Vault: The Friend Zone Trap: Guys Who Wait for Their Chance

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: The Friend Zone Trap: Guys Who Wait for Their Chance

Date: March 9, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, & Cast
Main Theme:
This episode explores the concept of the "friend zone" from both male and female perspectives, focusing specifically on men who stay friends with women they have romantic feelings for—sometimes for years—waiting for an opportunity to reveal their real emotions or for circumstances to change. Through personal stories and listener calls, the show examines whether this behavior is exclusive to men, how often it leads to successful relationships, and the emotional costs involved.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

The “Friend Zone Gear” in Men

• Bert opens by sharing a real-life encounter with a listener who admitted he's been “just friends” with a woman for three years while secretly harboring romantic feelings ([00:01–00:54]).
  • Bert asserts: “This is a gear that most women don’t have... this is an exclusively a guy thing that we could pretend and... hide those feelings until the time opens up to where we can tell you: ‘Okay, I love you and I have loved you for two years.’” ([01:00])
  • Co-hosts note the potential danger in this, as women might assume their male friends are just friends, leading to a mistrustful atmosphere ([00:54–01:18]).

Emotional Consequences

• Once feelings are confessed, hosts agree you “can’t go back” to just being friends ([02:42–02:47]).
  • “You can’t go back to being friends after he confesses feelings.” – Host 3 ([02:45])
• Bert relates his experience pretending to be “just friends” while hoping for more, admitting he’d give relationship advice hoping his friend would become available ([02:47–03:10]).
  • “I held on, holding on, holding on... always trying to give her, like, good advice, just knowing, please, please dump them so maybe somehow, some way, I got a chance.” – Bert ([02:47–03:10])

Manipulation or Genuine Friendship?

• There is skepticism from the women about the authenticity of a friendship when one friend is secretly hoping for romance:
  • “Us looking back on that, we feel like you weren’t giving real advice over that last year. It was just manipulated so that you could get your way.” – Host 3 ([03:10])

Do Women Have That Gear?

• A female caller argues that women do indeed sometimes wait for their chance too—they merely hide it differently, or it gets detected by a new partner ([03:32]):
  • “Girls do have that gear... that someone else will smell out the ‘friend’ and point it out... because the guys are just oblivious to it.” – Caller Female 1 ([03:32])
• The discussion exposes that emotional waiting isn’t just a male phenomenon, but may be less commonly expressed or acted on by women ([03:32–04:14]).

Slow Builds and Long Waits

• Callers share stories of years-long friendships that eventually became romantic relationships, sometimes after marriages, respecting boundaries, and considerable patience:
  • “I was best friends with my husband for six years before we started dating... six years later, we got married and we’re expecting a child.” – Caller Female 1 ([04:29])
  • Another caller was neighbors and best friends with a woman for 12 years before finally becoming a couple ([06:19]).

Disappointment & Being Used

• Not every case ends happily. One male caller describes waiting for over a year as the “best friend,” providing emotional and financial support despite the woman insisting he could “do better.” He confesses he’s being used, even as he continues to hope ([08:02–09:34]).
  • “She says she loves me more than anything... but she just said she don’t think that... I can do better than her. But I think... I really love her.” – Caller Male 1 ([08:33])
  • “She has no problem spending my money, though.” – Caller Male 1 ([08:49])
  • “Why don’t you cut her off today? See how long she lasts.” – Host 2 ([09:16])

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Memorable Quotes & Highlights

• “Usually that time comes at about 1 a.m. and it’s usually fueled by vodka and Red Bull. And it usually comes out as all one word: ‘Iloveyou.’” – Host 4 ([02:00])
• “You can’t go back to being friends after he confesses feelings.” – Host 3 ([02:45])
• “Just keep him inside, Adam. Keep him inside.” – Host 6, joking about unspoken feelings ([04:14])
• “Six years later, we got married, and we’re expecting a child.” – Caller Female 1 ([04:49])
• “Us looking back on that, we feel like you weren’t giving real advice over that last year. It was just manipulated so that you could get your way.” – Host 3 ([03:10])
• “She must be really hot.” – Hosts 2 & 4, jokingly, after the last caller describes his loyalty ([09:41])

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Key Listener Stories (Timestamps)

• [04:27] – Woman waited six years, married her best friend, now expecting a child.
• [05:26] – High school student waited and stayed friends with a girl for two years before dating.
• [06:22] – Man waited 12 years as a friend through marriages, ended up marrying her after her divorce.
• [07:30] – Man describes navigating friendship and timing through mutual divorces to form a lasting relationship.
• [08:02] – Caller describes being strung along, used financially, and stuck in the friend zone for over a year.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:01] – Introduction to the “friend zone gear”
• [01:00] – Is the “friend zone” an exclusively male phenomenon?
• [02:45] – “You can’t go back” after confessing feelings
• [03:32] – Caller: Women can wait in the zone, too
• [04:27] – Long friendships that turn romantic (caller stories)
• [08:02] – The agony of being “friend zoned” and financial emotional investment
• [09:16] – The practical advice: “cut her off today”

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Summary & Takeaways

• The show playfully and candidly explores the complexities of cross-gender friendships and the emotional risks of waiting in the friend zone.
• While many stories end up happily, several illustrate disappointment and frustration.
• Both men and women can experience being “on hold” romantically, though it may manifest differently.
• The cast and listeners weigh in on whether post-confession friendship is possible—consensus: almost never.
• The show’s conversational, comedic tone keeps a heavy topic engaging and authentic.

If you’ve ever wondered whether your “just friends” friendship has hidden feelings on one side—or both—this episode provides both commiseration and insight, with plenty of relatable stories and wisdom.

Transcript

[Host 1]

The Bird show.

[Host 2]

I'm gonna do something here that may be a little bit dangerous to you women listening right now. And this came up over the weekend. I was. I told you guys earlier, I went to the. The opening of the Buckhead W. And they had a great party there on Saturday night. And a birth show listener, a guy, came up to me, and he's with a really attractive. I thought it was his girlfriend. They. You could just kind of. You know how, like, you're around some people and you could sort of feel a chemistry and you just assume that they're a couple. Well, I'm talking to both of them, and then she goes and talks to some other friends, and he says to me, you guys brought something up on the show a couple of weeks ago I got to talk to you about real quick. And I said, what's that? And he said, do you remember when you said something to the effect of like, guys have this gear that women don't have to be in a relationship, a friend relationship with somebody, but you really have secrets or you have secret feelings for them. Right? You guys remember me telling you that?

[Host 3]

But you said, guys will wait around forever as a friend for a long time.

[Host 2]

For a long time as a friend. He said he's in that situation right now. And the girl that he was with, they have been boyfriend, not boyfriend, girlfriend, just friends for years, like three years. And he has seen her go through ups and downs and relationships and stuff like that and realized about a year and a half ago he had feelings for her, but she's still in a relationship with another guy, and he is holding on and waiting for the right opportunity to sort of let her know that I've been here for years and I want to be more than friends, okay? And when I told you guys that guys have that gear, you said, that's scary for women to hear because you want to believe that most of your guys, and in a lot of cases, most of your guy friends are truly your guy friends. But I would like to hear from the guys that have done this, because I really do believe that this is a gear that most women don't have, that this is an exclusively a guy thing that we could pretend and we will put on the face just so we can be close to you guys and wait and wait and wait and sort of hide those feelings until the time opens up to where we can tell you, okay, I love you and I have loved you for two years.

[Host 4]

Usually that time comes at about 1am and it's usually fueled by vodka and Red Bull. And it usually comes out as all one word. I love you. I'm sorry, what'd you say?

[Host 3]

Excuse me, What?

[Host 4]

Hold on. Close your mouth between words.

[Host 3]

And I wonder, for the women, too, how long does it take for. For you to realize you have feelings for him? You know what I'm saying? Does the slow build work?

[Host 2]

Or we could talk to the women that were friends with a guy for the longest, and then he finally told her, look, it's been six years or whatever, and I've just been pretending to be your friend. And it totally redefines your relationship at that point.

[Host 5]

So.

[Host 2]

404-74-01Q100. What's that?

[Host 3]

You can't go back.

[Host 2]

You can't go back, right?

[Host 3]

You can't go back to being friends after he confesses feelings.

[Host 2]

But I've been that guy, man. And we will hold. I held on, holding on, holding on. Diana Scott. Just remember pretending to be her friend, and she'd call me up, talking about all these problems she was having with her boyfriend, and I'd be there to confide in her and always trying to give her, like, good advice, just knowing, please, please dump them. So maybe somehow, some way, I got a chance and holding on for like a year longer.

[Host 3]

See, and then us looking back on that, feel like you weren't giving real advice over that last year. It was just manipulated so that you could get your way.

[Host 4]

Why would a guy do that?

[Host 2]

Shady. I wasn't that smart. I just figured it would deteriorate by itself because I don't think guys can do that. Good morning, Jennifer, you're on Q100.

[Caller Female 1]

Hi, good morning.

[Host 5]

Hi.

[Caller Female 1]

I just want to let y' all know that girls do have that gear. It's just that when the guy starts dating someone else, that someone else will smell out the quote unquote friend and point it out to the boyfriend, say, oh, no, you can't be friends with her anymore. She wants to be more than friends because the guys are just oblivious to it.

[Host 5]

That's a good point where if the girlfriend is being catty with one of the guys girlfriends, you know, they suspect. I'm not gonna bring up Wendy. Right. But they suspect that, you know, there may be more there than just friendship.

[Host 6]

It's only friends between me and Adam Bomb, I swear.

[Host 2]

No, as far as you know.

[Host 6]

Oh, well, I hope. Oh, I hope so.

[Host 2]

That's what I'm saying. It's like you just never know.

[Host 6]

I don't want to know if he has feelings. Just keep him inside, Adam. Keep him inside hey, Katie.

[Host 2]

Good morning.

[Host 5]

That was as Southern as it comes.

[Host 6]

Keep it inside, Adam.

[Host 2]

Hey, Katie.

[Host 3]

Hello.

[Caller Female 1]

How are you?

[Host 2]

Good. How are you?

[Caller Female 1]

I'm good. I was best friends with my husband for six years before we started dating. And I was dating other guys who's dating other girls who give each other advice. And finally one day I broke up with my boyfriend. And I told him. He said, oh, really? I said, absolutely. And I could hear it in his voice. And I knew that I had him.

[Host 2]

I knew it.

[Caller Female 1]

And then six years later, we got married, and we're expecting a child.

[Host 2]

Wow. So you were the one that held on.

[Caller Female 1]

Both of us held on. I always knew it from the first day I met him that I was going to marry him. But I never told him because I wanted a. I wanted to know him as a man, not, you know, just as in a relationship.

[Host 2]

Sure. What are we going to say, Melissa?

[Host 5]

No. When she said, I knew it as soon as I saw him. It just goes back to birds. Like, you know, how many times did you think that about other guys? But this time it worked out.

[Host 2]

So you never hear from those people, right? 99 out of 100 times. I think a woman thinks that on the first date and it doesn't work out. But you never tell your friends that.

[Host 5]

That's right.

[Host 2]

Good morning, Anthony. You're on Q100.

[Host 1]

Hey, guys.

[Caller Male 1]

How's it going?

[Host 2]

Good. How are you?

[Host 1]

I'm a sophomore. Or I was a sophomore in high school, and I was dating a girl. Older brother was dating a junior in my school, and we both broke up with the brother and sister, and I got together with my girlfriend's brother's girlfriend, and we've been together for two years, and she just went to college this year. Now I'm a senior in high school, and we're still together, and I'm going to that college next year.

[Host 2]

All right, so for two years you held on?

[Host 1]

Yeah, I liked her for. Since I met her freshman year, and I liked her while I had my girlfriend for a whole year. And me and her brother's girlfriend became really good friends. They broke up. Then I broke up with my girlfriend and we got together.

[Host 2]

Wow.

[Host 3]

I need a flow chart. I can't figure that one out.

[Host 2]

Hi, Q100.

[Caller Male 1]

How you doing?

[Host 2]

All right. How are you?

[Caller Male 1]

Good.

[Caller Male 2]

My current wife now and I were best friends for 12 years, and we were neighbors. She was married, and we loved each other as friends, and she decided one day to ask me if we wanted to give it a shot. So we actually did and dated for a Few years and actually just got married January of 07.

[Host 4]

Was she married when she asked you if you wanted to give it a shot?

[Caller Male 2]

No, that was over.

[Host 2]

Okay. Did she tell you though, that she had always sort of had feelings for you but she couldn't do anything about it because she was married at the time?

[Caller Male 2]

Yes.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Caller Male 2]

And she actually was constantly trying to hook me up with her friends and it wound up it's. I have a wonderful life now.

[Host 2]

So it worked out.

[Caller Male 2]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. And we are still best friends. And we got married on the beach at sunset down in the Bahamas.

[Host 2]

Good for you. Congratulations.

[Host 4]

I'm sure her ex husband loves that story.

[Host 2]

Good morning, Steven. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Host 1]

Hey, guys.

[Caller Male 3]

How's it going?

[Host 2]

How long did you pretend to be

[Caller Male 3]

me and my best friend? We were actually, you know, met at work and I was married and she wasn't. And then she got married and as I was going through my divorce, I just sort of, you know, put some distance there. And then she ended up getting divorced and then tracked me down. And we've been together for about two and a half years. Best friends, I mean, just worked out beautifully.

[Host 2]

You will hold those feelings as long as you can if you know it's gonna be at the end of the rainbow. Good morning, Kyle. You'll be the last call on this. Hey.

[Caller Male 1]

Hey. What's up? Yeah, I used to date this girl about two years ago for about three months and. And right when it first started getting serious, she kind of freaked out and decided she didn't want to be go out with me, but she still wanted to be friends. And so like the last year and a half or so, I've kind of just been sticking along as the best friend. And I don't know, it kind of sucks.

[Host 2]

You think she's going to come around?

[Caller Male 1]

Yeah, she says she loves me more than anything. Like she has strong feelings for me. But she just said she don't think that. She thinks I can do better than her. But I think. I don't know, I really love her.

[Host 5]

She's trying to be nice.

[Host 2]

That's an excuse right there.

[Host 5]

She's trying to be nice.

[Caller Male 1]

Yeah, she is. But she has no problem spending my money, though.

[Host 2]

But that's your problem.

[Caller Male 1]

Yeah, no, that is my problem. But I don't know, man. I like your show, man. Keep going. It's a good show.

[Host 3]

Thank you. Do you feel like she's using you?

[Caller Male 1]

Excuse me?

[Host 3]

Do you feel like she's using you and using the fact that you're into her to her advantage.

[Caller Male 1]

Yeah, definitely. That's how I feel. I mean, she tells me she's not doing that, but I don't know.

[Host 2]

Why don't you cut her off today? See how long she lasts. See how strong that friendship is. Tell her, you know what? No more cash for you.

[Caller Male 1]

I mean, it's not that I give her cash. I just have a hard time telling her no or anything, but, yeah, I'll give that a try. I'll see how long I can last.

[Host 2]

She's leeching off of you right now, but you know it at least.

[Caller Male 1]

Exactly.

[Host 2]

Okay.

[Caller Male 1]

Appreciate it.

[Host 2]

All right. Bye. Bye.

[Caller Male 1]

All right. Bye.

[Host 3]

She must be really.

[Host 4]

What you say? She must be really hot.

[Host 2]

She must be really hot.

[Host 1]

The bird show.