Vault: Should she tell her parents about her DUI?

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault: Should She Tell Her Parents About Her DUI?

Release Date: July 1, 2026

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Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into a dilemma submitted by a listener's friend: after getting a DUI, should she come clean to her close-knit parents—or keep it to herself? The cast debates the pros and cons, explores the emotional and practical implications, and takes calls from listeners with real stories and opinions on handling adult mistakes in a family context.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Dilemma: Secret or Confession? (01:06–02:56)

• Backstory:
  • The friend (mid-20s, very close family ties, lives on her own but still receives mail at parents' house) was arrested for a DUI, bailed herself out, hired a lawyer, and is struggling to pay fees—all without her parents’ knowledge.
  • She’s feeling the emotional and financial strain of keeping the secret.
  • The cast unanimously agrees this is a high-pressure situation.
• Quote:
  • “To be that close and always have that lingering and lurking, I don't know if I could deal with that.” — D, (02:35)

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Arguments for Keeping It Private (02:21–03:12, 03:56–04:14)

• Independence:
  • Cast members point out she’s handling things as an adult: no financial help sought, she’s dealing with legal and emotional fallout herself.
• Potential for Parental Discovery:
  • Concerns arise about official correspondence triggering parental discovery, especially since her mail is still sent home.
• Notable Quote:
  • “If there was a way I knew I could keep it 100% from them, then I would do that. But my concern would be...what if some police department file...a letter goes to her parents’ house that advises her of a court date or a change in her license status?” — B, (03:20)

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Listener Stories & Calls (04:56–11:19)

Hiding the Truth Successfully (04:56–05:23)

• Caller Dave: Managed to keep his own DUI a secret from his family for four years by relying on friends and intercepting all mail.
• Quote:
  • “Nobody in my family knows about it still to this day.” — F (Dave), (05:04)

Emotional and Gendered Dynamics (05:34–06:11)

• Cast Reflection:
  • Some see emotional need to confess as stronger for women in tight-knit families.
  • “She feels so an emotional wreck because of this, she feels she needs to confess.” — E, (05:40)
  • “She’s making up for it...I don’t understand why her mom has to know, you know.” — E, (06:11)

Mail, Insurance, and the Risk of Discovery (06:13–09:08)

• Mail Solicitations:
  • Calls confirm lawyers and official entities mail directly to the address on file, increasing risk of accidental parental discovery.
• Quote:
  • “Do not lie. You get caught every time. May not be right away, but she will get caught.” — G (Christian), (06:39)
  • “Lawyers send stuff to your...to their address. You will get solicitations immediately...” — G (Michelle), (08:13–08:33)

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Parental Reactions & Adult Boundaries (09:17–11:19)

When Secrets Come Out

• Caller Nydia: Her husband called her parents about her DUI; family bailed her out and she managed the rest independently.
• Caller Katie: Kept her DUI secret briefly, but persistent mail led to exposure. Ultimately, her parents were understanding and proud she handled things herself.
• Quote:
  • “It’s gonna make you feel a whole lot better once your parents find out...they were glad that I learned my lesson.” — G (Katie), (10:26–11:19)

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Cast Reflections: Adulting & Emotional Dependence (11:19–12:14)

• Maturity and Independence:
  • Multiple hosts agree that part of growing up is handling your mistakes without needing to confess everything to parents—unless emotional or financial need dictates.
• Quote:
  • “It's freeing. I mean, once you realize that you don't have to tell your parents everything and they're happy for you not to, then you're your own person.” — E, (12:14)

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• “To be that close and always have that lingering...I don't know if I could deal with that.” — D, (02:35)
• “If there was a way I knew I could keep it 100% from them, then I would do that. But my concern would be...what if...a letter goes to her parents’ house.” — B, (03:20)
• “Nobody in my family knows about it still to this day.” — F (Dave), (05:04)
• “Do not lie. You get caught every time. May not be right away, but she will get caught.” — G (Christian), (06:39)
• “You will get solicitations immediately, because what they do is...public record...they'll put you on mailing list.” — G (Michelle), (08:33)
• “It's freeing. I think once you realize that you don't have to tell your parents everything...you're your own person.” — E, (12:14)

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Advice & Consensus

• Mail will likely expose the secret if mail is still sent to parents’ home—making full concealment risky.
• If emotional support is needed, honesty is best; otherwise, adult mistakes can—and arguably should—be handled independently.
• Most callers and cast members agree: Parents are likely to be relieved their child is responsible, even if initially disappointed.

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TL;DR:
If you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed or worried your secret will come out anyway, telling your parents might bring relief and support—especially if you’re close. But if you’re handling all fallout yourself and can reliably intercept all related mail, keeping it private is valid. Either way, adulting means learning where your own boundaries lie.

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Transcript

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[D]

Yeah, well, she's trying to keep it a huge secret. So, I mean, obviously I won't say her name on the radio, but I have a friend who told me just last weekend we went out, which I don't know why we were going out, if this had happened to her. We went out and she told me that she got busted for a DUI and so caught drinking and driving. Just above the limit, she said, obviously went to jail. Did not. She's super close with her family. I've got to get the backstory. She's super close and tight with her family, especially her mom and her sister. Her dad usually tells everything that's going on in her life, so he never keeps secrets from her parents at all or her family. Regardless. So got a dui, went to jail, bailed herself out so she didn't have to call her parents. Well, now she's working overtime. She's hired a lawyer, obviously, because I'm guessing that's what you do when you get a dui. You have to go to court and figure it all out. Well, hired a d. A lawyer and really expensive, trying to pay it on her own. But meanwhile, her parents still have zero idea that she's gotten this dui. But now she's stressing all about it and can barely pay the lawyer's bills and doesn't know what to do, whether to tell her parents or not, because, I mean, that's a big deal. I mean, that's my worst nightmare.

[E]

How old is she?

[D]

She's 20, I'll say 25, 26 years old.

[E]

Because there's a part of me that wonders if. I mean, unless she's thinking about asking her parents for financial help, I honestly don't know why she would need to tell them.

[D]

But I mean, I guess the stress of it, I mean to talk to somebody about it and being so close that she talks to her mom every day. So being on the phone and having that way in the back of your mind, I couldn't help but share something with my mom about it or even go around it. I wouldn't be too excited to share it with her, but to be that close and always have that lingering and lurking, I don't know if I could deal with that.

[E]

I appreciate the fact that she's trying so hard to get, you know, she's taking care of it though. You know, the fact that, that she's, you know, bailed herself out of jail and that she's, you know, trying to do the legal fees by herself. I mean, that's to be commended. I mean she's trying to make up for.

[B]

Did she live at home or does she live on her own?

[D]

She lives on her own. Okay, but still being super close with your parents, wouldn't you even spill the beans or it come out some way?

[B]

My concern is. Yeah, that it would come out some way that, that they would hear. If there was a way I knew that I could keep it 100% from them, then I would do that. But my concern would be just the way government operations. What if there's some police department file or district attorney, whoever has to get involved when you're dealing with the dui, Motor vehicles that doesn't have her address updated, so then a letter goes to her parents house that advises her of a court date or a change in her license status or something like that that mom and dad see.

[D]

Well, I do think most of her bills do go to her parents house because she didn't move out not too long ago.

[B]

Yeah, see that would make me so

[D]

nervous because the parents is her parents address like on my license. I usually have my stuff go to my mom's house because it's the study address. I know I can always go there and get my mail or get my bills.

[E]

Do they open her mail though?

[D]

I don't. But if you saw something from like government or a lawyer's office, wouldn't you like raise an eyebrow if it was your kid?

[B]

Well, my parents, I mean it doesn't happen anymore, but they used to like when I lived in Boston and then in Arizona. Like, if something came to the house, to their house, they would. If it looked important or like a bill or something, they would open it so that when I called them, they could tell me. And I had no problem with that. So like, they would say, hey, we got a letter from. Most of them were from Syracuse University advising me of unpaid parking tickets. You got another unpaid parking ticket, you owe Syracuse $15. But stuff like that. So they do the same thing, trying to be helpful. Hey, Dave. Welcome to the Burt Show.

[F]

Hey, guys, how you doing?

[B]

What's going on?

[F]

I've actually gotten a dui, got convicted, and nobody in my family knows about

[E]

it still to this day.

[D]

How long has it been?

[F]

It's been about four years. I got one more year until it's actually off my insurance record.

[B]

Who is in your family? Like, is this your parents or your siblings or all of them?

[D]

Well, then he.

[F]

Parents, siblings, grandparents. The only people that know are some of my friends.

[B]

And how did you keep it away from them?

[F]

Had one of my friends put a bond up for me to get me out and every other mail article I related to. Ticket.

[D]

See? And then he brought up a good point about insurance because I have no idea if she's on her parents insurance policy. Wouldn't that.

[E]

Well, if. I mean, if she's connected to her parents somehow that she needs to tell them, then I see where that's the case. But just because of feeling guilty, like. Like I feel like this, this may be a case of. Of, I don't know, girls versus guys. Cause she feels so an emotional wreck because of this. She feels she needs to confess to her mom. This where. I just don't. I think it's something she did as an adult. She's making up for it and it's, you know, and she'll take care of it. And I don't understand why she needs to, because it sounds to me like she wants to confess. You know what I mean? When she's an adult and she's taking care of it. I don't understand why her mom has to know, you know.

[B]

Hey, Jordan, welcome to the bird show.

[G]

Yeah, I was just wondering if it wasn't in the newspaper, do they still publish.

[D]

Yeah, I don't think so. I don't think they still publish that kind of stuff.

[B]

I think I've seen some, like, small news community newspapers that it might be in, but I don't think the AJC publishes it. What's the AJC down to? Five pages.

[E]

I was gonna say they don't have any. They don't have the money to do that.

[B]

They're out of the space now, but they. Well, see, Christian has a different. Hey, Christian. Welcome to the show.

[G]

Hey. First off, I just want to say, do not lie. You get caught every time. May not be right away, but she will get caught.

[B]

But it's not. It's not a lie. She's technically not lying. She's just choosing not to tell.

[G]

That's true. And that leads into my second point. What it sounds like is she is looking for emotional support from her parents. If she's that close to them, then she needs their emotional support to get through this.

[D]

Mm. Well, I mean, I kind of agree with that. I don't. Me, personally, I don't know if I could go through something like that without sharing it, at least with my mom.

[B]

At what age would you. Do you think it's something. If it happened to you at 30, you probably can't tell. I mean, you can't tell the future. Well, what age would you have stopped letting. Having your mom. Mom and dad be in the loop?

[E]

I think that's why at 25. I think 25 to 27 is probably when I was started to cut that, you know, the umbilical cord a little bit, and. Yeah, because right now, it just seems. Right now, it just seems unimaginable for me to call Millie Pete if anything occurred, you know, that really had nothing to do with her. But, I mean, I guess if she's feeling the. If she needs the emotional support, I get that. It's just. I guess my thing is that I think she's handling this very well when it comes to actually, you know, making up for it and trying to be responsible about it. And I just. I don't like the feeling of that. She's so distraught, and she needs to confess. I'm repeating myself, but it just sounds like she's more upset about it than. I wonder if she should be.

[B]

Hey, Michelle. Welcome to the bird show.

[G]

Hey, Jeff.

[F]

Hey.

[G]

She's gonna have to come clean because all the DUI attorneys are going to start sending solicitations to the address on her license. Excuse me. They're gonna know. So if she wants them to know from her, she might as well go ahead and come clean.

[D]

So the lawyers send stuff to your. To their address.

[G]

You will get solicitations immediately, because what

[B]

they do is they put in the. It's public record. So lawyers who are looking for that kind of business pull that record, like, every week or every day. Anything that's public record and there's a business attached to it, they'll put you on mailing list. So same thing if you don't pay your bills.

[D]

But as a parent, would you question that if that came in?

[B]

I would. If all of a sudden, out of nowhere.

[D]

Could just be regular advertising. You know how you get, like, little pamphlets in the mail that don't mean anything?

[E]

It depends on her parents. And it depends on if her mail. I mean, you say her mail goes to her parents house. Depends on how they sort it and how they deal with it. I mean, it. You know, it just depends on her personal situation.

[B]

Hey, Nydia.

[G]

Yes.

[B]

Tell us your story.

[G]

I got a DUI when I was 29, and my husband called my parents.

[B]

Why?

[G]

He was terrified. I was terrified. The officer assaulted me, and I guess he panicked.

[B]

Was. Were you okay with that, or once he told you that, were you kind of like, hey, that's just. In the future, I got this.

[G]

Well, my whole situation was a mess, but, yeah, I. After I calmed down and everything, then I was like, okay. I didn't know what else he could have done.

[B]

And what did your parents do?

[G]

They bailed me out, and I paid for everything after that because I think

[B]

if I was living in Syracuse and that happened, I think my parents would probably say something along the lines of, wow, good luck with that.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where I am, is my parents were. There's the fine line of, yeah, we're still your mom and dad, but you're an adult now, and, you know. Yeah, my parents would definitely be the. All right, take care of it. Yeah.

[B]

Hey, Katie, welcome to the show. You'll be our last call.

[G]

All right. I was in the same situation two years ago. I mean, it was New Year's Eve, and it was. It was a point 081, and it was ridiculous. But I kept it from my parents. My friends, you know, were able to bail me out. I got my own lawyer. But my advice is just, it's gonna make you feel a whole lot better once your parents find out. They found out because things started getting mailed to their house, and they were just like, what is. What is all this stuff? What are all these lawyers? You know? And I was like, oh, no, no big deal. No big deal. And then finally, once, I just. I just sat down with them, and I was bawling my eyes out, but I just said, you know, I'm so sorry, and this is what it was, and. And they just said, okay. Well, you know, they were proud that I had started to handle it and that was it. But they weren't mad. But they, I don't know, they were glad that I learned my lesson. And you feel a lot better once. Once they know.

[E]

See the. My first, yeah. My first reaction to your friend is the fact that I'm impressed that she's, I mean, taking care of it already. You know, she bailed herself out, she's already got the lawyer. She's, you know, I, I think that I agree with that last call. It's probably what her parents reaction will be is that, you know what, at least we raised her to be able to know how to handle her handle

[D]

herself, you know, so no telling of parents.

[B]

I kind of agree with Melissa.

[E]

Yeah. I don't understand the reason why it's

[B]

grow up time right now.

[E]

Yeah. She's an adult now.

[B]

If she's in a situation where she's gonna lose her apartment because she can't make her rent because she has to go to DUI school and that costs so much money or her lawyer or whatever, then she may have to go to her parents humbly and say I need you to help me.

[E]

Because I'm not clear on why she does. She wants to ask for money or she just wants to go and be a buddy. Need her mom as a buddy, probably

[D]

just needs the emotional support more so.

[B]

I understand that. But at some point you, at some

[E]

point it's like it's, it's. Yeah, it's grown up time.

[B]

You've become so cynical as an old woman, Melissa.

[E]

No, it's, I, it's freeing. I mean I. Yeah, it's freeing. I think the fact that once you realize that you don't have to tell your parents everything and they're, and they're happy for you not to tell them everything, then you're in your own, you're your own person. It's freeing. It's wonderful. I don't think it's a bad thing.

[A]

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[B]

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