Vault: The Bert Show's Phone Scam

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: The Bert Show’s Phone Scam

Podcast: The Bert Show
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Air Date: November 14, 2025
Cast (for this segment): Stephen Clark (prank caller, likely a show cast member), Patty (Nordstrom Representative), Jeff (reveals phone scam)

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Episode Overview

In this classic "Vault" episode, The Bert Show presents one of their most popular segments: the Phone Scam. Known for their lighthearted mischief, the cast orchestrates a prank call targeting an unsuspecting customer service representative. The goal? Create a scenario so confusing and circuitous, it tests the rep’s patience—all done with the show's trademark authenticity and humor. This particular segment highlights not just the comedic lengths the cast will go to, but also the very human (and relatable) reactions of people on the other end of customer service calls.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setup of the Phone Scam

• Caller "Stephen Clark" dials Nordstrom’s customer service, reaching Patty.
• He asks for product information, setting up a standard but suspiciously detailed information request.

2. The Confusing Information Exchange

• The humor centers on "Stephen Clark" giving deliberately confusing, contradictory, or incomplete info—especially with his last name ("C, L, A, J, T, K, R, L, T") and address details.
• The call quickly devolves into confusion about spelling, numbers, and phonetics.

3. Patty’s Increasing Frustration

• Patty patiently tries to verify each letter and number, frequently asking for clarification.
• The more "Stephen" tries to clarify, the more mixed up the information becomes, escalating Patty’s frustration.

4. Escalation and Emotional Breakdown

• The back-and-forth over the fax number is the breaking point, with Patty openly venting her frustrations believing the call connection is at fault.
• Patty unintentionally lets slip an uncharacteristic comment:

  “God damn it. I’m so sick of views. I’m morons.” — Patty (03:15)

5. The Reveal

• As Patty’s patience peaks, "Stephen Clark" delivers the big reveal:

  "Please listen to the Bert show at Q100 radio. This is Jeff, and you’ve just been the victim of a phone scam." — Stephen/Jeff (05:59)

• Patty is taken aback and the group has a good-natured laugh about the whole ordeal.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Name Confusion:

  “Could you spell that for me?”
  “Okay, it’s C, L, A, J, T, K, R, L, T.”
  “And that's pronounced Klark?”
  (01:35–01:50)

• Patty’s Patience Tested:

  "Sir, I agree." — Patty, after stating, "This shouldn’t be this difficult." (05:03)

• Patty’s Frustrated Outburst:

  "God damn it. I’m so sick of views. I’m morons." (05:15)

• The Big Reveal:

  "This is Jeff, and you’ve just been the victim of a phone scam." (05:59)

• Patty’s Mixed Reaction:

  “We will. We will scam you.” — Patty, after the reveal, trying to laugh it off. (06:09)

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Detailed Breakdown by Timestamps

• [01:16–01:31] – Call Initiation:
  Stephen Clark introduces himself, requests information, and Patty begins taking details.
• [01:33–02:23] – Name and Address Mayhem:
  “Clark” gives an impossible last name spelling, and the confusion snowballs as Patty tries to keep up.
• [02:30–03:35] – The Address Debacle:
  Multiple changes and interruptions; repeated corrections of street and apartment details.
• [03:37–04:56] – The Phone and Fax Fiasco:
  Serial mix-ups and mishearings over both phone and fax numbers, leading to visible (audible) frustration.
• [05:01–05:26] – Patty Snaps:
  “God damn it. I’m so sick of views. I’m morons.”
• [05:53–06:09] – The Reveal:
  Stephen, as Jeff, reveals the prank; Patty’s response alternates between relief and embarrassment.

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Tone & Atmosphere

• Tone: Playful, light-hearted, occasionally tense as Patty’s patience wanes, culminating in laughter and relief.
• Cast Style: The Bert Show remains authentic, engaging, and real—leaning into both the comedic awkwardness of the situation and the honest frustration of their unwitting participant.

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Final Thoughts

This segment is classic Bert Show: mischievous, expertly delivered, and highly relatable for anyone who’s suffered a confusing customer service interaction. The laughter comes not just from the prank itself, but from the genuine human reactions it elicits—both comedic and authentic.

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Want to hear more phone scams and hilarious moments? Catch The Bert Show daily for your dose of morning mischief!

Transcript

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[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Carvana Pick up.

[Carvana Announcer]

Fees may apply.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

The Burch show Burt show phone scam. Calling up a woman and she is just trying to get a little information. And sometimes over the phone that gets kind of confusing. Birch show phone scam right now.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Thank you for calling up Nordstrom segments. This is Patty. How can I help you?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Hi, Patty. How are you today?

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

I'm very well, thanks.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Good. I am calling to get some more information. I saw your ad in the magazine.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Oh, great.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

And I would like to get some information mailed to me.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Okay, tell you what, first thing, can I get your last name, please?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Sure. It is Clark.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Okay. Could you spell that for me?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Okay, it's C, L, A, J, T, K, R, L, T.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

And that's pronounced Klark?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Yes.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

K, C, L, A, J, J, T, K, R, L, T, J, A, T, K. Got it. Okay. And first name, please?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Steven.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Is that with a V or a ph?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

That's with a ph and an L.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Could you spell it out for me?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

S T, E, P, H, E, N.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

L. And that's pronounced Steven. Okay, great. Stephen Clark.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Middle initial is P as in Robert P. All right.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

And your address, please?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Sure. It is 1286 East.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

East.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

1276 East Glenridge Road.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Is that 76 or 8 6. I thought you said 86 first.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

No, 1266.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

1266.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Right.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Okay.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

East Glen Ridge.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Glen Ridge Road. Mm.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Apartment.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Apartment. What?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

I'm sorry, you're cutting out 1256 East Glenridge Road.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Okay. I'm sorry, sir. We seem to have a really bad connection. I'm having a difficult Time. Hearing you. Is it one two, five six six six seven six or eight six.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

No, one twenty six one two six.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Okay. One twenty six East Glen Ridge Road. Apartment. I haven't gotten the apartment number yet.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

There is no apartment number. It's a house.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Oh, great. Okay. And City?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Atlanta, Georgia.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Okay. And your zip code, please?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

303-423-0342. Right.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

And your phone number is.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

The area code is 404.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Mm.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Four, three, four.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Mm, two.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

No, 440-44-3424. I apologize, but we seem to have a really bad connection. I'm having such a difficult time understanding. Would you like to call me back?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

No, this is fine. I can hear you perfectly. Four, three four.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Move Nafa four to 444.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

No, 404. 434.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

2864-2864. Yes, got it. Thank you so much.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

You're welcome.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

And your fax number, please.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Yes, it is. 404, right. 434. 267.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

267. I'm sorry, sir, you're cutting out.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

434-267.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

26-7. What?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

What? What?

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

434-267. What? We're missing a digit here, sir.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

434-267.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

434-4267.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

No, four.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Sir, are you sure you don't want to call me back? Because I'm, you know, your phone. I'm not sure. Perhaps it's an iPhone.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

This shouldn't be this difficult.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

I agree. Sir, I agree.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

The area code is 404, right? 434-2-67267.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

What? You're missing a digit. God damn it. I'm so sick of views. I'm morons.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Excuse me.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Hello.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Mr. Clark, I'm. I need to apologize. I'm so sorry. I'm getting frustrated because I'm thinking your phone is not working very well.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

My phone is working perfectly fine. You know who's not doing a good job? You. I don't want your information.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Okay, sir, we're practically done. Can I just get that last fax number from you?

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Oh, you know what? Forget it.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

But.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

But can I. You know what? Can I give you one piece of advice?

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

Sure.

[Stephen Clark (Caller)]

Please listen to the Burt show at Q100 radio. This is Jeff, and you've just been the victim of a phone scam.

[Patty (Nordstrom Representative)]

We will. We will scam you.

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