Vault: The Bert Show needs a wild tailgater to check in after getting drunk

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault — "The Bert Show needs a wild tailgater to check in after getting drunk"

Date: May 8, 2026
Episode Overview
In this lively and comedic episode, the Bert Show crew taps into college football culture by searching for devoted fans traveling to Jacksonville for the annual Georgia-Florida game (or, depending on whom you ask, the Florida-Georgia game). The hosts want wild tailgaters who are willing to chronicle their game-day drinking adventures through hourly voicemails, promising listeners a play-by-play of the ultimate party weekend. The crew reminisces about past on-air antics, recruits enthusiastic listeners, and pokes fun at the entire spectacle surrounding the game.

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Main Theme

The episode is all about celebrating the outrageous traditions and party energy of tailgating at one of college football’s biggest rivalries. The Bert Show sets out to find the “wildest” fans, inviting them to document their day of tailgating and drinking via real-time, hourly check-ins. The aim is to embrace and share the rollercoaster of a wild college football weekend—from pre-game excitement to post-game shenanigans.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Game: Georgia-Florida (or Florida-Georgia) Rivalry

• Bert and Melissa banter over what to call the game, illustrating the regional passion and generational debate.
  • Bert (01:10): “You are going to Jacksonville this weekend. You're going for the Georgia-Florida game.”
  • Melissa (01:10): “No, the Florida-Georgia game.”
• The hosts acknowledge the significance of the event, especially as it lands on Halloween weekend, making it even rowdier.

2. Seeking the Ultimate Tailgater

• Listeners are invited to call in if they’re attending the game and planning to go all-in on the partying tradition.
• The idea: fans must leave a voicemail once an hour on game day, inspired by the memorable “Intern Reshma’s 21st Birthday” segment.
  • Chris (02:20): “We got to follow her throughout her 21st birthday... and the voicemails were hilarious because you could hear her ramping up on the party, peeking and then coming back down again and going to get food by the end of the night.”
  • Bert (02:46): “We lived the whole night with her... through voicemails.”

3. Anatomy of the Tailgate: Schedule and Culture

• Bert and Melissa break down the typical tailgate progression:
  • Wake up at 8am, first drink by 9am. The party continues up to kickoff.
  • Post-game, regardless of the outcome, the celebration continues.
  • Bert (04:01): “You start drinking all the way to kickoff. So what we want you to do is call us every hour on your way approaching kickoff… and then inside the stadium too.”

4. Listener Call-Ins: Meet the Tailgate Candidates

Erin (UGA Senior)

• Erin shares her group’s party plans, noting the tradition of heading to St. Simon's before “charter bus” trips to Jacksonville.
  • Erin (04:33): “Everyone from Georgia right now is heading down to St. Simon's… then we all take charter buses down to Jacksonville for the game.”
• Erin agrees to participate—despite the cast’s initial playful skepticism about whether she’ll be a wild enough correspondent.
  • Chris (06:03): “Do you currently have a drunk dialing problem?”
  • Erin (06:12): “That could be a problem, yes.”
• Erin admits she just turned 22 and is “a little more seasoned, but I think still good.” (07:00-07:04)

Chris (Seasoned Tailgater, Age 27)

• Chris argues he can out-do Erin, citing his proximity to the action and past drinking exploits.
  • Chris (08:15): “I'm staying in Jacksonville, less than two miles from the Landing… last year, we went and parked… started at nine in the morning… I don’t even remember half the game.”
  • Describes the Landing: “They have a liquor station every, like, five feet… everywhere you turn, there’s literally someone handing out or selling liquor.” (09:43-09:49)
• Hosts suggest making it a competition: who is the most consistent, entertaining drunk dialer throughout game day?

5. The Culture and Camaraderie

• The hosts and listeners highlight the culture around the game: massive parties, tradition of missing class, the distinction between veteran tailgaters and “rookies.”
  • Erin (05:01): “No one is going to class today. Everyone is already heading down to St. Simon's to party.”
• Co-hosts joke about gender differences in tailgate storytelling, suggesting women are better at painting a picture of the festivities.

6. Anticipation for the Aftermath

• The crew predicts that the best content will come after the game—no matter the outcome.
  • Bert (10:32): “We lost so badly last year when I was standing there. You really kick up your drinking hard after that game. So the better voicemails may come in after the game than they do before.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bert (02:46): “We lived the whole night with her [Intern Reshma]... through voicemails.”
• Melissa (03:21): “Wow.” (after hearing a sample of a late-night drunk voicemail)
• Chris (03:30): “It's the world's largest cocktail party.”
• Erin (06:12): “That could be a problem, yes.” (on having a drunk dialing problem)
• Chris (08:15): “Started at nine in the morning… I don’t even remember half the game.”
• Bert (10:06): “Don’t be silly. Don’t be silly.” (mocking concerns about police presence and attempts to tone down the partying)
• Bert (07:14): (playful banter about puking at 22) “That is so not true. We can debate that later.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:10 – Debate on calling it the Georgia-Florida or Florida-Georgia game
• 02:20 – Recounting Intern Reshma’s 21st birthday voicemails
• 03:30 – Labeling the game as the “world’s largest cocktail party”
• 04:33 – Erin explains UGA students’ pilgrimage to St. Simon’s
• 06:12 – Erin confesses to drunk dialing issues
• 08:15 – Chris recounts his hardcore tailgating adventures and proximity to the stadium
• 09:43 – Description of the boozy chaos at The Landing
• 10:32 – Anticipation of more entertaining post-game voicemails

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Episode Tone and Style

• Warm, playful, and irreverent, with hosts trading barbs and inside jokes
• Community-centered, inviting listener involvement
• Celebration of “realness” and wild moments—a hallmark of the Bert Show style

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Summary Conclusion

The Bert Show offers listeners both a hilarious and affectionate look at the unique subculture of college football tailgates, specifically through the lens of the Georgia-Florida game. By leveraging listener participation, the hosts create an authentic, interactive, and entertaining exploration of “party journalism,” promising follow-ups with the most dedicated (and possibly inebriated) fans. If you’re wondering what Saturday morning sounds like for the ultimate college football partier, this episode gives you the answer, voicemail by voicemail.

Transcript

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[Host Bert]

N the Birch show if you are going. We're looking for somebody very, very specific here and I hope we get just a couple of calls. You are going to Jacksonville this weekend. You're going for the Georgia Florida game.

[Co-host Melissa]

No, the Florida Georgia game.

[Host Bert]

As I learned last week, visiting Florida in Florida, it is definitely the Florida Georgia game, but we are here in Georgia. It's a big game. Jacksonville. You know, there's still a whole bunch of people that are pumped up about the game. Seems like it's going to be a little bit one sided this year. So maybe there's not the excitement that there has been in the past.

[Co-host Melissa]

Bulldog fans are saying, bird, don't, don't say that.

[Host Bert]

I think if we keep the bar set low, we'll. Right.

[Co-host Chris]

And you never know in any college football game. That's why college football rocks.

[Co-host Melissa]

Right?

[Host Bert]

I mean, and I think we're probably looking for somebody that's really, really hardcore about going this weekend. Like the game could mean something to you, maybe it's not consequential to you, but you're going down there to party your arse off. And that's what this game is really

[Co-host Melissa]

all about because the game always falls around Halloween weekend. But the fact that the game is on Halloween, you know, that that happens however many years apart. And so people who have been a part of this in the past on Halloween, it's usually a bigger part because everybody's dressed up, everybody's having a good time.

[Host Bert]

Like you have a history of like severe tailgating so you know you're going to be getting your drink on because what we want to do is we want to do the same thing with you that we did with our intern Reshma a couple of weeks ago.

[Co-host Chris]

When intern Reshma turned 21, she agreed and had her best friend who was going to help her, agree to call Bert's voicemail once an hour and just leave a message on how the night was going, what was going on, and we got to follow her throughout her 21st birthday and really celebrate with her. And the voicemails were hilarious because it was like you could hear her ramping up on the party, peeking and then coming back down again and going to get food by the end of the night.

[Host Bert]

Right. We lived the whole night with her.

[Co-host Chris]

It was a blast.

[Host Bert]

Through voicemails.

[Rakuten Announcer]

Right.

[Host Bert]

So we want to do the same thing with you. If you're going down to Jacksonville. 404-741-Q100. This is what Reshma sounded like by the end of the night.

[Caller Erin]

Sent at 12:09am.

[Caller Chris]

She's totally gone right now. And.

[Co-host Melissa]

Wow.

[Host Bert]

So we need to find somebody that knows they're going down there. And it's tradition that you're like, by the end of the day, you're barely standing.

[Caller Erin]

Right.

[Co-host Unknown (possibly another host or producer)]

It's not tradition. Isn't it a requirement?

[Co-host Chris]

It is required. It's the world's largest cocktail party.

[Caller Erin]

Right.

[Co-host Unknown (possibly another host or producer)]

They don't call it that anymore.

[Co-host Chris]

Well, it's still that fewer bars, such

[Host Bert]

a drink of yours, sporting camaraderie.

[Co-host Melissa]

Sponge.

[Co-host Chris]

Are there EVPs in here?

[Host Bert]

So we have to talk to somebody that's serious about partying this weekend. And what we want you to do is call us every hour. Let's see, kickoffs at 3:33, 33:30 in Jacksonville. So generally it goes something like this. You wake up at eight in the morning and you have your first beer, your first drink by nine.

[Co-host Melissa]

Right.

[Host Bert]

And you start drinking all the way to kickoff. So what we want you to do is call us every hour on your way approaching kickoff.

[Co-host Melissa]

Right.

[Host Bert]

And then you got. I think the fun part is also calling us inside the stadium, too. That's three hours of sobering up right there. If you commit to the sobering up, because you can't have drinks inside the stadium.

[Co-host Unknown (possibly another host or producer)]

And then you legally.

[Co-host Melissa]

And then what about. And then after the game? And then after the game, because depending on the outcome, I mean, it doesn't matter what the outcome is, you're still going to party after the game.

[Host Bert]

Good morning.

[Co-host Melissa]

I'm a little more excited than the others.

[Caller Erin]

Hi. How are you?

[Host Bert]

Good. How are you?

[Caller Erin]

Good. I just wanted to call and let y' all know that everyone from Georgia right now is heading down to St. Simon's to celebrate Thursday and Friday. And then we all take charter buses down to Jacksonville for the game on Saturday.

[Co-host Melissa]

Perfect.

[Host Bert]

Now, is UGA off these next two days also?

[Caller Erin]

Because wasn't there off on Thursday. I mean, on Friday. I'm sorry, but we're usually off for Thursday and Friday, so we're used to that. So everyone is giving classes.

[Rakuten Announcer]

It's a break.

[Co-host Melissa]

It's not for the kids.

[Host Bert]

It became policy a couple of years ago. So there were so few students that were on campus on Friday before the Florida game that Georgia just gave into it. And they're like, just take Friday.

[Co-host Melissa]

We do not change what we do on campus. For a football bird. This is an academic decision for the fall.

[Caller Erin]

No one is going to class today. Everyone is already heading down to St. Simon's to party.

[Host Bert]

Aaron, I don't know that you would be. This would be great for you as an assignment. You sort of sound like. I mean, we're looking for somebody that is committing to drinking all morning and all afternoon.

[Caller Erin]

That will not be a problem.

[Host Bert]

Will not be a problem for you. So you'd have to leave us a voicemail every hour detailing everything that's gone on.

[Caller Erin]

That would be really fun. I'm sure my friends would love it. We're about to head down right now.

[Co-host Unknown (possibly another host or producer)]

Erin, I was just gonna say, for some reason, I'm not buying it with her.

[Co-host Melissa]

Why?

[Co-host Unknown (possibly another host or producer)]

But also, I wouldn't buy it with Reshma if I just met Reshma that way. And she really gave us some priceless content. Yeah.

[Co-host Melissa]

I don't think you should judge the book by its voice.

[Co-host Unknown (possibly another host or producer)]

Whatever.

[Co-host Chris]

Do you currently have a drunk dialing problem?

[Caller Erin]

Do I what?

[Co-host Chris]

Do you currently have a drunk dialing problem?

[Caller Erin]

That could be a problem, yes.

[Co-host Chris]

So your friends have at some point said, no, you're not allowed to call him right now.

[Caller Erin]

Uh huh. And they take away the phone.

[Co-host Chris]

Okay.

[Co-host Melissa]

All right, perfect.

[Host Bert]

And you have to. You have to promise us also that no matter how buzzed you are, you have to place that call once an hour. Cause that's the fun for us.

[Caller Erin]

Okay. And is this on Thursday and Friday or just Saturday?

[Host Bert]

Just Saturday, yeah. Just game day.

[Co-host Unknown (possibly another host or producer)]

Unless you have any, you know, unless you get inspired late tonight or tomorrow night, then you're certainly welcome to call us, of course.

[Caller Erin]

Okay. Sounds good.

[Co-host Melissa]

All right.

[Co-host Unknown (possibly another host or producer)]

Who are we to deny your expression? You're an artist now, right?

[Host Bert]

Have you had to have a friend hold your hair back while you throw up into a toilet? Anytime over the last three or four weeks.

[Caller Erin]

Oh, no. I just turned 22 a couple weeks ago.

[Co-host Melissa]

Perfect. All right.

[Host Bert]

So not quite 21. A little bit more seasoned, but I think still good.

[Co-host Melissa]

Just like I'm turned pukin in public.

[Caller Chris]

Huh?

[Co-host Melissa]

Nothing. I just say that she's too old to be Pukin at 22.

[Host Bert]

That is so not true. We can debate that later. All right, Aaron, let me put you on hold, okay?

[Caller Erin]

Okay, sounds good.

[Host Bert]

And we'll get the voicemail numbers in your hand and we'll hear your voicemails together on Monday, okay?

[Caller Erin]

Okay.

[Caller Chris]

Thanks.

[Co-host Chris]

Good luck this weekend.

[Caller Erin]

Thank you. We need it.

[Host Bert]

Yeah, you will. Now, you are a student at uga, right?

[Caller Erin]

Yes.

[Host Bert]

What are you, Junior? Senior.

[Caller Erin]

I'm a senior.

[Host Bert]

Okay, hold on one sec. Don't go anywhere.

[Caller Erin]

Okay.

[Host Bert]

Somehow I thought a guy would get more into this because guys are more willing to be asked usually.

[Co-host Unknown (possibly another host or producer)]

But I think the girl calls are better because girls talk. They want to describe. They want to paint a picture. A guy call will be like,

[Co-host Chris]

That's it.

[Rakuten Announcer]

Barking.

[Co-host Unknown (possibly another host or producer)]

Yeah. Just need the girls.

[Co-host Chris]

Just an English class.

[Co-host Melissa]

Yes. Obviously.

[Host Bert]

Chris needs a knee.

[Co-host Unknown (possibly another host or producer)]

It's got weird and mean here a minute ago.

[Host Bert]

I think it all started with you ripping on Melissa a couple of weeks ago.

[Co-host Melissa]

You suck.

[Host Bert]

Hey, Chris, you think you can do a better job than Erin?

[Caller Chris]

Yeah. She see the difference between her and I is I'm staying in Jacksonville, less than two miles from the landing. She's staying in St. Simon. Well, St. Simon's is great, but you have to take a bus to get to Jacksonville. I can basically just walk to the Landing and walk to the stadium. The second year last year, we went and we parked in the. We tailgated in the Boy Scout parking down there right next to the stadium. Started at nine in the morning. As soon as they opened the gates to get down there, we started drinking and partying. And really, I don't even remember half the game. I just remember walking back to the car thinking, what the hell just happened? Why did we lose?

[Host Bert]

You maybe forgot, you know, Then you

[Caller Chris]

go to the Landing afterwards and you party again.

[Co-host Chris]

So why not both?

[Host Bert]

Yeah, we can do both.

[Co-host Melissa]

I think both. Because I would like to see who's most consistent throughout the day.

[Co-host Chris]

Yeah.

[Co-host Unknown (possibly another host or producer)]

Now it's a. Now it's a competition. That's good thinking, Melissa.

[Host Bert]

Chris, how old. How old are you?

[Caller Chris]

I'm 27.

[Host Bert]

Okay, so a little more seasoned than Aaron there.

[Caller Chris]

A little more seasoned. I'm growing with a group of four. It's my girlfriend who's a senior education major. At Georgia, and I a pharmacist who's a senior at Georgia and another education senior at Georgia. So this is my. This is our second year, and this is their first. So it's kind of going to be like, we know what's going to happen, and they have no freaking clue.

[Host Bert]

That rookie year that you go to, that initial year experiencing this game, you start off fast, too.

[Caller Chris]

Oh, yeah. You start off fast because they have a. They have a liquor station every, like, five feet in the. In the landing at the party.

[Host Bert]

Indeed.

[Caller Chris]

Like, everywhere you turn, there's literally someone just either handing out or selling liquor.

[Host Bert]

Now they're trying. They're trying to change that a little bit this year. Trying to tone it down, but, I mean. Yeah, how much can you really tone it down?

[Co-host Melissa]

University of Florida is trying to get it to where not as many liquor stations are there. There's going to be three times as many police officers on the landing.

[Host Bert]

Don't be silly. Don't be silly. All right, Chris, let me put you on hold. We'd love to get your voicemails over the weekend.

[Caller Chris]

No problem.

[Host Bert]

Okay, hold on one sec. Nice balance right there.

[Caller Chris]

Yeah.

[Host Bert]

Got yourself a guy. Got yourself a girl.

[Co-host Chris]

Yeah. Both UGA fans,

[Co-host Unknown (possibly another host or producer)]

it's gonna be interesting as the game progresses, if they leave

[Co-host Melissa]

messages on who's winning and losing.

[Host Bert]

Well, if George is winning, they're all

[Co-host Melissa]

gonna be blowing up the phone.

[Host Bert]

If George is not winning, we may not hear from him for two and a half, three hours. But then I'll tell you what. I mean, we lost so badly last year when I was standing there. You really kick up your drinking hard after that game. So the better voicemails may come in after the game than they. Than they do before the Birch show.