Vault: The Kissing Bet

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: The Kissing Bet

Date: December 19, 2025
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)
Episode Theme:
This lighthearted episode dives into a playful on-air bet between show members, focusing on the aftermath of a high school football matchup between Harrison Hoyas and Wheeler. The core event is a “kissing bet” between Phil Turano and Intern Jen as a forfeit, sparking jokes, banter, and classic Bert Show camaraderie.

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Main Theme & Purpose

The episode revolves around “The Kissing Bet,” a fun wager between cast members linked to the result of a high school football game. With Harrison Hoyas’ victory, Phil Turano and Intern Jen must fulfill a 10-second on-air kiss, setting the stage for laughter, embarrassment, and behind-the-scenes mischief.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Setup: High School Football and the Bet

• Each Bert Show team member adopts a high school football team for the season.
• Phil Turano (Harrison alum, 1997) and Intern Jen (Wheeler supporter) had a wager:
  • If Harrison won, Phil and Intern Jen would kiss for 10 seconds live on air.
  • If Wheeler won, Jen would receive Phil’s appearance fee.
• The camaraderie is established as everyone teases Phil and Jen leading up to the result.

Quote:

“If Harrison beat Wheeler, then me and one intern Jen would make out for 10 seconds on the air.”
— Phil Turano (01:27)

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2. Game Recap and Bet Confirmation

• The Harrison Hoyas trounced Wheeler:
  • Initial confusion about the score, but confirmed as 19-0.
  • Phil is full of “bragging rights.”
• Lively banter ensues about Phil’s loyalty to his team and sideline antics.
• Listener Denise calls in to praise Phil’s crowd work for the Harrison Hoyas.

Quote:

“He stayed on our side most of the time, and he was so great with the crowd, so we loved him and we can't wait to get him back.”
— Denise, Listener (03:23)

• Both Phil and Jen acknowledge being generously showered with team swag and joke about who got the most shirts.

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3. The Kissing Bet Build-Up (04:27 – 07:12)

• Jeff lays out the strict kissing rules:
  • Must be 10 uninterrupted seconds.
  • If lips break due to laughter, it restarts.
  • No “grandma kisses”—this has to be a real smooch.
• Jokes escalate regarding how “legit” the kiss should be.

Quote:

“I want you cleaning his molars.”
— Unknown Female, with laughter (05:01)

• Phil admits embarrassment—"I feel like such an eighth grader all of a sudden. I'm red...I'm nervous." (05:40)
• Intern Jen worries about the countdown and maintaining the lip lock.
• Jeff insists on impartial clock keeping, and producer Tracy readies the camera for documentation.

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4. The (Interrupted) Payoff – First Try (07:13 – 08:03)

• The kiss begins amidst everyone’s hoots and prompts, but is abruptly interrupted due to dead camera batteries.
• Jokes fly about the timing, and Phil is playfully accused of “locking her in” with both hands, while the cast laughs about the “intensity.”
• The team prepares for a redo after a brief technical pause.

Quote:

“I had her...her ankle was locked in mine too.”
— Phil Turano (07:40)

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5. The (Successful) Kissing Bet – Second Try (08:04 – 09:34)

• Atmosphere: Phil turns his hat backwards, tension mounts, and the kiss countdown is more dramatic.
• They perform a thorough, 15-second lip lock, hands behind heads, drawing raucous reactions from the room.
• Laughter erupts with comments about needing a pregnancy test and an observation that the kiss was “a little more sexual” than anticipated.

Quote:

“That was a little more sexual than I thought it was gonna be. I'm a little on the uncomfortable side of this thing.”
— Jeff (09:34)

• Producer Tracy snaps the picture for the show’s website; the entire studio is left giggling and slightly mortified in a way only an awkward bet payoff can deliver.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Commitment:

  “Despite the monsoon downpour, I stayed on the Hoya side the entire time.”
  — Phil Turano (02:26)

• On Stakes:

  “I've got my stopwatch on, so you guys can't take it any longer.”
  — Intern Jen (04:32)

• On Anticipation/Awkwardness:

  “Oh God, I feel like such an eighth grader all of a sudden. I'm red in the...I'm nervous.”
  — Phil Turano (05:40)

• On the Kiss’s Quality:

  “I want you cleaning his molars.”
  — Unknown Female (05:01)

• On the Unexpected Intensity:

  “That was a little more sexual than I thought it was gonna be. I'm a little on the uncomfortable side of this thing.”
  — Jeff (09:34)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:27] – Phil recaps the terms of the Kissing Bet
• [02:13] – Confirmation that Harrison won 19-0; start of teasing and boasting
• [03:23] – Listener Denise praises Phil’s performance at the game
• [04:27] – Rules for the on-air kiss are outlined
• [05:01] – The bar is set for how real the kiss must be (“cleaning his molars”)
• [05:40] – Phil’s nerves and embarrassment on full display
• [07:13] – First kissing attempt, interrupted by camera malfunction
• [08:09] – Second attempt, “official” on-air payoff
• [09:12] – Kiss completed, cast reacts in shock and laughter
• [09:34] – Jeff’s comment about the unexpected heat of the moment

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Overall Tone & Flavor

The episode exemplifies signature Bert Show fun—irreverent, unscripted, and chock full of teasing. The playful embarrassment and camaraderie of the core cast are front and center, with plenty of laugh-out-loud moments for regular listeners and new fans alike.

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For New Listeners

Even without prior knowledge of the cast’s sports wagers, this episode is an accessible and hilarious listen. The “Kissing Bet” serves as a quirky lens on the team’s chemistry, making for easy, warmly awkward entertainment. The memorable payoff and banter make “Vault: The Kissing Bet” a classic Bert Show episode.

Transcript

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[Jeff]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap.

[Brisk]

You're almost at the finish line.

[Ad Voice 2]

But first.

[Brisk]

There, the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

[Martha Stewart]

Get it?

[Jeff]

The Birch show. All the hits, Q100 and the Birch Show. Each one of us have adopted a high school football team to watch through the entire season. And for most of the people on the show this weekend, not such a great start to the football season. There was another big game going on, especially for us in studio. It was the Wheeler and is it Harrison?

[Phil Turano]

The Hoyas. Harrison Hoyas at Kennesaw.

[Jeff]

All right. And Phil, what was the bet that we all made on Friday?

[Phil Turano]

On Friday, we made the bet since Wheeler and the Hoyas kicked off their seasons Friday night, if the Harrison. If the Hoyas beat Wheeler and you.

[Jeff]

Went to Harrison in turn, I'm a.

[Phil Turano]

Graduate and an alum of 1997 of Harrison Hoya. If Harrison beat Wheeler, then me and one intern Jen would make out for 10 seconds on the air. Whereas if Wheeler would have beat Harrison, then I would have done an appearance and intern Jen would have gotten every penny of my appearance fee.

[Jeff]

All right, that said, Intern Jen, what was the score of that Harrison Wheeler game?

[Intern Jen]

Can I lie?

[Jeff]

No.

[Intern Jen]

It was 18 to 0.

[Phil Turano]

19 to 0.

[Intern Jen]

19 to 0, whatever.

[Jeff]

And who won that game? Harrison Harrison won. Have you ever seen Phil Turano with a bigger smile on that? He is right now.

[Phil Turano]

I think it's bragging rights more than anything. And on top of that, you know y' all all. And I wish Melissa was here for this, but y' all gave me so much crap on Friday about, oh, Jen's gonna sit there and go, come sit with me for just one quarter on the Wheeler side. Come sit with me. You can ask all of my Hoyas who are out there. I was with them the entire time. Despite the monsoon downpour, I stayed on the Hoya side the entire time. I only budged and I Stayed on the track to walk around and greet and meet some of the Wheeler cheerleaders. And then I walked back around incre.

[Intern Jen]

Yeah, he got a few phone numbers, too.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

Just trying to make him jealous. Make her jealous.

[Phil Turano]

And while I was standing there, one intern, Jen, did pull the puppy dog eyes, the bottom lip out. Hey, would you come sit with me just for one quarter? Nope, just. I just sit with you and.

[Ad Voice 2]

Why?

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

Why did you do that?

[Intern Jen]

Little did he know that Jeff had sent me a text message saying if I got Phil on my side for a quarter, I got 50 bucks.

[Jeff]

Hey, Denise, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Denise]

Hey, this is Denise. I just wanted to tell everybody that Phil did a great job for the Harrison Hoyas. He stayed on our side most of the time, and he was so great with the crowd, so we loved him and we can't wait to get him back.

[Jeff]

Did you get up and cheering stuff?

[Phil Turano]

Oh, no, I was just talking to everybody and greeting everybody and hung out with the cheerleaders, signing autographs. Yes. That was, like you said, the whole. You know, felt like a rock star. All of a sudden. People were really excited. And I got to think real quick. I got to thank Ms. Gunter and everyone over at Harrison. They hooked me up with more. I got more Harrison gear Friday in 30 minutes by going back to Harrison and picking up a couple shirts. I got more gear in 30 minutes than I did for the entire four years. I went.

[Intern Jen]

I would have to agree on that, too. I need to thank some people, too. Terry Henderson and Coach center, they stocked me up with, I think I got, like, 15 T shirts, water bottles, cups, towels, everything.

[Jeff]

I need more Northview stuff, man. I need more Northview stuff. This is. This ain't right. I'm one of the few teams in here that actually won this weekend.

[Brisk]

And brisk getting competitive. She's got 15 shirts.

[Martha Stewart]

Well, I gotta have 16.

[Brisk]

I need 16 Northview shirts.

[Martha Stewart]

I'll wear em.

[Brisk]

One on each arm.

[Jeff]

All right, intern Jen, these are the parameters of the bet. It's 10 seconds. Okay?

[Intern Jen]

I've got my stopwatch on, so you guys can't take it any longer. I've got it set to 10 seconds already.

[Jeff]

If you break lips at all in that 10 seconds, and that means laughing or giggling or you break lips at all, then we restart the clock.

[Martha Stewart]

Oh, God.

[Jeff]

It has to be a legitimate 10 seconds.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

And I don't want any of this.

[Intern Jen]

Don't screw it up, because you're gonna.

[Brisk]

Have to do this five times.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

I don't want any of this. You know, leaning in, give Grandma a kiss at the end of the visit. Kiss either.

[Intern Jen]

What do you want?

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

I want you cleaning his molars.

[Jeff]

Oh, Internet kiss, man.

[Phil Turano]

Since you put it that way, boy, it just gets more enticing.

[Jeff]

Now, Jeff suggested that you, like, you take your watch off, and you have to try and guess when your 10 seconds is up. And if you break your lip lock before 10 seconds, you go all over again.

[Intern Jen]

Okay. I don't know if I can count while I'm doing that, but okay.

[Jeff]

Okay, I've got the official clock over here.

[Brisk]

Oh, dear.

[Jeff]

Don't look at me like that. This is Wheeler's fault, man. You got shut out.

[Phil Turano]

I know.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

I wouldn't be worried till you hear the bet that I'm thinking up for Walton versus Wheeler.

[Phil Turano]

Oh, God, I feel like such an eighth grader all of a sudden. I'm red in the. I'm nervous.

[Jeff]

How many times you brush your teeth this morning?

[Phil Turano]

26 times.

[Brisk]

You know what I thought that Phil would do? I thought Phil would be like, oh, you know what? I don't even want to kiss. I don't even want it if it's.

[Jeff]

Gonna be like that. Like, I thought he would come in. Not a chance. Are you kidding me?

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

He's gotta get it. How he can.

[Phil Turano]

I'm happy anyway, I can get it. I do know she's nervous, so I just want to do this and get it over with, and hopefully somebody will laugh and we'll have to do it and get it over with again.

[Jeff]

All right, Producer Tracy, you got the digital camera?

[Intern Jen]

Wait, we're doing it now?

[Jeff]

Oh, we're doing it right now, sister. It's going down.

[Intern Jen]

We can go to commercials or something.

[Jeff]

Right now. Right here, right now. Okay.

[Phil Turano]

We can take a practice run through the commercials and then come back and do it live. If you want to.

[Jeff]

You want to do a 30 second kiss before we get into the legitimate 10 second one? No, let's do this.

[Brisk]

Oh, God.

[Intern Jen]

Where?

[Phil Turano]

What do you mean, where?

[Brisk]

Phil, this is where you take the lead, honey.

[Jeff]

Yeah, man.

[Ad Voice 2]

All right.

[Phil Turano]

I even took my glasses off because she's always saying she hates me wearing my glasses.

[Jeff]

All right, I got the official clock over here, y'.

[Martha Stewart]

All.

[Jeff]

And intern Jen. Once again, you break lips, we start. Start all over again.

[Brisk]

Phil, it's your turn now, buddy.

[Jeff]

Go make it happen, boy.

[Phil Turano]

Get up in there. All right. Y' all say get it.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

Can you play the music again?

[Phil Turano]

Yeah. Y' all say go.

[Jeff]

Let's get it on.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

3, 2.

[Jeff]

They're like 8th graders.

[Martha Stewart]

1.

[Jeff]

Get to it, man.

[Intern Jen]

Kiss.

[Jeff]

Oh, it started. Oh, hold on.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

Hold on.

[Jeff]

Stop kissing.

[Phil Turano]

Hold on.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

Seriously?

[Jeff]

Why?

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

The batteries in the camera died.

[Jeff]

Oh, are you serious? Yeah, serious.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

We gotta get new batteries for the camera.

[Jeff]

Oh, come on now.

[Intern Jen]

You did that on purpose, Jeff.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

No, I didn't. I really didn't know they were nice.

[Jeff]

That was only five seconds. So you own five more. Get batteries for the. And I am impressed with Phil. Serena going with both hands to the back of the head and you know.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

She'S gonna try to escape.

[Phil Turano]

I was locking her in. You couldn't see. I had my. Her ankle was locked in mine too.

[Jeff]

So you gotta get her to a full nelson, man.

[Brisk]

Jen is beat red right now.

[Jeff]

She had to break. So we gotta start all over again with 10 seconds.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

Yeah, I'm sorry about. Guys. You're welcome.

[Phil Turano]

I got here at 4:30 this morning and changed all the batteries and all the digital cameras.

[Jeff]

All right, so can we get. Cat, can we get batteries here in the next couple of minutes?

[Ad Voice 2]

We'll try.

[Jeff]

Oh, we gotta wait.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

We'll do what we can.

[Jeff]

All right, Phil Intern Chen, let's do this.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

Sorry about the first time, guys.

[Phil Turano]

Really, Jeff, I don't appreciate that at all. Not at all.

[Intern Jen]

Yeah, Jeff.

[Martha Stewart]

Jeez.

[Jeff]

And once again, for those of you that weren't listening, this is the payoff to the Harrison and Wheeler bet. Intern Jen went to Wheeler and they lost to Harrison this weekend. And they had a side bet going on that if they.

[Intern Jen]

You guys had the bet. We didn't make this bet. You guys made it up.

[Jeff]

And Wheeler lost to Harrison. So Intern Jen owes Phil Turana 10 seconds of a lip lock right here.

[Intern Jen]

So we can start at the five seconds that are left, right?

[Phil Turano]

No.

[Jeff]

And again, if you. If you break lips because you're laughing or giggling or whatever, it starts all over again.

[Martha Stewart]

Okay.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

All right.

[Jeff]

Go get her. Go get her, boy. Go get her.

[Brisk]

Flipping the hat around backwards so the bill doesn't get in the way.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

Hey, Phil, can we get a thumbs up?

[Brisk]

He's swaying.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

Enter Jen. Can we get a thumbs up?

[Jeff]

Go get him, man.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

Three, two, one, kiss.

[Jeff]

Damn those guys.

[Brisk]

That's a good one.

[Jeff]

Oh, they both got their hands, like, on each other. Back of the head. Damn. Yeah, that was 15. I forgot.

[Unknown Female (possibly another intern or producer)]

I think Jen needs a pregnancy test. Like, did you.

[Jeff]

A little more sexual than I thought it was gonna be. I'm a little on the uncomfortable side of this thing.

[Brisk]

Producer Tracy, did you get a good picture?

[Jeff]

All right, up on the website later on at all the hits q100.com get.

[Phil Turano]

It the Bird Show.

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