The Bert Show - "Vault: The Craziest 911 Call Over Fast Food!"

Date: January 7, 2026
Main Theme:
The Bert Show crew discusses the pitfalls and misuses of the 911 emergency system, highlighting the most ridiculous calls—including a now-infamous incident where a caller tried to summon the police over a fast food mix-up. The team dives into the implications of such emergency line misuse, shares listener stories, and hears from police officers about real-life absurd calls.

Episode Overview

The episode dives into the dysfunction and misuse of 911 lines, propelled by recent listener feedback and a viral 911 call involving a woman demanding police intervention at a Burger King. The tone is humorous and incredulous, but the conversation also touches on how frivolous calls can impact emergency services. Listeners and law enforcement call in to reveal just how common such non-emergencies are.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Recent Frustrations with 911

• Background: The hosts recount a live incident where, during an attempt to help a listener, they encountered dropped calls, endless transfers, and confusion while dealing with Atlanta’s 911 system.
• Ongoing Theme: The show notes they’ve since been “railing pretty hard on 911” due to such inefficiencies and the volume of listener complaints being sent in.
  • Quote (Host): “Every time a Bert Show listener has a bad experience with 911 now... they email us to tell us about it.” (02:24)

2. Caller Stories Illustrate Systemic Issues

• Tennessee to Atlanta Example:
  A man trying to report an accident is transferred between counties for over five minutes before someone finally agrees to notify the correct authorities.
  • Quote (Caller/Commentator): “So finally he ends up talking to someone in Tennessee... And he looks at his phone, he goes, 5 minutes and 15 seconds. He goes, okay, all right. You can just hang up. I will call Georgia Highway Patrol and have them go to the accident.” (02:39)

3. The Viral Fast-Food 911 Call (Main Segment)

• Playback of Call:
  The hosts share the actual audio of a woman in a Burger King drive-thru demanding police help because she’s repeatedly served the wrong burger.
  • Key Moments:
    • The caller orders a Western BBQ burger but keeps getting regular hamburgers. She refuses to leave and threatens, “I will call the police because I want my Western burger done right now. Is that so hard?” (05:00)
    • The 911 operator repeatedly tries to explain that this is not a criminal or police matter:
      • 911 Operator: “Ma’am, we’re not going to go down there and enforce your Western bacon cheeseburger.” (05:28)
      • 911 Operator: “We can’t go out there and make them make you a cheeseburger the way you want it.” (06:00)
    • The woman insists, “You’re supposed to be here to protect me.” (06:12)
    • The exchange ends with the operator firmly refusing the request before the caller hangs up.
• Host Reaction:
  • The crew is incredulous, with the host assuring listeners: “That’s real. I know that’s real.” (06:48)
  • Memorable Host Banter:
    • Jokes about whether the caller even knows where she is, as she fumbles city names.
    • Playful suggestion from a commentator: “If I was the 911 operator, I would have recommended a Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch. There’s a king who wants you to have it your way.” (07:03)

4. Real-Life Police/Operator Call-ins

• Call from a Macon Restaurant Worker:
  A woman found a fly in her food and called the police. The responding officers could barely keep from laughing.
  • Quote (Police Officer Caller): “I cannot believe it. Looking for a lawsuit, I guess. I mean, the cops came out, they were laughing so hard...” (07:38)
• Actual Call Volume:
  Police officers assert how common such calls are:
  • At laundromats, customers call 911 demanding officers force a refund if their clothes don’t get washed (08:53).
  • Parents call 911 to get officers to take their young kids to school when they refuse (09:32).
    • Police Officer/Sarah: “We get called because parents can’t even get their six and seven year old kids to school. So they want us to come out and take their kids to school.” (09:32)

5. Reflections and Commentary from the Bert Show Crew

• Waste of Emergency Resources:
  The hosts stress the seriousness of tying up emergency lines with such trivial issues.
  • Quote (Host): “That’s a two and a half minute phone call that a 911 operator is on with somebody bitching about the way their burger is being done... when she could be taking other calls.” (07:46)
• Mocking Problematic Parenting:
  The crew humorously questions the caller’s fitness as a parent with lines like: “That woman right there is not qualified to raise children. Stupidity is passed down from generation to generation.” (08:21)
• Public Service Reminder:
  Co-hosts and call-ins highlight both the absurdity and danger of treating 911 like customer service or a consumer helpline.
  • Co-host: “911’s for emergencies, not like consumer advocate groups...” (09:17)

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “I will call the police because I want my Western burger done right now. Is that so hard?”
  — Burger King Caller (05:00)
• “Ma’am, we’re not going to go down there and enforce your Western bacon cheeseburger.”
  — 911 Operator (05:28)
• “You’re supposed to be here to protect me.”
  — Burger King Caller (06:12)
• “I cannot believe it. Looking for a lawsuit, I guess. I mean, the cops came out, they were laughing so hard...”
  — Police Officer Caller (07:38)
• “911’s for emergencies, not like consumer advocate groups...”
  — Co-host (09:17)
• “We get called because parents can’t even get their six and seven year old kids to school. So they want us to come out and take their kids to school.”
  — Police Officer/Sarah (09:32)

Important Timestamps

• 01:46 – Show starts main topic, recent 911 segment background
• 02:36 – Listener stories about failed/inefficient 911 response
• 03:28 – Overview of why some 911 calls are illegitimate
• 04:22-06:47 – Full playback of the viral Burger King 911 call
• 07:25 – Call-in from a Macon restaurant about police responding to a “fly in food”
• 08:40 – Police officer shares how common such calls are (laundromat, refunds)
• 09:32 – Officer Sarah: 911 called to get kids to school

Tone & Style

• Conversational, irreverent, with a blend of genuine concern and mockery
• Hosts and callers use playful banter but repeatedly return to the idea that these misuses are serious and problematic for public safety.

Summary:
This episode of The Bert Show uses humor and real-life stories to shine a light on a serious problem: people misusing 911 for frivolous grievances, especially in the context of fast food mishaps. By blending the viral with the local, the hosts highlight how such misuse clogs emergency lines, drawing vivid, sometimes hilarious, examples straight from listener experiences and law enforcement’s daily grind. The takeaway is clear: 911 is not customer service—save it for real emergencies.