Vault: The Difference Between Wedding Jitters And Cold feet

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: The Difference Between Wedding Jitters And Cold Feet
Date: January 6, 2026
Cast Featured: Melissa, Jen, Stephanie, Nicole (caller), plus callers and show regulars

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Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into a universally relatable topic: distinguishing between harmless "wedding jitters," legitimate "cold feet," and the gut feeling that something is fundamentally wrong before tying the knot. Through listener calls, personal anecdotes, and group discussion, the hosts break down how to tell the difference, why it matters, and how to heed your instincts when standing at the altar might feel anything but right.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining the Feelings: Wedding Jitters vs. Cold Feet vs. Knowing It's Wrong

• Wedding Jitters are mainly attributed to nerves about the event—performing in front of people, the ceremony, the gravity of the commitment—not about the person you’re marrying.
  • Nicole (03:04): “My jitters were just being in front of everybody…But I never once questioned, is this the right guy?”
• Cold Feet can stem from nerves about timing, life changes, or existential worries (age, finances, readiness) but NOT about the person.
  • Nicole (07:42): “I knew that I wanted to marry him, and I knew that he was the person for me…but I was like, oh, my gosh, am I too young?”
• Knowing It’s Wrong is a gut reaction that persists and often manifests as doubts about the person, not circumstances or logistics.
  • Caller 1 (01:36): “My gut reaction was no...Maybe it’s just the wedding jitters. Maybe what I’m saying is if your first gut instinct is no, then go with your gut.”

2. Listening to Your Gut vs. Your Head

• The consensus is that intuition (the gut) is a more reliable signal than thoughts (the head), which can rationalize nearly anything.
  • Nicole (02:53): “The difference between cold feet and knowing is cold feet comes from your head, and knowing comes from your gut. You gotta listen to your gut, because your heart and your head will mess you up every time.”
  • Melissa (03:05): “It’s always that big old fight, like, I never know which one’s which…your head will try to lie to your gut.”

3. Questions to Ask Yourself

• Would you still want to be with this person in 50 years? Next week?
  • Melissa (03:37): “If you say...am I going to be repulsed for the next 50 years? That’s not going to work. That’s more than jitters.”
  • Stephanie (03:47): “Even more than that, 50 years. How about next week?”
• Are your doubts about the person or about the ceremony and change?
  • Jen (05:23): “It’s like all the wedding stuff, or maybe it’s the finality…if you’re questioning the person, like, do I really like the way they do that or what, then that’s really the issue.”

4. Personal and Listener Stories

• A caller shared her personal experience of overriding her gut, leading to eventual divorce despite initial “jitters.” (01:36)
• Humorous anecdotes lighten the mood (the “repulsed” test, “no vomit” rule).
• Another caller describes knowing it wasn’t right: “the minute she got engaged, she felt closed in…she got the dress, she got the cakes…and then realized, I really don’t think that one I’m cut out for marriage and certainly not with you.” (Nicole paraphrasing friend, 05:56)
• Examples of last-minute wedding cancellations emphasize: better to call it off than move forward with doubts.

5. The Importance of Courage

• Canceling a wedding, no matter how late, is presented as the brave (and sometimes necessary) choice—even if invitations have gone out.
  • Jen (07:00): “A little card is a heck of a lot less expensive than a divorce…Even if you go that far and you say yes, if you know it’s not right, don’t do it.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If your first gut instinct is no, then go with your gut because there is a reason why you have that feeling.”
  — Caller 1, (01:36)

• “Cold feet comes from your head, and knowing comes from your gut.”
  — Nicole, (02:53)

• “You can rationalize anything in your head. I think your gut…you got to follow your gut.”
  — Nicole, (03:19)

• “If the thought of kissing them makes me go [makes disgusted sound]…”
  — Melissa, (03:49)

• “Vomit should not be involved in a wedding, you know, at all, or the person you’re with.”
  — Stephanie, (08:48)

• “A little card is a heck of a lot less expensive than a divorce…if you know it’s not right, don’t do it.”
  — Jen, (07:00)

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Segment Timestamps

• [01:36] — Caller shares story of overriding her gut and resulting divorce
• [02:52] — Nicole explains gut feeling vs. rationalizing doubts
• [03:37] — Hosts discuss questions to ask yourself (‘repulsed’ test)
• [05:56] — Nicole describes a friend’s overwhelming engagement doubts
• [07:00] — Jen and Stephanie reflect on financial/emotional realities of canceling a wedding vs. divorce
• [08:34] — Summary of consensus: gut vs. head, warning signs, and “vomit rule”

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Tone and Style

The episode is candid, conversational, and sprinkled with humor and real talk. It’s supportive to listeners in tough situations, firmly rooted in empathy and the everyday wisdom of the cast and their audience.

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Takeaway

The difference between wedding jitters and cold feet boils down to what (or who) you’re nervous about. If it’s the person you’re marrying giving you doubts—not just the logistics or the pressure—it’s time to listen to your gut, no matter how difficult that truth may be.

Transcript

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[Caller 1]

I had a similar experience and I and my gut reaction was no. But then after I thought about it a little bit I went back and I said yes. And then seven years later I got divorced. Even the day of my wedding my dad said and they when it comes to getting in the back room when you're there in your wedding dress, my dad are you sure this is what you want? And I still had that little bit of doubt. And I kept saying to myself, well, maybe it's just the wedding jitters. Maybe what I'm saying is that if your first gut instinct is that no, then go with your gut because there is a reason why you have that feeling.

[Melissa]

All the hits Q100 and the Birch show at 9:54 and the thing she says there is like she knows the guy that she's about to walk down the aisle to exchange vows with, say that she's gonna spend the rest of her life with this guy. She knows that either A. It's a lie. But she starts to talk to herself and convince herself that it's just wedding day jitters. So here's what we want to try to define. What is the difference between cold feet, wedding day jitters, and legitimately knowing that this guy is not the guy, and this marriage is never gonna work? Good morning. Hello.

[Nicole]

How are you?

[Melissa]

Good. How are you, ma'?

[Podcast Host]

Am?

[Nicole]

Good. The difference between cold feet and knowing is cold feet comes from your head, and knowing comes from your gut. You gotta listen to your gut, because your heart and your head will mess you up every time.

[Melissa]

It's always that big old fight, like, I never know which one's which. Yeah, yeah. Like, how do you. Oh, no, really. Like, you. Like, your head will try to lie to your gut.

[Nicole]

No, your head just. Well, I can't say it on the right. Your head just messes with you.

[Stephanie]

You can.

[Nicole]

You can rationalize anything in your head. I think your gut. Your gut. You got to follow your gut.

[Stephanie]

Well, I think Bert made a good point earlier about how a lot of this can help a lot of people. So I'm just curious. What questions should someone ask themselves to determine whether it's jitters or if it's legitimately. They don't need to do this.

[Melissa]

Well, like, I think if you say, okay, I've got to look 50 years from now, am I going to be repulsed for the next 50 years? That's not going to work. That's more than jitters right there.

[Stephanie]

Even more than that, 50 years. How about next week?

[Melissa]

Yeah, if the thought of kissing them makes me go.

[Stephanie]

If we take separate honeymoons, maybe that's not a good idea.

[Melissa]

Misty, go ahead and define wedding day jitters from. Look, this guy and me is just not gonna work.

[Nicole]

Okay? My theory is, before my wedding, I had maybe a little bit of butterflies, maybe questioning, did I sow all wild oats? But I never once questioned, is this the right guy? I think if you question, is this the right guy, then there's something wrong, because you should know before you walk down the aisle that this is the man you're meant to be with. There's a reason that you're engaged to.

[Jen]

This person, and your jitters were more about your life. Like what?

[Nicole]

Well, yeah, my jitters were just being in front of everybody. And, you know, maybe once went through my head, did I sow all wild oats? And then, you know, threw that out the window. Who cares? This is who I'm supposed to be with, right?

[Melissa]

No, I felt that, too. I don't Know why it's so funny? You know, you're in radio and you're talking to all these people on the radio, and you go out to, like, vision, and you could be on the mic in front of thousands of people, but just walking down that aisle and having everybody stare at me while I gave those vows was terrifying to me.

[Nicole]

And that's. That's the way my husband was, too. That was the only nervousness he felt was just, oh, God, I'm going to be in front of all these people. But he knew he was supposed to be with me. I knew I was supposed to be with him. And that's just the. If you're questioning that, then there's a problem.

[Melissa]

That's a good way to define it, maybe.

[Stephanie]

And I think Jen pointed that out earlier, like, institution of marriage as opposed to the person who, like, yeah, maybe.

[Jen]

It'S like all the wedding stuff, or maybe it's the finality of it. Like, oh, my God, this is it. Like, you know, the weight of such a big decision is maybe what gives you the jitters or the cold feet or whatever, because it's just a big deal. And then if you're questioning the person, like, do I really like the way they do that or what, then that's really the issue. But if you're kind of jittering about the ceremony. I know my husband was jittery about the ceremony. He's like, I'm not in front of people unless I have a guitar in my hands. Yeah, where's my guitar? Make me feel a little bit more comfortable up here.

[Melissa]

Good morning, Stephanie. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Nicole]

Hi. I was just gonna say that I think, like, cold feet is kind of legit. Like, it's just performance jitters. There's 400 people. Like, every single one of those people is in one room staring at you while you profess your love. You know, I mean, anyone would get nervous when you're. Everyone's staring at you. If you're breathing too heavy, everyone notices. But my friend, she said the minute she got engaged, she felt closed in, like the walls were coming in. And she said yes, she got the dress, she got the cakes, she got the reception. And then she just said the whole time she felt like she was gonna throw up. And so she sent out the invitations. And then two weeks later, everyone who responded got something from her that said, basically, we can't do this. Like, she knew from the get go and did all the fun stuff like bought the dress and bought the cake and everything. And then realized, you know, I really don't think that one. I'm cut out for marriage and certainly not with you, you know.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Stephanie]

Our family got the second invitation one time from a family member who, due to unfortunately, you know, unfortunate circumstances, we've had to, you know, cancel the wedding, whatever. But, yeah, just this little card. Yeah, but.

[Jen]

But a little card is a heck of a lot less expensive than a divorce. Exactly. For sure. Agree. Even if you go that far and you say yes, if you know it's not right, don't do it.

[Melissa]

Right. You know, Jen was saying that her husband Ryan was saying that he's only in front of all these people if he has a guitar in his hand. So I think it was pretty ingenious the way that they handled their wedding, because this is actually Ryan on their wedding day. I'm sure he would appreciate that.

[Stephanie]

And instead of the tux, he had the cowboy outfit.

[Nicole]

Purple, lavender, purple sequence.

[Jen]

I was on some sort of swing.

[Melissa]

Hey, Nicole, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Nicole]

Hey. I just wanted to. What I have to say is basically like what Missy said. It's the person. Cold feet is just maybe the timing, you know, I know for me, I was really young when I got married, and I knew that I wanted to marry him, and I knew that he was the person for me, and I was going to be with him forever. But I was like, oh, my gosh, am I too young? Am I too immature right now to be married to him right now? I hadn't had a chance to go to college, so I was like, oh, you know, I need to go to college first. But that was cool. See, I knew he was the person I wanted to be with. And a lot of the other elements, timing, age, financial situation, that kind of thing would contribute to cold feet, I think.

[Melissa]

It seems to me like everybody is calling up basically defining it the same way you're defining it. And that's Right. If you look at the guy and that's the problem, then you know it's not cold feet.

[Nicole]

Right.

[Melissa]

All right? That's the real deal. But if you're worried about your past and if everything's going right and you're worried about the honeymoon and all that cold feet, you're looking down the aisle and that dude repulses you and you're throwing up, that's. Yeah, that's not the right guy.

[Stephanie]

Vomit should not be involved in a wedding, you know, at all, or the person you're with.

[Melissa]

Another wisdom from Melissa.

[Nicole]

That's right.

[Stephanie]

No vomit in your Wedding the Bird.

[Melissa]

Show.

[Podcast Host]

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