Vault: The 9:45 am mystery man is back!

Summary

The Bert Show - "Vault: The 9:45 am Mystery Man is Back!"

Episode Date: June 29, 2026
Main Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Jen, Jason, Whitney (listener), Boyd (contributor)
Summary by Section with Timestamps

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Episode Overview

This episode centers around a mysterious routine: a man arriving at a gated townhome community at almost exactly 9:45 am every weekday morning, entering a townhouse, spending about five minutes inside, then leaving. Listener Whitney shares her ongoing observations, and the cast, joined by callers, brainstorm theories about his identity and motives. The tone is bright, playful, and speculative, with the cast bouncing between wild guesses and good-natured ribbing as they try to figure out the case of the "9:45 am Mystery Man."

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Main Discussion and Key Moments

Whitney's Ongoing Mystery (01:02–02:30)

• Whitney reports:
  • She lives in a gated townhome community.
  • A man arrives daily at 9:45 am (Monday-Friday), parks, occasionally gets things out of his trunk or back seat, enters a townhouse for 4-5 minutes, then swiftly leaves.
  • He looks around to check if anyone is watching.
• The Bert Show team recaps earlier theories from listeners—“He’s a drug dealer,” “growing pot in the basement,” “maybe it’s just where he poops every day.”
• Tone is functionally comedic but tinged with genuine curiosity.

Whitney: “He obviously knows the code to get in here every day... He pretty much gets out of his car, sometimes grabs something out of the trunk or the back seat... He goes in for about four or five minutes and comes back out... Every day, same time, like on the dot.” (01:02)

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Real-Time Update: He's There Now! (02:16–03:59)

• Live update: Whitney phones in while the man arrives.
• Key Observations:
  • Man arrives at 9:43 am (right on schedule)
  • Wears a leather jacket—even in warm weather
  • Walks with hands in jacket pockets, seems to check his surroundings
  • Leaves after five minutes, removes jacket
  • Estimated to be in his 30s, “Not too young, you know?”
• The gang zeroes in on what the jacket could hide, and why the timing is so precise.

Host: “So he got there at 9:43. It’s now 9:48. Like, and you told us this morning, five minutes...” (03:31)
Whitney: “He looks like he’s in his 30s.” (04:03)

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Speculation Escalates (03:59–05:37)

• Hosts query Whitney: How many doors away is the house? (Five or six, same townhouse row.)
• His “shiftiness” and tendency to look around is noted as suspicious.
• They debate whether to send an intern or perhaps even a police officer for further observation; consider how to approach gathering more info.

Whitney: “I mean, he did the same thing. Like when he comes back out, he looks around too and he just likes to see if anyone’s looking at him.” (05:14)

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Callers Theorize (06:15–07:38)

• Bobby: Suggests the man might be a real estate agent checking on an empty townhouse (but why use the back? No for-sale sign reported).
• Katrina: Suggests either a drug pick-up/drop-off or that he’s an undercover cop.
• The team riffs on these possibilities (from real estate to kidnapping to, humorously, someone being “saved from the basement”).

Host: “It’s gonna be something really basic like that. Like we have this whole drug thing in our head.” (07:02)
Katrina (Caller): “He could actually be like a middleman... or he could be an undercover cop trying to investigate a drug ring…” (07:15)

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Wild (But Playful) Theories & Surveillance Plans (07:38–09:04)

• Jason jokes he would be “the worst undercover cop in history” if people were talking about it on radio.
• They contemplate setting up a video camera or using an intern for surveillance.
• The team admits that they usually concoct elaborate plans but don’t always follow through.
• Focus returns to curiosity as the driving force—now the hosts themselves most want closure!

Jen (joking): “Or maybe it’s somebody who’s being held, kidnapped in that basement, bringing him food.” (07:52)
Host: “We always have these elaborate plans that we’re always too lazy to execute.” (08:25)

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Next Steps & Cliffhanger (08:49–09:04)

• The team tells Whitney they’ll try to do something definitive—camera or sending someone—to uncover the answer “in the next 24 hours.”

Host: “So, Whitney, tomorrow morning around 9:30 or something, we’ll give you a shout and we’ll figure out something over the next 24 hours. Maybe a camera. Maybe we’ll send somebody down there. But we’ll start to get some answers.” (08:49)
Jen: “Because now we want the yes as much as you do. Yeah. Now it’s about us.” (08:59)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Whitney: “He’s pretty much on the dot every day.” (02:24)
• Jason (joking): “He’s the worst undercover cop in history. Cause we’re talking about him on the radio.” (07:38)
• Host: “It’s gonna be something really basic like that. Like we have this whole drug thing in our head.” (07:02)
• Jen: “Or maybe it’s somebody who’s being held, kidnapped in that basement, bringing him food.” (07:52)
• Host: “We just use a cheap little camcorder.” (08:41)
• Host: “We always have these elaborate plans that we’re always too lazy to execute.” (08:25)

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Segment Timestamps

• 01:02 – Whitney recaps the scenario
• 02:15 – Live update as man arrives
• 03:31 – Timeline of the man’s routine
• 04:55 – Distance from Whitney’s door to the ‘mystery’ townhouse
• 06:15 – Callers provide theories
• 07:52 – Outlandish theories and increased speculation
• 08:25 – Planning (and critiquing) surveillance efforts
• 08:49 – Pledge to investigate and a cliffhanger for next episode

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Tone & Style

• Conversational, curious, and lighthearted: The cast jokes, speculates, and welcomes improbable ideas.
• Inclusive and audience-driven: Listeners’ calls and suggestions are integrated directly into the story.
• Playful suspense: The unresolved ending fosters anticipation for follow-up.

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Final Thoughts

This episode exemplifies The Bert Show’s lighthearted engagement with real-life mysteries, incorporating both hosts’ humor and listener participation. The episode leaves the “9:45 am mystery man” unsolved—building excitement for future updates. The dynamic speculation and camaraderie are the centerpiece, making the mundane seem engaging and suspenseful.

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Next Steps:
Tune in for the next episode to see what surveillance, investigative ingenuity, or neighborly curiosity uncovers about the mystery man and his 9:45 am ritual.

Transcript

[Whitney]

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[Podcast Host]

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[Host]

The Bird Show.

[Whitney]

First of all, I live in a gated townhome community. So he obviously knows the code to get in here every day. And he comes in about 9:45 every day and it's just Monday through Friday. And he pretty much gets out of his car. Sometimes he'll grab something out of the trunk or the back seat when he's walking down there. He's also looking around to see if like anyone's looking at him. And then he goes in the townhome. He goes in for about four or five minutes and comes back out, goes to his car and then drives away. Every day, same time, like on the dot.

[Host]

All right, so we started speculating earlier this morning, like what could this guy be up to? We got calls. He's a drug dealer.

[Jen]

He's. Excuse me, he's growing pot in the basement. Empty townhouse.

Yeah, he's an aquarium specialist.

[Host]

Aquarium specialist. This is the place he poops every day.

[Whitney]

Seriously?

[Host]

We got it. All right, so we're now curious just like Whitney is what this dude's all about. But she said he shows up at 9:45 every morning, so at least our intention will be by tomorrow morning. Maybe send somebody out there or just try to figure out what this guy's intention is. And we just wanted to check in with Whitney just to make sure he's still consistent. And he's there today. So Whitney's back on. Hey, Whitney.

[Whitney]

Hello.

[Host]

He didn't show today, did he?

[Whitney]

No, he's here right now.

[Boyd]

He is.

[Host]

So he pulled up, same spot parked.

[Whitney]

The BMW is about 9:43 this morning. I mean. I mean, he's pretty much on the dot every day.

[Announcer]

Wow.

[Whitney]

It's part of his day right now. He got out of the car and this is weird. Like this the last couple days. You know, the weather's been nice outside. He's been putting a leather coat on, like he's had in the past. He's been doing all winter. He put his jacket on. When he got out of the car, he put his jacket on and then has his hands, like, in his pockets and is walking. He walked down there, went behind there. He's still there right now.

[Host]

So he has his hands in his pants pocket or in the jacket pocket?

[Whitney]

In the jacket pocket.

[Host]

I have no idea why that was important.

[Whitney]

I don't know. It's something that he has in his pocket. But maybe he's like. I don't know if it's the whole drug deal thing and maybe he's bringing it down there. I don't know. But he just always seems to have jacket. I just seen with the weather so nice, it just seems kind of odd.

[Jen]

And I think now we're looking for things, you know. Oh, it's weird. He's got a leather jacket on.

[Whitney]

He's walking back to his car right now. And the jacket's off.

[Jen]

The jacket's off.

[Host]

So he got there at 9:43. It's now 9:48. Like, and you told us this morning, five minutes. He's in, he said. Did he go inside the house?

[Jen]

Follow the car. Follow the car.

[Host]

He went inside the house today, that townhouse?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Whitney]

Well, I mean, I couldn't go down to see exactly, but I mean, I know he goes down there and he

[Jen]

doesn't have his leather jacket on. Going back to the house or car?

[Whitney]

Uh, he just put in his car, and now he's getting in and he's about to drive away.

[Host]

So how old the dude you think he is?

[Whitney]

He looks like he's in his 30s.

[Host]

Okay, not terrible.

[Whitney]

Not too young, you know?

[Jason]

But was he wearing glasses?

[Host]

Is his hair parted on the right? It's weird. Now I'm curious, man, because it's just

[Jen]

that he's in there for five minutes. What is he doing in there for five minutes? It's so much part of his morning routine.

[Jason]

What if we'd got an I'm just curious where Somebody called up the radio station and said they were listening to the radio station tell a story about a guy and they're curious. It's like holding a mirror up to a mirror.

[Host]

Weird never ends. Okay, so we have to Have. I mean, if we were gonna do this, we could have somebody there like at 9:30 and be safe because he's there at 9:40ish, and he's only there for five minutes every day. Goes into a townhouse. This townhouse that he goes into. How many homes is it away from you? Five, ten?

[Whitney]

I would say. Yeah, five or six maybe. I mean it's like a long strain of like townhomes.

[Jen]

So it's a different building than you're in or. No, no.

[Host]

Okay. And you said he.

[Whitney]

I don't want to say exactly what I'm in.

[Host]

And you say he just looks shifty, like he's always looking around.

[Caller]

Uh huh.

[Whitney]

I mean he did the same thing. Like when he comes back out, he looks around too and he just likes to see if anyone's looking at him.

[Host]

Like, what if we just had like one of the interns out in the back of the townhouse that he normally goes to, just out for a walk. Just out for a walk.

[Whitney]

A lot of people walk their dogs around here all the time in the back.

[Host]

Does he seem to avoid people as they approach him or they're walking their dogs or whatever?

[Whitney]

No one's usually out there, like when he's coming because a lot of people walk their dogs like early in the morning or.

[Jen]

I'm not comfortable with sending an intern. Couldn't we send a police officer who's a friend at the show or something?

[Jason]

Why would you send a police officer?

[Host]

What about a pit bull?

[Jason]

Because what if the intern was walking a pit bull?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Host]

I don't want to put a police officer in the way of harm, but

[Jen]

if he's doing anything.

Yeah, but a police officer could protect themselves.

Yeah, I agree with Jen. Like if they're doing something illegal, he's gonna be, I'm curious, maybe like an

[Whitney]

undercover cop or something.

[Jen]

Or if it's somebody that we have regardless, walking a dog or doing something and see if he changes his, you know, routine. What if he does not go in there?

[Host]

Hey Bobby, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, good morning. It's an empty townhouse and he's a real estate agent opening the house to be seen in the back.

[Host]

From the back though? Yeah, every day from the back.

[Jen]

Most realtors I know, there's a little

key lock box at the front on the front door. And is there a for sale sign in the front yard?

[Whitney]

Not that I know. I mean I could go down and look later on, but maybe, maybe he

[Caller]

just has a key for a back entrance and he comes in the back and opens the front and everything.

[Host]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Jen]

I mean, I guess this is a recession. How expensive are those lock boxes on the front?

[Host]

So nobody's selling houses, right? Maybe he has to break into his own house that he sells.

[Jason]

Or maybe he just leaves it open so people can see it and then he's just going by to make sure.

[Host]

It's gonna be something really basic like that. Like we have this whole drug thing in our head. It's gonna be.

[Jen]

Sounds logical, but it's only five minutes.

[Host]

I don't know, just to come in and open it up. Hey, Katrina. Good morning.

[Caller]

Hey, good morning, guys.

[Host]

Hi.

[Caller]

I have two theories related to the drug thing. He could actually be. Not necessarily getting the drugs, like for himself or getting. Giving something to the person living there. He could actually be like a middleman. Supply can actually be picking it up from that location and delivering it to someone else. Or he could be an undercover cop trying to investigate a drug rape that's happening that might happen at that point.

[Jason]

Well, then he's the worst undercover cop in history. Cause we're talking about him on the radio. You know what it is? What if it's like his drop spot? Like that's where the one dude comes in the middle of the night and leaves the stash and then he comes by and picks it up and delivers it.

[Jen]

Or maybe it's somebody who's being held, kidnapped in that basement, bringing him food.

[Host]

Bringing him food, everybody.

[Jason]

What we need to do.

[Host]

You've watched too much Dexter.

[Jason]

Here's what we have to do, is we have to set up. And we can have an intern do this whenever, super early in the morning, whatever, but set up a video camera really close to the house so we can then watch the tape and see what he does when he goes in there and comes back out. Now, as long as I'm sure that's legal.

[Host]

We always have these elaborate plans that we're always too lazy to execute.

[Jason]

We already have a surveillance camera. And all you have to do is put it on public property and point it at the house.

[Host]

Not one that's working great.

[Jason]

It doesn't work.

[Host]

No.

[Jason]

Well, we just use a cheap little camcorder.

[Host]

Yeah, I don't know. We'll figure something out.

[Jason]

Whitney, the regular guys aren't here today. They got like 30 cameras in their studio. Just take one of them.

[Host]

So, Whitney, Tomorrow morning around 9:30 or something, we'll. We'll give you a shout and we'll figure out something over the next 24 hours. Maybe a camera. Maybe we'll send somebody down there. But we'll start to get some answers.

[Whitney]

Okay. Yeah.

[Jen]

Because now we want the yes as

[Host]

much as you do. Yeah. Now it's about us.

[Jason]

Great.

[Announcer]

Now we're just curious.

[Jen]

We want to save the person in the basement.

[Host]

The bird show. Hey, everybody.

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[Announcer]

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[Host]

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[Boyd]

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[Jason]

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[Boyd]

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[Jason]

It feels good to get help quick.

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[Lady Luck]

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