Vault: The Craziest 911 Call Over Fast Food!

Summary

The Bert Show - "Vault: The Craziest 911 Call Over Fast Food!"

Date: January 7, 2026
Main Theme:
The Bert Show crew discusses the pitfalls and misuses of the 911 emergency system, highlighting the most ridiculous calls—including a now-infamous incident where a caller tried to summon the police over a fast food mix-up. The team dives into the implications of such emergency line misuse, shares listener stories, and hears from police officers about real-life absurd calls.

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Episode Overview

The episode dives into the dysfunction and misuse of 911 lines, propelled by recent listener feedback and a viral 911 call involving a woman demanding police intervention at a Burger King. The tone is humorous and incredulous, but the conversation also touches on how frivolous calls can impact emergency services. Listeners and law enforcement call in to reveal just how common such non-emergencies are.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Recent Frustrations with 911

• Background: The hosts recount a live incident where, during an attempt to help a listener, they encountered dropped calls, endless transfers, and confusion while dealing with Atlanta’s 911 system.
• Ongoing Theme: The show notes they’ve since been “railing pretty hard on 911” due to such inefficiencies and the volume of listener complaints being sent in.
  • Quote (Host): “Every time a Bert Show listener has a bad experience with 911 now... they email us to tell us about it.” (02:24)

2. Caller Stories Illustrate Systemic Issues

• Tennessee to Atlanta Example:
  A man trying to report an accident is transferred between counties for over five minutes before someone finally agrees to notify the correct authorities.
  • Quote (Caller/Commentator): “So finally he ends up talking to someone in Tennessee... And he looks at his phone, he goes, 5 minutes and 15 seconds. He goes, okay, all right. You can just hang up. I will call Georgia Highway Patrol and have them go to the accident.” (02:39)

3. The Viral Fast-Food 911 Call (Main Segment)

• Playback of Call:
  The hosts share the actual audio of a woman in a Burger King drive-thru demanding police help because she’s repeatedly served the wrong burger.
  • Key Moments:
    • The caller orders a Western BBQ burger but keeps getting regular hamburgers. She refuses to leave and threatens, “I will call the police because I want my Western burger done right now. Is that so hard?” (05:00)
    • The 911 operator repeatedly tries to explain that this is not a criminal or police matter:
      • 911 Operator: “Ma’am, we’re not going to go down there and enforce your Western bacon cheeseburger.” (05:28)
      • 911 Operator: “We can’t go out there and make them make you a cheeseburger the way you want it.” (06:00)
    • The woman insists, “You’re supposed to be here to protect me.” (06:12)
    • The exchange ends with the operator firmly refusing the request before the caller hangs up.
• Host Reaction:
  • The crew is incredulous, with the host assuring listeners: “That’s real. I know that’s real.” (06:48)
  • Memorable Host Banter:
    • Jokes about whether the caller even knows where she is, as she fumbles city names.
    • Playful suggestion from a commentator: “If I was the 911 operator, I would have recommended a Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch. There’s a king who wants you to have it your way.” (07:03)

4. Real-Life Police/Operator Call-ins

• Call from a Macon Restaurant Worker:
  A woman found a fly in her food and called the police. The responding officers could barely keep from laughing.
  • Quote (Police Officer Caller): “I cannot believe it. Looking for a lawsuit, I guess. I mean, the cops came out, they were laughing so hard...” (07:38)
• Actual Call Volume:
  Police officers assert how common such calls are:
  • At laundromats, customers call 911 demanding officers force a refund if their clothes don’t get washed (08:53).
  • Parents call 911 to get officers to take their young kids to school when they refuse (09:32).
    • Police Officer/Sarah: “We get called because parents can’t even get their six and seven year old kids to school. So they want us to come out and take their kids to school.” (09:32)

5. Reflections and Commentary from the Bert Show Crew

• Waste of Emergency Resources:
  The hosts stress the seriousness of tying up emergency lines with such trivial issues.
  • Quote (Host): “That’s a two and a half minute phone call that a 911 operator is on with somebody bitching about the way their burger is being done... when she could be taking other calls.” (07:46)
• Mocking Problematic Parenting:
  The crew humorously questions the caller’s fitness as a parent with lines like: “That woman right there is not qualified to raise children. Stupidity is passed down from generation to generation.” (08:21)
• Public Service Reminder:
  Co-hosts and call-ins highlight both the absurdity and danger of treating 911 like customer service or a consumer helpline.
  • Co-host: “911’s for emergencies, not like consumer advocate groups...” (09:17)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “I will call the police because I want my Western burger done right now. Is that so hard?”
  — Burger King Caller (05:00)
• “Ma’am, we’re not going to go down there and enforce your Western bacon cheeseburger.”
  — 911 Operator (05:28)
• “You’re supposed to be here to protect me.”
  — Burger King Caller (06:12)
• “I cannot believe it. Looking for a lawsuit, I guess. I mean, the cops came out, they were laughing so hard...”
  — Police Officer Caller (07:38)
• “911’s for emergencies, not like consumer advocate groups...”
  — Co-host (09:17)
• “We get called because parents can’t even get their six and seven year old kids to school. So they want us to come out and take their kids to school.”
  — Police Officer/Sarah (09:32)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:46 – Show starts main topic, recent 911 segment background
• 02:36 – Listener stories about failed/inefficient 911 response
• 03:28 – Overview of why some 911 calls are illegitimate
• 04:22-06:47 – Full playback of the viral Burger King 911 call
• 07:25 – Call-in from a Macon restaurant about police responding to a “fly in food”
• 08:40 – Police officer shares how common such calls are (laundromat, refunds)
• 09:32 – Officer Sarah: 911 called to get kids to school

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Tone & Style

• Conversational, irreverent, with a blend of genuine concern and mockery
• Hosts and callers use playful banter but repeatedly return to the idea that these misuses are serious and problematic for public safety.

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Summary:
This episode of The Bert Show uses humor and real-life stories to shine a light on a serious problem: people misusing 911 for frivolous grievances, especially in the context of fast food mishaps. By blending the viral with the local, the hosts highlight how such misuse clogs emergency lines, drawing vivid, sometimes hilarious, examples straight from listener experiences and law enforcement’s daily grind. The takeaway is clear: 911 is not customer service—save it for real emergencies.

Transcript

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[Host (Birch Show)]

You're on the Birch Show. All right. Over the last couple of weeks, we were railing pretty hard on 911 and I think for, for good reason.

[Co-host (Birch Show)]

Yeah, because we, we were in the middle of a Levi's call and we had a listener call us up to confirm a sighting of a car. She needed confirmation on the description we had been giving out and to save time, we just connected her directly with a 911 operator here in Metro Atlanta. And the call didn't go so well. I mean, there's a lot of drop, you know, drop calls, waiting, transferring, and so we just kind of focused on the issues that people have had, you know, in Atlanta for a while about those very things. So it was just. It was kind of an organic thing that just happened live on air.

[Host (Birch Show)]

And since we did that segment and we got all that TV coverage and stuff, I don't know if you guys are getting these, but every time a Birch show listener has a bad experience with 911 now over the weekend, they email us to tell us about it.

[Caller/Commentator]

That. What about that Tennessee guy?

[Host (Birch Show)]

I just saw the headline of it the other day.

[Caller/Commentator]

He was driving from Tennessee, from Chattanooga back to Atlanta and saw a car wreck, like, happen. Like, he saw, like, two seconds after it happened. So he says, well, let me call 91 1. So he. They didn't know exactly. Like, he gave his exit number, and it was. It was similar to calling here. Like, the 911 operator didn't know where he was and transferred him to, like, three different counties. So finally he ends up talking to someone in Tennessee. And the Tennessee person, he explains the whole thing. He's like, this accident happened, like, five minutes ago now, and I've been transferred all over the place, and they can't figure out what county I'm in. And the Tennessee guy says, well, what exit are you passing right now? Writes it down. He goes, and how long ago did you make the call? And he looks at his phone, he goes, 5 minutes and 15 seconds. He goes, okay, all right. You can just hang up. I will call Georgia Highway Patrol and have them go to the accident.

[Host (Birch Show)]

It's gotta be pretty frustrating, you know, but from time to time, you hear from 911 operators that sometimes lines just kind of clogged up with, hey, will you save my cat from a tree call? And stuff like that. So on one hand, we have every reason in the world to look at our 911 system and say, okay, something needs to be changed. But every now and then, a call gets through where you're listening in. You're thinking, why in the world would you ever call 911 about this? And I got some audio. This is an actual phone call to a 911 operator. This is not a phone scam, as far as I know. This is a real call that a 911 operator took. And I'm not exactly sure what city this is in. I think it's in the Midwest, like Milwaukee or something. An actual 911 call from a woman that's so, so upset because of the treatment that she's getting at Burger King.

[VRBO Advertiser]

No.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yes, this is an actual call.

[911 Operator]

How can I help you?

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

Yeah, I'm over here. I'm over here at Burger King. Right here in San Clemente. No, not San Clemente. I'm sorry. I live in San Clemente. I'm in Laguna Niguel.

[Host (Birch Show)]

I think this is la.

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

I'm at a dry thru right now. I had, I ordered my food three times. They're mopping the floor inside. And I understand they're busy. They're not even busy, okay? I've been the only car here. I asked them four different times to make me a Western barbecue burger, okay? They keep giving me a hamburger with lettuce, tomato and cheese, onions. And I said, I'm not leaving. I want a Western burger because I just got my kids from taekwondo. They're hungry. I'm on my way home and I live in San Clemente.

[Co-host (Birch Show)]

Uh huh.

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

Okay. She gave me another hamburger. It's wrong. I said four times. I said, I want it. She goes, can you go out and park in front? I said, no, I want my hamburger. Right. So then the lady came to the manager, whoever she is, she came up and she said, she said, do you want your money back? And I said, no, I want my hamburger. My kids are hungry and I have to jump on that toll freeway. I said, I am not leaving this spot. And I said, I will call the police because I want my Western burger done right now. Is that so hard?

[911 Operator]

Okay, what exactly is it you want us to do for you?

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

I send the officer down here. I want them to make me.

[911 Operator]

Ma', am, we're not going to go down there and enforce your Western bacon cheeseburger.

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

What am I supposed to do?

[911 Operator]

This is between you and the manager. We're not going to go enforce how to make a hamburger. That's not a criminal issue. There's nothing criminal.

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

Do I just stand here? So I just sit here?

[911 Operator]

You need to calmly and rationally speak to the manager and figure out what.

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

To do between you. She did come up and I said, can I please have my western burger? She said, I'm not dealing with. She walked away because they're mopping the floor and it's all full of studs and they don't want to run, they don't want to go through there.

[911 Operator]

And then I suggest you get your money back and go somewhere else. This is not a criminal issue. We can't go out there and make them make you a cheeseburger the way you want it.

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

Well, that is. You're supposed to be here to protect me.

[911 Operator]

What are we protecting you from? A wrong cheeseburger?

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

No, Is this like.

[911 Operator]

Is this a harmful cheeseburger or something? I don't understand what you want us to do.

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

Well, just come down here. I'm not leaving.

[911 Operator]

No, ma'.

[Jacob Goldstein]

Am.

[911 Operator]

I'm not sending the deputies down there over a cheeseburger. You need to go in there and act like an adult and either get your money back and go home and.

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

Stop acting like an adult herself. I'm sitting here in my car. I just want them to make my kids a Western burger.

[911 Operator]

Ma', am, this is what I suggest. I suggest you get your money back from the manager and you go on your way home.

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

Okay?

[911 Operator]

Okay.

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

Bye.

[911 Operator]

Bye.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Actual call to 911 as far as I know. That's real. I know that's real.

[Caller/Commentator]

Tell us, Mr. California, tell us about the people of San Clemente.

[Host (Birch Show)]

I don't know anything about them, except she didn't even know if she was in San Clemente or she was in Laguna, which may even tell you a little bit more about her.

[Caller/Commentator]

If I was the 911 operator, I would have recommended a Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar brand. Just like that. Gets pay. There's a king who wants you to have it your way. That's the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch.

[Hers Weight Loss Advertiser]

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[Host (Birch Show)]

Hey, Zach, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Police Officer Caller]

Hey, how y' all doing this morning?

[Host (Birch Show)]

All right, thank you.

[Police Officer Caller]

Pretty good. I work in a restaurant down in Macon, and this woman found a fly in her food and she called the police. With a fly in her food?

[Hers Weight Loss Advertiser]

Why?

[Host (Birch Show)]

What are they going to do?

[Police Officer Caller]

Dead serious. I cannot believe it. Looking for a lawsuit, I guess. I mean, the cops came out, they were laughing so hard, but not even funny.

[Host (Birch Show)]

So the call that we just listened to, that's a. A two and a half minute phone call that a 911 operator is on with somebody bitching about the way that their burger is being done at Burger King when she could be taking other calls.

[Co-host (Birch Show)]

I would love to talk to an Atlanta911 operator, and I want to hear the foolish calls that we have had in our own city.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Seriously. I mean, dozens a day, I bet. Just like that.

[Co-host (Birch Show)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Commentator]

They should be able to arrest people for just being idiots. Like, she had her kids with her, you know, just from Taekwondo. They were hungry.

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

So, like, that worked.

[Caller/Commentator]

That woman right there is not qualified to raise children. Because you know what? Stupidity is passed down from generation to generation. Like, dear God, I hope those kids aren't homeschooled. Like, those kids should be sent away. Like, those kids should be raised by different parents. That woman is a moron.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Hey, Tom, you're on all the hits Q100.

[Police Officer Caller]

Hey, how you doing?

[Host (Birch Show)]

All right, thank you.

[Police Officer Caller]

Yeah, the 911 call you guys just played. We get dispatched. I'm a police officer. We get dispatched to those types of calls all the time.

[Co-host (Birch Show)]

Really?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Give us some examples.

[Police Officer Caller]

Oh, people, people at the laundromat, their clothes don't get washed and they call us to get a room. Call us to force somebody to give them a refund.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Are you. And why are they calling 911 for that?

[Police Officer Caller]

I have no idea.

[911 Operator]

They can't.

[Co-host (Birch Show)]

Yeah, like that 911 operator. Go to the manager and have a one on one conversation with the manager. Like they think that if they've got, you know, your, you have their back that all of a sudden they're going to get their $1.25.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Co-host (Birch Show)]

91 1's for emergencies. Not like consumer advocate groups or for.

[Caller/Commentator]

A buck and a half. Like if you're upset because your hamburger' Wright Clark, call Clark Howard.

[Podcast Marketing Advertiser]

Right.

[Caller/Commentator]

Call the consumer action line and deal with them for $1.50.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Sarah, you're on all the Hits Q100.

[911 Operator]

Yeah, I was just going to let y' all know, I'm a police officer. And we get called because parents can't even get their six and seven year.

[Caller with Burger King Complaint]

Old kids to school.

[911 Operator]

So they want us to come out and take their kids to school.

[Co-host (Birch Show)]

No.

[911 Operator]

Yes.

[Host (Birch Show)]

So you get a call saying, look, I need an officer out here to get my kid up and get him to school.

[911 Operator]

Yeah, all the time.

[Co-host (Birch Show)]

Ridiculous. Oh my God.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Thank you, Sarah.

[911 Operator]

You're welcome.

[Caller/Commentator]

Bye.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Now you're on the burch.

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