Vault: Suzi the World Traveler

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: Suzi the World Traveler"

Date: November 3, 2025
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, et al.)
Guest: Suzi (the World Traveler)

Episode Overview

In this special vault episode, the Bert Show reconnects with Suzi, a former cast member who left over a year ago to travel the world solo. Suzi calls in from a crowded, chicken-filled bus in Mozambique to share insights, hardships, and funny moments from her journey through Africa. The conversation touches on culture shock, the reality of traveling in impoverished regions, Suzi’s looming return to New York, and her love-life “French guy soap opera.” The hosts and Suzi also reflect on the transformative nature of such travel and speculate about how re-entry to American life might go.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Suzi’s Current Situation in Mozambique

Timestamps: 01:05–03:14

• Suzi calls in from a crowded bus in Mozambique, painting a vivid picture of her surroundings:
  • “They’re selling live chickens through the window. There’s many live chickens on board. There’s mothers and children, everyone sitting in the aisle. ... It’s a very hot and very… a lot of activity going on.” (Suzi, 01:08)
• Mozambique described as extremely poor:
  • “Almost everybody here lives in, like, really a house with no plumbing, no electricity, made of, like, mud and grass. It’s definitely one of the most basic places I’ve ever been.” (Suzi, 02:17)
• On cell phones amid poverty:
  • “No, the thing is, they don’t have electricity, but they have cell phones. … You can’t get your bill neatly in the mail. So… people have to go to stores to recharge their phones.” (Suzi, 02:43)

2. The Challenges and Surprises of Solo Travel in Africa

Timestamps: 03:28–05:26

• Suzi confronts safety issues and theft:
  • “You get a lot of attention you don’t want. … I get off of buses and people’s hands are in my pockets. … Somebody just ran up and stole [my sunglasses].” (Suzi, 03:34)
• On the ever-increasing hardship and humility:
  • “It can get harder. It can get poorer. It can get more basic, it can get more dangerous. Like everywhere I go I’m like, oh my God, more surprises.” (Suzi, 04:03)
  • “Part of me is like, shut up and don’t complain. This is their life. You gotta just… deal with it.” (Suzi, 04:27)
• Travel fatigue and admiration for local resilience:
  • “I was standing for most of [a 12-hour bus trip]. It’s hard. Somebody pin a medal on me. But people here do it every day.” (Suzi, 04:12)

3. Planning Her Return & Reflections on the End of the Journey

Timestamps: 04:36–06:46

• Suzi reveals she’s bought a ticket home:
  • “I bought a ticket home from Johannesburg… I made it so that I’ll be gone a year, a month, a week and a day. Because I think that kind of sounds cool.” (Suzi, 04:46)
  • “When I’m in a country this hard… wow, it’s going to be amazing to be home and have some comforts, you know.” (Suzi, 05:19)
• Tentative excitement about returning but also nervousness:
  • “I don’t know how I’m going to adjust. … I’ll check in with you guys and let you know, but I think it’s going to be a little rough, at least in the beginning.” (Suzi, 06:24)

4. The French Guy – Romantic Subplot

Timestamps: 06:46–08:44

• Suzi recounts her brief but intense romance in Djibouti:
  • “Met a French guy. We could hardly talk to each other. But something big and crazy happened for both of us. … He’s like, I’m gonna see you again. You’re my wife. I’m sure of it.” (Suzi, 08:04)
• Communication barriers add to the drama:
  • “He doesn’t email. … He said he’s coming or that he wants to fly me to France when I get home. So it’s been really weird. … I don’t know what’s going on. It’s kind of a mystery.” (Suzi, 06:53)
• Would she detour to France if invited?
  • “Of course I do it, no question, hands down.” (Suzi, 07:41)

5. Reentry: Transitioning Home and the Challenge Ahead

Timestamps: 08:44–11:32

• The hosts and Suzi speculate about reverse culture shock:
  • “I think following you through the transition of being in New York City now… is going to be much more difficult than she thinks…” (Host, 09:36)
  • “[This] is not a way of life anymore. It is my life. I’m moving all the time in crazy places, learning new things. I don’t know what’s going to happen.” (Suzi, 09:52)
• Will Suzi ever settle down in the US again?
  • “I have my prediction that she will not live in this country forever. … She’ll have such a hard transition back… she won’t want to stay.” (Caller 3, 11:15)
  • “We know it could be Paris but it won’t be Djibouti, that’s for sure.” (Host, 11:32)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Mozambique’s poverty and resourcefulness:
  “They don’t have electricity, but they have cell phones… If somebody’s, like, not dirt poor, but just, like, sliding by, they have a cell phone.” (Suzi, 02:43)

• On cultural humility:
  “Part of me is like, shut up and don’t complain. This is their life.” (Suzi, 04:27)

• On the travel grind:
  “It took me a day, I’m not exaggerating you, a day to go 120 miles on a bus. That’s so crowded, so hot, so bumpy.” (Suzi, 05:10)

• On love in transit:
  “We could hardly talk to each other. But something big and crazy happened for both of us… It’s just open ended. To be continued.” (Suzi, 08:10)

• On her journey’s timeline:
  “I made it so that I’ll be gone a year, a month, a week and a day. Because I think that kind of sounds cool.” (Suzi, 04:49)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 01:05–02:39: Suzi describes her immediate scene and Mozambique’s living conditions
• 03:28–04:36: Hardships of travel; petty theft and daily local challenges
• 04:46–05:50: Suzi decides it’s time to go home and sets a “book-worthy” return timeline
• 06:46–08:44: The “French guy” saga & brief recap of their whirlwind romance
• 09:52–11:32: Reflections on how travel has changed her permanently and speculation about adjusting back to US life

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Tone and Style

The tone throughout is candid, humorous, warm, and occasionally self-deprecating. Suzi’s storytelling is authentic, with moments of awe, laughter, and matter-of-fact grit. The hosts and callers are supportive, teasing, and curious, encouraging Suzi to share not just the glamorous side, but also the raw and real experiences of her journey.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This episode is a snapshot of Suzi’s adventurous year-plus abroad, focusing on the realities (often tough, sometimes hilarious) of world travel in developing countries. Listeners get a candid look at cultural surprises, daily challenges, and an ongoing travel romance—plus thought-provoking exchanges about personal transformation and the concept of “home.” Whether you crave escapist stories or reflections on adapting to new worlds, Suzi’s journey offers plenty to relate to and be inspired by.

Transcript

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[Susie]

Can I make my site softer? Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler?

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[Commercial Announcer]

The bird show.

[Host]

Hey, Susie.

[Susie]

Hey, how are you?

[Host]

Good, how are you? You sound like you're on a playground.

[Susie]

I'm on a crowded bus. Let me just draw a picture for you. They're selling live chickens through the window. There's many live chickens on board. There's mothers and children, everyone sitting in the aisle. I hope you can hear me because it's a very hot and very a lot of activity going on.

[Caller 1]

Smells like chickens.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, we can hear you fine.

[Host]

Yeah. For those of you that don't know who Susie is because we've got you commercial running and a whole bunch of people are checking us out now for the first time. Susie left a year ago, over a year ago, and she is traveling the world by herself and she calls us up from time to time just from different corners of the planet. And she's in Mozambique now.

[Susie]

Correct, I am in Mozambique.

[Host]

And where is that? I don't even know.

[Susie]

Listen, don't feel bad. I didn't know before I got here. It's above South Africa on the east kind of southeast coast. And they speak Portuguese here. So it's crazy. It's like the only Latin flavored country in all of Africa. I didn't know anything about it. I'm just like, I just basically am so dumb. I was like I'll just make a straight line down the east coast of Africa. I'll start in Egypt and go straight down. So whatever's in my path, I'm, like, learning about as I go. So Mozambique is crazy. The roads are just terrible. It's really, really poor. I would say almost everybody here lives in, like, really a house with no plumbing, no electricity, made of, like, mud and grass. It's definitely one of the most basic places I've ever been.

[Caller 3]

Is everybody staring at you right now with a cell phone in your hand?

[Susie]

No, the thing is, they don't have electricity, but they have cell phones. A lot of them have cell phones. They buy, like, they buy these cards, so you pay beforehand because people don't have mailing addresses. You can't. Like, it's not like you can get your bill neatly in the mail. So people. And the interesting thing is that people have to go to stores to recharge their phones. A lot of them, because they don't have electricity, but the cell phone is everywhere. Like, if somebody's, like, not dirt poor, but just, like, sliding by, they have a cell phone. So, no, nobody's looking at me, believe it or not.

[Commercial Announcer]

Sure.

[Susie]

Cause, you know, plus, they're selling chickens out the window.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. As I say, if you're on the bus, Jen, and you gotta call home to find out if you need to have a fresh chicken in the yard, you know, you just. You pick up your cell phone, hey, we need a chicken. Because I'm on the bus right now. I can just reach out the window and grab one.

[Host]

Susie, there's this reoccurring theme that we hear from week to week with you, and it really is a lot.

[Susie]

I've had a couple problems here already. Like, I'm just a mark, you know, like, when you're in a country and you stand out so much and everyone's really poor, you're gonna get a lot of attention. You don't want. Like, I. I get off of buses, and people's hands are in my pockets. I was sitting on the beach, and some. And I didn't bring anything to the beach because I know you just can't bring a backpack or anything. I had a pair of sunglasses with me, and somebody just ran up and stole them. Believe it or not, this country's still o. But it's like, wow. Like, you know, I feel like I've been everywhere and I've seen everything, and then I get to another country, and I'm like, wow. It can get harder. It can get poorer. It can get more basic, it can get more dangerous. Like everywhere I go I'm like, oh my God, more surprises. So Mozambique has offered some great surprises, but also it's tough. Like I'm sitting here sweating right now. I'm on a 12 hour bus trip. I was standing for most of it. It's hard. Somebody pin a metal on me. But people here do it every day. This is their life. So part of me is like, shut up and don't complain. This is their life. You gotta just, you're in it, you gotta deal with it.

[Host]

At this point now you are. I mean, you're past what your year deadline was gonna be. Is there any part of you now going, okay, I can see the end of this?

[Susie]

I bought a ticket home. I bought a ticket home and it was really crazy. I bought a ticket home from Johannesburg. I'll be flying home from South Africa. So I'm just headed all the way to the bottom of this continent. And I made it so that I'll be gone a year, a month, a week and a day. Because I think that kind of sounds cool. Yeah. I mean, when I'm in a country this hard where I'm just. It's hit literally, you guys, I've been on the road now for three days straight just taking buses. It took me a day, I'm not exaggerating you, a day to go 120 miles on a bus. That's so crowded, so hot, so bumpy. The roads are really bad here. So like, the harder things get, I'm like, wow, it's going to be amazing to be home and to like, have some comforts, you know.

[Caller 2]

You know, Susie, that could be the name of your book. A year, a month, a week and a day.

[Susie]

I like it. It's kind of catchy, isn't it? I had no idea when to come home. I'm like, I don't know when I'm ready. I'm nervous about coming home. But it's time. It's overdue, you know, I know it's overdue. So I was like, I know, I just calculated it. I was like, alright, March 8th, that's you know, a year mother week of the day. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it. So maybe they'll sell for a book. I like it.

[Host]

You know what's gonna be so interesting also because this journey with us, I don't think ends in Johannesburg. I think following you through the transition of being in New York City now, I mean, you're going to the busiest city in the World after, you know, kind of slowing it down and having.

[Susie]

I'm in a place with no. I'm in a place with no electricity, literally. I've been hungry probably for the past seven days. Like, I never get enough food to eat. It's like, it's really hard to get the food thing right. They don't really. There's just not a lot. I'm. Yeah, I'm going to go to, like, the richest, tallest, most crowded city in the world. I think it's. I don't know. I can't visualize that it's going to be a problem, but I think I'm going to probably trip out a little bit when I go home. I don't know how I'm going to adjust. I don't know what's going to be hard, because in a sense, that's going to be easier for me in some ways, but in other ways, it's going to be so foreign to me after this whole year being gone from that. I don't know what it's going to be like. I'll check in with you guys and let you know. But I think it's going to be a little rough, at least in the beginning.

[Caller 3]

Hey, Susie, this is totally off the subject, but I am dying to know about French guy. Yeah.

[Susie]

Yeah. Well, he wrote me a love letter, which you guys posted online. I haven't heard from him. I don't know what's going on. He. His thing to me was like, we can barely communicate on the phone because we don't really have a common language. And he doesn't email. He doesn't know how to email. I don't really know what that says about him, but. So he's just like, I'm coming to New York when you get home. I don't want to, like, talk on the phone all the time. It's too hard. But he said he's coming or that he wants to fly me to France when I get home. So it's been really weird. It's like he's still in the picture, but it seems less real because I'm not talking with him. So it's like a part of me is like. It's hard to keep it alive. But he said he's coming, so I don't know what's going on. It's kind of a mystery.

[Caller 1]

What if you hear from him when you're in Johannesburg and he says, you know what, Fly to Paris for a week and then fly to New York? What do you do?

[Susie]

Of course I do it, no question, hands down. And all my friends are planning a welcome back party for me in New York. When I get back, I'll be like, you guys, you're gonna have to delay.

[Host]

That party, Susie, for those.

[Susie]

But I don't know if that's gonna happen. But I would definitely do it, of.

[Host]

Course, for those that didn't hear the episode when you were talking about the French guy and stuff. Can you kind of give a recap of that? In a minute.

[Susie]

Sorry. Yeah. Basically, I've met a lot of guys on this trip and you kind of slide in and out of people's lives and it's fun and everybody knows it's temporary. And I was in this crazy country called Djibouti, this little tiny crazy country in East Africa, sitting at a pool, met a French guy. We could hardly talk to each other. But something big and crazy happened for both of us. And, you know, we only spent two days together. And he's like, I'm gonna see you again. You're my wife. I'm sure of it. So it's kind of this like crazy soap opera thing that happened and it's just open ended. To be continued. Because I don't know if there's a future here or not, but definitely fell very hard for this guy. And I don't usually fall for anybody. And he's the same kind of guy, same kind of personality. So I don't know. I took a French guy.

[Caller 1]

I took a taxi down to Bitterball last Saturday night, and my cab driver happened to be from Djibouti. I asked him, really, in an attempt to make conversation. I said, oh, somebody I know just went there and said, your country sucks.

[Host]

Nice.

[Susie]

It does suck, though.

[Caller 1]

Well, he did say, he did agree. He did say, yeah, it's not a great country.

[Host]

Well, that's why he's here.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah. Susie, did you say what that exact day was that you're gonna be in Johannesburg flying back?

[Susie]

Yeah, March 8th. And then I saw I arrive in America on March 9th.

[Caller 3]

Wow.

[Host]

Okay, we should check in with you then. I don't even. Is March 8th. Is that a weekday?

[Caller 2]

Yeah, that's.

[Susie]

I think it is a Thursday or something.

[Host]

Can we check in with you the day you're about to leave?

[Susie]

Yeah, well, yeah, I can. I can call in when I reach JFK airport, the big, huge, bustling, you know, Metropolis Airport, and let you guys know how it feels.

[Host]

Well, we'll talk to you before that also. But specifically, I want to talk to you like either the day of or the day before the last day of your trip. Just to feel, just to get a sense of how you're feeling about this thing finally being over. This has been a way of life for over a year for you.

[Susie]

Yeah.

[Caller 3]

Are you starting to look back?

[Susie]

My life, it's like it's not a way of life anymore. It is my life. I'm moving all the time in crazy places, learning new things. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know. We'll talk and we'll see. I can't predict.

[Caller 3]

Are you already getting reflective about the last year?

[Host]

Starting to lose her.

[Caller 1]

Maybe she's buying a chicken.

[Host]

Thanks for starting to lose her.

[Caller 2]

She got hungry. She says she's been hungry for a while.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, that one looks good.

[Host]

We'll check in with her again. If not next week, the week after that. And then we definitely have to see how she's feeling. The week that she's taken off from her trip. And then I am anticipating that the transition back into the quote, unquote, real world, if that's what you want to call where we live, is going to be much more difficult than she thinks it's going to be.

[Caller 2]

It'll be difficult, but I also predict that unfortunately, it will go back to the way it was when she was in New York. And there'll be also, I think, a mourning period for what she's going to leave right now.

[Host]

I mean, I'm sure there's a deeper question here. Eventually we'll ask, but, I mean, can't there be a circumstance that happens to you that you literally make a life change, that you can sustain something so important or so impactful that that day.

[Caller 2]

You change, it changes your life. But you also can't completely fight. I think your surroundings, I think that's the hardest part, is you are adaptable and she's adapting to the situation she's in and she'll adapt back to when she gets back there.

[Caller 3]

And that is exactly why I have my prediction that she will not live in this country forever. Oh, I don't think she'll come back here. And then I think that she will leave and live somewhere around the world that's different from here because I think she'll have such a hard transition back and because your environment shapes you so much that she won't want to stay.

[Host]

We know it could be Paris, but it won't be Djibouti, that's for sure.

[Commercial Announcer]

Right?

[Caller 3]

Not that spot.

[Commercial Announcer]

The bird show.

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[Susie]

You look the same.

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But with this camera, everything looks better. Especially me.

[Susie]

You haven't changed your hair in 15 years.

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[Sleep Number Advertiser]

Why Choose a Sleep Number Smart Bed.

[Susie]

Can I make my site softer? Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler?

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side your Sleep number setting. Enjoy personalized comfort for better sleep night after night. And now max out your savings. The more you buy, the more you save on beds, bases and more. Plus, get free home delivery on any smart bed with base limited time. Check it out at a Sleep Number store near you [e-mail] today.

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