The Bert Show – Vault: The Bert Show's Vice Challenge (March 6, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this episode, The Bert Show team embarks on a collective challenge: giving up their personal vices for a week. Each co-host selects a longstanding habit they rely on—ranging from sugar to smoking, diet pills, sleep aids, and even smart devices. The group details both their reasons for picking their vice and the anxieties they have about quitting, offering an authentic, humorous, and supportive group dynamic as they face withdrawal and temptations together.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Each Cast Member's Vice (01:04–12:44)

• Melissa: Sugar

  • Admits to a serious sweet tooth and regular dessert indulgence.
  • Misses out on “one last binge” before starting the challenge because her partner, Katie, secretly throws away the remaining cake after Jeff’s birthday party (02:14–02:47).
  • Brings all remaining ice cream and sweets into the studio to remove temptation at home.
  • “So, yeah, so it was ice cream and sherbet and stuff. There's no Halloween candy.” (03:34, Melissa)

• Wendy: Diet Pills

  • Details her reliance on diet pills for energy, noting she's been taking them for about three years—switching brands periodically (04:49–07:14).
  • Joins the challenge by bringing in her current pills, “xylene,” and describes classic stimulant withdrawal symptoms (06:05–06:27).
  • Shares anxieties about weight gain and energy drops when not on pills.
  • “As soon as you take it, you are going to be sweating… if you walk like one step or like you sit down, you are going to be… pouring sweat.” (06:17, Wendy)

• Jeff: Lunesta (Sleep Aid)

  • Brings in his remaining prescription sleep aids, determined to go without for the week (07:44–09:14).
  • Expresses concern that his vice is the hardest to quit given the lack of accessible replacements, and possible insomnia (07:50–07:59).
  • Wonders aloud whether his dependency is psychological or physical, hoping the challenge will provide answers.
  • “Maybe I can do that now. Maybe I'm so panicked that I needed more sleep before that I've been taking the pills, thinking I still need that sleep. Maybe I don't even need it. I don't know.” (09:14, Jeff)

• Jen: Cigarettes

  • Discloses a relapse into smoking amid personal stress, notably her divorce.
  • Looks forward to quitting alongside the group for accountability and motivation (10:17–10:39).
  • Physically hands over her cigarettes to Melissa as a sign of commitment.
  • “I was actually really, really excited about that…because I needed something to sort of make me do it.” (10:32, Jen)

• Birch: BlackBerry (Smartphone)

  • Considers going completely “off the grid” for a week, including giving up his BlackBerry (10:56–12:29).
  • Recognizes how unnatural disconnection feels in modern life and shares the household impact, as his partner laments their expensive “$400 alarm clock.”
  • “I'm actually part of me is tempted to go completely cell free for a week.” (11:05, Birch)

Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

Funny and Relatable Moments

• The cast joking about Melissa becoming Martha Stewart and starting to bake “because she can’t buy sweets” (04:12, Jen).
• Group laughter over how Melissa, by storing everyone’s vices, could theoretically binge them all at once: “So Melissa can diet, sleep, and smoke, but I just don’t have sugar.” (10:46, Jen/Melissa)
• Birch’s partner’s reaction to him using the BlackBerry just as an alarm clock: “Oh, so now we own a $400 alarm clock.” (12:43, Birch)

Insights into Withdrawal and Habit

• Wendy discusses the psychological aspect of diet pills: “If you even stop taking it for a day, you'll be like, I can't eat anything because I don't have a diet pill in me.” (05:28, Wendy)
• Jeff’s speculation about dependency: “Can I do it? Do I really need this thing? Or is it all in my head? So I'll know that by the end of the week.” (10:06, Jeff)
• Melissa admitting to cycling through sweets quickly: “You talk about a Snicker in the cabinet. It wouldn't be there for long.” (03:54, Melissa)

Key Segment Timestamps

• 01:01 – The challenge is introduced; cast expresses nervousness.
• 01:12–04:45 – Melissa explains sugar addiction and her preparations.
• 04:45–07:14 – Wendy’s history with diet pills and reasons for quitting this week.
• 07:14–09:41 – Jeff discusses Lunesta dependence and worries about insomnia.
• 09:41–10:17 – Group dynamics: support, struggle, humor over different vices.
• 10:17–10:50 – Jen’s story of returning to and now quitting smoking.
• 10:56–12:43 – Birch debates going smartphone-free and the ripple effects.
• 12:43 – Birch’s partner’s reaction: “So now we own a $400 alarm clock.”

Tone & Authenticity

• The conversation is earnest, supportive, autobiographical, and often laced with humor and teasing.
• The cast is transparent about their vulnerabilities, motivations, and the ways their habits intertwine with daily life.
• The episode closes on a note acknowledging the personal nature of breaking habits, with encouragement and practical accountability strategies.

In Summary

The Bert Show’s “Vice Challenge” episode provides a candid, often comical snapshot of group accountability, honesty about personal struggles, and the various ways people rely on—and give up—their vices. The cast’s willingness to share their anxieties and hopes, alongside playful banter, makes the episode both engaging and relatable for listeners facing their own habits and temptations.