The Bert Show – Vault: The Kissing Bet

Date: December 19, 2025
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)
Episode Theme:
This lighthearted episode dives into a playful on-air bet between show members, focusing on the aftermath of a high school football matchup between Harrison Hoyas and Wheeler. The core event is a “kissing bet” between Phil Turano and Intern Jen as a forfeit, sparking jokes, banter, and classic Bert Show camaraderie.

Main Theme & Purpose

The episode revolves around “The Kissing Bet,” a fun wager between cast members linked to the result of a high school football game. With Harrison Hoyas’ victory, Phil Turano and Intern Jen must fulfill a 10-second on-air kiss, setting the stage for laughter, embarrassment, and behind-the-scenes mischief.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Setup: High School Football and the Bet

• Each Bert Show team member adopts a high school football team for the season.
• Phil Turano (Harrison alum, 1997) and Intern Jen (Wheeler supporter) had a wager:
  • If Harrison won, Phil and Intern Jen would kiss for 10 seconds live on air.
  • If Wheeler won, Jen would receive Phil’s appearance fee.
• The camaraderie is established as everyone teases Phil and Jen leading up to the result.

Quote:

“If Harrison beat Wheeler, then me and one intern Jen would make out for 10 seconds on the air.”
— Phil Turano (01:27)

2. Game Recap and Bet Confirmation

• The Harrison Hoyas trounced Wheeler:
  • Initial confusion about the score, but confirmed as 19-0.
  • Phil is full of “bragging rights.”
• Lively banter ensues about Phil’s loyalty to his team and sideline antics.
• Listener Denise calls in to praise Phil’s crowd work for the Harrison Hoyas.

Quote:

“He stayed on our side most of the time, and he was so great with the crowd, so we loved him and we can't wait to get him back.”
— Denise, Listener (03:23)

• Both Phil and Jen acknowledge being generously showered with team swag and joke about who got the most shirts.

3. The Kissing Bet Build-Up (04:27 – 07:12)

• Jeff lays out the strict kissing rules:
  • Must be 10 uninterrupted seconds.
  • If lips break due to laughter, it restarts.
  • No “grandma kisses”—this has to be a real smooch.
• Jokes escalate regarding how “legit” the kiss should be.

Quote:

“I want you cleaning his molars.”
— Unknown Female, with laughter (05:01)

• Phil admits embarrassment—"I feel like such an eighth grader all of a sudden. I'm red...I'm nervous." (05:40)
• Intern Jen worries about the countdown and maintaining the lip lock.
• Jeff insists on impartial clock keeping, and producer Tracy readies the camera for documentation.

4. The (Interrupted) Payoff – First Try (07:13 – 08:03)

• The kiss begins amidst everyone’s hoots and prompts, but is abruptly interrupted due to dead camera batteries.
• Jokes fly about the timing, and Phil is playfully accused of “locking her in” with both hands, while the cast laughs about the “intensity.”
• The team prepares for a redo after a brief technical pause.

Quote:

“I had her...her ankle was locked in mine too.”
— Phil Turano (07:40)

5. The (Successful) Kissing Bet – Second Try (08:04 – 09:34)

• Atmosphere: Phil turns his hat backwards, tension mounts, and the kiss countdown is more dramatic.
• They perform a thorough, 15-second lip lock, hands behind heads, drawing raucous reactions from the room.
• Laughter erupts with comments about needing a pregnancy test and an observation that the kiss was “a little more sexual” than anticipated.

Quote:

“That was a little more sexual than I thought it was gonna be. I'm a little on the uncomfortable side of this thing.”
— Jeff (09:34)

• Producer Tracy snaps the picture for the show’s website; the entire studio is left giggling and slightly mortified in a way only an awkward bet payoff can deliver.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Commitment:

  “Despite the monsoon downpour, I stayed on the Hoya side the entire time.”
  — Phil Turano (02:26)

• On Stakes:

  “I've got my stopwatch on, so you guys can't take it any longer.”
  — Intern Jen (04:32)

• On Anticipation/Awkwardness:

  “Oh God, I feel like such an eighth grader all of a sudden. I'm red in the...I'm nervous.”
  — Phil Turano (05:40)

• On the Kiss’s Quality:

  “I want you cleaning his molars.”
  — Unknown Female (05:01)

• On the Unexpected Intensity:

  “That was a little more sexual than I thought it was gonna be. I'm a little on the uncomfortable side of this thing.”
  — Jeff (09:34)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:27] – Phil recaps the terms of the Kissing Bet
• [02:13] – Confirmation that Harrison won 19-0; start of teasing and boasting
• [03:23] – Listener Denise praises Phil’s performance at the game
• [04:27] – Rules for the on-air kiss are outlined
• [05:01] – The bar is set for how real the kiss must be (“cleaning his molars”)
• [05:40] – Phil’s nerves and embarrassment on full display
• [07:13] – First kissing attempt, interrupted by camera malfunction
• [08:09] – Second attempt, “official” on-air payoff
• [09:12] – Kiss completed, cast reacts in shock and laughter
• [09:34] – Jeff’s comment about the unexpected heat of the moment

Overall Tone & Flavor

The episode exemplifies signature Bert Show fun—irreverent, unscripted, and chock full of teasing. The playful embarrassment and camaraderie of the core cast are front and center, with plenty of laugh-out-loud moments for regular listeners and new fans alike.

For New Listeners

Even without prior knowledge of the cast’s sports wagers, this episode is an accessible and hilarious listen. The “Kissing Bet” serves as a quirky lens on the team’s chemistry, making for easy, warmly awkward entertainment. The memorable payoff and banter make “Vault: The Kissing Bet” a classic Bert Show episode.