. And when I am hanging out with friends that I made here in Atlanta, I'm in Atlanta. So I never have really dealt with this because a lot of my friends, we don't really cross over, you know, the paths don't cross over. Well, in Katie and her friends, they all went to either high school or college together because Katie went to uga and so she went to Jay. And so she.

[Natalie]

If she knew the date, she would say whether that was first or not.

[Jen]

She is.

[Katie]

Yeah. Well, Georgia is from.

[Jen]

Well, the real uga, right?

[Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Katie]

Nobody has to try to steal the colors in the emblem or whatever. So, anyway, moving on. So, anyway, so Katie and her friends, you know, are all, you know, kind of local, and they hung out and everything, and. But I've noticed that since, you know, we've all grown older and brought more friends into our circles, that hearing them talk, and I wish I had a specific. I don't have a specific example, but hearing them talk about their. Their groups, new friends that have come in, I noticed they're kind of critical. Like, it's hard for new people to come into that group.

[Jen]

So the core group, everybody's cool. You're either on the inside or you're on the outside.

[Katie]

Well, it's like, for instance, if Jen and I went to school together, we went to college together, and we grew up together, and we've been friends for a long time. And then all of a sudden, I'm working with Wendy, and Wendy and I start being friends, and we hang out a lot. Then it would be the case where Jen becomes jealous of Wendy because she's like, wait a second. I've known her longer. And when you start doing things with Wendy and you don't include me in them, I'm getting kind of jealous about this.

[Lauren]

I think that's a girl thing.

[Jen]

It is.

[Katie]

And I do notice that with groups of women. And like I said, I didn't experience it because I moved straight to Atlanta from college, so I didn't spend any of my adult life in Tennessee. And so I haven't been a part of that. But, yeah, it is. And I tease them about it because, you know, there's one thing for me to come into the group because I'm, you know, I'm Katie's girlfriend. So it's a different thing. It's like they're, you know, her other friends, boyfriends and husbands. You know, we're in our little group, too, because we're, you know, the partners of everybody. But it's a whole different level when it's. When it's co workers, new co workers, new people, because I think there was a case in which one of them.

[Bianca]

And I want to know how to acquire.

[Katie]

I want to know how to blend all this together, because I.

[Lauren]

You have to be boys.

[Bianca]

You can't.

[Lauren]

Guys don't care.

[Katie]

Well, let me. Let me give the example. So, for instance, you know that we know several Women that are pregnant right now or just had children. And there were cases in the past where those women had gone, let's say, baby clothes shopping with somebody they had worked with and that these college buddies didn't get to go on the trip. And there was this little sneeze. They went, they went, you know, clothes

[Natalie]

shopping, picked out that ugly outfit.

[Katie]

Yeah, of course, if they were with me, I would have taste, but they didn't, you know, like. And it's just, it's just automatic that they don't like anybody that didn't. Didn't in part of their crew.

[Jen]

This goes back to my theory that nobody ever really evolves past the eighth grade. You pretty much are in the eighth grade your entire life.

[Katie]

Like they're blood sisters. And everybody else that comes in, it's just not worthy.

[Lauren]

The only difference between high school and real life is you get benefits. That's it. Other than that, it's the same exact thing in your 30s. Yes, it's all the same.

[Jen]

Some out, some are cool, some are dorks. You're trying to get in on the cool grid.

[Guest]

It's all the same.

[Lauren]

You're just not on your parents insurance anymore. Other than that.

[Katie]

But let me ask the women how to. If there's any possible way to repair that or build a bridge between the two.

[Natalie]

I think it has to be. It has to be somebody else in the group. Like from your example, like if you and I are the college friends and say also Natalie is in our clique. Right. But you, you bring in Wendy as the new. As the new girl.

[Katie]

So you're saying Natalie would have to talk to me about Wendy? No, no.

[Natalie]

What I'm saying is the only way to bridge the gap for Wendy and me and the rest of the girls is if Natalie reaches out to Wendy. If one person in the group outside of the person who brought in the new girl reaches out and they form a friendship, then all of a sudden they're in the fold.

[Katie]

Okay.

[Host]

It's like joining a mob.

[Lauren]

One guy bring you in, but then the other guy has to bounce.

[Natalie]

You know what I'm saying? So you and Wendy are friends, but Natalie's also got to become friends with Wendy to make me and the rest of the girls feel like, okay, well, now she is one of us.

[Katie]

She's got two votes instead of just one.

[Jen]

I think the mafia analogy is a good one.

[Lauren]

Now, is there a certain amount of timing? Because. And I'll just throw this out here to see if this is. If this sticks. But is there a rule that, like, if a new person comes into the group. So let's use the example of Jen and Melissa are great friends. And then Melissa brings in, you know, Wendy to the group. You know, to the group of five, the party of five, for example. And then Wendy is brought into that. And then after, like, one meeting or not enough time and reputation has been established, Wendy reaches out to other people in that group without including the original member. Isn't that drama, too?

[Natalie]

Yes. She can't do the reaching out. It has to be somebody in the group to do the etiquette.

[Katie]

There's etiquette.

[Bianca]

Ton of etiquette. And then you can't hang out with a new person without hanging out with the old people more. So if you're hanging out with the new person more than you're hanging out with the older friends, and that causes tension. So if you're gonna hang out a new person, you need to hang out with the group or hang out with your older friends.

[Katie]

But I understand now. I understand why. But I will say now, if I'm the person stuck in the middle, if I'm the one, you know, in the scenario, I am, because we're bringing in producer Natalie. Let's bring in Bianca and Lauren, our interns, and everybody. So I could see where, if I'm hanging out with this crew from my college, that all we talk about is time and college. All we talk about are the stories from our heyday. Then I am friends with Wendy from work because it's refreshing and new and there's new tales to tell and new experiences to be had. I do think from observing the situation, that there's a lot of times like, I know I would do it if I was a part of it, but from observing it, college buddies and high school buddies and tend to do that. You tend to get into this repetition of.

[Jen]

It's all you talk about. Go to a high school reunion. That's all you talk about.

[Katie]

All you talk about.

[Jen]

That's why your spouses are so bored when they go with you.

[Katie]

So it's. It's. Yeah, so it's, you know, there. I think there's also responsibility on everybody's part to kind of open up and evolve a little bit, you know, from Athens.

[Jen]

You can't.

[Katie]

From Athens,

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