Vault: The Halloween Costume That Tore a Family Apart

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault - The Halloween Costume That Tore a Family Apart

Date: May 6, 2026
Main Theme:
The episode centers on a family conflict ignited by a young boy's desire to dress as Hannah Montana for Halloween and his father's firm opposition. Hosts and callers discuss gender, parenting, masculinity, and the deeper fears and values that can lie beneath disagreements about children’s costume choices.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Background of the Dilemma (01:31 - 02:59)

• Anna, the mother of a five-year-old, calls in distressed. Her son wants to dress as Hannah Montana, his favorite character, but her husband vehemently opposes it.
• Anna: "He's five... he should be able to do whatever he wants and dress who he wants to dress... My husband, who is a very manly man, a guy's guy, does not want him to do it at all, is freaking out about it and says, absolutely not." (02:19)

Parental Pride vs. Child’s Joy (03:04 - 05:42)

• Bert (Host) shares a similar past experience with his own son considering a "feminine" costume, revealing his internal conflict and eventual support.
  • "In your own heart you may be embarrassed, you gotta walk door to door... and not show your face at night is what you gotta do. And I told him, you know what? I'm gonna do it. Let's do this, man. If that's what you want to do, then we're gonna knock on the door... And he changed his mind like that." (03:20-04:00)
• The hosts emphasize that parents may not remember their costumes, but "they feel it in their soul, in their heart."
  • "The message should be: doesn't matter who you are or what you're going to be, I got your back." (05:03-05:42)

Exploring Alternatives and Authority (06:11 - 07:09)

• The team discusses whether Anna’s husband should talk to their son directly instead of delegating the uncomfortable task to her.
• Anna: "He doesn't really want to tell him no. He wants me to tell him no." (06:41)

Why Are Fathers Opposed? (07:09 - 08:09)

• Bert encourages male listeners to call in and articulate the reasons they'd oppose a son wearing a female costume.
• Co-hosts dig into the "pride factor," speculating it’s about how other dads perceive them:
  • "The real reason would be my own pride... I don't want to go to my other guy friends... and they're like, Oh, what's your kid? A what? You know, like you don't want..." (07:35-07:57)

Callers Chime In: Lived Experience and Philosophy (08:23 - 14:46)

Caller Alex (08:23 - 09:20)

• Shares growing up enjoying girl characters.
• Alex: "Halloween is a holiday that people should just let go and have fun... If you don't, you're boring pretty much." (08:58)

The Uncomfortable Truth (09:20 - 09:46)

• Co-host: "Let's be honest. He doesn't want a gay son. He doesn't want his son to cross dress... that's what he's saying." (09:20)
• They discuss the double standard: girls dressing as male characters is widely accepted, boys not so much.

Caller Joey (10:15 - 14:46)

• Joey, a father, supports Anna’s husband’s stance, citing Christian values and gender norms.
  • "I just told him, I said boys dress as boys and girls dress as girls." (11:27)
  • "If I thought that it was going further, I would be concerned as a parent." (12:55)
  • Admits he worries about his son being "feminine" or "gay" in the long term, aligning with his family’s beliefs but claims not to want to shame or exclude others.
  • "I think short-term it's about being feminine, but long-term, I would be concerned about him becoming homosexual... Not that I have anything against people who make that choice in life." (12:58)
• Hosts acknowledge Joey’s respectful tone but express concern over possible "better than/lesser than" messaging to children.

Societal Values & Parenting Messages (13:37 - 15:20)

• A co-host points out the danger of conveying the idea that boys being less "manly" are lesser.
  • "I'm always concerned about this subliminal message being given to young boys... that those who aren't being a man are lesser than you. The long-term effects of the message you send... is what bothers me the most." (13:37-14:39)
• Joey reflects, wanting his son not to hate or turn against others, just to inherit his parents’ values.

Resolution & Moving Forward (15:22 - 15:48)

• The hosts plan to follow up with Anna after Halloween to see how the situation is resolved.
• Anna: "I kind of want him to do what he wants to do." (15:33)
• The episode concludes with Anna likely to support her son’s choice, as she would be the one escorting him on Halloween.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parental Support:
  • Bert: "No matter what you're all about, your old man is going to stand with you... If it's going to lend to a definition, I would rather the message be: doesn't matter who you are or what you're going to be, I got your back." (05:03-05:42)
• On Societal Pressure:
  • Co-host 1: "The real reason would be my own pride... I don't want my guy friends seeing my son dressed as Miley Cyrus." (07:35-08:09)
• On Double Standards:
  • Host: "I think it's more accepted if girls dress up as guy characters than it is for a guy to dress up as a girl character." (10:04-10:08)
• On Fear of Homosexuality:
  • Caller Joey: "Short term it's being feminine, but long term, I would be concerned about him becoming homosexual... Not that I have anything against people who make choice in life." (12:58)
• On Parenting Messages:
  • Co-host 2: "I'm always concerned at this subliminal message being given to young boys that, you know, be a man, because those who aren't being a man are lesser than you." (13:37-14:39)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:31 – Anna presents her Halloween dilemma.
• 03:20 – Bert shares his personal experience.
• 05:03 – Discussion about the parenting message behind supporting children.
• 07:09 – Co-hosts discuss men’s underlying pride and societal pressure.
• 08:23 – Caller Alex shares his perspective on costumes and gender.
• 10:15 – Caller Joey explains his traditional viewpoint.
• 12:58 – Joey elaborates on concerns regarding masculinity and homosexuality.
• 13:37 – Hosts analyze potential negative consequences of these messages.
• 15:22 – Plans to follow up with Anna post-Halloween.

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Tone & Language

• The conversation is open, authentic, occasionally humorous but deeply empathetic.
• Hosts and callers speak candidly, reflecting real parental anxieties, social attitudes, and value-driven decisions—balancing personal beliefs with empathy.
• The show encourages respectful debate, self-reflection, and prioritizing children's happiness and identity.

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Transcript

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[Co-host 1]

Get it?

[Host]

The bird show. All right, here is a different Anna here and she does not need to be on the voice disguiser, but I think Melissa made the point that we get calls like this every single year. She's gender crossing sort of costume.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah. And I'm assuming the child is young, but usually a lot of times a young kid will take, you know, there'll be a movie or TV show or some character that they love. And a little boy and little girl aren't thinking about the fact that they love a little boy or little girl character. They just love what they love. And so for Halloween they want to dress up like their favorite characters. And it seems that every year we take a call from a mother of a husband who is upset that their son wants to dress up like a girl for Halloween.

[Host]

Good morning Anna.

[Anna (Caller with son)]

Hi, how are you?

[Host]

Good. How are You.

[Anna (Caller with son)]

I'm okay.

[Host]

What's going on? You sounds. You sound so beat down already.

[Anna (Caller with son)]

I'm sorry. Yeah, I just. I have a five year old boy and he loves Hannah Montana, loves Miley Cyrus, as most kids do, and he wants to dress up as her for Halloween. And I feel like, you know, he's five, like he should be able to do whatever he wants and dress who he wants to dress. I mean, he really, really, really wants to. And he's told me for a very long time that's who he wants to be for Halloween. And my husband, who is a very manly man, a guy's guy, does not want him to do it at all, is freaking out about it and says, absolutely not.

[Co-host 3]

And Bert, you said that once kids get this idea in their head, whatever it is, they are like stuck on

[Host]

it, pretty much locked and loaded. Do you remember this happened with Hayden a couple of years ago too? I forgot what character he wanted to dress up in, but it was a feminine character.

[Co-host 3]

Was it like Dora or something?

[Co-host 1]

It might have been, but didn't that cure itself? Did you present him with two options and he chose the other one or something?

[Host]

No, he turned around when, I mean, inevitably I was, I was like your husband. You know, I was all self conscious about it all. So I'm like, my son is gonna dress up like Dora. Come on, really? But then as it got closer and closer, I just said, you know, he's your son or it's your daughter and you gotta do what you gotta do. If that's what they want to do, then even though in your own heart you may be embarrassed, you gotta walk door to door and knock on every door and not show your face at night is what you gotta do. And I told him, you know what? I'm gonna do it. Let's do this, man. If that's what you want to do, then we're gonna knock on the door, door to door. You be door, and I'm right there next to you. And he changed his mind like that. That was that. Then he went, just because you said it was cool, he went with something else.

[Co-host 3]

You think he was trying to rebel?

[Host]

I don't know. I guess maybe that's a five year old's way of rebelling. I don't know.

[Anna (Caller with son)]

Maybe.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Co-host 1]

Hollis is bringing nunchucks to school and Haynes gonna dress like a woman, but each have their way.

[Host]

So I don't know where to go with this, Anna, I mean, is he that. Is your husband that against it? Like there will absolutely be no Hannah Montana. Costume.

[Anna (Caller with son)]

Oh, yeah. And he didn't say this to him. He said it to me. So I'm the one who's supposed to tell him absolutely not. Even though for the past, I don't even know how long he's been saying, I want to be that for Halloween, Mommy. I want to be that for Halloween. And you know, I'm the one who's going door to door with him. My husband is in the military, so he's not. He's home every other weekend, so he's actually not going to be in for Halloween. So I'm the one going door to door with him, and I don't have a problem. But he is just absolutely not, like, it is not going to happen. And you have to tell him this cannot happen. And so I just feel awful, you know, I don't really know how to tell him.

[Host]

Here's my theory on this kind of thing. And I don't know how you can talk your. If this will help with your husband at all. You know, chances are pretty good your son is never gonna remember his fifth birth or the fifth Halloween, and he's never gonna remember this Hannah Montana thing. But the way that I parent now is like, I know they're not gonna remember things, but I think they feel it in their soul, in their heart. So what I needed to tell Hayden that year really was no matter what you're all about, your old man is going to stand with you, you know, And I wanted that message to be clear to him in his soul if he remembered why the reason was or not. But that was his feeling towards his dad. That's the only advice I could really give you. You know, like, this is. I'm not saying this is defining for your husband and your son, but I think if it's going to lend to a definition, I would rather the message be, doesn't matter who you are or what you're going to be, I got your back.

[Co-host 1]

Because I can only remember, really, one of my childhood Halloween costumes, and it was Batman. And it's because we were broke and I had to wear it three years in a row. And those little plastic ones. By the third year, I was like fat man and a little plastic suit. And I always had a problem too, because, I mean, my head has always been this big. So the mask is like this.

[Co-host 2]

If you've never masked this abnormally big,

[Co-host 1]

I would actually have the eye holes here. But I could look at things around the mask.

[Co-host 2]

He's not exaggerating my neighborhood.

[Co-host 1]

I was the whale shark of the six year old.

[Caller 2]

Has your husband taken your son Halloween

[Co-host 3]

shopping for a different costume or explored other options?

[Anna (Caller with son)]

He really has not talked about anything else. I mean, I guess I could just take him and see like, well, what about this? Or what about this? But I don't feel awkward as a kid and I want him to wear what he wants to wear.

[Co-host 3]

So could your husband be the one that talks to him? I mean, he is the dad and he is the one that has the problem with it.

[Anna (Caller with son)]

I mean, he told me to do it.

[Caller 3 (Alex)]

I.

[Anna (Caller with son)]

He doesn't really want to. He doesn't really want to tell him no. He wants me to tell him no.

[Co-host 1]

That's smart parenting right there.

[Co-host 3]

Is that like the bad guy? But does he lead the family like the military? Like he just gives out orders?

[Anna (Caller with son)]

Pretty much. I mean, I mean I'm, you know, I'll obviously say no if I'm upset, but I mean he pretty much is just like, absolutely not. That's how it is. I mean he's very hard headed.

[Co-host 3]

But no discussion.

[Host]

After I take this call here from Alex, here's what I would like to do. Carl, clear the lines. And I would like to take calls from men that can argue your husband's point. Like, what would be the reason? I mean, in your heart if this was happening in your house and your kid came to you and said he wanted to be Hannah Montana, you would also put your foot down. I just want to hear your reasoning and sort of speak for her husband because he's not on the phone.

[Co-host 1]

Well, you won't get authentic though. Authentic is. If were me, I would come up with a reason, but the real reason would be my own pride. Because I don't want to come to go to my other guy friends who might be trick or treating with their boys or whatever and they're like, oh, what? You are my kid, Spider Man. Oh, what's your kid? Oh, Wolverine. What's your kid? A what? You know, like you don't want.

[Host]

So what would.

[Co-host 1]

So that would be that. I think that's the authentic reason. It's a matter of pride for military dude.

[Host]

Because little boys should be men and little girls should be girls.

[Co-host 1]

Because he wants to be able to show pictures to all of his friends who are obviously military manly. Or show pictures to his friends and say, look, this is what my kid is. And he doesn't want his kid being Miley Cyrus.

[Host]

Hey, Alex.

[Caller 2]

Hey, what's up?

[Caller 3 (Alex)]

Nothing much. I just have a point to make. I actually grew up as a child, you know, loving the girl characters and dressing up as the opposite sex, you know, and that was just a big interest for me when I was little because I mean, I thought as a kid, you know, girls were more sensitive in a way. And I've always grown up with girls. So I mean, it's a crowd that I've definitely hung around more my entire life.

[Co-host 1]

We should just let this guy call the dad and explain to him why it's cool.

[Caller 3 (Alex)]

I mean, yeah, I mean, because I mean I, I've grown up with other people, you know, with that are very close minded and you know, I mean, I think that, you know that, I mean, Halloween is a holiday that people should just let go and have fun. You know, I mean, they should like, like she said before, I mean, you should get creative and if you don't, you're boring pretty much. So.

[Co-host 2]

Well, and I. But I mean, let's just, let's be honest. He doesn't want a gay son. He doesn't want his son to cross dress and he, you know, he wants to teach his son right now that you're a man and you need to be a man and you can't be a girl. I mean that's, that's the, that's what he, that's what he's saying.

[Co-host 1]

It's not even about gay. It's girly, feminine.

[Co-host 2]

But I mean, yeah, that's the extreme of it. We're not saying it, but that's what I'll end up. I don't want to. I don't want my son be gay. I don't want him to look gay.

[Co-host 3]

Would you have an issue if your daughter wanted to be Batman?

[Host]

Are you asking me?

[Anna (Caller with son)]

Yeah.

[Host]

The guys, I think, I mean an issue in how I would handle it are two different things. Again, I would if that's what she wanted to do. I'm gonna knock on the door and I'm gonna be right by her side.

[Co-host 2]

I think it's more accepted if girls

[Host]

dress up as guy characters than it

[Anna (Caller with son)]

is for a guy to dress up

[Host]

as a girl character.

[Co-host 2]

I don't think anybody would care.

[Host]

All right, let's applaud Joey here. The only guy calling up to be 100% authentic. Hey, Joey.

[Caller 2]

Hey there. What's going on?

[Host]

You agree with the dude on this thing?

[Caller 2]

Man, I'm all the way. I got a nine year old boy and obviously we've been through a few Halloween together and if he come all, I would definitely tell him, just I'd have a talk with him and do it respectful and, and just make sure he knows and I have daughters and a son so I can comment both ways, but they, I'm totally with him on this one.

[Host]

Explain to us what you would say to your son. Put yourself in her dad, her husband's situation. What exactly are you going to say to your nine year old son?

[Caller 2]

Well, I just talked to him and I, I'll be honest with you, I have had this conversation with him already. He's asked me, he has, you know, I'm all for everybody, you know, as far as people, you know, having their own beliefs and their own ways. I am, I do have Christian values in our home from what we believe. So I've talked to him about, he's seen some, some, some people, some men dressing like girls before and asked me and I talked to him in a respectful way to the people, you know, who were dressed that way to be respectful to them and to be respectful to him, you know, as a dad and to teach him as I think he should be raised. They have a certain belief.

[Host]

What are the words you use to him?

[Caller 2]

Well, I use, I just told him, I said they just, they're adults, they made a decision and you know, you'll have that decision make as well. But I says they, they would like to dress as, as women and that's their belief and they're right, we don't believe that you should dress that way. And I just told him, I said, you know, I said boys dress as boys and girls dress as girls. And believe it or not, the conversation didn't have to go very far. He asked a couple of questions and that was it. And now when he sees something like that out there, he just says, hey. He goes, you know, he says, look at that guy over there. And I go, yeah, so, but don't point, don't say anything.

[Host]

And what, what is your biggest reason why you wouldn't allow him to dress up as a girl?

[Caller 2]

Well, I mean obviously like, like I guess another caller said before is I believe, or maybe you had said I believe boys should be boys and be masculine. And I like for girls to be, you know, girly and feminine. And I mean, you know, I mean it's, I have daughters, I have two daughters and a son and I just, I see it both ways. And I like the fact that, you know, I guess it can be kind of a double edged because I like the fact that my girls get down and dirty. But then, you know, on our farm and stuff and they enjoy just playing in the dirt and the mud and all, but then they clean up and so Some people can see as a double edged sword. Why can't your son, you know, get down and play? He does play. I don't say anything to him for playing with his sisters with the dolls and all because I know he's just having a good time with his siblings. But if I thought that it was going further, I would be concerned as a parent.

[Host]

Is this about being feminine or is this about being gay?

[Caller 2]

I think it's just. I think I'm gonna be honest with. I think it's short term feminine being, you know, being feminine, but I think long term, I was to be concerned about him becoming homosexual. Not that I have anything against people who make choice in life. I don't. I mean, I just. For my son, I would, you know, want him to carry on the, you know, the head relationship as I would for my daughters. But again, I'm not condemning anybody for their decision in life. I'm not that way. I'm not fascist or racist or anything. You know what I mean? My belief as a dad that I, you know, I want to raise my children this way and our personal faith system, you know what I mean? Does that make sense? I don't want to offend anybody, but just.

[Co-host 2]

I respect your opinion. I think that, you know, I think that when you. Christian values in your home. I think that we have Christian values in our home too. I just so. I don't want to just think that all Christians are straight, but I do want to say that I think that I see what, you know, you at least try to respectfully tell your son not to make fun of people who do that. And I appreciate the effort. I guess, you know, my sensitivity and my concern is always with this issue. And I'm not pointing this directly at you necessarily. It's just making sure that somehow, you know, the message that comes across is better than or lesser than, you know, I'm always concerned at this subliminal message being given to young boys that, you know, be a man, because those who aren't being a man are lesser than you, you know, and so, you know, I think that when Bert was, you know, expressing his concern, I get the concern. I mean, I was raised like everybody else. I was raised in a small town. I get the concern. So I'm unsens, you know, insensitive to what you're feeling. I guess my, it's just the long term effects of the message that you send, I think is what, what bothers me the most with this issue.

[Caller 2]

You know, we don't want to make him Hate anybody or make him turn his head against anybody ever in future. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't.

[Anna (Caller with son)]

I don't.

[Caller 2]

I don't want that, so. You're right. It's kind of a. With being a parent, it's just kind of a. I don't think it's just these days. I think it's always been. It's just. I just want to. I want to give him the message that we have. But you're right. I don't want to come across as a. The ogre who says, hey, you don't ever fool with these people. Don't ever talk to people or, you

[Host]

know, Joey, I appreciate you calling, man. Thank you. What's that, Melissa?

[Co-host 2]

No, I said he didn't come across that way.

[Host]

What were you gonna say, Joe?

[Co-host 1]

That's what America's all about.

[Co-host 3]

I thought in somewhere when he was talking, he said, you know, if somebody grows up and they want to make that choice, that's up to them, but that isn't gonna be right for their family. So I think he's. He views homosexuality as a choice.

[Host]

Mm.

[Co-host 2]

A lot of people do.

[Co-host 3]

Mm.

[Host]

Hey, Anna, I'd love to talk to you on Monday morning if you have the time to find out how you worked it out with your husband and how you worked it out with your kid. Is there any chance at all that you'll just say, let him do what he wants?

[Anna (Caller with son)]

I mean, yeah, it's definitely a chance because that's kind of how I feel. I kind of want him to do what he wants to do, so.

[Host]

And your husband, you said is out of town this weekend?

[Anna (Caller with son)]

Yeah, he's out of town. He's not going to be here, so it's going to be me who's walking door to door, so.

[Host]

Okay. And Halloween's not till next weekend, right? Okay.

[Anna (Caller with son)]

All right, thanks.

[Co-host 1]

Bye.

[Caller 2]

Bye.

[Co-host 3]

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