The Bert Show: "Vault: The Moment You Knew The Courtship Was Over"

Date: December 30, 2025
Main Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and guests
Theme: The exact moment people realize the honeymoon or “courtship” phase of their romantic relationship is over.

Overview

In this fun and candid episode, The Bert Show crew dives into the relatable—and sometimes hilarious—moments when couples realize the sparkle of early courtship has faded and real life has set in. Listeners and cast members alike share stories about moving past the rose-colored glasses phase, with everything from comfy clothes taking the place of sexy lingerie to breaking wind and negotiating financial contributions. The tone is playful, self-deprecating, and packed with real-life anecdotes.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining the Honeymoon/Courtship Period

• The cast reminisces about the "honeymoon period"—where everything about your partner is amazing, your flaws are overlooked, and you aim to make each other happy at any cost.
• Speaker G: "The honeymoon period, as I call it." [01:36]
• Fantasizing about love making you forget responsibilities and live in a euphoric state.
  • G: "You don't care if you don't pay your bills or sleep in your own bed for four months... you're in love." [01:44]

2. The Moment the Courtship is Over (Phil's Story)

• Phil shares a classic tale: after a couple months of dating, his girlfriend, instead of sexy attire, shows up ready for bed in an oversized t-shirt and huge granny panties.
  • D: "...a pair of underwear that's so big I could cover my car with it." [03:42]
• This comfort signals that the relationship is past its initial phase.
• F: "The day she switches from Victoria's Secret to the underwear that she's absolutely comfortable in, that's a sure sign, man, Honeymoon period is over." [03:54]

3. Other Telltale Signs (Listener Call-ins & Cast Stories)

• Nairing a boyfriend’s back:
  • H (Caller): "It was when I moved in with my boyfriend. And the first time I had to Nair his back." [04:46]
  • G: "Did he ask or did you offer?" [04:54]
• Ending the courtship financially:
  • H (Caller): "When you're driving in the car and the guy you're dating turns to you and tells you he's done courting you and you can start financially contributing to the relationship now." [06:02]
  • F: "He literally said those words?" [06:13]
  • H: "'I believe we've reached the stage where we're no longer dating. I'm done courting you, and you can start financially contributing to the relationship now.'" [06:16]
• Gross-out moments:
  • E (Caller): "When your girlfriend start breaking gas and picking her nose right in front of you." [06:40]
  • G: "Dutch oven is a good honeymoon era breaker." [06:46]
  • D: "There will be no gas attic or basement passed in between either one of us ever in front of each other. Two months." [07:01]
• Bathroom Boundaries:
  • H (Caller): "...when you feel comfortable enough to go number two at someone else's apartment." [07:14]
  • D: "I will turn the water on in her bathroom if I'm going number one... I hate the fact that she knows in there that I'm emptying, you know, my bladder." [07:33]
  • F: "That I am, what, now 10 years into knowing my wife, and we both still do the faucet fan thing." [07:42]
  • G: "I know a couple that's been married almost as long as you and Stacy, and if they're in a hotel together, he goes to the lobby." [07:56]

4. Mini-Theme: Traveling Together as a Relationship Test

• G: "...the first true test because... we're taking a weekend trip out to Vegas... the first true test where we're beside each other for a good 72 hours." [08:14]
• F: "If you can travel together, then you gotta... That's a pretty good sign if you guys can hang out." [08:30]

5. Admitting Flaws and Comfort

• Playful back-and-forth about how partners reveal their quirks and stop trying to impress each other.
• D: "...the kicking and the, 'clip your damn toenails, get off of me, I'm trying to sleep, you bastard!'" [04:29]
• D: "I'm in the perfect relationship right now. Everything is 100% perfect." [08:35]
• G (mocking): "I think your 100% went to about 97.5 when she showed up in that underwear." [08:42]
• F: "Can look sexy in anything though. I've got a gift of being filtered out." [09:02]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Sexy Apparel Giving Way to Comfort:

  • D: "She came out of the bathroom...in probably about a t-shirt that would have been pretty big on me and probably the biggest pair of granny panties I've ever seen." [03:06]
  • F: "The day she switches from Victoria's Secret to the underwear that she's absolutely comfortable in, that's a sure sign, man, Honeymoon period is over." [03:54]

• On Knowing the Honeymoon Phase Has Ended:

  • H (Caller): "When you're driving in the car and [...] tells you he's done courting you and you can start financially contributing..." [06:02]
  • G: "Dutch oven is a good honeymoon era breaker." [06:46]

• On Bathroom Privacy:

  • F: "I want to be honest with you that I am, what, now 10 years into knowing my wife, and we both still do the faucet fan thing." [07:42]
  • G: "I know a couple that's been married almost as long as you and Stacy, and if they're in a hotel together, he goes to the lobby." [07:56]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:36] – Defining the honeymoon period
• [03:06] – Phil's anecdote about his girlfriend's granny panties
• [03:54] – The underwear switch as the end of the honeymoon
• [04:43] – Listener Candace: Nairing a boyfriend’s back
• [06:02] – Listener recounts financial end of courting
• [06:40] – Listeners and cast discuss bathroom habits/farting
• [07:14] – Going “number two” at your partner’s place
• [08:14] – First trip together: The real test
• [08:35] – Denying the end of perfection in the relationship

Tone & Takeaway

The tone is light, honest, and self-effacing, with the cast and callers comfortable poking fun at themselves and the reality of long-term relationships.
Key Takeaway:
No one is immune to the reality check that settles in after courtship fades. For better or worse, comfort and authenticity are the new love languages—and the stories that come from “the moment you knew” are as funny as they are universal.

For More:
Curious about more moments of real-life relationship revelations? Catch up on The Bert Show's daily episodes at www.thebertshow.com.