Vault: The Bert Show's Dirty Work - Asking the Questions Nobody Else Will

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault - The Bert Show's Dirty Work

Episode Summary

Date: February 24, 2026

Main Theme

This episode of The Bert Show features a segment entitled "Dirty Work: Asking the Questions Nobody Else Will." The show explores the intrigue of workplace rumors, focusing on the curiosity and suspicion people feel about their co-workers—even when it's "none of your business." Bert and the crew take a listener’s request to dig into office gossip and volunteer themselves as the ones to ask the awkward, direct questions that listeners are dying to know but don’t dare address themselves.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Premise of “Dirty Work” (02:01)

• The hosts introduce the "Dirty Work" segment, explaining they’ll do the awkward job of asking people's burning questions for them.

• Process: Listeners submit their questions about someone, and the show will make the call—sometimes using name changes or voice disguisers to protect identities.

  "You're curious. How’d she get that car? How'd you get that promotion? Is she dating that dude in the office?... sometimes you need to know. It's not your business, but it's human nature."
  —Host (02:02)

2. Caller Rachel's Office Dilemma (02:47)

• "Rachel" (voice disguised) describes an office rumor: A co-worker allegedly got a management job without experience because she was engaged to the owner’s son, who then dumped her before the wedding.

• The supposed sympathy led the owner to give her a coveted management position, leapfrogging normal sales experience requirements.

  "She doesn't talk to anyone in the office. Like, she's really quiet. Keeps to herself, you know, so it's like she's hiding something ... she sucks at her job. Like, to be honest with you, you know, like, she doesn't... It's obvious that she hasn't had any sales experience. And so it’s like, why did he just hand her this management position?"
  —Caller (Rachel) (05:01)

3. Formulating the Line of Questioning (03:45 - 06:11)

• The team debates how to ask the co-worker about the rumor without being so blunt that she lies or gets defensive.

• Ideas include:

  • Asking about her experience and career progression.
  • Saving the blunt question ("Did you get this job because of your relationship with the owner's son?") as a last resort.

• They also doubt the reliability of Rachel's information, questioning whether any of the rumor is true.

  "Every office is basically a petri dish of rumors. I mean, and the truth lies probably four layers underneath what the rumor is."
  —Host (06:32)

4. The Nature of Office Rumors (06:43 - 07:36)

• Discussion moves into office culture and how easily rumors still proliferate, likening adult workplaces to high school social dynamics.

  • Speculation is fueled by the co-worker's quietness and preference to keep to herself.
  • The team points out how negative assumptions arise from mundane behavior.

• Amusing exchanges about the irrationality of office suspicion: closing the door for privacy can be interpreted as "hiding something."

  "Do we ever really evolve from our freshman year of high school? Our personalities, socially, we pretty much stay the same. We mature, but we’re still catty. We're still starting rumors about each other."
  —Host (07:04)

5. Attempts at Social Inclusion and the Downfall of Office Integration (07:49 - 08:20)

• Rachel says the co-worker rejected multiple invites to join lunch or after-work drinks, fueling suspicion.

• The group debates logical explanations—the co-worker could be dieting or simply introverted—highlighting how easy it is for office isolation to spiral into gossip.

  "Sounds shady. Because she won't order lunch with you. She might be on a diet or something."
  —Co-host (08:05)

6. Preparation for the Next Step (08:20 - 09:02)

• The Bert Show prepares to follow up: they’ll speak with the co-worker on-air (with a voice disguiser), using carefully crafted questions to get to the bottom of the rumor.

• They reflect on how confrontational or indirect they should be, underscoring the awkwardness of diving into office rumors head-on.

  "This is how rumors are started right here."
  —Host (08:20)

7. The “Dirty Work” Dilemma: To Be Direct or Not (09:02 - 09:45)

• The hosts have a playful argument about whether it’s better to ask directly or beat around the bush. Their consensus: subtlety might just result in evasive answers, so being straightforward—while uncomfortable—might be necessary.

• Light banter around the phrase “beating around the bush” keeps the tone light.

  "If we beat around the bush, all we’re gonna do is end up beaten around the bush ... We're not gonna get the answers we need."
  —Co-host (09:02; 09:36)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the dangers of employee rumor-mongering:

  "Every office is basically a petri dish of rumors."
  —Host (06:32)

• On workplace maturity:

  "Do we ever really evolve from our freshman year of high school? ... we’re still catty. We’re still starting rumors about each other."
  —Host (07:04)

• On social inclusion and exclusion:

  "Sounds shady. Because she won’t order lunch with you. She might be on a diet or something."
  —Co-host (08:05)

• On the goal of the Dirty Work segment:

  "This has to. This is dirty work. We’re getting dirty. We have to ask the point blank question."
  —Co-host (09:02)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:01] – 03:45: Introduction to Dirty Work, process explained
• [02:47] – 05:23: Rachel explains the office saga and rumors
• [05:23] – 06:43: Planning the questioning, debating approach
• [06:43] – 07:36: Philosophizing about office rumor culture
• [07:49] – 08:20: Failed attempts at befriending the co-worker
• [08:20] – 09:02: Plan to bring the co-worker on air, final thoughts
• [09:02] – 09:45: Directness vs. subtlety—how to get the truth

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Conclusion

This episode is a quintessential Bert Show blend of humor, insight, and real-world drama. It highlights how curiosity, insecurity, and office politics interact—and how quickly idle chatter can spiral into a full-blown saga. The hosts tread the fine line between entertainment and empathy, setting up a direct confrontation with workplace rumor that listeners themselves would likely never attempt. The “Dirty Work” segment encapsulates both the fun and the tension of asking the hard questions everyone is dying to know.

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Transcript

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[Lost Traveler]

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[Host]

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[Lost Traveler]

We're looking to get to the campground.

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[Local Guide / T Mobile Representative]

hey the Birch Show.

[Host]

We want to get the answers for you guys that you don't have the guts to get yourself. You're curious. How'd she get that car? How'd you get that promotion? Is she dating that dude in the office?

[Co-host]

And you almost feel guilty about being as curious as you are. Because you're like, well, it's none of my business. I don't really need to know. But sometimes you need to know.

[Host]

You just need to know. It's not your business, but it's human nature. So what we're offering is we'll make the call for you. You give us a list of 10 questions. We will ask this person for you, and we'll ask them the questions. And if they answer them honestly, then we're good to go.

[Co-host]

Right.

[Host]

Then you'll get your answers.

[Co-host]

Now, if they're. If this person in question is reluctant to come on with us, we could still give them a different name, put them on the voice disguiser.

[Host]

Sure. Absolutely.

[Co-host]

Everybody can remain the answers that we need.

Right.

[Host]

Rachel wants to be put on the voice disguiser. Hello, Rachel.

[Caller (Rachel)]

Hello. How are you?

[Host]

Good. How are you today?

[Caller (Rachel)]

I'm good.

[Host]

All right. So who are we talking about here?

[Caller (Rachel)]

Well, there's this co worker in my office, and there's been this rumor going around that she used to date. Well, she used to be engaged to our boss, who's the owner of the company, his son. And that he had, like, a horrible breakup, and he basically kind of dumped her at the altar. So. So the owner of my company felt bad for her and gave her this management position at our sales office. Because the way it works is, like, everybody has to put, like, a certain number of hours, you know, like, hitting the streets, basically, like out in the field, doing door to door, you know, kind of pounding the pavement. And she didn't have to do that. She just came right in as a manager, and there's about, like, 18 people at my company that do sales, and all of us have had to go through that, but her, we have to

[Host]

be really questioned, really delicate in our line of questioning, because we don't want to give it away.

[Co-host]

Right.

You know, but what are we gonna give away? Like, why can't we just come out

[Host]

the office who she is?

[Co-host]

Oh, you mean her questioning here or questioning tomorrow?

[Host]

Both.

[Co-host]

Because tomorrow, can't we just say, hey, the rumor is you got this job because of blah. Is that true?

[Host]

No, because then I think she'll. Or he. She. Right. We'll deny it.

[Caller (Rachel)]

Yes, he.

[Host]

So I think we have to be a little bit smarter in our line of questioning, because she's just saying no, of course not. Even if it's true,

[Co-host]

I think you have to come right out and ask her.

[Host]

I think that could be, like, Our question number 10. If we're not getting to what we want. Okay. So there's some nepotism going on. Here she comes right into the office. Let me get this straight. She is the boss's daughter. No, no, Boss's son's girlfriend.

[Caller (Rachel)]

That she was engaged to the boss's.

[Host]

So. Okay.

[Caller (Rachel)]

And that he, you know, like, they planned the wedding and all, made all the arrangements and everything, and then he called it off, and I guess she was close to the family or whatever, so then the father gave her this job.

[Host]

Wow. Okay.

[Co-host]

Okay.

[Host]

That'll anger everybody in the office.

[Caller (Rachel)]

She doesn't talk to anyone in the office. Like, she's really quiet. Keeps to herself, you know, so it's like she's hiding something and she doesn't. Then she sucks at her job. Like, to be honest with you, you know, like, she doesn't. It's obvious that she hasn't had any sales experience. And so it's like, why did he just hand her this management position? She has a company car. You know what I mean? It's like a kind of a cake job.

[Co-host]

So we could ask her.

[Caller (Rachel)]

No experience.

[Co-host]

We could ask her maybe more about her experience that allowed her to get the job. Maybe that would be a way to kind of lead into it. You know what I mean? So what experience do you have in sales to get you to this position?

[Host]

Have you climbed. Even to start. Have you climbed up the corporate ladder Fat. Why have you climbed up the corporate ladder faster than everybody else? Yeah, she'll probably give us something very generic like, I just work harder.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

Yeah. We're gonna have to come right out.

Yeah.

Were you engaged? Is it. Is it confirmed that she was engaged to the owner's son, or is that a rumor?

[Caller (Rachel)]

It's just a rumor. Like, all of. Everything I'm saying is, like, rumor because she doesn't talk to anybody. And, you know, so it's like, we can. I don't know. She just, like, closes her door at her office, and. You know what I mean? It's just kind of, like, mystery how she just showed up here.

[Co-host]

So it's gonna be over, and it's gonna be three questions long.

So I'm fascinated by the story that he's evolved. You don't even know if she's engaged to the boss's son. You just assume so. I mean, she may not have even dated him. Right.

[Caller (Rachel)]

Well, I don't know if maybe somebody in my office knows a little bit more and that's how it started, or nobody wants to stay, you know? But anyways, that's the rumor.

[Host]

Every office is basically a petri dish of rumors. I mean, and the truth lies probably four layers underneath what the rumor is.

[Co-host]

Right?

[Host]

You know, so maybe they dated at one point in college. You know what I'm saying?

[Co-host]

And now it's grown to the point where they were engaged and broke off the wedding.

[Host]

Right?

[Co-host]

You left her the sympathy job.

They might not even know each other like that.

[Host]

And it could just be one jealous co worker that didn't get the promotion that she thought that she was gonna get.

[Co-host]

Right?

[Host]

It's not like I've said before. How many times have we said this on the show? Do we ever really evolve from our freshman year of high school? Our personalities, socially, we pretty much stay the same. We mature, but we're still catty. We're still starting rumors about each other.

[Co-host]

I think it's funny is that there's even the interpretation on why she shuts the door. You know, she's got something to hide because she shuts her office door. Well, she might be on a conference call that she doesn't want displayed into the. You know, or be loud in the office because, you know, if you like your boss and they shut the door, well, that's real cool, because we all have our own privacy, and it's just to work in.

Or maybe, just maybe she's just disgusted because she heard someone in the office slept with the boss's son. I don't even want to know who that is. I'm just gonna go in there and shut my door.

Has anybody tried to make friends with her? You said she's gonna quiet. Keeps to herself.

[Caller (Rachel)]

Yeah, like, most of us order lunch together. We are. We, like, go in sometimes. You're like, hi, we're ordering from da da da. Do you want anything today? No, I'm fine. You know, she doesn't want lunch for drinks after work. Do you want to come? And she's like, no. So we've kind of stopped asking her

[Co-host]

because it's like, sounds shady. Because she won't order lunch with you. She might be on a diet or something.

[Caller (Rachel)]

Seems like she's hiding something and, like, she won't. Like, we all talk about work, too, and she never joins in on that. She's just like, all right, well, this

[Host]

is how rumors are started right here.

[Caller (Rachel)]

This is perfect.

[Host]

Let me put you on hold. We will talk to you after the show, and we'll start to align some questions that we will. And hopefully she'll come on with us tomorrow. We'll put her on the voice disguiser, too, so she knows that nobody will know in Atlanta, who she is, and then we'll try to get the answers for you.

[Caller (Rachel)]

Okay, cool. Thanks.

[Host]

Okay. Thank you. I think that's a good one to chew on for the first time.

[Co-host]

I think so, too. I just think that list of questions is gonna be hard.

[Lost Traveler]

It is.

[Co-host]

It's gonna be three questions.

[Host]

Like, I think, if we were you,

[Co-host]

were you ever engaged to the owner of your company's son?

[Local Guide / T Mobile Representative]

Mm.

[Host]

But she could always say no. Nope. Never even happened. And she could lie. But I'm trying to think of some kind of question to where we get clarity without actually point blank asking the question.

[Co-host]

This has to. This is dirty work. We're getting dirty. We have to ask the point blank question. We beat around the bush, all we're gonna do is end up beaten around the bush. Everybody beat me.

No wonder John McCain has.

I need to think of another way to say that if we beat around the bush.

[Local Guide / T Mobile Representative]

Stop.

[Co-host]

Stop. Everybody stop laughing at me.

[Host]

We're just joining the whole city if we beat around.

[Co-host]

You know what I'm trying to say?

We're not gonna get the answers we need.

[Local Guide / T Mobile Representative]

Right?

[Caller (Rachel)]

All we're gonna end up with is

[Co-host]

a bush that's been beat around.

[Caller (Rachel)]

Who wants that?

[Host]

Hey.

[Local Guide / T Mobile Representative]

The Birch show.

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[Host]

Hi there.

[Lost Traveler]

We're looking to get to the campground.

[Local Guide / T Mobile Representative]

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[Lost Traveler]

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[Local Guide / T Mobile Representative]

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[Lost Traveler]

We're lost. I'm gonna pull over and ask that man for directions.

[Host]

Hi there.

[Lost Traveler]

We're looking to get to the campground.

[Local Guide / T Mobile Representative]

Well, you're gonna take a left at the old oak tree into this here road. No, I'm just kidding. Let me get my phone out.

[Lost Traveler]

How are you getting a signal out here?

[Local Guide / T Mobile Representative]

T Mobile and US Cellular decided to merge. So the network out here is huge. We're getting the same great signal as the city and saving a boatload with all the benefits. Oh, and a five year price guarantee. Okay, here's those directions.

[Lost Traveler]

Actually, can you point us in the direction of a T Mobile store?

[T Mobile Advertiser]

America's best network just got bigger. Switch to T Mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave out. Plus our five year price guarantee. And now T Mobile is available in US Cellular stores.

[T Mobile Analyst]

Best mobile network Based on analysis By Ooklev Spring BTEST intelligence data at 2H 2025 bigger network the combination of T Mobile's and US cellular network footprints will enhance the T Mobile network's coverage price guarantee. On talk text and data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. See t mobile.com for details.