Vault: Is Staying Together for the Kids a Mistake?

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: Should You Stay Together for the Kids?

Episode Date: June 15, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the complex and emotionally charged question: Should couples stay together for the sake of their children, especially in the aftermath of infidelity? The conversation is sparked by rumors surrounding Tiger Woods and his then-wife Elin, who, despite repeated affairs, is rumored to be “standing by her man.” The hosts discuss their own perspectives, personal stories, and invite callers to share their real-life experiences, balancing humor with candid, heartfelt reflection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Celebrity Infidelity as a Launchpoint (01:24 – 04:19)

• The conversation kicks off referencing Tiger Woods, whose extramarital affairs put his wife Elin into the spotlight for considering staying with him.
• Host: “Once you get past like 6 [affairs]… doesn’t really matter after you hit a dozen.” (01:49)
• The cast jokes about the absurdity of the numbers while pivoting into the serious question of why someone would stay after so many betrayals.

2. The Perspective of Staying "for the Kids" vs. Personal Self-Respect (02:23 – 04:19)

• Co-host 4: Expresses a lack of respect for Elin’s decision to try and work things out, discussing the example of two women in her life—one whose mother stood her ground after infidelity, and another whose mother stayed, shaping their adult insecurities and confidence.

  • “The woman I grew up with… grew to be a confident woman who’s in a long-term marriage now… I’m dating a woman who… there’s this undercurrent constantly of this insecurity.” (02:23 – 03:28)

• Host: Nuanced take: admires the willingness to try “for the kids,” but stresses the importance of not staying in a loveless marriage once the heart is out of it. The kids do sense underlying tension, and that can do more harm than splitting.

  • “You can’t stay in a marriage where you can’t stand the person because the kids pick up on that and it does more damage than it does good.” (03:45)

3. Real-Life Callers Share Their Experiences

“Mike” – Tried to Stay, Ultimately Hurt (04:19 – 07:48)

• Mike: Stayed with his wife after her confessed affair for the sake of the kids and “because that’s what I felt you did.” Despite trying to get over it, he eventually learned she’d had multiple affairs, including with his best friend.
  • “I literally did what it took to get over it… And I was still in love when she decided that she wanted a divorce.” (05:51; 06:48)
• Host & Co-hosts: Discuss gender differences in processing infidelity, with a (somewhat stereotyped) take: that men may cheat for physical reasons but still love their partners, where emotional detachment is often present for women.

“Jenny” – Staying Led to Real Healing (08:42 – 10:07)

• Jenny: Initially stayed with her husband after his confession of infidelity, especially to avoid disrupting Christmas for their young children. Says that staying forced necessary conversations; two years later, they are stronger and happier together.
  • “Because I stayed under the circumstances, me and him actually had to talk about it… and two years later we’re together and I think we are better off than we’ve ever been.” (08:46)
  • “Now the reason I’m around now is not [for the kids].” (10:02)

“Lee” – Waiting for the Kids to Grow Up (10:20 – 11:09)

• Lee: Stayed after husband’s two-year affair, prioritizing children and financial stability. Feels they’re “putting on a good act” until the kids are grown, at which point she expects the marriage will end.
  • “I don’t think we will probably be together when my children are grown.” (11:05)
  • “I don’t hate him… I do have a love for him... it’s just not the same.” (11:29)

Co-Hosts’ Reflections on Effects on Children (11:13 – 12:32)

• Co-host 3: Argues children “aren’t immune” to parental tension, even when parents put on an act. It can create lifelong distrust and uncertainty in their own relationships.
  • “You’re doing a disservice to your child because then you don’t trust marriage at all.” (12:26)
• Co-host 2: Cites Dr. Phil: Children sense household tension just like dogs sense moods; kids are just better at hiding their reactions.

“Steve” – Lost Himself by Staying (13:30 – 15:10)

• Steve: Stayed after wife’s affair, believing in “for better or for worse,” but ultimately lost trust and his own sense of self. His wife left on their 16th anniversary.
  • “What I had lost in that whole time was myself… I had given up my integrity.” (15:05)
  • Offers a caution: sticking it out can come at too great a personal expense.

4. Gender, Trust, and Recovering from Infidelity (07:48 – 08:08; 15:10 – 15:42)

• Cast explores if there’s a deeper difference based on whether the man or woman cheated; suggests that after women cheat, they may have emotionally checked out already, making reconciliation especially challenging.
• A general consensus emerges: trust, once broken, is rarely fully restored.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Host: “You can’t stay in a marriage where you can’t stand the person because the kids pick up on that and it does more damage than it does good.” (03:45)
• Co-host 4: “I just think less of her. Why give it a try? He has disrespected you.” (04:06)
• Mike: “I really put that behind me and said, you know, everyone makes mistakes… And I was still in love when she decided that she wanted a divorce.” (05:51; 06:48)
• Jenny: “Because I stayed under the circumstances… we had to just talk about it… I think we are better off than we’ve ever been.” (08:46)
• Lee: “I don’t hate him… but… it’s just not the same. You know, that trust has been broken.” (11:29)
• Co-host 3: “Your children aren’t immune to that. And growing up in that, it really ruins you as a person.” (12:09)
• Steve: “What I had lost in that whole time was myself. And because I’d given up everything to try to save the marriage… I had given up my integrity.” (15:05)
• Co-host 2 (re: Dr. Phil): “If a dog can feel it, so can your kid. Your kid is just doing you a favor by [hiding it].” (13:12)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:24 — Discussion opens: Tiger Woods, infidelity, and staying for the kids
• 02:23 – 04:19 — Co-hosts reflect on personal stories and perspectives
• 04:19 – 07:48 — Caller Mike shares his experience
• 08:42 – 10:07 — Caller Jenny: marriage strengthened by facing the issue
• 10:20 – 11:09 — Caller Lee: staying together until the kids are grown
• 11:13 – 12:32 — Impact on children and trust, Dr. Phil anecdote
• 13:30 – 15:10 — Caller Steve: staying and the personal costs
• 15:10 – 15:42 — Gender, trust, and final reflections

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Conclusion

The Bert Show offers a raw, honest exploration of the fraught decision to stay in a marriage after infidelity for the sake of the children. While some callers found healing and growth, others ultimately lost themselves or ended up separated regardless. The major takeaways: Children do sense disharmony, trust is difficult to rebuild, and choosing to stay or leave demands courage and self-knowledge. There are no universal answers, but open communication and personal integrity are central themes throughout these stories.

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Transcript

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[Host]

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[Co-host 1]

gonna try to make this 17 now.

[Host]

17, once you get past like 6,

[Co-host 2]

doesn't really matter after you hit a dozen.

[Co-host 1]

I mean it might make a difference for some people. For Tiger, they may draw the line number.

[Co-host 2]

I know it's a childish joke, but I want t to go 18 holes.

[Co-host 3]

Oh my gosh.

[Host]

So the question here is I would really like to hear from people in, outside the celebrity world that have had to go through this. You have kids, there is some infidelity in the relationship. And you've, you stayed together, you made it work for the kids, just for the kids. Because Melissa says she don't respect Elon for doing this at all.

[Co-host 4]

I don't, I think less of her. And my perspective, yes, I don't have children. I understand the intention of parents doing it for the children. But my perspective comes from two different things. One, one of my best friends growing up and watching her from elementary school up until adulthood. Now we've been friends this whole time. And she's a product of divorce whose mother stood her ground and kicked the man out. And then dating a woman who is a product of divorce, who did not witness or not experienced the divorce until high school, but had to endure all that growing up. And the difference between the two women is the woman I grew up with, whose mother stood her ground when she was young and kicked the man out when there was abuse and infidelity going on, grew to be a confident woman who's in a long term marriage now and has no worry that this marriage is going to end. I'm dating a woman who there's an undercurrent constantly of this insecurity about it not lasting and it's not, it doesn't emanate in big ways. But every now and again there's these just subtle things where I know that she just wants me to make sure that I let her know I'm not leaving for no reason.

[Host]

I do think that this is one of those places that if you don't have kids, I really do think it changes your perception. That's my first point on it. And the second one is I don't want, I don't want it to get too twisted. My opinion on it. I'm not saying stick it out in a loveless marriage for the kids. What I'm saying that I admire about Elan is that she's attempting to make it work for the kids. I don't think at the end of the day she's going to be able to. And at that point, once your heart is out of it, I think you got a split. You can't stay in a marriage where you can't stand the person because the kids pick up on that and it does more damage than it does good. The thing that I admire is that at least she's going to give it a try.

[Co-host 4]

I don't understand why she's giving it. Yeah. I just think less of her. Why? Give it a try? He has disrespected you. He's made a fool out of you many times. And now that you're going back, you're just. You're being a fool again. And your children will know it.

[Host]

Here is Mike on the voice disguiser. Hey, Mike.

[Mike]

Hey.

[Host]

All right. So you stayed in your relationship for the good of the kids after some infidelity?

[Mike]

Well, actually, that was only part of the reason. I mean, that was a big part. And I had two step kids I was raising, and. But it was also because that's just what I felt you did. You know, you got over that. You. You're in it for better or for worse. And so I decided she. She had come and confessed an affair to me, and we've been married just under three years, I think. And at the time, this is many years ago, and so I, I decided to stay. Stay in it. And I did not go through a point where I hated this person now, you know, I, I literally did what it took to get over it, and I got over it. And then two years later, she just decided. She told me she was going to. She wanted a divorce. And it was at a time when our relationship was probably, I thought was going better than ever and then came to find out after the fact from many sources that she had at least a half a dozen other affairs.

[Host]

That was only the first one that.

[Mike]

Including one with my best friend.

[Host]

Oh, dude. Oh, no, no, no.

[Co-host 1]

Did you ever really get over it, though? Yeah, because I don't think. Okay.

[Mike]

I mean, without a doubt, I really get over it because. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I, I, I really put that behind me and said, you know, everyone makes mistakes. You know, I'm not perfect. I did. I've never done that, but I. And I hopefully would never would, but, you know, I'm. People make mistakes. She confessed it, and that was. That was it for me. And there were several times over the next couple years where I would find myself getting suspicious or jealous. Now, in hindsight, I probably was right.

[Host]

Yeah, you think Right.

[Mike]

But I just said, oh, no, it's silly. It's just, you know, I'm. I'm reading things into this, and, And I would make myself get over it, and I, Yes, I would say I dealt with it. And, And I was still in love when she decided that she wanted a divorce.

[Host]

I wonder if, by the time we're done taking these calls, I wonder if the outcomes are gonna be different based on who did the infidelity Because I think that the common thought is guys can still love women but still get physical with other women. And my dad, me and my dad had this conversation, man, it was repulsive that he used to screw around on my mom only because it was a physical thing. He could have sex with other women, come home to my mom and still had feelings for my mom. He loved her. Whereas when women screw around, at least the underlying tone is that they've emot, they've been pushed into it or they've emotionally checked out already. So when the guy says yes, when his wife comes home and says I had an affair and the guy says that's all right, let's stick it out for the good of the kids, let's go ahead and make sure that we still have this. She really has already checked out emotionally. She's done, she's out of love already. And the relationship in the long run isn't gonna last cuz she's already checked out. You know how? You know what I'm saying?

[Co-host 1]

Yeah.

[Host]

That was just different.

[Co-host 2]

And it's easier for the guy because of the way the guy processes when he's doing it.

[Mike]

Right.

[Host]

Cause he's thinking in a guy's mind that it's just a physical thing, it's

[Co-host 2]

a matter of fact thing, it's done.

[Co-host 1]

But I still don't think it's easier for the woman to get over just because of that.

[Co-host 3]

Well, I don't think he can.

[Co-host 1]

Like you could say that to your partner, but I don't think she ever gets over it.

[Host]

Sure. Cause the same way regardless, the same way a guy is processing the infidelity with a woman thinking it's just physical. She's processing it.

[Co-host 1]

She's processing it as a woman thinking that it was more than that.

[Co-host 4]

But the last caller we had only knew about one incident. Like to compare it with Elon, if he had found out about the dozen that she had slept with, would he stayed for the good of the kids?

[Steve]

Right.

[Host]

So the question we're asking is this good of the good for the kids thing. He found out some infidelity. You stayed in the relationship for the good of the kids when you crossed the finish line, did it work out or not? Hey Jenny. Good morning.

[Jenny]

Hey.

[Host]

Hi.

[Jenny]

I found out about two years ago around Christmas that my husband admitted it. He called. Well, he came home and told me. I've actually confronted one of the other women about it. But it happened about three and a half weeks before Christmas is when he told me. So I felt like I was kind of obligated to speak day because of Christmas with the kids. I didn't think that was fair to them around the holiday. They were, they were five and six. So I didn't think they would really, really understand what was going on at the time. But because I stayed, I. Because I stayed under the circumstances, me and him actually had to talk about it. There wasn't, okay, I'm leaving, It's over. I don't want to talk about it. Because I was there. I felt, I mean, we had to talk about it. There was. I was miserable. He was miserable in the whole situation and we had to just talk about it. And so we did. And two years later we're together and I think we are better off than we've ever been. Now I know I can still be a made a fool of and he knows that I told him that. And so, I mean, I'm not completely blind that this can happen again. I don't think it's happened since then.

[Host]

But at the end of the day, you're glad you stuck around.

[Jenny]

Yes.

[Host]

And it's working.

[Jenny]

But the reason I stayed around was because of the kids. Now the reason I'm around now is

[Host]

not okay, good for her.

[Co-host 1]

I mean, I think it.

[Co-host 4]

Yeah, it took both of them to have the conversation. I just don't think Tiger's gonna stay loyal to Elan.

[Host]

Here is Lee. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Lee]

Hi. I was calling in about the situation you're talking about the infidelity and staying for the children. My husband had a two year affair that I found out about and I ended up staying with him for our children. We have two small children at home and I just felt like having a stable. Well, I mean, they never realized what was going on. And I felt like having them raised with two parents and being able to do what we could do for them financially together was more important and for the short term.

[Co-host 3]

And did it work out?

[Lee]

Well, we're still together now. I don't think we will probably be together when my children are grown.

[Host]

So as soon as the kids are out of the house, that's your finish line?

[Lee]

Probably.

[Co-host 2]

Are there a lot of people like that who just wait till the kids are going to college and they're done?

[Co-host 4]

But the kids. Don't you think the kids know they

[Host]

have to or they'll pick up eventually as they get older that there's really sort of like mommy and daddy don't touch each other, they don't hug each

[Co-host 4]

other and then you're.

[Host]

Don't they Pick out.

[Co-host 1]

You're the example of what a marriage is supposed to be to your kids. So if you.

[Lee]

Well, I think we did put on a really good act. I mean, we. We, you know, we're not. I don't hate him. I mean, we're, you know, we're friendly. I mean, and I will, you know, I will hug him. I'll, you know, you know, I. I do have a, you know, a love for himself. I tell him I love him. I just, you know, it's just not the same. You know, that trust has been broken. I don't.

[Co-host 3]

But understand, your children are feeling that underlying tension, especially growing up in a household with that. You feel the tension no matter if it's being expressed or not. You're visualizing your parents. You see your parents every day. You can hear the arguments go on in the background. Your children aren't immune to that. And growing up in that, it really ruins you as a person.

[Co-host 2]

Growing up, I think it was. I can't believe.

[Co-host 3]

Oh, absolutely. I mean, you're. You're constantly. Even in relationships, you're constantly questioning somebody whether you trust them completely or wholeheartedly. But that's how you grew up. Like, you see your parents, they act like they're in love.

[Co-host 1]

Act.

[Co-host 3]

I mean, you think you're doing a good job. You're really not. You're doing a disservice to your child because then you don't trust marriage at all.

[Co-host 2]

I can't believe I'm about to quote Dr. Phil, but I think I am. But in the 30 minutes of my life I've spent watching him, he did say something really interesting about the same situation. He said, you know how if you grew up with dogs, like, in the house, a dog can sense, like, when there's change in feelings or different emotions or whatever, we'll run and hide. We'll come to your side. We'll do whatever. And people think that because your kids don't do that, they're not feeling it. And the difference is the kids are capable of hiding it. A dog isn't. So keep in mind, next time you think you're fooling your kids, a dog is capable of knowing what the feeling and the emotion is in the house. If a dog can feel it, so can your kid. Your kid is just doing you a favor by saying, you know what? I'm gonna go into my room, or I'm gonna go outside, or I'm gonna smile or laugh or make a joke or do whatever is different. The kid's not dumber than the dog. The kid's smarter than the dog.

[Host]

Hey, Steve, you're on the voice disguiser. Go ahead.

[Steve]

Yes, I also have a situation like the fellow that called. First seven years into our marriage, I found out my wife had an affair. I did stay for the kids and for the marriage. I also believe that for better or for worse, I'm in here for this is the worst, and it's going to get better at some point. So I understand exactly what Tiger woods wife is going through. And I especially understand the smashing the Cadillac part. You get some of these intense emotions that make you crazy and make you do. And want to do crazy things. I think where I was a little bit different is I can sense that the quantity would be. Would have been a deal killer for me that she had had. But I think the only way you get. The only way that you get through it is through prayer and a lot of prayer. And for me, actually, the trust I never actually really did get back.

[Host]

So you guys are still. You're still together today?

[Steve]

Actually, no. She left at 16. 16. Wedding anniversary. Around that time she left. She decided to end after I had stuck like that. And why I would recommend not doing it is just by that point, when that had, you know, I'd stuck it out and we tried to work it out. It was like reopening the whole can of worms again, looking in the mirror again. And. And what I had lost in that whole time was myself. And because I'd given up everything to try to save the marriage and to make it work and. And kind of felt like I had given up my integrity.

[Host]

Look, I don't know that you can draw a total generalization on these yet, but the common theme with the dudes is they wanted to stick it out. And a couple of years later, the women left. So is the conclusion that we're drawing that if a wife screws around, that there's no going back?

[Co-host 4]

Well, I don't know. But I mean, is it also a case where if a guy cheats and he confesses to his wife and she sticks it out, that he stays monogamous

[Co-host 1]

the whole time or that she ever gets over it?

[Host]

Well, we've talked about that before. There's never 100% trust ever again. We've talked about that too many times.

[Co-host 2]

There is. We can end this on a good note. Joanna is no longer anxious about getting engaged.

[Host]

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