Vault: The Greatest Revenge Stories

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: The Greatest Revenge Stories"

Release Date: January 7, 2026
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)
Episode Theme: Listeners and hosts share their wildest, most over-the-top revenge stories, ranging from petty to outright criminal, often with an unfiltered and comedic approach.

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Episode Overview

On this episode of The Bert Show, the team dives headfirst into jaw-dropping tales of relationship revenge. With the main theme centered on the lengths people will go to get back at an ex, hosts and listeners recount stories that vary in seriousness—from unforgettable pranks to acts with life-altering consequences. The show maintains its signature real talk, humor, and a touch of dark laughter as the crew oscillates between shock and incredulity at what some people will do for payback.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Opening: The Classic "Cut Up His Wallet" Revenge

Timestamps: 01:46–02:59

• Host kicks off with a "friend of a friend" story: a woman, after discovering her boyfriend’s infidelity, cuts up all his identification—credit cards, Social Security card, driver's license—so he faces headaches at the DMV.
  • "She wanted every minute he had to work on those projects to be thinking about how he screwed around on her." – Host (02:01)
• Panel discussion leans into how annoying and time-consuming replacing these documents is, adding a relatable, comedic spin.

2. Story Escalates: The FBI Terrorist Tip-Off Revenge

Timestamps: 03:27–07:46

• Co-host shares a "revenge gone psycho" tale: Annie, after being dumped, reports her ex-boyfriend to the FBI as a terrorist. She goes to great lengths—using his multiple alarm clocks and new flight lessons as "evidence"—to convince authorities.
  • “She convinced the FBI that those alarm clocks were set ... for different terrorist attacks that were going to happen around the world.” – Co-host (04:32)
• The FBI investigates the innocent ex, staked out his house, questioned neighbors, and appeared at his workplace.
• Discussion acknowledges the depth of damage and danger of this escalation, with the crew unequivocally condemning it as "totally over the top" and "absolutely wrong."
  • "I mean, seriously, seriously mess with this guy's life just because she was a bitter ex girlfriend. Can you believe that?" – Co-host (06:44)
• Panel debates whether the ex ever found out about Annie’s involvement; it’s revealed she told him herself, bragging about her actions.

3. Listener Calls: True-Life Revenge Confessions

a. Michelle’s Call: False Abuse Allegation

Timestamps: 08:19–10:50

• Michelle (with voice disguiser) recounts her freshman-year revenge: after her boyfriend cheated, she falsely reported him to police for physical abuse, then involved local TV. He spent months in jail, eventually taking a plea bargain to get released.
  • “I went to the police and I said he had been physically abusing me...he ended up spending a year in jail.” – Caller Michelle (09:04, 09:12)
• Show hosts react with shock, questioning how she can live with the guilt.
  • "How do you live with yourself, though? This dude spent a year in jail." – Host (09:25)
• Michelle expresses regret now, sharing, “I do feel bad. And I even at one point tried to contact him...But I never did.” (09:48)
• Hosts emphatically declare this crossed the line, especially compared to prior stories.

b. Christina’s Call: The “Soft Prank” Approach

Timestamps: 10:57–11:37

• Christina shares a less extreme, classic prank: after breakup, she orders dozens of pizzas, flowers, and liquor deliveries for her ex—“all on the same day”—just to annoy him.
  • “I called all the pizza shops for about 30 blocks, ordered as many pizzas as I could have delivered to his address.” – Caller Christina (10:57)
• Hosts and co-hosts cheer this as the right kind of revenge—funny, not truly harmful.
  • "See, now those are the calls I thought we would end up getting." – Host (11:32)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the "cut up his wallet" revenge:
  "She wanted every minute he had to work on those projects to be thinking about how he screwed around on her." – Host (02:01)
• On the FBI/terrorist tip-off:
  "She convinced the FBI that those alarm clocks were set ... for different terrorist attacks that were going to happen around the world." – Co-host (04:32)
• Moral shock at escalations:
  "I mean, seriously, seriously mess with this guy's life just because she was a bitter ex girlfriend. Can you believe that?" – Co-host (06:44)
• On calling the police with a false accusation:
  "How do you live with yourself, though? This dude spent a year in jail." – Host (09:25) "You took six months out of this guy's life over this?" – Host (10:20)
• On the pizza prank:
  "See, now those are the calls I thought we would end up getting." – Host (11:32)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 01:46 — Host tells the "cut up his wallet" revenge story
• 03:27 — "Annie" reports her ex to the FBI as a terrorist
• 08:19 — Michelle calls in with her false abuse allegation revenge
• 10:57 — Christina calls in with her prank pizza/flowers revenge

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Conclusion & Tone

The episode is a roller coaster of shocking, sometimes disturbing, but often hilarious stories. The hosts balance their signature playful banter with moments of moral reckoning, especially when stories cross ethical or legal lines. There’s clear appreciation for the lighter, prankish efforts—but horror and discomfort when revenge devolves into criminality or life-altering harm.

The show closes with a consensus that while revenge stories can be funny or cathartic to hear, there are real consequences when boundaries are crossed—both for the victims and, in the long run, for the perpetrators themselves.

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Transcript

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[Host (Birch Show)]

Hey the Birch Show One of the best breakup revenge stories I had ever heard was a woman, kind of a friend of a friend story where she finds out that her boyfriend's screwing around on her and she's so ticked off about it. You know, they've been going out for like two and a half years or something and it sure looked like everybody was gonna get all married and stuff and she finds out that they're getting married or that he was screwing around. So she goes gets his wallet and cuts up all not only his credit cards but also like his Social Security card and his driver's license and all of his identification because she lived In California. In California. The DMV there is as big a pain in the butt as it is here in Georgia. So every time he stood in line, she wanted him to be thinking about her.

[VRBO Advertiser]

Oh, God.

[Host (Birch Show)]

And you guys know trying to get a Social Security card is a big time hassle. You got to spend so much time on the phones, going through voicemail trees and going through this person and that person.

[Co-host or Panelist]

I haven't gotten one in. In years because I dread having to go down to the SSA office because I just know it's gonna. We had to do that when. When Jessica's dad died, we had to take her mom down there. And it's just a lot of waiting in line.

[Host (Birch Show)]

It's a hassle, and it's so frustrating. So she cut up all the idea like that just because she wanted every minute he had to work on those projects to be thinking about how he screwed around on her. And I thought, that's great. That's awesome. Jen Hobby has a story of revenge that blows that one so far out of the water, it's not even close. And I don't think anybody listening can top this story of revenge.

[Co-host or Panelist]

I think we should have him try, though.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yeah, you can try. But I'll tell you what. I think you're gonna come up short on this one.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Maybe. So now this story of Reven is really more a story of psycho, because this is a couple that I heard of that broke up. Okay. And this is a. A close story to a friend of mine. So I'm once removed from this story, but this friend of mine told me the story, and she's very, very close to this story. Um, okay, so he breaks up with her, and she. Let's call her Annie. Okay? So Annie decides that what she will do is, is report her ex boyfriend to the FBI as a terrorist. Oh.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Oh, no.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Yes. And she was calculating enough that she figured out ways to get the FBI to actually believe her.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Okay, now this has gotta be illegal. I'm sure it was illegal.

[Co-host or Panelist]

And I don't know the rest of the story, like, what happened to her after this, after they found out. Obviously it was false. Okay? This is just an ex boyfriend. She's just mad that he broke up with her. I don't know the story around their breakup, but basically he dumped her. She got mad, called the FBI, and said that he was a terrorist and that he was planning terrorist attacks.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Man.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Okay? And here's how far it went. He is one of those people that's a snoozer. Like a late Sleeper, whatever. So he has like five or six, you know, maybe up to 10 alarm clocks in his house. She convinced the FBI that those alarm clocks were set as far as different events that were gonna be going on around the world. And that's why he had so many different alarm clocks in his room. She's go look, go see. He's got alarm clocks in there, and they're all set up for different terrorist attacks that are gonna happen around the world. And then he also was someone who was newly taking flight lessons just as a hobby, just as, like, on the weekends. He was doing well enough to be able to afford some flight lessons. So sure enough, she told the FBI that he was gonna be taking these flight lessons in order to fly planes into buildings. And the funny part is he lives close to Washington, D.C. too. So they took this very seriously because he lives in that area or whatever, and this is just his hob, you know, oh, maybe I'll just try to learn how to fly or whatever. So she knows all these different things about him that she reports to the FBI. And sure enough, the FBI shows up at his work. Okay? They show up at his office, they investigate him. Then he finds out later that they had been staking out his house, really, from his neighbors in his neighborhood. The neighbors were, like, coming over going, why are there, you know, why is there cops in our yard all the time? Why is there, you know, this going on? Or whatever. And he found out this much later. So his entire neighborhood thinks now that he's got something going on that's wrong, because there's been cops staking out his cul de sac for weeks, you know, before he ever finds out about it. But sure enough, they show up at his work and they investigate him because they think that he is planning terrorist attacks. All because of a bitter ex girlfriend now, no doubt.

[Host (Birch Show)]

I mean, obviously, this is way over the top. Way over the top. And no one. Yeah, it's totally wrong. How does he. I'm just. I want to ask, like, what did he do that was so wrong to get her so crazy? Or was it just an ugly breakup?

[Co-host or Panelist]

I think it was just an ugly breakup. I really don't know the details of the breakup, but the friend of mine who told me the story is very close to it and said that she did have some pretty psycho tendencies.

Because she's a girl.

Well, not just because she's a girl, because that's really. I mean, that's going really, really, really far. I mean, just absolutely wrong. But I mean, seriously, seriously mess with this guy's life just because she was a bitter ex girlfriend. Can you believe that?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Now, does he know as fact it was her? Yes, he knows as fact.

[Co-host or Panelist]

How does he know? Did she tell her? She told him.

I mean, once, you know, once the FBI cleared his name from the terrorist list or whatever, I'm sure that they had to provide him with some information because of all the meddling in his life.

No, she told. They'll never do that. They will never. Even if you are perfectly innocent, they'll never reveal who turned you in.

Really?

So she told him.

I can believe that because she goes to that travel show, brag about it. But I mean, that's just wrong. I mean, that's because, like, with the credit, you know, cutting off the credit card and Social Security, you know, that puts the burden on him to have to go and do all these things. And to me, that's funny, but you know, this. You're talking about taking up time, the FBI and taxpayer money going to her, trying to seek revenge is wrong. And the terrorist thing, that's not funny.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yeah, we're not debating, like, if it's right or wrong. I mean, for sure, across the board. It's not even a no debate there. Yeah, totally over the top. Totally wrong.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Nuts or what?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Who can beat that story of revenge? We will need the voice disguiser for this, Jeff. We are gonna call this Burt show listener.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Hold on, hold on.

[Host (Birch Show)]

We're gonna call you.

[VRBO Advertiser]

Or HO for short.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Somebody mess with the voice disguiser. Had it all set up perfectly.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Well, no, except for the set for the Fugitive.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Well, why can't we just keep it the same setting?

[Co-host or Panelist]

Because then everybody sounds just like the Fugitive.

[Host (Birch Show)]

That's fine.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Okay, go ahead.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Good morning, Michelle.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah, hi.

[Host (Birch Show)]

You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Hi.

[Caller Michelle]

This happened when I was a freshman in college and I had a boyfriend that I had been dating for two years. And I found out that he was cheating on me. And so, you know, we had a very ugly breakup. And I think during our whole relationship, I mean, the only time he probably did anything, he, like, pushed me. So after we broke up, you know, I was so mad that he had been cheating on me for a while that I went to the police and I said that he had been physically abusing me. So they took out like a little, you know, report and said that they would investigate it. Well, me, I can't, you know, wait, so I get a local TV station involved.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Oh, you did not.

[Caller Michelle]

They go and they go after him and he ended up spending a year in jail.

[Co-host or Panelist]

No way.

[Host (Birch Show)]

And the dude was totally innocent.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah. And I feel bad about it now because that's why I'm on voice disclosure. But I mean, you know, I was really pissed, I guess.

[Co-host or Panelist]

I guess so.

[Host (Birch Show)]

How do you live with yourself, though? This dude spent a year in jail.

[Caller Michelle]

Well, I think he got out after six months for good behavior.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Oh, so that makes you feel a little bit better about things.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Yeah.

[Caller Michelle]

And my best friend always tells me, you know, she's like, you, you can't wait for karma. You take things into your own hand, like. Yep.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Well, yeah, you're going to wait for karma, cuz when it comes back to get you, you're screwed.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Oh, that's going to be a tough one to live with.

[Caller Michelle]

I know. I'm always worried. I mean, now, you know, I'm happily married, have a child, but I'm like, you know, I do feel bad. And I even at one point tried to contact him. This is when I lived in another city. But I never did.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Don't contact him.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yeah, he never found out, right? That.

[Caller Michelle]

No, yeah, he did. He went in jail.

[Co-host or Panelist]

So you testified under oath, you lied under oath.

[Caller Michelle]

Well, we didn't even have to go that far because he took a flea bargain because he knew it was just gonna be a mess.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Wow.

[Host (Birch Show)]

You took six months out of this guy's life over this?

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah, he was my. Let me just tell you, he was my first. I was.

[Co-host or Panelist]

You know, it doesn't justify what you did. I mean, that's awful. And to lie about assault, that's just awful.

Yeah.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Wow. All right.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Is that from my story already?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yes, that's pretty bad.

[Co-host or Panelist]

I mean, that's pretty bad because that involved prison time. I mean, my was just a bit of a hassle explaining to the FBI some things, but.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yeah, let me tell you the stories I thought we were gonna get. You could turn the voice disguiser off. Hey, Christina, you're on all the hits, Q100. Go ahead.

[Caller Christina]

Yeah, well, a few years ago. Well, many years ago, I'm not as crazy as the other callers, but in any case, in New York City, a boyfriend I found out was cheating. And after he broke up with me, I called all the pizza shops for about 30 blocks, ordered as many pizzas as I could have delivered to his address. All the flower shops and the liquor stores that delivered.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Oh, that's great. See, that's funny. That's funny.

[Host (Birch Show)]

And they all came on the same day.

[Caller Christina]

On the same day. And they wouldn't extend him credit.

[Host (Birch Show)]

See, now those are the calls I thought we would end up getting.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Yeah, I like that.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Not I sent my ex to jail for some six months.

[Co-host or Panelist]

Unbelievable man.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Hey the Birch Show.

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